Fix You
by AllyDLV
Summary: Sequel to Shattered. After Bella turns, Damon takes her under his wing, and teaches her to embrace her new life. Her shattered heart has mended, but is it ready to open up again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm back! Before the official Author's Note at the end, I want to point out once again that I'm mixing both the books and the TV Series, so in this chapter I'm introducing a character from TVD books. Just a warning. As usual, you know how the disclaimer goes, I do not own TVD or Twilight.  
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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Have you ever sat on the top of a hill and just watched the sun set? Watch it sink into the mountains? It's like you're witnessing God paint his biggest masterpiece and you're lucky enough to have front row tickets. Every change, every color, every cloud is like a magnificent brush stroke laid on the canvas of the sky with _such_ precision, that it would be incontrovertible to think that it belonged anywhere else.

_Snap._

There is something so peaceful and calming that comes after seeing the sun set. It makes me feel safe. Like there's nothing that can hurt me. Sunsets and sunrises had captivated my attention the minute we had arrived in Italy. Every morning I was up, sitting on the nearest hilltop watching the sunrise, and then, every afternoon, no matter where we were, I'd run to the closest mountain and watch the sunset.

_Snap._

Damon would sometimes sit and watch with me. Not everyday, but most of the time. I could feel him close by when he didn't sit by my side. He'd watch from a far, giving me my space, but at the same time keeping an eye on me.

He'd been training me. Showing me how to take control over my new abilities. He had taught me how to listen, how to run, how to defend myself if I was ever attacked.

"Keep your guard up_, all the time_," he had said.

He taught me how to compel, _really_ compel, someone. It was tricky, compelling someone and not leaving any loopholes to the compelling.

"Think of _everything_," he said.

There are _always_ loopholes. This I had learned when I was still human. Damon would always look for loopholes to whatever I told him or made him promise. Words are tricky. In the end it is all about learning to cover all your bases.

He had made me practice on the poor girl that worked at the villa. Every time I tried, he'd find a loophole to my compulsion and break the poor girl.

In reality, he had become a little more observant than usual about two weeks ago. I had lost my temper while training. He kept attacking me. Not only physically but with words too. He sure did know how to hit my nerves. He did it on purpose. Whatever reason he had behind it worked. Damon is old, really _really_ old. Normally, a young vampire like myself, would never stand a chance when standing in front of a vampire as old as him. But he pushed my buttons, and before I knew it I had straddled him and wacked his head against the hard granite floor, causing them both to crack.

His expression had changed as soon as it had happened. He was surprised. As I realized what I had done, I let him go and apologized immediately, losing the strength that had popped out of nowhere.

Since then, he watched me closely. It was odd. It felt as if he was examining me. Putting me up against little tests here and there. But that sudden strength had never come back since that _incident_.

We had spent most of our stay in Europe traveling. Every few weeks we'd move around from city to city, country to country. We had been just about everywhere by now.

Damon insisted on me learning as much as I could. He said that right now, I was this sponge, and that I had to absorb all that I could. Learning history made me less ignorant. And old vampires glorified themselves and belittled young ones for being ignorant, for not knowing, for being inexperienced. For being new to this life. And so, he took it upon himself to teach me.

I wanted to learn it all. "Patience," he would say. "You will learn in due time," he would answer when I wanted him to teach me something but he refused saying it wasn't time to learn that yet.

It was quite entertaining visiting historical landmarks and listen to the tour guide give a version of the event that took place there, and then Damon whispering a completely different story, about what _really_ happened. It was amusing.

"Actually, that happened in another city," or, "That happened a century later," or, "the guy was an idiot," or, "That building was built in 1708 not 1630" or, "the real church burnt down in 1645, this is a reconstruction, the real thing, was much more beautiful, majestic..."

My personal favorite however was when he whispered nonchalantly, while at the same time rolling his eyes, "that _never_ happened."

Better yet was his interpretation of art. He had known a few artists. Well, the ones that made the history books anyways, and whose artistic pieces are tucked away in museums all over the continent.

Did you know, the Mona Lisa, is actually a man? I'm serious, he told me.

It's funny, most of the things we are taught are based on suppositions, and conclusions men have made about things other people did hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Damon even told me that some of the most famous historians were vampires, or other supernatural beings who concealed the things that _really_ happened, trying to hide some sort "special" event that had taken place.

It was more difficult now a days, when there were so many ways of documenting news and things that happened. Cameras in every pocket, the Internet, news papers, smartphones. Technology had complicated those cover-up missions. They weren't impossible, just a little more challenging.

Some days we'd walk and walk around cities, sightseeing. I couldn't help but think about how he really saw the places we were in. Were they the same? How had they changed? Had it changed for good? For bad? When would I come back here? And when I did, would it have changed so much I would barely recognize the place?

Time. The meaning of time had captivated me the moment Damon started giving me his history lessons. I couldn't quite grasp the concept of eternity yet. I had asked him about it a few months ago, we were in Rome, we had just visited some landmarks, and I was completely mesmerized with the amount of history the streets had. When I asked him what he felt when he saw the ruins of the places he once saw being built, and what he thought about eternity, he just answered with a small smile put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I wanted some gelato.

A plus side to this vampire thing, I can eat whatever I want and I don't have to worry about it going places I don't want it to. So while in Italy, I had tasted everything. _Everything_. Even though food, human food, was never as appealing as blood, I couldn't help but actually savor every bite I took in when I ate. It was fascinating. Though not satisfying.

Damon insisted I read more. Every other day, he'd give me a new book, and when I was done with it, we'd have conversations on our thoughts about it. My thoughts tended to be more or less vague; he complimented them with history lessons. I never thought that Damon would be into books. I don't know, I always pegged Stefan to be the reader in the family. Turns out, Stefan likes to write. Sometimes, whenever I was reading in my room, Damon would come in and lie beside me and read a book as well. We had grown quite comfortable around each other.

For my birthday, Damon had given me an old film camera. He said I had once told him I liked taking pictures. Which surprised me. I said that the first night Elena had invited me over to dinner at her house. I had only mentioned it once. He remembered.

With the whole drama that had happened a few months ago with Victoria on my tail, and the protective detail that was assigned, I hadn't had the time to even use my camera after we arrived in Mystic Falls.

"If you want to learn about photography, you learn the basics, and you learn them well. And in order to learn them well, you have to go back," he said when I opened the box.

Learn the basics, find the origins of the story, go back. That was his advice for practically anything.

"Stay alert. Don't let things sneak up behind your back, learn _everything._"

So I learned the basics of photography. He taught me how to load the film, how to choose and adequate exposure and shutter speeds, he taught me how to develop it. He even had this darkroom made in the basement of the villa for me. I would spend hours in there when he was gone.

He would leave every other day to run some sort of errand. I'm quite sure it was some Volturi mission. When he got back, he'd go in the dark room and study my pictures. He never said anything. I honestly thought I sucked. Until one day when he asked if he could keep one of the pictures. I didn't know which one he took, he hadn't let me see. But I nodded and he walked out, tucking the picture inside his jacket.

I would take pictures of sunsets, and sunrises, landmarks, people, and just about anything that caught my eye. Damon would snatch the camera away and take pictures of me so that I could later send them to Charlie. Even though he refused and he wined about it, I would ask random strangers to take pictures of the both of us, I wanted to have pictures of my first visit overseas, and I was here with him so he had to be in them.

He _always_ looked serious in the photographs, very few times he would come out smiling… but it was a fake smile, I knew this by now, he had that sarcastic look in his eyes I knew all _too_ well.

All in all, the past few months with Damon had been good. He'd been good to me. I am completely grateful for the experiences I've lived with him, the million things he's taught me, the places we've visited, and most of all I'm really thankful for his patience and company. I couldn't imagine how difficult this whole process would have been if I was alone.

He had indeed taken me under his wing and shown me the ropes.

As the sun set, I took one last picture. Today was one of those days. He was sitting right next to me.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and looked over at him, "Where were you today?" I asked.

"Running errands," he answered.

"What kind of errands?" I turned around to face him. He shrugged.

"Why can't you tell me?" I asked.

"You're not ready," he answered.

"Ready for what?" I looked at him.

"You'll know…" he answered cooly.

"When?"

"When the time-"

"is right," I cut him off ending his sentence.

He chuckled.

"You're seriously keeping me out of the loop? It has to do with that thing you said when we left Volterra doesn't it?" I asked,

He didn't say anything, instead he stood up and extended his hand to me, for me to take and get off the grass.

This was one thing I had discovered over the time we had spent together, Damon was a gentleman… deep inside… when he felt comfortable, and his walls were down and had nothing to prove, he was a gentleman.

I stood up with his help, even though I didn't really need it, and as we walked back home he put his arm around my shoulders.

"We're heading to Florence tomorrow," he told me.

"We are?" I asked.

He nodded.

A few months back I had kept asking him when we'd go to Florence. It was the only city in Italy we hadn't visited yet. He would always come up with other plans that had already been made.

"There's someone I want you to meet."

"Okay," I answered.

Over the past months, Damon had introduced me to a few people. All vampires, all very old, maybe even older than him. When we traveled, we had stayed in their homes, they had each taught me something. I even received gifts, gifts that made me quite uncomfortable, but that I couldn't say no to.

"Know the right people," Damon said. "You never know when you'll need them or they'll need you."

There was something about Damon and his connections. He valued them a lot. The older the connection, the stronger the bond. There was always, in each single meeting we had made, a sense of honor and mutual respect between Damon, and whomever he was introducing to me. It was as if they spoke a different language, a language that today was dead, extinct.

We had also received visits from different members of the Volturi guard; most of the visits were from Demetri and Felix, who had long talks with Damon outside.

I had come to realize that they looked up to him, and that they often came for advice. Damon's posture would change dramatically whenever one of these visits occurred. The walls would come up instantly, as soon as he sensed their company was in the midst. How he did that, I did not know, but sure did want to learn how he did it.

Demetri and Felix would often stay for long hours, inviting me to chat with them. I would sit in a chair next to Damon, and listen in on their conversation. Most of it would be in Italian, which I had mastered by now, and understood what they were talking about. They would ask about the things I had learned, and my view on some of the things they discussed. I was intimidated at first; I did not want to sound like an ignorant child when I spoke. Damon had told me to relax, and just be honest, speak my mind.

I knew that whatever was spoken in those meetings would eventually get back to Aro, so every time a question was asked I would answer as best I could.

One thing I noticed from the meetings, was they way they behaved. They too were gentlemen, but inside, they were driven and fueled by something much darker. So I knew and understood why Damon would put up that wall whenever they were around.

They had no trace of humanity left in them.

"It's like a switch," Damon had told me, "You can turn it off and on whenever you like, when things get too heavy, and at some point _they_ _will_, you can turn it off, and not feel."

Emotions as a vampire were always heightened.

"When we love, we love passionately and blindly, and when we hate we hate ferociously and vindictively. And when we allow ourselves to actually _feel_, it can become _too_ much, so it's okay to shut down," he had told me.

I guess that's what he did, he shut down emotions when he was with the Volturi, full vampire mode _on_. It made him less vulnerable, and if Damon hated something, was feeling or being vulnerable. This I understood perfectly.

There was one thing that kept popping up in our lessons. That was embracing my new nature. Damon wanted to let me know that it was okay. It didn't make me less of a person to embrace it. If I knew how to do it wisely, and I learned how to control myself, the consequences wouldn't be bad.

Sometimes he spoke as if he was teaching me things for when he was gone, and I hated it. I hated the tone of his voice when he spoke that way. I had grown so used to being around him that the thought of him not being there made me uncomfortable, like there was something in my stomach that would clench tightly with just the mere thought of him not being there.

We arrived in Florence the next morning, and Damon drove to a house on the outskirts of the city. We were greeted by a man, who hugged Damon tightly. They patted each other's back roughly. Never once, in all of the visits that we had made in the past few months, had Damon greeted anyone like this. They had to be great friends.

"Ah! This must be the girl we've been hearing so much about! Isabella!" he said.

I smiled respectfully and glanced over at Damon.

"Sage this is Isabella, Bella this is my good friend Sage," he introduced us. I shook Sage's hand and in a quick maneuver he turned it around and kissed it.

I couldn't really tell if he was a vampire or not. He didn't seem like it. But I wasn't really sure.

Near the door, was a frail human woman, who must have been in her forties. Sage took a look at her and nodded.

"Please come in," she said inviting us.

We walked into the house after the magic words were spoken.

The house was beautiful, much more fancier than any house we had walked into in our tour of meeting Damon's acquaintances.

He walked us to the terrace and we sat down on some chairs.

"I expect Damon has been treating you nicely?" Sage asked.

"Oh yes, I can't complain," I answered.

Sage nodded. I looked over at Damon, he winked at me.

"Has he been teaching you?" Sage asked me.

I nodded.

"Good," he answered.

Drinks were made, and shared. Damon's and mine were spiced with something extra, Sage's was pure scotch. No spicing for him.

Sage was French. He told stories of his friendship with Damon, some were quite funny and I couldn't help laughing.

"How long have you two known each other?" I asked curiously.

"How long has it been?" Sage asked Damon.

"Four hundred and ninety seven years… give or take," Damon answered, while shrugging.

Give or take. That sounded more like a whole number than like a rounded one. He'd practically known Damon his _entire_ life.

By now, I had learned not to ask a vampire or any immortal being their age. Not unless they insinuated it, or told it themselves.

Most of the morning we spoke about various subjects that rose up one after the other. The relationship between Damon and Sage was, as far as I could tell, one of close friends. Damon didn't have his walls up. Instead he was calm and relaxed. He liked Sage's company. He trusted him.

A little past noon, my phone rang and I excused myself to answer it. It was Elena. I quickly ran almost a mile away from Damon and Sage to have a little privacy.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey you!" Elena replied on the other side.

"Hey! How are you?" I asked.

"I'm okay," she answered. There was a sudden drop in her voice as she said it, and I realized she wasn't completely okay. But I let it pass, if she wanted to tall me something she would tell me eventually during our conversation.

"And Stef?" I asked.

"Oh he's doing great too. How's Damon behaving?" she asked. Elena always checked in and asked about Damon's behavior. She also knew what an ass he could sometimes turn into, and she worried he wasn't treating me well.

"Everything's great. Damon has been good," I answered.

She sighed on the other end.

"Elena? Are you alright?" I asked.

She was quiet.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm tired that's all. School has been really crazy this week. Loads of homework and assignments to hand in," she answered.

"Are you sure?"

Quiet.

"Elena?"

"Oh Bella, when am I going to see you? I'm lonely, I've made a few friends but they're clueless, and I can't talk to them about anything, and they don't understand. And Stefan has made friends too, but they don't seem to like me at all. I miss hanging out with you," she answered.

That was it. She was lonely. She hadn't made any friends. She was no longer the popular girl in school everyone loved. This was college, and it was just hitting her right now.

"Well, why don't you two fly out here for Christmas? That would be fun. We could travel a bit, get your mind off things?" I suggested.

"I like that idea," she answered, her voice a little happier.

She continued telling me the latest gossip Jeremy had told her from Mystic Falls, and as she did, I started overhearing another conversation that was taking place back at the house. I had not intentionally wanted to overhear, the conversation just got to me.

"She's smart," Sage said.

"She learns fast," Damon added.

Were they talking about _me_?

"Skills?" Sage asked.

"I'm not sure yet," Damon answered.

"She doesn't have them or you're not sure what they are?" Sage asked.

"Oh, she has them," Damon answered, his tone was cocky, was he… proud?

"You've grown fond of the girl," Sage told him.

"She's different," Damon answered, Sage chuckled in reply.

I felt my silent heart skip a beat as he said this.

"That bite on her arm, a cold one's responsible," Sage stated.

"Yes," Damon answered.

"She's had venom in her system," Sage stated in awe.

Damon was quiet.

"Mon ami, you know what that means, what position that puts her in, what position it puts _you_ in."

"I know," Damon said quietly.

They were both silent afterwards.

"It is needless to say that I am at your service while I'm here, stay as long as you want," Sage told him, breaking the silence.

They didn't speak anymore. I finished talking with Elena and hung up the phone. The conversation I had just overheard, had startled me. What were they talking about? What was it with this scar and the venom that had once ran through my system that had them so intrigued?

I started walking back to the house slowly, taking my time.

Was that why Aro had given Damon that warning look when we left Volterra? Was that why Felix and Demetri had been visiting so much? Keeping an eye one me?

I walked up to the terrace where they were sitting and excused myself, I wanted to freshen up before having my afternoon snack. Sage showed me to the room I'd be staying in and I took a quick shower, went downstairs and popped open a bag of my favorite red drink.

"How come you hadn't presented us earlier?" I asked Damon later that afternoon, when we walked to the nearest hill to watch the sun set.

He was quiet for a few seconds and then spoke.

"He was out of town," Damon answered.

"He's… odd," I stated.

Damon looked at me from the corner of his eyes. This meant, _go on_.

"He's not quite a vampire is he?" I asked.

"The less you know about Sage's past the better, but knowing him now, is the better than not knowing him at all."

Sometimes, Damon decided to speak in riddles. I realized that sooner or later those riddles would solve themselves. So I didn't pay much attention to him when he talked that way. I did however, keep that riddle in mind.

He chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"You're becoming more and more observant."

"Is that bad?" I asked.

"No, on the contrary, it's good."

I stayed silent as we continued walking for the next few minutes. We found a small hill and sat there.

"Damon, can I ask you something?"

He rolled his eyes, he had told me a million times to ask things directly and not ask him if I could ask something.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked him straightforwardly.

He turned to look at me and said, "Well, you talk in your sleep, and your left ear is a little bigger than your right one," he answered joking.

I nudged him.

"I'm serious," I told him, and I decided to be honest and tell him about what I had overheard this afternoon.

"I want to tell you something, and I hope you listen to me when I say this, and please know that I mean every word I'm saying. Damon, there is no one in this world I trust more than you right now. I am completely grateful for absolutely everything you have done for me, taught me, given me. I trust you with my life. I want our relationship to be based on that trust. Because I know you trust me too. So please be honest with me, and not keep secrets, specially when they concern me."

He had his poker face on.

"This afternoon when I was talking with Elena on the phone I kind of overheard you and Sage talking," I confessed, while playing with a strand of grass I had ripped out of the ground.

His eyebrows came together.

"Why is this so important?" I asked and extended my arm, showing him my scar.

"You could hear us?" He asked.

"I didn't mean to, it just happened. One minute I was listening to Elena and the latest news about Mystic Falls, and the next thing I know I can hear you and Sage speaking about skills and the scar and the position I'm in and the position I'm putting you in," I answered a little concerned.

"You were more than a mile away," he said surprised.

"I didn't mean to listen in, I swear."

He sighed.

"I was going to tell you about it once I knew for sure," he started saying.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"I don't really know how you're going to turn out," he said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him.

He frowned, as if trying to find the words to explain.

"Why are the Volturi so powerful?" he asked me.

"Because they are talented vampires… and they're scary," I answered.

"Sometimes, as humans, those talents or skills or abilities or powers o however you wish to call them, begin to show in the most subtle or obvious ways."

"Like when a mind reader couldn't read my thoughts?"

"Exactly."

"So, I showed signs of a possible ability when I was still human?"

He nodded.

"What does it have to do with this scar then?" I asked confused.

"A cold one's venom has a particular way of working. It enters your body and starts the changing process instantly. Because cases like yours are not common, we don't really know how that venom being in your system affected you. It is my belief, that when you were bitten Bella, that dormant ability that was somehow showing, woke up a bit."

"But, wouldn't it have woken up after you changed me?"

"We are made up differently, another set of abilities would have appeared."

"So what you're saying is that, I have them both?" I asked confused.

"Or none. We don't know yet, not until we figure out what the possible first one is," he answered.

"And how do we do that?" I asked him.

"We'll have to figure out what makes it spark."

"So what's my position? Should I be worried?" I asked him, remembering Sage's words.

"Not now," he answered, "Now you enjoy, and learn as much as you can."

When I turned my head around to watch the sun, I realized it had set a while ago. I had missed it. This new discovery made me nervous. What could it be? Was he right? Should I not worry?

"Damon?"

"Yes Isabella?" he answered.

"Thank you for being honest," I told him. He scooted closer and then put his arm around me, while he gave me a kiss on my head. We watched the stars starting to appear on the sky.

Bright and early the next day, after I had charged up my batteries with a freshly squeezed blood bag, I headed outside where Sage and Damon were. They were examining a set of stakes, they looked fancy and incredibly old.

Since I had changed, never once had I experienced the pain of being hurt by one. Never.

"What are you doing?" I asked them.

They looked at each other briefly and then Damon extended his arm, telling me to come forward. He made a spot for me between him and Sage.

"These are the nastiest stakes we have collected over the years. Each one represents a fight we put up against and walked out of," Damon explained.

"You mean, you've been hurt by all of these at some point of your lives?" I asked.

They both nodded.

I stared at the stakes. I took one and examined it. It looked like a normal stake, al though it had a few dents on the tip. I felt a small button on the end of it and pressed it, as I did so, spikes appeared on the tip.

I gasped.

"Yes, not one my finest moments," Damon said chuckling.

"It looks painful," I stated, still staring at the stake.

"It was," he answered.

"You killed him? The person who staked you with this horrible thing?" I asked.

A laugh escaped from Sage's mouth.

"Did you?" I asked Damon again.

"No, I'm still quite alive," Sage spoke up.

Sage had attacked Damon with that horrid and nasty looking stake. When I saw them looking at those stake I thought they had fought together, in the same team, not against each other.

"We weren't always friends," Damon told me.

I continued to explore each and every one of the stakes that were on the table. Some looked so painful I didn't dare ask how they worked.

"Why are you looking at these?" I asked them curiously.

They were quiet.

"Do you plan on using them?" I asked.

Damon nodded.

"Are you going on some mission?" I asked him exited.

"No," He replied.

I looked at Damon and then at Sage. They were both staring at me, waiting for me to draw conclusions from the short answers they had given to each question I had asked.

Then it dawned on me. The stakes were out not for showing, but for training. This was going to be one painful experience. I could tell.

I swallowed and looking at Damon in the eye said, "What are we waiting for? Let's start." He grinned mischievously and rolled up his sleeves.

Before we had even begun, Sage had me pinned to the ground, stake at my throat.

"Mon petit enfant, where's your guard?" He said as he held me down.

"I wasn't expecting that, we hadn't even begun!" I protested between short breaths in a high pitched voice.

Sage got off me and I got up, staring back at Damon who just shook his head.

_Keep focused. Never let your guard down._

"Again," I said seriously and so, the attack training started all over again.

After hours and hours of fighting with Damon and Sage separately, simultaneously, without stakes, and then with them. I learned a few things. One, Sage was faster and stronger than Damon. Two, though it was a challenge to fight them, they were holding back on me. Three, stakes, no matter where they hit you, they hurt like a bitch. Four, Thank God I healed fast. Five, if I wanted to own this training I was going to have to work my ass off and practice as much as I could.

"Boom, you're dead," Damon told me as he rolled on top of me.

I was getting upset, I was tired of being the one on the ground with the stained shirt covered with blood from the scratches and small punctures the stakes left when Damon or Sage would hit me. They wouldn't drive the entire stake through me, at least not yet.

"Damon get off me," I told him as I struggled to get away from his grasp.

"Focus," he said sternly.

"Get. Off. Me," I said again, anger boiling up inside. This feeling, the one of being on the weak side made me furious. I hated feeling defenseless.

"So you're choosing to be weak? To be the one on the ground? Begging to be spared?" Damon spat as he took a hold of both my arms.

"I'm done," I told him, "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Poor Isabella, always on the run," he kept on talking, "Doesn't it bother you that you're so fragile and faint and so easy to pick apart?"

I ignored his words, I knew he was doing it on purpose.

"Damon, I mean it. Let me go!" I said squirming beneath him.

"No wonder he left, you're _pitiful_."

_Oh no he didn't. _

Anger boiled up inside of me, before I knew it I had flipped him over, my elbow jabbed his nose, and the stake he was holding was now in my hand, driving it through his stomach.

"I'm not pitiful… asshole," I spat as I got up and walked away angrily past Sage, who was just standing there with his arms crossed, expressionless. As I could tell, Damon was still down on the floor trying to take the stake out.

I went to my room, slamming the door shut, changed into a new set of clothes, threw the ones I was wearing away since they were ruined. I jumped out the window and ran as far as I could from that house. I didn't want to be near him.

My mind was racing. _Low. Low blow. How could he? Pitiful? Like a charity case? Fuck him. _

I'm no charity case.

I stopped running the moment I reached an old torn down villa that was covered with vines and scrubs. No one had been here in years, there was no trace of human scents anywhere. The walls were cracked, the roof was missing tiles, the windows broken.

The minute I started noticing how the light entered through the windows I had regretted not taking my camera with me in my rampage to get out Sage's house.

I opened the door and tested if I could walk in, putting my foot through the door. It entered with no problem.

I took my time exploring it. Each room, each tile on the floor, each texture on the walls, the house had captured my attention, I loved it.

In it's abandonment, the house was beautiful.

When I was done exploring, I sat down beneath the shade of a large maple tree. As I was now calmer than when I left the house running, I started analyzing what had happened with Damon.

We had been fighting for hours, I had not made any improvements since we had started. I was always on the losing end.

Damon was pushing me.

Why did he keep doing that? Pushing and pushing till the point I finally snapped. And when I snapped I had been able to turn our places over, me being on the controlling side and him being on the losing end.

It was like the last incident, in which that sudden strength had appeared out of no-where. He had been pushing me that time too. Except this time I had actually hurt him. I had driven a stake through his stomach, pinning him on the ground.

He was trying to get me to flare that strength again. He had done it all on purpose.

I covered my face with my hands, I had staked Damon. Me.

And he was only trying to teach me. He was an ass of a teacher, but he was doing it to help me.

I suddenly felt foolish for getting as angry as I did. How was I going back to the house and face them again?

"Bella?" I hear Damon say, I turned my head and saw him standing a few feet behind me. His shirt was stained.

He looked down at his shirt and grabbed it by the rim, then he looked up at me smirking.

"Are you calm? Or are you going to stake me again if I sit next to you?" He asked jokingly.

I rolled my eyes and turned my head back to look at the house.

He chucked and sat by my side under the tree.

We stayed quiet for more than a few minutes. In this time, I decided I didn't want to talk about the training session. I knew now that it was all part of his teaching. That making me mad had somehow sparked that strength inside me. That spark that he told me about before, the one we had to find to discover my ability… if I had one at all.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked, referring to the house.

He stayed quiet.

"Look at the way the light enters the windows, it's lovely," I told him.

His eyebrows were close together, his face serious.

"Don't you like it?" I asked him.

"It's in ruins, destroyed," he answered.

"I think it's stunning," I told him.

"It has fallen apart. How can you find something so damaged beautiful?" he asked.

"Well… I think that's _why_ it's beautiful. I don't know, it looks lonely," I answered.

He stared at the house intently.

"It can be restored," I told him.

He shook his head.

"Who do you think lived here?" I asked.

"Some rich aristocrat," he mumbled.

I looked at him. He was serious. He did not like this place. I sensed he didn't even want to be here.

"Why don't you like it?" I asked, he glanced at me.

"It's dreadful," he answered.

"Well… it just needs a little love to make it better," I said.

"Let's go," he said standing up.

"I like it here," I told him.

"I came to get you, now let's go," he said grabbing my hand.

"It's just an abandoned house," I told him as I gently pulled my hand away from his grasp. He stood a step behind me, irritated, looking at the house as if he wanted to set it up on fire, "It's not just an abandoned house is it?" I asked.

He was quiet, and I just sat there, staring at him. I realized he really didn't want to be there and that it was best if we left. I raised my hand, and he took it in his, helping me stand up.

We walked away from the tree and crossed the yard. We passed beside a fountain that had a human height statue of a woman whose face was covered by a growing vine; she was accompanied with what seemed to be two small cherubims. The fountain was covered with moss, and grass, and all sorts of little critters that during the years had chosen to live inside it.

Damon stopped in front of the fountain. He stepped inside it and carefully untangled the vine that was growing around the statue's head.

He climbed out of the fountain, and stood by me, staring at the statue. He was quiet, and then he finally spoke.

"That was my mother."

Blank. That was how my mind was at that moment. Never had I heard him speak of anything so private in the time that I had spent alone with him. _Never_.

He needed to speak, to say something. So I stayed quiet, and let him talk, I figured he hadn't done this before.

"Stefan," he said pointing to the smallest cherubim, "he was two."

So they weren't cherubims, they were children.

"I was eight," he added pointing to the tallest child.

"She died a few months after this thing was made."

"That tree were you were sitting a while ago, that's where we died," he told me, and then turned around and continued walking.

…

…

I was in awe.

…

…

I just stood there by the fountain. Processing what he had just said.

It was his mother. His _mother_.

Damon rarely spoke of Stefan.

Damon never spoke of family.

They died there under that tree. Under the tree I was sitting just a few minutes ago.

I realized he hadn't stopped walking so I hurried to catch up with him. Once I did I just walked besides him in silence.

He wanted to leave the house, and now I respected his needs. I had no idea what had happened there. If he wanted, he would tell me. I wasn't going to push him. I know what happens to Damon when you push. He gets irritated, and pissed. He will ignore you and the only thing you're getting from him is that ass version of him, and that was the last thing I wanted right now, Mr. Bipolar coming back into town.

As I lay in my bed that night, thinking of those few short sentences Damon had spoken back at the ruins, I was more sure than ever that Damon trusted me enough to share something about his human life with me. This I valued more than anything. This little thing had me feeling something I couldn't quite name, but it felt warm and good.

Once we had gotten back to Sage's, Damon had retreated to his bedroom. He hadn't fed and I knew he needed to feed he hadn't since our first break this morning. So I got out of bed and decided to make him his favorite nighttime cocktail.

I went up to his room and knocked on the door.

No answer.

I knocked again.

No answer.

I pushed the door, since it wasn't closed shut and peeked in. He was out on the balcony. So I walked over and without even muttering a word just handed him the glass. I had turned around to leave and let him have his privacy when he grabbed my hand and turned me around to face him.

He looked into my eyes, "I had never shared that with anyone," he said.

I nodded, "Don't worry, I won't say anything," I assured him.

He kissed my forehead, "Thank you."

"Damon? When you said _'we died'_, you meant you and Stefan right?"

He nodded. Elena had once very superficially told me the story, Damon and Stefan had fought and killed each other over Katherine.

"We thought she had killed herself because she couldn't pick one of us, I hated Stefan for putting her in that position, and Stefan hated me in return, we fought, and drove our swords through our hearts."

Tragic.

"She had us fooled, the manipulative little bitch."

"Do you still love her?" I asked.

He scoffed.

"And Elena?"

He looked up to the night sky as if in deep thought, when he didn't answer I found myself feeling strangely disappointed.

"Do you still love Edward?" he asked suddenly.

I looked at him, and I knew the answer to the question, because up until this morning it had been months since a thought of him even crossed my mind. I had learned a lot since my change, and analyzing his actions took up most of my time during those first few weeks. I understood his actions, why he did what he did. I had been infatuated with him, but not anymore.

"No," I answered.

A small smirk appeared and then just as quickly went a way on Damon's face.

"Love sucks," he told me.

"Yes, but would you do it all over again if it ever came along knocking on your door?" I asked curiously.

"Would you?" he asked.

I shrugged, "eventually. You?"

He scoffed.

"What I meant was, if the situation presented itself, where it was only you and that other person, no triangle, no rectangle or whatever shape could appear, to love and be loved just as equal in return," I clarified.

"I don't believe in that," he answered chuckling.

"You've been around long enough, haven't you seen it?" I asked him.

"It's rare," he answered.

"But it happens," I told him.

"Rarely," he answered.

"But it does," I concluded.

He shook his head, normally when he did this was when he figured he couldn't fight my stubbornness. He leaned on the banister of the balcony.

"Damon?"

"Yes Isabella?"

"Are you still lonely?" I asked, though he had never actually confessed to me that he had been.

"Not anymore," he answered as he looked at the moon.

"Damon?"

"Yes Isabella?" he answered glancing back at me.

"I'm not lonely either," I told him with a small smile.

He stood up straight and putting his arms around my shoulders gave me a small hug.

"This never happened," he told me joking. He hated sappy moments like this one.

I shook my head, "_What_ happened?"

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><p><strong>AN: **

**After a long absence from the amazing world of fanfiction, I'm glad to say that I'm back and ready to begin this new journey. Thank you to all the ones that wrote during the past few months asking for a new chapter. It means a lot to know how much you all love the story. **

**Reviews are better than knowing TVD returns this Thursday after an insanely long break.**

**-A.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! Here's the new chapter! A little warning, it might be a bit darker than the chapters I normally write. If I hurt someone by doing this, I apologize in advance. Another thing, please keep in mind that like with Shattered, I'm mixing both worlds, TV and Books, so some differences might pop up. Other than that, enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>

"Drink it," Damon told me, both hands on the kitchen counter.

"No," I answered.

"_Drink_ it," he told me again, opening his eyes wider.

"No," I answered once more.

"I'm going to count to three and you're going to drink it," he said, giving me an ultimatum.

"No!" I said a little louder, stomping my foot.

"Isabella," he said seriously, lifting an eyebrow.

I took the glass and took a sip.

_Crap that burns!_

I spit it out immediately.

Damon took my glass and poured some blood in it.

"Try it now," he said pushing the glass towards me again.

"_You_ try it," I told him.

Damon took the glass and drank from it without taking his eyes off me. He then put the glass back on the counter in front of me. I rolled my eyes and took the glass. This is just like when Reneé tried to make me have my medicine. Except she had a glass of Coke and mint flavored gum to give me once I had taken the medicine to mask the awful taste it left behind.

I eyed the nasty drink and decided to get it over with it, so I drank it. I felt how it burned my insides as soon as the liquid touched my lips. It burned. It was acid. It tasted like crap. I tried swallowing, but I couldn't since my throat was practically on flames. After a few seconds of battle between the Vervain and my very stubborn throat I felt how it made it's way to my stomach. As a human I had never really suffered from acid reflux but I was sure this was nothing close to what it might had felt like.

I tried to hold it in, but it was making me sick so I quickly stepped to the sink and threw up. I was coughing. I opened the faucet and drank directly from it, trying to get the taste off of my mouth.

It was impossible.

"I hate it, I hate drinking this crap!" I told Damon as I rubbed my tongue with a cloth.

"You'll thank me," Damon said, winked and walked into the living room.

I followed him.

He started putting his jacket on.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

He walked over to me, grinning, he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed my forehead. He then quickly made his way to the door.

This meant, I'm not telling you, and you can't come.

Great. I was stuck here by myself again.

Damon had been gone most of the morning. So I had spent my time training with Sage. Over the course of the three weeks we had spent in Florence, the training sessions with both of them had gotten more and more intense. My focus was on, all the time. Normally by the time I was tired of being on the ground that was when the sudden strength came along. By the end of last week, that strength had come earlier. I didn't know how, or why it happened, but it did. All I knew was that I was determined to put up a fight. I needed to learn this, I never again wanted to be in the receiving end of an attack. Never again the victim.

Both Sage and Damon would randomly test me in the most awkward and unexpected moments. Sage particularly liked testing my reflexes.

"Catch it before it spills," he would instruct, while grabbing a glass of wine and pushing it off the counter.

"Always listen," he said as he left me one day in the middle of an abandoned road and disappeared. I returned to the house, only to find him gardening. "Quit so soon Isabella?" he asked without even turning back to look at me. I tried to speak and he interrupted me, asking me how many birds there were on the tree that was standing by the side of the road. I had no answer, I had not noticed them. "And the moth fluttering in the barn a mile away?" He asked.

The _moth_?

"Owning your senses, your highly enhanced senses, is key," he told me.

Sage perplexed me in ways I couldn't even begin to explain. His methods were anything but ordinary. Damon insisted I pay attention to whatever he was trying to teach me. Sage was more intense in the training sessions than Damon ever was, though Damon's words always affected me more than anything Sage ever said. He knew how to get under my skin more than anyone else.

So today, while Damon was away, I had been training with Sage. After hours of fighting him, I had finally managed to pin him against a pretty dented wall that was barely even standing. I felt a strong sense of satisfaction, I finally had the winning position, and then, before I could even notice him move, I felt that ripping, tearing, sharp sensation in my belly, followed by the indescribable pain that made my inside burn and that made me collapse to the ground.

He had _staked_ me.

"You _assumed_, _never_ assume Isabella," Sage said as he kneeled down next to me. I couldn't really move with that thing sticking out of my stomach.

Sage took it out slowly.

I put my face against the cold floor. I was exhausted. Sage eyed me, his expression, blank.

"Come with me," he said as he stood up and walked towards the house.

With a hand covering my bleeding wound, I slowly sat up and then stood, I followed Sage's steps. We went into the house through the kitchen. He led me to a cabinet, which he pushed to the side, revealing a hidden door behind it.

This was getting exciting.

He opened it and walked down the stairs. It was dark, but I could see though the darkness. It smelled musty and damp. When we reached the bottom of the stairs we were in what looked like an old wine cellar. Sage walked to a table and took a match out of a small box, he lit it, and with it lit up a candle.

Rows and rows of wine bottles came clear in front of me. I quickly made the math. Number of rows, bottles in each row, amount of columns, how many shelves...

How old were they? I was most definitely curious about their taste. I felt my mouth water.

He chuckled while pulling out a chair.

"Sit," he said. I did as he ordered and sat down while he walked to the furthest shelve in the room. He took a bottle out and then came back to me, setting the bottle on the table.

It had no label.

It was just a dark matte bottle, with some small squiggly symbol engraved on the bottle's neck.

Sage kneeled beside me and only by looking at me, asked for permission to inspect my wound.

I nodded. It was healing slowly, I hadn't fed today, and I had had a full glass of Vervain before our little training session. Ergo, I wasn't healing quickly.

He lifted my shirt to reveal the open wound. He studied it and then grabbed the mysterious bottle from the table. Opening it carefully, he then poured a few drops into my wound and it started healing instantly.

"What is that?" I asked amazed. Up until now, I thought blood was the only thing that could accelerate healing.

"This..." he said turning the bottle to me, "is Black Magic Wine."

Huh.

"Is it spelled or something? I thought witches didn't like us," I said confused.

"No one really knows what it's made of, or where it's made at as a matter of fact," he answered seriously.

"It heals then?" I asked.

"Humans too. It inebriates vampires quite instantly as well," he said chuckling.

I grinned, "seriously?"

He nodded.

"But, one must know not to waste it, since it's not that common and so hard to get one's hands on," he explained.

I nodded.

"Can I try it?" I asked mischievously.

He stared at me.

"Close your eyes," he told me.

I closed them.

"_Precisely_, how many bottles of wine are in this room?" he asked.

I grinned.

"Eight hundred and thirty two bottles," I answered.

"Steps down the stairs?"

"Ninety five," I answered.

"Chandeliers?"

"Two," I answered and then added, "The matchbox on the table is _red_, there are _seven_ matches left in them. The table has _five_ legs. There's a stool in _each_ corner of the room, and we are approximately sixty feet underground."

"What color are my shoes?" He asked.

"_Green_," I answered giggling. Sage had a weird taste in shoes, this I remembered perfectly.

I peeked through one eye, Sage was grinning. He nodded and served me less than half a glass of wine. I raised an eyebrow, it was nothing.

His face was expressionless, Sage was not easy to manipulate.

Defeated, I took a sip of the wine and immediately I felt the strong bubbly taste it left in my mouth.

Indeed, it's effect was almost instant. I could see why he called it the "instant inebriator".

I finished the last sip of wine that was left in the glass. It was much stronger than anything I had ever tasted.

"Where do you find bottles of this wine?" I asked.

He was quiet, and then spoke.

"You have to travel a long way to find it Isabella, that is all you need to know. How's your wound?" he asked, changing the subject.

I looked down, noticing it had healed completely.

"I'm good," I answered happily.

He put the wine back on the shelf and gesturing with his hands towards the stairs, instructed me it was time to leave. Obediently I stood up and went up the stairs. Once in the kitchen he closed the hidden door behind him.

"I believe you have trained enough for the day Mon Petit Infant."

I nodded and excused myself from the kitchen.

There were only a few hours left till sunset, so I decided to grab my camera and head out. I wanted to visit the ruins again. The light was perfect for capturing pictures of the abandoned villa.

I spent the last few hours of sunlight there, just snapping pictures until I ran out of film. I had to head into town to get some more, I didn't have any at home either.

I drove into Florence, visited the old photography shop where they sold the film I used, bought a few more rolls and decided to walk around. I rarely went into town without Damon. So this was one of those nights I would just stroll around, looking at people being happy, reuniting with friends after work, walking their dogs, grabbing a bite to eat, and just living their lives normally. None of them had spent their day fighting a who-knows-how-old guy, who may or may not be a vampire.

After a few hours I found myself sitting at a small ristorante, having a glass of wine. Just observing. There was a family sitting across from me, the little boy wanted to skip his meal and go straight for the gelato. There was an old couple sitting three tables away. The old lady was feeding her husband soup, they laughed together like a pair of teens. Behind me, a girl was waiting impatiently for her date, who was stuck in traffic, or so he had told her on a phone call a few minutes ago. She had been tapping her high heels on the floor for the past three minutes.

And then there was that man. The one who had only ordered a small sandwich and an iced tea in the whole two hours he had spent sitting on that chair right in the corner of the terrazza. From where I was, I could tell he was a tall man. His skin was tanned. His hair, slick and brushed back. His nose was crooked. And his eyes… his eyes were off, they had the most disturbing spark. He had been staring at the waitress who was serving in the ristorante's terrace from the moment he had arrived.

This was _not_ his first time here.

He stared at her with _such_ intensity my insides turned. I felt as if I wanted to throw up. It was nauseating. The man sitting in the corner of the restaurant gave me chills, and not the good kind.

And every time the girl came out with an order that thing I was feeling in the pit of my stomach got even stronger.

What the _hell_ was going on with me?

She was a pretty girl. Tall and lean, her blond hair pulled up in a messy pony tail. She must have been around my age. She didn't seem to know him. She tended to him like any other customer in the ristorante. It was as if she didn't even notice his presence.

But _I_ did.

Why had _I_ noticed him?

The family finished their meal, and gave the boy his long awaited gelato. The old couple finished their soup. The girl waiting for the guy left in fury, the guy showed up fifteen minutes later with a huge bouquet of flowers. And the creepy guy in the corner? He was _still_ here. Just playing with the napkin. He hadn't ordered anything else. He just sat there. Watching.

The girl came out with our checks, they were closing in a few minutes. I paid for my wine and walked out of the ristorante with the oddest sensation of guilt. I strangely felt filthy. As if I had within me a strong desire to do something bad.

I crossed the street and walked towards my car. As I was opening the door to get inside I noticed the waitress walk out of the restaurant, and a few seconds afterwards, out came the creepy man. He kept a distance from her, but followed her every step.

He was up to no good for sure.

That feeling of disgust magnified exponentially. I closed the door of my car and followed them. I was nervous. What the hell was I even doing?

I had _never_ followed anyone before.

Damon had taught me how though.

Thank God I was wearing a grey jacket that didn't stand out.

"_Spot your target_," Damon had said, "_How fast is he going? Where is he headed_?"

He's right in front of me. I'm keeping my distance, twenty feet away from him. Pace yourself Bella.

"_Look down_," Damon's voice echoed in my head.

The guy looked behind him nervously. Checking if there was anyone in front of him.

Crap. "_If he spots you, don't freak, keep your normal pace_," I said under my breath, recalling Damon's words.

He looked back again.

"_Change route_," I told myself. Turning around the nearest corner, afraid the creep might have made me out from the restaurant.

I walked quickly to the next corner, let my hair down, took the grey jacket off and threw it to the ground. I made a right turn. I should have had him within my range of vision again, but I didn't. He wasn't on the main street anymore.

Where was he?

And then I heard it. The whimper.

I ran, tracing his stench, because he did stink. He reeked of cheap cologne and cigarettes. His disturbing scent led to this very narrow and dark street which turned into a very small alley. There were buildings around, but non were residential, they were all empty.

Two pairs of thumping hearts.

One excited.

The other scared.

Adrenaline in the cold night air.

I spotted him. He had her pinned up against a wall.

She was powerless.

And I saw red.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…

"Shhh shhh, you're okay, don't be scared, you're safe," I told her grabbing her face and looking directly into her eyes. She was crying uncontrollably, and hadn't stopped screaming.

Her pupils dilated.

"You are safe. Don't look to the ground. Nothing happened to you. You will forget this man and what he did to you. Stay calm, don't scream, don't cry. Shhh… shhh…" I said trying to compel her.

I was shaking uncontrollably.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket.

It rang two times, as soon as I heard the phone call being picked up I started talking.

"Damon, I messed up. I need you. I… I… didn't mean to," I said crying, "I… swear I didn't."

"_Where are you_?" He asked immediately.

I looked around and gave him the address.

"_Stay there, I'm on my way, I'm not far." _

Tears ran from my eyes uncontrollably, but I wasn't sobbing.

"Please hurry," I whispered.

"_Did anyone see you_?"

"N-no."

"_How many Bella_?"

I looked at the ground, there was blood everywhere.

"One," I answered quietly.

"_We'll fix this,_" he told me and it strangely comforted me in some odd way. It wasn't as if he could bring him back to life, because he was dead. But his words calmed me down.

The girl was sitting on a box in the far end of the alley.

I just stood there. Staring at his body. I had savagely ripped out his neck. How had I been capable of doing such a thing? I… I hadn't even controlled myself when I did it.

I was killer. A monster.

I heard footsteps approaching and then Damon peeked into the alley.

I sighed in relief and ran towards him. He took my face into his hands.

"I didn't mean to I swear, I just wanted to help her," I told him while he wiped my tears away and cleaned my mouth, which was covered in blood.

"Bella, it's okay, it happens. Who were you trying to help?" He asked calmly. Clearly looking for loose ends.

I pointed to the girl in the corner of the alley, "I compelled her, I… I… tried. I don't think I covered all the bases but she… she was screaming and I couldn't think."

"Come," he said taking my hand, "We'll do this right," and walked over to the girl, we both kneeled down.

Damon squeezed my hand, telling me it was okay. I wasn't alone.

I sighed and took a deep breath before trying to compel her again. There had to be a story. She couldn't just go blank.

After taking a few more breaths and thinking a little clearly I stared directly at the girl. I knew what to say. Compelling was one of the first things Damon had taught me how to do, and do well.

"Tonight didn't happen. You left the restaurant, like you always do, and you took the same route you always take home. You wont remember the man from the restaurant who followed you. You wont remember the attack. You wont remember what happened to him. You wont remember us. You will go home, take a shower, and go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, and you'll be happy," I told her.

I looked at Damon.

He nodded in approval.

"Tomorrow you will sign up for self-defense lessons. And you will _always_ carry pepper spray with you. Never again. Don't be a victim," I added.

The girl nodded.

"Go home," Damon told her, and she stood up calmly, without a care in the world she walked out of the alley.

Damon then walked over to the creepy man's body and kneeled down beside it, inspecting it.

"If you rip, you make a mess, it splatters all over. You'll want to make it cleanly, bite, but don't tear," he said calmly as he pointed to the guy's neck.

He stood up, walked to the street and then back to the alley.

"These are all ware houses, and factories. Accidents always happen where heavy machinery is operated," he told me.

I just stood there watching him.

He cleaned it up.

He created an accident scene in one of the factories. He took care of every single detail. Taught me how to clean up the blood in the alley and make it seem like nothing happened there.

I was on autopilot. I was listening, and understanding, but I found it difficult to believe that it was all happening to me.

_Me_.

I was aware of what was happening, but I was seeing it as if looking through someone else's eyes.

"Bella," he said trying to grab my attention, he had been calling my name for a while now.

"Yes?" I answered absentmindedly.

"You need to take this off," he told me, tugging at my bloodstained shirt.

I looked down. It was drenched. Completely drenched. Damon was impeccable. Not even a drop of blood on him.

He took off his jacket and then unbuttoned his shirt. He had a wife beater underneath.

"Here," he told me, handing me the shirt.

I stared at it.

"Bella, you need to change," He said again.

I nodded and turned around. I took my shirt off, and extended my hand to him, he handed me the shirt and I slid into it.

I turned around to face him. He walked closer to me.

"I told you I'd help you hide the body," he said smirking. I gave him a push. This was funny for him. Because he's _always_ right. And before I turned and completed my trasnformation I had told him I would _never_ kill anyone. Well, I was wrong. Leave it to Damon to try to make a snarky comment in the middle of a crisis.

"What do you say we go home, and get drunk?" he asked.

I gave him a small grin. I just wanted to forget this night had ever happened.

The drive home was a quiet one. Damon had not said a word to me since his little joke back at the factory. I just stared absently out the window.

When had I become this... this _animal_?

Why had I reacted that way? I should have only scared the guy, pushed him away. Scared him enough to leave the girl alone. I could have compelled him to never again pursue a girl like that. I had options. Why had I gone for the most violent one? Why had I ripped his neck open?

I knew self defense by now. Damon had taken it upon himself to teach me, and he had taught me well. Why had I blacked out like that? It was as if I had no control over my actions. Bloodlust just took over. And it scared me.

I had _knowingly_ followed them. It was as if I had stalked my prey. I was an animal.

We arrived at Sage's and I immediately went up the stairs to my room. I went into the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror.

Blood smudges on my cheeks. My hair was a mess, it was chunky and strands stuck together in some disgusting goo. My pants were ruined, I took them off and kicked them to a corner of the bathroom.

Then I looked up at the mirror again and saw my eyes, my eyes had more red streaks in them than ever.

I barely recognized my own reflection. I guess that was how Aro knew I wasn't really feeding directly from humans, my eyes.

A feeling of guilt ran through me and I sat down on the bathroom floor. I hugged my legs and rested my forehead on my knees.

What if he had a family? What if someone was waiting for him? What if he had children?

I had promised Charlie I would _never_ kill people. Would he still look at me the same way if he knew what I had done? Would he have me locked up?

I was a killer. A murderer. A _monster_.

I was so deep in my own thoughts I hadn't even noticed that Damon was standing in the doorway. His arms crossed over his chest, staring at me, his eyebrows close together.

"I'm sorry," I told him quietly.

He walked over and sat next to me on the floor. Our backs leaning against the tub.

"It happens," he said shrugging.

I stared at the floor. My whole body felt heavy. I couldn't move. I just wanted to stay there, staring at the floor, letting time pass me by.

He took his hand and pushed my chunky hair away from my face.

"You should really wash that," he told me. I nodded in agreement, but couldn't find the strength to stand up and start filling up the tub with water. I just couldn't move. I wanted to throw up. I felt sick. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to stay here on the floor. I was... numb.

Damon stood up and turned on the spray nozzle. He climbed into the tub behind me, and gently lifted my hair, letting it fall into the tub.

I felt the warm water start to fall on my head and closed my eyes. I just listened to the water falling, and felt his hands running through my hair with such gentleness that I barely even noticed them.

I didn't want to be alone right now. I didn't trust myself. His company calmed me. Thank God he was here. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't answered his phone and came to help me. I didn't know a thing about improvising an accident scene or dumping a body. For all I know, I could have left that poor girl very badly compelled and blown my cover.

With Damon I felt... safe.

I never expected him to take care of me like this. No one had ever taken so much care of me before. No one. No other guy had ever washed my hair either.

He applied shampoo and massaged it into my hair with his fingers in circular motions. Then he took the spray nozzle again and rinsed it out.

I was much calmer, and opened my eyes. I looked up at him, he winked at me.

"I _never_ do this, so don't get used to it," he told me playfully.

"I never do this either," I told him, not referring to him washing my hair, but to what I had done tonight.

He gave me a weak smile.

"It was bound to happen eventually," he said as he took a towel and wrapped it around my head, and climbed out of the tub. His pants were all soaked. He sat on the floor next to me again.

"I didn't want it too. I, thought I was stronger than that. He wasn't even bleeding, it's not like he had an open wound and I couldn't stand the thirst," I explained.

"Then what was it?" He asked.

I frowned, trying to remember how it had happened.

"I was angry," I told him.

"Why were you angry?" he asked.

"He... he was creepy. From the minute I saw him, I _felt_ it."

"You _felt_ it? What do you mean by that? What did you _feel_?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know... it... it made me sick, the way he looked at the girl. He was looking at her in a way that gave me chills. _Chills_ Damon, he freaked me out. He did _not_ have the best intentions with her," I tried to explain.

"Where were you, when you saw him?"

"At a restaurant."

"And _how_ did you notice him? Did you _see_ him walk in or did you _feel_ him?" he asked.

"_Feel_ him?" I asked confused.

He nodded.

"I..." I didn't remember him walking in. He was already there when I got to the restaurant. I noticed everyone else because I had seen them walk in. I was studying my surroundings, just as Damon and Sage had taught me. I knew the guy was in the terrace, but when did I start to get that feeling?

"I... got to the restaurant, and started observing everyone, and then the girl came out to show me the menu..." I was trying to remember what had happened.

"Uh huh," he said.

"She came out and I felt it," I said looking at him.

"Like a _vibe_? Or a like a _tug_?" Damon asked.

I looked back at the floor. What had it been?

"It was as if I was being _pulled_ to that part of the terrace. Like I _had_ to look over."

"So it was a _pull_," he concluded. I nodded.

"Yes, but not towards _me_, towards _her_. It was as if he really _wanted_ her," I said realizing what it was that I had felt.

"And then you followed them," he stated, wanting me to continue.

"Yes, he was following her, so I followed him. I did everything you taught me. I kept my distance, my head down, my pace steady, I changed route when he turned around and saw me, I threw away my jacket and let my hair down to cause a distraction. I did it all."

"Good girl," he said grinning.

"And then they were gone. So I tracked him. He had an _awful_ stench Damon, it wasn't even difficult to find him. He had her pinned to the wall, his hand covering her mouth. She was... defenseless, so… _weak_," I said in a whisper.

"And then?"

"He was enjoying it, and I snapped. I don't remember much, just that I took him off from her and just... bit him."

"And that's all?" he asked.

I nodded, tracing the lines between each floor tile.

"He was a sicko Bella, you did the right thing. You saved that girl, you're a hero," he told me, leaning closer.

I shook my head.

"No I'm not," I said as a tear slipped down my cheek, "I _killed_ him, and what I hate the most Damon is that I _enjoyed_ it. I actually _liked_ it, feeling him squirming beneath me, his accelerated pulse, his screams... I wanted him to _suffer_," I said between gritted teeth, finally admitting what was really bothering me and letting the tears come out.

"It's in your nature, Bella, you'd be a freak if you didn't enjoy the hunt. We are predators. It's what we do, it's wired into our very core."

I shook my head.

"I don't want it to be," I cried.

He put his arm around me and held me tightly.

"How do you do it Damon?" I asked him.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Kill people, and not feel remorse," I explained.

"Who says I don't feel it?" he answered, and then added, "I don't kill anyone who doesn't have it coming. You mess with me, you piss me off, you go behind my back, you're dead. Easy as that."

"But, what gives you the right to play God? Deciding if someone lives or dies?" I asked.

"Eternity. Boredom. Survivor of the fittest," he answered.

"I don't agree," I said shaking my head.

"It's either kill or be killed Bella, you'll get it in a few decades or so," he told me.

"I'll never kill anyone again," I whispered.

"Never say never," he said raising his eyebrows.

"You'll teach me how to control it," I told him.

"I'll teach you how to feed on someone without killing, but learning to control that rage that invaded you a while ago, is something that is ultimately up to you."

"What do you mean? I don't know what came over me, how am I supposed to control it?" I asked confused.

"That's what we have to find out," he said and playfully squeezed my nose.

How could he, in the middle of my drama, just turn the situation into a game? And more importantly, why was he making me _feel_ like it wasn't that big of a deal?

"Now, I filled the tub for you. Clean up, and meet me up at the old barn..." he told me.

"Damon I'm not in the mood, I just want to stay here," I said shaking my head.

He leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, "_I stole from Sage's secret wine cellar, don't you want to get really wasted tonight?_" He pulled away, stood up, and before leaving the bathroom wiggled his eyebrows and winked at me.

I stood up and whispered back to him, "_what wine_?"

"The _magical_ kind," he whispered, as he slowly left, leaving only his eyes visible on the side of the doorway, and wiggled his eyebrows again.

"I'm coming," I said as I climbed into the tub. He closed the door and left the room, and immediately I sank in the tub, soaking the shirt Damon had lent me earlier.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are better than Damon in a tux<strong>.

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	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here it is! Enjoy!**

I woke up and it was already a few hours past noon. After a night of heavy drinking and goofing around, it was to be expected. Damon had not let me for a minute continue to weep like I had on the floor of the bathroom. We hadn't been out to a club, partially I think it was because he was too scared of letting me mix with a crowd of barely conscious, sweaty, pulse accelerated, trapped humans. Partially.

_Sigh_. Who am I kidding it was _entirely_ about that.

One of the positive sides of being a vampire after a night like last night is no hangovers. We had had a lot of wine. A lot.

I rolled over to my side. There he was, still next to me, covered in hay and dirt. We hadn't left the barn at all. We had just drank and talked. Maybe a little dancing and fighting happened as well. I think last night we had one of the most honest conversations we had ever had before.

After noticing I was still thinking a lot about the horrible thing I had just done, and a few glasses of wine, Damon had opened up to me and told me about the first time he had ever killed someone.

"I had no intentions of becoming a vampire without her," he said, referring to Katherine, "if she was dead, I wanted to be dead as well. There was no point to living an eternity if she was not going to be there, and I wasn't about to spend it with Stefan, who had just run a _sword_ through my heart. But that changed when Stefan brought me that girl."

We were sitting on the floor of the barn, the bottle of wine in front of the two of us. His eyes were looking to the front, gazing, remembering.

"Stefan had fed already, and you know how the bloodlust comes more intensive after you first feed," he said while I nodded.

"I had decided not to complete my transformation."

I was somewhat surprised by his words. Damon? The power thirsty vampire, had no desire of the abilities and all the benefits he would get by turning? He was actually willing to give up. To _die_. It sounded like he was a completely different person back then. But I understood the reason he had behind it. I had asked myself that same question when I was going to turn. Eternity. Being alone. Forever. That was the big question mark.

"So what made you change your mind?" I asked.

"My brother."

"How?" I asked.

He scoffed, "_We don't need Katherine_, he said. _We can have the world together, the two of us._ He's my brother. He's a self loathing, brooding pain in the ass, but he's my brother." he shrugged, "And then he ripped her neck open and you know how it goes afterwards..."

He was quiet for a second.

"I was never the kind of man that would harm girls, I was always a Don Juan, but _never_ a killer. " he added.

"Was that when you turned it off?" I asked.

"I despised Stefan for making me change my mind afterwards. And when I didn't want to deal with it anymore, and just _stop_ feeling the regret, I shut it off. _Click_. Emotions gone. This is the thing Isabella, you will always remember those first you kill, then eventually when you give into your nature and you actually enjoy the thrill of the hunt, you stop counting. When you shut down, there are no regrets."

"Do you think I should flip the switch?" I asked him. I was feeling awful.

"If you felt this was something you couldn't deal with you would have already turned it off. When you know, you _know_, you do it, like _that_," he snapped his fingers, "No second guessing. It just… _clicks_."

I took a sip out the bottle, feeling a little light headed.

"And how do you come back?" I asked confused. "Do you decide as well? Because if you were on off mode, why would you like to turn your emotions back on? I mean, why would you even want to? If you're on off mode, you're not even thinking about it, it's just pure instinct and that animal predator nature we all have inside us. How does that happen? How does that work?" I believe I was mostly thinking out loud.

"Ahh, that's where it gets tricky. That's the hard part," he told me.

"How do you do it?" I asked curiously.

"You need a trigger," he answered.

"What kind of trigger?" I asked.

"A very strong, emotional moment that brings you back down from that bottomless limbo."

A strong moment. It had to be something that shook you to the core I imagine, something pretty shattering.

"What was yours?" I asked. He looked at me straight in the eye before answering.

"She wasn't dead," he said shrugging, his voice spiteful, and angry. This I interpreted as, _he was played a fool_. He knew this now, but when he found out that Katherine was alive, he thought she was still _in_ the tomb. What had _specifically_ been his trigger then?

"Was it hope?" I asked.

He took a sip out of the bottle and while nodding rolled his eyes.

"And it bit me in the ass," he said.

"Well, if I ever end up flipping the switch, make sure I don't cause too much trouble, or do something I regret when I turn my emotions back on. I don't want to be the brooding, sit in dark, emo vampire girl," I said.

He chuckled.

"It doesn't work that way. You _won't_ listen," he told me, "you won't want anyone telling you what you _can_ or _cannot_ do."

"Then help me find my trigger before I do something I regret… if I ever flip the switch," I told him. I was serious about it.

He shook his head, as if saying I was crazy.

"Promise!" I said leaning forward and giving him a shove.

Before I could say anything else he had me pinned to the ground, his face an inch above mine.

"Oh I'll help you find a trigger," he whispered.

I was caught off guard, "a very strong, emotional moment?" I asked as I swallowed, if I still had my human heart I'm pretty sure it would be beating very, very loudly. it had been a while since he pulled one of his being sexy and irresistible schemes on me.

"Mmm, shutting down means letting go and giving into everything Isabella," he said softly, while he ran his hand down the side of my body

"Everything?" I asked.

He chuckled, "Yes… _everything_."

"Well, this would _definitely_ be a trigger," I said under my breath as I took my eyes away from him.

He let out a chuckle and sank his head on my neck, "Bella, Bella, Bella, you need to stop being so damn stiff," he said as he came back up and looked at me.

"I'm _not_ stiff," I told him.

"Right," he said.

"I just… I don't…" I tried to form a sentence.

"You are hot, and beautiful, and now that you have learned everything I've taught you, you should really believe it, get out there… and get laid," he told me as he rolled over to the ground, his hand supporting his head.

"I'm not just going to go and have sex with some random stranger Damon," I told him.

"Why not? Think about it this way, if it sucks you can always compel the guy to forget," he said shrugging.

I punched his arm.

"It's not that, I just don't… I…" I was struggling to find the words to something I didn't know how to say.

"You're a virgin," he smirked.

I glanced at him, sat up, and grabbed the bottle of wine, taking one big drink. He was quiet for a while and then sat up too. He knew I was uncomfortable and wasn't going to keep on talking.

"Sex, with your emotions off is_ mind blowing,_ no feelings involved, just plain animal instinct. It's as fun as it gets. But no, sex is _not_ going to be your trigger," he said, "Sex is just something you will _really_ want to have."

"I got it. I'll turn into a nympho," I muttered.

"If it makes you feel any better, and just so that you don't have regrets when you turn your emotions back on of sleeping with random strangers, I would gladly offer myself as your… lover," he wiggled his eyebrows and shook his head.

"Shut up," I said laughing and giving him a push.

"I'm serious, I'll make _sweet_ love to you Bella," he joked.

"Just shut up," I chuckled.

"I'll show you a good time," he whispered.

I cracked up. He snorted.

We took a sip from the bottle.

"Let's be serious now, you do need to get out there," he told me.

I sighed.

"Date a guy, have some fun, flirt around, it's not like you have to spend your life with them. Keep a guy around until he bores you and then just move on to the next one," he said, "No one has to end up having a broken heart. You can compel them to forget, or to take the break up lightly. You have the winning hand."

"And then be lonely all over again," I told him.

"Ouch that hurts, what about me? Don't I count?" He asked, pretending to be wounded by my words.

"No," I answered sarcastically.

He put his arm around my shoulder, "Well… you'll _always_ have me."

Was it just me or had this wine made Damon a little more open? He was being affectionate, and honest, and among his jokes a little bit of truth was coming out. He really cared about me didn't he?

I felt a little bit of warmth wrapping around me.

I don't know how we touched the subject, or how it came around, but we ended up talking about Katherine. He was blabbing about her, non-stop. How vain and arrogant she was. How she played them, how he wished to rip her heart out and set it on fire, or have her suffer, really suffer inside that tomb like she should have. I don't know how many ways of torturing her he had come up with but he mentioned quite a few.

I was super tipsy by then, and I don't think I was measuring my words correctly by time I asked him this question that had been roaming around in my head since the minute Elena had told me about Katherine and the whole doppelganger thing. Which I still didn't really get by the way.

"Okay, you hate Katherine, I get it. She broke your heart. She left. I _get_ it," I drank a little more wine, "How can you look at at Elena and not be reminded of that?"

Silence.

"I mean, she's the spitting image of the woman who _ruined_ your life. She's different from Katherine, I know this, but do you _really_ love her? Or are you just infatuated with her because she represents this image of who you always wished Katherine to be?" I asked him.

He stared at me blankly.

"Elena, she's _awesome_. I love her to pieces, she's like the only person who gets me," I said, "But she's with Stefan, and don't you hate it that she's always treating you like this kid that's going to break and go crazy if something bad happens? Do you like being the guy who's chasing after a girl he can't have? Or are you punishing yourself thinking you don't deserve better?"

He snatched the bottle from me.

"Damon, if I have learned something in the last few months we've shared together is that you are an amazing guy. You are awesome, and great, and _sooo_ _awesome_," I looked up as I said it, "If you would just let that part of you out more often I'm pretty sure you could find a girl that likes you just the way you are. Being her one and only, never her second choice, or the backup plan. Her first option _and_ her last. Someone who loves you, your killing rampages, your ironic, pain in the ass comments, your stubbornness and all."

His eyes were locked on me. Thoughtful and unsmiling.

I had been out of line. Completely out of line.

_Say something. Just stop staring at me and say something._

He stared intently, and then suddenly he broke out laughing.

"What? _Why_ are you laughing?" I asked confused.

"You are young and naïve Bella," he patted my head as he stood up.

"I meant every word Damon," I told him.

"_Every_ word?" He asked and I nodded.

He scoffed. "You're wrong you know…"

"I don't think so," I answered.

"Oh you are… Elena isn't the only one that gets you… trust me," he said offering me his hand to get up.

I took it and stood in front of him.

"I get you too," he whispered, "even _better_ than her…" he winked.

After that, he changed the subject and put on some music, he asked me to dance with him and we drank the rest of the bottle.

As I lay here next to a hay covered Damon, these are the things I'm thinking about last night.

First, Damon has my back. After cleaning up the mess I made and making sure I was okay it was crystal clear I could count on him no matter what. He would be there. Time and time again he had showed me that he would be there.

Second, he can open up if the right amount of that wine is in his system.

Third, he thinks I need to loosen up. Which lets face it, it's true, I should. I haven't been on a date since Edward. He's the only guy I've ever kissed. Jacob doesn't count, he practically raped my lips.

Fourth, Damon gets me. More than Elena, and after a lot of thought I knew it was true. Maybe that's why he's taken me in under his wing and taught me all the things he's taught me. He looks after me like no one ever has. He knows heartbreak, and abandonment. He's supportive and tells it as it is. He's not afraid of saying what he thinks, he's honest, and treats me like I can handle whatever he throws at me. Or at least he's training me to.

"Stop staring at me," he grumbled, his eyes were still closed.

I stayed quiet.

He peeped through one eye.

"Morning," he said.

"Morning," I answered.

He sat up and got some of the hay out of his hair.

"I'm getting some breakfast, may I interest you in a freshly pumped glass of our favorite red juice?" he asked.

I nodded.

We got up and walked towards the house. I showered, had breakfast, followed by that disgusting glass of vervain.

I was setting my blood stained clothes on fire outside when Damon walked up and handed me a piece of paper and a bag.

The paper belonged to a local police report. It had a picture of the man I had killed last night. He was thirty-five, and had recently escaped from prison. He had been charged for the rape and murder of three girls, and he was the main suspect for two other cases that had not been closed yet.

He was a murderer.

"See? You did the world a favor," Damon told me.

I felt a tinge of relief, but the guilt was still there. I looked into the bag and pulled out copies of all six seasons of Dexter. I looked up at him, he was smirking.

"You should really watch that. Just in case you get into trouble and I'm not around. Learn a thing or two from the guy," he told me.

"Dexter? _Really_?" I said in disbelief.

"He _is_ a Forensic Blood Splatter analyst."

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Damon to throw some comedic comment to lighten a moment.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Don't tell Charlie, Elena or Stefan about this. I don't want Elena or Charlie to be scared of me, nor I want them to look at me differently," I told him.

"My lips are sealed," he stood next to me while my clothes burned, then he spoke again, "We were invited to Volterra tonight."

I turned my head around to face him. I didn't like the place. It gave me the creeps.

"Aro wants to see us, he invited us over for dinner."

"Oh," was all I could answer.

"He'll have a blood bag ready for you if that's what you're worried about," he joked.

I rolled my eyes, it _was_ what I was worried about.

We left before noon. I said goodbye to Sage, who told me I was always welcome in his home and gave me another bottle of Black Magic Wine, followed by the warning of using it wisely and measuredly. I said thank you and gave him a tight hug that I think he wasn't really expecting. At first he just stood there, and then he returned the embrace.

"Take care, mon Petit Enfant," he told me while placing a gentle kiss on my hand.

We hit the road and got to Volterra quickly. We were greeted by Demetri and Felix who guided us down to the rooms they had prepared for us. Before leaving me in my room, Damon came in and left my bags on the bed, he then walked over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"_Don't fall asleep,_" he whispered softly into my ear, in a barely audible tone, "_Never sleep in Volterra_."

A slight feeling of panic invaded me. I knew why he had given me this warning. Sleep was a disadvantage here, a weakness. While being in Volterra we had to be with all our walls up and our senses on.

Felix and Demetri were waiting by the door. Damon walked out and closed the it behind him. All I could do after that warning was fall on the bed and pray nothing happened to us while we were here.

I got ready for dinner, not really knowing what to expect. To be honest all I could imagine was this bloodbath of poor humans being killed while everyone else enjoyed one big happy meal. In all sincerity I was only doing this for Damon who always says being a part of the Volturi is an honor and you should always stay on their right side.

They liked him here, and I wasn't going to ruin it for him, not when he had helped me out through so much.

Just as I had finished getting ready someone knocked my door. I walked by and opened it slightly, it was Demetri.

"Good evening Madame," he greeted me.

"Hi," I answered awkwardly, I was expecting Damon.

"I was asked to come get you, are you ready?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm ready. Umm, where's Damon?" I asked.

"He's at the ballroom already. Aro called him earlier," he explained.

"Oh... okay, let's go then," I said while getting out of the room.

Demetri extended his arm for me to wrap around it, I grabbed it and walked by his side. He was escorting me to the ballroom where dinner was taking place.

_Walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up._

I kept repeating in my head over and over.

"May I say, you look splendorous tonight Isabella," Demetri told me as we walked down the halls.

"Thank you, you look... dashing yourself," I answered trying to match the tone of his conversation, and then feeling like an idiot for using that word... _dashing_, what the hell was wrong with me?

During the visits Demetri and Felix made to Damon I always noticed that Demetri was quiet, formal and very polite. He spoke in few words and was never one to get too excited over whatever Felix was talking about. Felix on the other hand was quite the flirt, and always looking for a fight.

"Demetri, can I ask you something?"

"I'll try my best to answer my lady," he told me.

"Damon told me about your abilities," I started saying as he nodded, "Is it true? That you can find anyone, anywhere, at any time?"

He chuckled, "Well, once I get a grasp of how their mind works, yes, I can."

"Even someone you haven't met before?" I asked him curiously.

"Do you wish for me to find someone for you my dear?" he asked.

"Oh no," I answered quickly, "I was just wondering."

"Well, if you ever _do_ need to find someone, don't hesitate to ask."

"You would do that? You've just talked to me on very few different occasions," I said in disbelief.

"My lady, I share an honest and long friendship with Damon. Any friend of his is a friend of mine."

"Then, thank you. That's very nice of you," I told him.

We reached the doors and they were opened for us. The room was candle lit, a very large table was placed in the center. Aro sat at the very end of it, Damon was by his side, Marcus on the other facing Damon.

Aro stood up as we walked in. He was wearing a suit.

"Isabella! What a pleasure to have you here with us again child!" He exclaimed as he walked over to greet me.

_Walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up._

I thought over and over again as I saw him approaching me.

With extended arms he came over and embraced me in a very awkward hug, gave me a kiss on each cheek and grabbed my hands.

A smiled appeared across his face.

"You don't seize to amaze me dear, what a wonderful creature you are!" he said in excitement, "you are quite the rare mystery that we lack these days."

"Come! Come! I want to hear _everything_ about your travels!" he exclaimed as he walked me over to my place on the table, right next to Damon.

I looked at Marcus who was in front of us and inclined my head forward a bit, giving him a small bow; he returned it with a slight smile.

Aro ordered a glass of champagne for me and asked me to tell them about the places we'd visited, the people we had met, the things that had captured my attention, the hobbies I had picked up, and just about everything that had crossed our paths.

He got excited when I mentioned someone he knew, or when I commented about a painting or a sculpture. He would then interrupt and tell the story behind some of them, and shared his thoughts on those works of art.

"If you want, we can visit our gallery later, I'm positive there are a number of pieces that will interest you. Damon make sure you take her down to our gallery," Marcus told us.

"Yes! You _must_ visit our gallery! I'll take you down there myself!" Aro said contently.

I glanced over at Damon and grinned.

"That would be really amazing, thank you," I told them.

I saw Marcus smirk and he then placed his hand over Aro's, "Brother, should we call for our other guests now? I'm absolutely parched," he said.

Aro grinned and then with a snap of his fingers ordered to let the others in.

One by one, the closest members of the guard stepped in and sat down. Felix sat next to me, giving me a wink. Demetri sat across from him and then next to him Jane and Alec. I couldn't help but feel intimidated. Sitting with this group of powerful vampires.

"Jane, would you be a dear and make sure our meal is perfectly ready?" Aro told her.

She looked up at him, a glint of surprise and anger in her eyes, she nodded and stood from the table. She glanced over at Damon with a feeling I couldn't put a finger on what it was, but it wasn't good.

I looked at him but he didn't look back at me he just sat there content.

"He's in her seat," Felix whispered to me. I faced Felix and he shrugged.

Oh, so she was _angry_ at Damon for taking her seat. _For a woman of over two hundred years, she still acted like a thirteen year old sometimes_, I recalled Damon telling me this at some point.

"Now, we know how it's your choice not to feed directly from the source my child, so we've decided to honor your way tonight, no human will be harmed at this table. We've arranged for goblets to be poured from our Select Collection of Offerings, who donate regularly for occasions just like this one," Aro explained, "We wish for you to feel very comfortable with us, you are after all, our guest of honor."

Jane made her way back to the table.

Their 'Select Collection of Offerings'. They had people, whose blood was more appealing than others, sitting somewhere in this castle, being drained through a transfusion so that we could have our meal. I didn't even know if it was true. For all I knew they were dead already. As I had learned from Damon, old vampires had a way of twisting words to make you believe they mean something but then you realize there are enough loopholes for it to mean something else completely.

This thought repulsed me. I set it aside quickly and said thank you, that they shouldn't have gone through that just to make me comfortable, I would have adjusted to their traditions if they pleased.

"Nonsense! A little change in our routine keeps us sane dear," Aro said.

The goblets were served. A small meal was brought for Damon and I, we were after all, the only two of our kind at the table.

Damon kept a light conversation with Aro and Marcus. Caius was not at the table with us, he had sent his regards with Marcus.

After everyone had their meal, a mix of spiced cocktails were brought to the table. One after the other.

"My, my dear, you can certainly hold your drink," Aro told me in surprise.

"Well, I have to, at the rate this one goes," I said nudging Damon.

I noticed the smallest grin form on Marcus' lips.

"Now, what are your next plans?" Aro asked.

"We have not yet planned anything," Damon said politely.

"You are very much welcome to stay here as long as you desire my friends," Aro told us.

"Why thank you," I answered in return. Damon nodded.

While Damon spoke with the two leaders, Felix insisted I tell him about my experience of training with Sage. He had trained with Sage early on in his life and asked me if he was still using the same tricks he used on him. We shared of stories, making fun of his eccentric taste in shoes and gardening skills. When he wasn't thinking about fighting and war, Felix could be very entertaining.

Every time I said something they considered funny and laughed I couldn't help but notice Jane clenching her jaw. The same thing happened whenever Aro gave Damon a compliment, or offered him to use something that belonged to him and that was only reserved to those he held within his closest subjects.

Even though dinner had been calm and light, I knew it had to have a reason behind it. They had been too kind to us, and I found it extremely fishy.

I had not liked Jane's attitude all evening. It was almost as if she were jealous. Her brother had not said a word all night. He was bored and excused himself early from the table.

Damon had escorted me to my room, and before leaving reminded me with a single look about what he had told me earlier. I gave him a sign that I understood and went inside. He said he'd come around early tomorrow morning.

I spent the night awake, listening to everything that was happening within the castle's walls. Around three in the morning I heard light footsteps creeping outside the corridor. I laid still, not moving or breathing.

_Walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up, walls up._

A strong tug came from the door. The same kind of tug I had felt the night before while sitting at the restaurant when that deranged man was staring at that poor waitress. The tug intensified, and then it ceased. It happened again a few seconds later, first small, then stronger and then it stopped.

I was ready to jump out of bed and defend myself if it came to that.

The person outside my door had not left. Once more the strong tug invaded me, and after a while stopped. The footsteps started again and left the hallway quietly and quickly.

He was right. I couldn't sleep while I was in Volterra. Something was up, and we were not safe here.

As soon as the sun was up, Damon came knocking on my door. I was ready to go wherever he wanted to take me. I couldn't wait to be out of that castle to tell him what had happened last night. We had reached the edge of town and were heading out to the woods when I thought we were alone and could talk without thinking someone would overhear.

My guard was up, I was listening to everything that made a sound. I knew the number of steps it had taken us to get here from the castle. I knew where the nearest truck was parked. I knew how many birds there were nearby, the number of squirrels running around, how far away the closest car was and at what speed it was coming our way. I knew _all_ of this. I had been paying attention to everything, every single detail.

That was when I felt it again. The tug. I turned my head around carefully trying to figure out where it was coming from.

_Be prepared_. I told myself

_Don't be a victim, don't be a victim Bella._

Before I knew it Damon on the ground, pain all over his face. It all happened very quickly afterwards. Stakes were fired at our direction, I managed to grab them all without a single scratch. Meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out where that stupid tug was coming from, and once I found its source I was so mad at whoever was hurting Damon that I only wanted to return the pain that he was feeling to the person behind it. Give them a taste of their own sick medicine.

Damon stopped squealing and a high pitched scream ripped through the silence of that early morning. He stood up quickly and ran towards the direction of the screeching sound.

There she was. Jane. Fury in her eyes, looking at me with disbelief and confusion. Damon grabbed her by the neck and raised her up in the air bringing her closer to him. He looked at her menacingly. He then whispered something in her ear and pushed her hard against the ground, causing her face to crack on contact. He let her go, and before running away she gave us the most evil death glare I had ever seen.

When she was out of sight I looked at him, trying to inspect if he had any wounds, if any of the stakes had hurt him, if Jane had caused him any injuries while he was down on the floor, his body twisting into shapes I couldn't find possible.

"Are you alright?" I asked him immediately. He was looking at me in a way he had never looked at me before. I couldn't place that look anywhere. It did not register in my memory for any emotion I had seen across his face in the months we had spent together.

"Damon!" I hissed, was he in shock?

"_How_ did you do that?" He asked.

"I... you were on the ground, I did what you taught me to do," I said and told him about what I had felt the night before, how I had not let my guard down for a second since he told me I couldn't sleep while we were there. I told him about what I had felt at dinner and what I had felt a few seconds before Jane attacked us with her rage.

"No Bella, _how_ did you bounce back her attack, how did you do _that_? What was going through your head?" he asked bewildered.

"I didn't do anything, I just really wished that whoever was attacking you got a little taste of their own medicine. I couldn't take seeing you in that much pain," I explained.

"Bella, this... I've never seen _anyone_ stand up against Jane's power, even less have it _bounce back_ at her."

I hadn't been responsible for that, had I?

"Why would she even attack us like that?" I asked in confusion.

He sighed.

"Long story, she's a resentful egotistical bitch," he explained quickly, while searching for something in my eyes.

I felt as if he wanted to do something but was holding back. What was that look on his face? Was it amazement? Happiness? Relief? Was he proud of me?

"Are you okay?" I asked him again.

He nodded. I was so grateful he was fine, I couldn't help but throw myself at him and give him the tightest hug I had ever given anyone in my entire life. If Jane had succeeded in her attempt to kill him, because that was what the little bitch was trying to do, I don't know what I would have done.

"If something ever happened to you Damon, I _swear_ I'd kill the person who hurt you," I said as I buried my head in his chest. He tightened his grasp on me after I spoke those words.

My stomach was caught in the strongest, knot it had ever been. Just the thought of it made me feel a rage inside of me I had never felt before.

"Bella," he said as he ran his hand through my hair. I looked up at him, "Thank you."

"You have my back, and I have yours, we're a team," I told him.

"Always," he said.

"Rubber and glue," I suddenly said as the words popped into my head.

"Huh?"

"Rubber and glue, that's what I was thinking when it bounced back at her. _I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you do bounces off of me and sticks to you_."

He chuckled.

"We should get out of here and into a more public place," he told me.

"Why did we come here in the first place?" I asked.

"I wanted to tell you something," his eyebrows were now close together, causing his forehead to wrinkle, "I've been assigned a mission Bella."

"A mission?" I didn't understand.

"Yes, I leave tomorrow," he answered.

"Wait... what about me? I'm coming with you right?"

He shook his head.

"I just _saved_ your ass! I'm coming with you, you have a psychopath who wants to kill you, I'm not letting you go on your own!" I said loudly.

"Bella, you can't. You're not ready for this. I don't want you to come," he said.

He didn't want me to come with him. I took a few steps back. I'd been here before. I knew he knew by the look on his face that he had said something he shouldn't have.

"Bella wait, I didn't mean it like _that_," he apologized.

I shook my head.

"You bring me into the _freaking_ woods to tell me you're _leaving_ and that you don't _want me_ to come with you because you thought it was the _best_ place to break the news to me?" I was furious, "You are _such_ an asshole Damon Salvatore!"

I started walking towards the city again, anger boiling inside of me.

"Stop being so dramatic," he said as he caught up with me, "I'll be gone for a few weeks, a month tops. I'm not leaving you forever you paranoid and silly girl. I've arranged for a chartered plane to fly you over to Stefan and Elena's."

I stopped walking.

"I won't have to fly commercial?" I wanted to confirm this information. The last time I was on a plane I had wanted to jump out of it the minute it took off from the ground.

He shook his head.

"Who is going on this mission with you?" I asked him.

"Demetri and Felix," he answered.

"Is that why they came over so much?"

He nodded.

"And we _trust_ them?"

He nodded while rolling his eyes.

"Was _that_ where you ran off to when you ever got the chance?" I was putting two and two together.

He shrugged.

I sighed.

"_Never_ drag me into the forest to tell me you're leaving," I pointed a finger at him. He grabbed it and leaned closer.

"You got it," he promised.

"Okay, let's get out of here, this town gives me the creeps," I said as I shook my shoulders in repulsion.

He chuckled.

"It's not _that_ bad," he put his arm around my shoulder and we started walking back into town.

I packed the few things I had used while Damon waited for me, then we went to his room, which was four times as big as mine, we got his things and then he said we had to say goodbye to Aro, Marcus and Caius.

We walked down to the room where they were. Damon's expression was a somber one.

"My friend, what's bothering you? Is everything alright?" Aro asked with worry.

Damon walked up to him and shook his hand.

"Thank you for your hospitality, we're leaving right now," Damon told him.

Aro understood the moment they shook hands, and he became serious.

"I assure you, this won't go unpunished," he told Damon reassuringly. He then looked at me and let out a sigh, "you are just full of surprises aren't you? Are you _positive_ you don't want to stay here? We have so many people who could help you understand your abilities while Damon is away."

"Thank you, but I really want to go and see my friends," I told him.

"Well, I understand. Damon, when you get back from your assignment, you should visit our friend who lives in the north. I am confident he'll answer all the questions you both have," Aro told him.

Damon inclined his head.

"It was a pleasure having you here my dear," Aro said kissing my hand, "Know that our doors are always open and my offer still stands, Volterra will always welcome you with open arms."

"I thank you Aro," I told him.

We said goodbye to the rest of the brothers and left. We ran into Felix and Demetri before heading out, I told them to be safe. They laughed and assured me they had each other's backs.

Damon drove me to the airport and handed me an envelope. It had a set of keys, a credit card, a piece of paper with Stefan's and Elena's new address, instructions and different sets of ID's.

"Well, these were eventful months right?" he told me.

I nodded.

"Keep practicing, drink your vervain every day, and never let your..."

"-guard down, I know _Dad_," I ended the sentence for him sarcastically.

He chuckled.

I had to admit I was feeling extremely down. I didn't want to say goodbye to him. I was worried something might happen while he was away.

"I'll be back before you know it kid," he told me.

"You better," I said.

"I've been trying to reach Stefan, but his cell keeps going to voice mail. He's probably away terrorizing the animals of the forest. I'll contact Elena while you are flying don't worry."

"They don't know I'm coming?" I asked.

"No, it was all pretty much unplanned until a few hours ago," he answered.

"You know what, don't tell Elena. I think I'll surprise her. She was feeling pretty down the last time we spoke."

He nodded in agreement.

We stood there in front of each other looking really awkward.

"So... I'll call you when I get there," I told him.

He closed his eyes, and then peeked through one of them, "I'll be out of reach for a while Bella."

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah, so send me a message or an email, and whenever I can check in I'll call you."

"How will I know you're okay? What if something happens? What if you're attacked again?" I was worried about him.

"_Chill_. I'll be okay."

I shook my head. I didn't like this.

"Now, the plane is waiting for you, go down that hall and follow the instructions that are in the envelope. I arranged for a car to pick you up when you land."

"What if something bad happens and I go crazy killer on the town?" I asked him.

"Stefan will be there. He'll know what to do," he winked.

I sighed.

"Well... take care of yourself," I said as I walked over and gave him a hug.

"You too. Have fun. Take tons of pictures," he told me.

I chuckled and turned away, walking in the direction he had pointed out to me.

It was pretty difficult to say goodbye to the person I had spent so much time with in the last few months. I had gotten so used to having him around that I didn't know how I was going to act now that he wasn't there. He had taught me many different things, and the most important one was being happy and accepting who I was now.

With every step I took towards the gate, I felt my stomach clench and my eyes water. Why was I even crying? Yes I cared about Damon, but why was I crying? I was scared he could get hurt. I didn't trust the Volturi. What if his temper got the best of him and he ended up provoking Felix and Felix crushed him with those really bulky hands of his? What if Jane showed up again? The image of Damon twisting on the ground flashed through my mind.

He was coming back in a few weeks, a month tops.

But then again, what if he didn't? What if he didn't and I never got the chance to tell him and show him how grateful I am for absolutely everything he's done for me. What if he didn't and he died alone someplace? I didn't want him to be alone. He says he likes being alone but I know that's not true. He wouldn't have kept me with him all these months if he did. That knot in my stomach kept getting bigger and bigger.

I couldn't turn around to see if he was still there, but I knew he was. So I raised my head and kept on walking.

The image flashed before my eyes again, and that's when the tears came. I couldn't control them. So I wiped them away and looked back at him.

His brows were close together. A frown appeared on his mouth and he started walking towards me. I stopped dead in my steps and buried my face in my hands.

"Why are you crying silly?" he asked me, trying to raise my head with his fingers.

I kept my face down, trying to hide it.

"It's not going to be long, I'll be back before you know it. I know you're crying because I'm so _awesome_ and you're going to miss me, it's _inevitable_," he said cockily while trying to be funny and make me laugh.

I punched him.

He chuckled.

"Look at me," he told me. I shook my head. "Look at me Isabella."

I raised my head, and he wiped my tears. I looked into his eyes.

That knot on my stomach? It was tighter than ever, like drinking vervain without that burning sensation, but with that nauseating feeling that makes you weak and you get all hot around your chest and the only thing you want to do is to sink in a tub full of cold water. Yes, that's how I felt when he was grabbing my face and looking into my eyes while he cleaned the mix of running mascara and tears.

I had to tell him. I didn't know when I would see him again. So I had to tell him.

"My life has been better since you walked into it, believe it or not, you've changed me, and for that I am so grateful," I swallowed, "Don't go doing anything stupid because I cannot picture my life without you in it."

I swear, if it could, my heart would be pounding out of my chest right now.

"What are you saying Bella?" he asked me softly.

"I'm saying..." I sniffed, trying to figure out what I was really saying to him, while the knot tightened and tightened. He gazed into my eyes. I couldn't find the words, I was completely lost in those baby blues, and then before I could even form a sentence, his face was centimeters away from mine and his lips were crashing on my lips. Tender, slow, careful.

"I'll see you soon," he said as he let me go.

I stood there like an idiot as he walked backwards. I couldn't move. I had no idea what had happened. That tub of cold water seemed pretty accurate right about now. The knot had dissolved into a million stupid butterflies. If I could, alarms would have gone off. Damon Salvatore had sneaked up on me, he was a freakin terrorist who had just sneak attacked all my senses and reason.

I was floating on cloud nine without even noticing it.

I have no idea how I got to the gate afterwards. Or how long the flight took. I had sat on that plane like a statue. Not blinking. Not breathing. Just staring out the window. I hadn't even touched the drink they had served me. I had no anxiety. I was serene, and calm, and... surprised?

What now? What did it even _mean_?

Just as he told me, a car was waiting for me at the tarmac when I landed. I didn't know if I should call him to tell him I had gotten there okay. Even if I did he told me he was going to be out of reach. I didn't want to seem desperate.

The car drove me up to Stefan's and Elena's. They had bought a house out of town, to get there we had to get off the road and onto a very small one up a hill. The scenery was really lovely. The house was beautiful. Who am I kidding, everything looked gorgeous to me right now. The driver took the bags out of the car. I gave him a tip and started looking for a way into the house. I couldn't get in.

Right, the house was under Elena's name.

I tried listening if I could find a heart beat around but there wasn't any.

It was a Saturday morning. She must be out jogging. I sat on the front steps and waited. I was anxious to share this with her. I had never had a girlfriend to tell this kind of stuff to. I had always kept things to myself. After all, who was I going to tell in Forks that the hottest vampire in town had kissed me?

After a few minutes I heard her fast heartbeat and music approach. She came into view and once she saw me sitting on the front steps stopped in surprise.

I stood up.

"Bella?" she said confused, and then realizing I was actually there she ran towards me, "Bella!"

I hugged her carefully, trying not to break her. It was difficult, considering how excited I was to see her and all the things I wanted to share.

"What are you doing here?" She exclaimed.

"Surprise!" I told her.

She was looking at me in shock, and then her heart beat changed, it skipped a beat and started beating a little faster than when she was running, which I found odd, but decided that it must have been because she was _really_ happy to see me.

"Let's go inside!" she said, she opened the door and walked into the house. I just stood outside waiting for her to invite me in.

"Bella we have so much to talk about!" she turned around, "Oh. Sorry, come on in!"

I took my bags and went inside the house, I followed her into the kitchen while she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, "We don't have blood bags in the house," she said a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it, I'll go get some later," I told her.

"Oh Bella, I have to tell you something," she said seriously.

"Me first," I stopped her.

"I really wanted to share this with you a few months ago..." she started to say and I cut her off.

"Damon kissed me at the airport before I left!" I blurted out.

Her eyes popped open, "WHAT?"

"I know! I wasn't even expecting it, it was so surreal! We've grown really close in the past few months but I never expected him to _kiss_ me!" I told her quickly, "I mean, we always flirt and joke around, but it had never gotten to _that_ point."

Her jaw dropped.

"I don't even know what to say," she told me.

"I know!" I answered.

I heard a car pull into the driveway.

"Is that Stef?" I asked excited.

She caught her breath, "yes, that should be him."

I turned around, to go to the door to greet him.

Elena ran to the door and blocked it, "I have to tell you something, please promise you won't get mad."

I looked at her as if she was crazy and opened the door to say hello to Stefan. Elena's heart was racing like crazy.

I smiled at Stefan who was getting out of the car, and right after I noticed he was not alone and I was greeted by six pairs of golden eyes, all staring back at me completely baffled.

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><p><strong>AN: **

**Was the wait worth it?**

**To all of you who have been writing to me in the past few days, thank you, you have pushed me into sitting down and actually finish this chapter.**

**I guess this answers some of the questions everyone has been asking me.**

**Stay tuned, next chapter is already halfway written.**

**Reviews are better than that loooong awaited kiss.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, this chapter has a lot of changing POV's so keep that in mind while reading. Other than that, enjoy :)**

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

* * *

><p>Out of place.<p>

Disoriented.

Confused.

Betrayed.

That's what I felt when I opened that door.

A crushing sensation that surrounded me and broke all the bones in my chest.

A smothering feeling that left me out of air, even though I didn't really need it, and didn't let me breathe.

A million thoughts running through my mind, clouding my thoughts.

A few seconds ago it felt as if I was on top of the world, I had hit my stride. For the first time in over a year I was actually _happy_, I had _everything_. And that _perfect_ moment, the one I hadn't even realized I _wanted_ so badly, was _ripped_ away from me, and as much as I wanted it to last forever, it didn't. Without any warning, I had been sent back right to where I had started, and the insecurity, and anger, and fear had invaded me all over again.

They looked at me, speechless...

What _was_ this?

I begged Stefan for an explanation with my eyes, he just raised his hand as if telling me to calm down. I took a few steps backward, Elena was still by the door. Her eyes filled with tears.

Anger started boiling up inside of me. How _could_ they?

Then I felt it, the calming sensation, the instant happy pill creeping up on me, and instead of making me calmer it made me... _angry_, but I _couldn't_ express it, it was bottled inside of me, so I did the only thing I could and I _glared_ at him, asking, no, _demanding_ him to stop. I knew what he was doing, and I _refused_ to be tricked into feeling something I did _not_ feel. I would _not_ be manipulated into that state again. He stopped.

And then wanting to break free... I ran.

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><p><strong>Outside POV<strong>

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><p>"Don't you <em>dare<em> go after her!" Elena exclaimed as soon as Bella left the house. She was standing in front of the door, covering the entrance, doing whatever was within her human power to protect her friend. Stefan quickly ran to her side and addressed them.

"_Please_, let her process this on her own," he said, looking directly at Carlisle.

"How do you even _know_ Bella?" Alice blurted out.

"Bella moved into our town a little over a year ago. She found herself in a situation where she needed our help, and we helped her," Stefan explained.

"What do you mean she needed help? How did she know what you are? I never saw any of this coming, I don't understand," Alice asked quickly.

"I am sure that when she's ready to come up to you, she'll tell you that story herself," Stefan addressed them.

"Please _respect_ the space she needs to process this," Elena told them, looking directly at Alice, "Let her decide _when_ to approach you, don't go popping out of nowhere and expect her to receive you with open arms."

"You know then? What happened..." Carlisle said and looked at Stefan, who nodded in return.

"You should have said something," Alice glared at him, "If we would have known-"

"What? _What_ would you have done?" Elena asked, snapping. They stayed quiet, and shaking her head added, "Let her be."

Elena turned around, took Stefan's hand, walked into the house and closed the door behind her.

Then, standing there in awe, the Cullens looked at each other in disbelief, Carlisle took Esme's hand and guided his family into the forest. They headed home.

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

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><p>I ran as fast as I could. A blurr of leaves and trees and grass all flew past me. I ran because I wasn't thinking straight. I ran because the pain was just <em>too<em> much to handle all at once.

The pain of seeing them again, the pain of being betrayed by two of the people I trusted my life with.

How could they do that to me? How long had they known them for? Elena hadn't said _anything_ to me, and she had known for _months_! I could have at _least_ been prepared to face them for the first time after they disappeared from my life. I would have _dressed_ better, faced them and acted like I didn't even care, and not run away like a scared little girl.

If I would have known they'd be here I would have taken Aro up on that offer of staying in Volterra. Volterra looked pretty friendly to me right about now.

I could defend myself from any sneak attack and vervain and stakes that were thrown my way, that I was ready for. But this... this I never saw coming.

Specially not now. Not when I thought everything was starting to make sense. A few minutes ago I was happy. Everything was just pure bliss, and now? I didn't even know what I felt now.

What was that back there? How could they possibly be here? Out of all the places in the world, they had to be here? And they had to barge into my life, now?

I don't understand it. I don't understand any of it.

Why would they befriend them? They knew how much they hurt me. Elena knew all the pain they caused me.

I thought I was over it. I thought I had made my peace with it the last time I was in Forks. Boy I was wrong.

But one thing I knew for sure. I would never waste a single tear on any of the Cullens ever again. It was one promise I had made to myself I had to keep. They couldn't have such a strong hold on me.

Not on this Bella Swan. No way.I had learned many many new things about myself. The most important one was that I was not that stupid little girl anymore. I had been forced to grow up in the past year. I had faced death, adapted to a new way of life, met people centuries and centuries older than me, I knew how to fight and defend myself, how to cover up, and escape, and how to torture if the situation presented it self, I had even taken a life. Not that I was proud of that last thing, but hey, I now knew I had that instinct buried somewhere inside of me.

I didn't want to go back to the house. I couldn't even face Elena right now. I just wanted to disappear. To crawl under a rock and stay there until Damon came back.

Damon.

Damon couldn't have known about this right? He wouldn't have shipped me over here if he did. He wouldn't have kissed me. He knows more than anyone how much it hurt.

I stopped running.

I had reached the border of a cliff. The sun was covered in clouds, it was getting dark. A storm was coming and I could smell the moist air all around me.

God, this was going to be just like Forks all over again.

I sat on a rock and overlooked the landscape before me, took a few deep breaths and then asked myself what the hell I was going to do.

There was no way I was staying there tonight. I could always just find a hotel, I did have the credit card Damon had given me. But it was back at the house. I only had with me my cell phone.

And my ability to compel, That doesn't count as stealing right? I mean, I could always pay for the room once I got a hold of my stuff again.

I took out my cellphone and dialed Damon's number.

Straight to voicemail.

I tried calling again, maybe there was bad reception here.

Voice mail.

I tried one more time, and when it reached voicemail I decided this time I would leave him a message.

"Hey, it's me. I made it out okay... umm... I really need to talk to you..." I let out a sigh, "I don't think I can stay here, so please call me back whenever you can... please."

I didn't even know how long it would take him to listen to that message.

I put my head on my knees and closed my eyes. I had to get it together. Recap.

Okay, so there were only six of them with Stefan. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper.

Where was Edward?

Was he living here too? Did they leave him behind? Or did he leave them?

The last time I had seen any of them had been at my disaster of a birthday party. Where I had stupidly gotten a paper cut and they wanted to eat me.

I got the thirst part now. I used to think I understood it, but I didn't until I had been through it myself.

So, I guess I could get over that. It's understandable. It's not like I blamed them or anything. I had no grudges over that.

The part where they left without having the decency of saying goodbye, that I can't overlook.

_Sigh_.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

Enough. Snap out of it!

What are you going to do? They're here now, So stop freaking out and think of something. No more moping. No more why me? why now? _Why? Why? Why?_ Enough. Focus.

Okay, they're here.

Now what?

Where's Mr. Evil Planner when I need him?

Well, what has changed? How have _I_ changed?

I'm a vampire, that's one. I can include here all that comes with being a vampire so I'm not going to name those changes.

I'm stronger and more determined.

I think faster.

I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

I'm not as clumsy anymore, thank God for that.

I take risks. I'm not that girl who did only what she was told to do. That change happened before I turned. I had to thank Damon for that. For most of my changes as a matter of fact. He had made me a different person. He took who I was and helped me become who I always wanted to be. Every wish I had, he made sure it came true.

So they are here now, and this is my chance to let them know I'm not the same person they left behind.

I had stayed the rest of the day just sitting there on that rock staring at the landscape before me. It was already nightfall when I heard the footsteps and the breeze carried the scent of the person I was really upset at.

Stefan.

"You better have _damn good_ reason for being here," I said as he made his way up to me. I kept my eyes on the horizon.

"We weren't expecting you Bella," he told me.

"So, if you knew I was coming what would you have done? _Hide_ them?" I asked.

"I would have told you personally, I never intended for you to find out about it this way, not like this. Not as a surprise."

"That's just the thing Stef, I shouldn't have found out about it because it shouldn't have happened in the first place," I snapped at him.

Stefan sighed.

"Don't be selfish Bella," he told me.

"_I'm_ being selfish? Really?" I signaled to my chest.

"I think you are," he answered.

"Please Stefan, why don't you explain how _I'm_ the one being selfish here."

Stefan looked down to the ground, a small smile on his face, I knew this face, this was the face old vampires gave to new ones like me when we said something childish or naive.

"You know about my past Bella, right?" he asked looking at me.

"Your Ripper days?" I asked, he nodded, "Yes I know all about them."

"And you know how hard it was for me to clean up," he said.

I rolled my eyes. I knew where this was going.

"My way of life, my diet, the way I choose to live, comes with a lot more difficult desires to handle. I've managed to make it for a while, and I've fallen off track a few times as well," he explained as he sat down, "But the one thing that has kept me strong during the times I've stayed clean has been company and support. You know all about company and support..."

Of course I did, I wouldn't have made it this far without Damon's help.

"Who helped you?" I asked curiously.

"A very dear friend... Lexie," he answered, a tinge of nostalgia on his voice.

"Can I meet her?" I asked.

He gave me a weak smile, "Only through stories."

Oh. She was dead. Dead _dead_.

"Sorry," I apologized to him.

He shrugged.

"So she shared your diet too?" I asked.

He chuckled and shook his head, "She tried... once, for like, two days."

"Then how did she help?" I asked, a little confused.

"She was _there_," he answered.

He was telling me that having found such a large coven of vegetarians was rare. That not only were they _there_, they also understood the way he chose to live and they also lived like him. He wasn't an outsider.

I was being selfish.

I still felt angry at him though. It _was_ betrayal. It was a unique situation, and I understood how rare it was, but I _still_felt betrayed.

"Carlisle is your sponsor isn't he?" I rolled my eyes.

Stefan chuckled.

"I get it. I _don't_ approve, and I'm _still_mad... but I get it," I told him, and then added, "Don't expect me to be forgiving them any time soon Stefan."

He nodded, "I won't push you into anything you're not ready to deal with. I wanted to tell you in person Bella, and I wanted you to hear it from me."

"Elena knew all along?" I asked.

"She has a class with Alice, she was the one who spotted them first," he told me, I rolled my eyes, "Her first day in college, she came home telling me we had to move far away because they were here. I calmed her down. The next day I go into class and Carlisle is my teacher. We spoke. He was worried I would call attention on them, assuming I followed the normal diet, I assured him that wasn't going to be a problem, we started talking and we actually have a lot in common."

I stared at the view in front of me and tried to picture Stefan and Carlisle having a conversation. What would they talk about? Compassion, deer, family, blah blah, blah, bunnies. Would Carlisle want to adopt him?

Esme and Carlisle were the Brad and Angelina of the vampire world.

"I wanted to explore this Bella, and so I begged Elena not to tell you," he explained.

"Elena said you had made friends, and that they didn't really like her. She was talking about them right?" I remembered our conversation from months before.

He nodded.

I got angry.

"Did they _say_something to her?" I turned to face him once again.

He frowned, "They don't really approve of vampire-human relationships."

I rolled my eyes. Of course they didn't approve, not after the _incident_.

"They've maintained their distance," he explained.

I could only imagine Rosalie giving Elena her classic '_I couldn't give a rat's ass if you lived or died'_face.

"and Elena? What does she say?" I asked.

He chuckled, "Elena? Well she never liked the idea of me being with them, or not telling you about it. _Specially_not telling you."

I sighed. I understood every reason Stefan had given me, but I could not shake off the feeling of betrayal.

"Bella, if you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me, not Elena."

"Just give me time to process it all..." I told him.

"I never told them about you," he said.

"You didn't?" I asked in surprise.

He shook his head, "It wasn't my story to tell," he shrugged, "Besides, before telling them, I had to tell you. Believe it or not Bella, you're practically family."

"A heads up would have been nice," I said.

"And ruin your tranquility and the fun you were having with my brother in Europe?"

I thought about this. I probably wouldn't have had as much fun, but I would have been prepared.

I shrugged.

"Speaking of my brother..."

"I have no idea where he is, and we're not done talking about the Cullens," I blurted out, trying to avoid the Damon subject, and at the same time still wanting to know more about the Cullens.

"He's not here, if that's what you're wondering," Stefan told me.

_Edward_. He wasn't with them?

"We haven't met him. They would have known about you if he was here."

Of course, he would have picked up my existence on Stefan's thoughts.

"They _did_look surprised," I realized.

"Surprised? More like shocked. Completely _baffled_. They thought they were leaving to protect you from our world. They never expected you to become one of us."

I scoffed.

"Wait... Alice didn't see me coming?" I asked in confusion.

"Apparently not," he shrugged.

"How is that even possible?" I said under my breath. Alice always knew what I was up to even before I did.

"We were hunting way up north when Elena and I disappeared from her visions. We ran back as fast as we could," Stefan explained.

"Does this mean you're all BFF's now?" I asked him sarcastically.

"We get along pretty well," he answered.

What was this I was feeling at the pit of my stomach? Envy? Was I jealous of Stefan and his relationship with the Cullens? I could picture him speaking with Jasper, they both suffered a lot with anxiety. I couldn't really picture him having a conversation with Emmett though.

"Do you think they're going to call him?" I asked.

"We asked them to give you space and let you be," he answered.

"Have you _met_ them? They're suffocating," I replied.

He chuckled, "In my experience, people tend to suffocate the ones they love the most."

"Don't do that," I snapped, "Don't defend them."

"I'm just telling you what I think," Stefan answered.

We both stayed quiet for a while.

Stefan started chuckling.

"What are you laughing about?" I asked him.

"Elena asked them to leave you alone after you ran. No, she _demanded_ they stay away from you and give you space, she stared directly at Alice. She was very protective of you," he explained.

I had to admit that that knot made up of anger and betrayal that I had in the pit of my stomach started to disappear and was replaced by a warm sensation.

"And what did Alice say?" I asked, a little intrigued.

"Nothing, she was surprised, and I think she knew what Elena meant," he answered.

I smirked. I was satisfied.

"Did Damon know about this?" I asked him.

"Do you really believe Damon would have sent you here if he did?"

I shrugged.

"I expect a stake in my stomach when he hears about this," he told me.

"Isn't that a bit exaggerated?" I asked.

He gave me a small smile.

I got serious.

"_She told you didn't she?!_" I exclaimed.

He chuckled.

I covered my face with my hands.

"I like it," he told me, "I approve."

"I don't even know what it means, it was out of the blue, I wasn't expecting it" I told him.

He laughed out loud.

I punched his arm. He winced.

"Look at you, all brave and throwing punches," he joked.

"I can do a lot more than that now," I answered.

"I'm not scared of you," he told me, and then added, "But _they_ should," he pointed somewhere over the horizon.

"They live in that direction?" I asked.

He nodded.

"It's actually not far away from our place," he added.

I rolled my eyes. This was not going to be easy.

"Do they visit often?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "I'm the one who goes over there most of the time," he sighed and then added, "Actually, they can't come in the house, not unless they are invited in."

My head snapped up in surprise. "What?! HOW?"

"Elena asked Bonnie to put up a spell," he answered.

"I wish I would have had a witch friend back in Forks," I muttered under my breath.

"Yeah, witches come in handy every once in a while... they hate us, but they are handy. Elena didn't do it for her protection... fyi," he said as he turned and looked at me, "she did it for you."

I stared at the direction Stefan had pointed out to and stayed quiet for a few minutes. What now? What happened next? How would I deal with this?

"Stef, what do I do now?" I asked him calmly.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, "Now you face your demons and grow up."

Those words scared the hell out of me. I was so mad at them. I had missed them, yes, but I was still angry. That pain had slowly started to disappear since my change. Even before that, when I moved to Mystic Falls, that was when the healing began.

Once I changed, my attention was diverted into everything that felt so new to me. I was concentrated on learning self control and awareness of everything that was around me. I learned about friendship and support, and not bailing when things got a little rough. But most of all I had learned about loyalty.

"_If you don't have your words, then you have nothing._" Damon had once told me.

He was still one of those men who honored their words. He lived up to them, and when he didn't want to, he looked for a way around them, but they were always literal. If he promised something he was going to make sure he kept it.

"_Your words are one of the biggest weapons you possess, know when to use them, how to use them, and who to use them with_," he had also told me.

He was old school, and he had introduced me to his old school friends. Damon kept his word, and at this point I only hoped he would keep the last promise he made, a few weeks or a month tops. I'm not so sure how I'm going to deal with all of this without him here. I needed his advice.

"Let's go back," I said as I stood up.

"Are you sure?" Stefan asked me.

"Are they still there?" I asked him.

"No."

"Then let's go home," I said and started walking back in the direction of the house. We walked all the way. I was taking my time and Stefan was not rushing me. When we reached the house, we made our way up the stairs of the front of the house, walked in, and found Elena waiting in the living room. She jumped up as soon as she saw us come in.

She looked at me with what I could only recognize as regret and guilt in her eyes. I walked over to her and gave her a hug.

I wasn't completely over it, _far from it_, but I knew she needed me to forgive her, or at least speak to her, and I needed it as well, now that Damon wasn't here I was going to need Elena, and from what Stefan had told me, she was the one who _really_ had my back. She did stand up and speak at Alice directly. Or so Stefan said.

I had been distracted while I was away, but I really had missed her, and with everything that was running around in my head, I was going to need a friend more than ever.

"I am so sorry Bella," she started saying while we hugged, "I wanted to tell you, I even tried leaving you clues when we spoke."

I let her go, "Yeah, Stefan's friends who don't like you, you were talking about them..." I told her, she nodded.

"Don't worry about it," I told her, I put my hands together and said, "Now, which one is my room again?"

Elena smiled and guided me upstairs.

* * *

><p><strong>Outside POV<strong>

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><p>They were all sitting in silence in the white living room. None of them spoke. Their minds were rushing with questions, picturing different scenarios of how it all had come down to this. It wasn't in their plan. It had been a simple plan, leave and let her live her life as any normal human would.<p>

They had watched her for the first few months. Alice had been extra careful looking for her future even though Edward had asked her not to do it. Alice cared for her, and once Edward had left them, she looked into her friend's future every now and again.

But it got too painful. Watching how their departure had affected her. Week after week her appearance in the visions got worse. She was always sad, always crying, always on auto pilot. It was as if she wasn't even there. The girl they had met had evaporated and they had been the ones to blame.

Then her visions started to space out for terms of time, and Alice wasn't able to see her in her visions for long periods of time. That was when she had decided to check up on her, even though the rest of her family wasn't okay with it. So she went to Forks, and looked for Bella, and saw her smiling and having fun with the Black boy. She then assumed what the reason behind her vision blackouts was. She decided that Bella was okay, she was moving on, and even though she was being friendly with their mortal enemies, she was better off and she would be able to live a normal happy human life.

This was when Alice had tuned herself to visions of Bella's future only in times of danger. Only if something really significant were to happen, the visions of Bella's future would pop into her head. She saw when Charlie got offered the job. She saw when Bella and Charlie drove out of Forks. She saw when they had arrived in Mystic Falls. After that, she hadn't seen Bella's future in months.

She had had an arguement with Edward one day. He knew she was still looking into Bella's future and made her swear she wouldn't do it again. By doing it, she was only torturing herself and the rest of her family. So she stopped, it was time they all moved on.

Bella had died and she _never_ saw it coming.

"She repelled my power when I tried to calm her," Jasper broke the silence.

Carlisle looked at him.

"She was really protective of Bella," Alice said, as she remembered the way Elena had spoken.

"She cares deeply for her," Jasper added.

"How did I not see this?" Alice asked a little exasperated.

"I never trusted him," Rosalie said.

"I always interpreted his feelings of betrayal as part of his existential angst, and I always thought she was just scared of us," Jasper said.

"Do we call him?" Esme asked, this was the question that they were all making themselves.

They were all quiet.

They had not seen Edward in months. He would check in with Esme and Carlisle every now and again, only to calm Esme down. She would always ask when he was coming home and he would always answer "Not yet." and hang up.

"No," Emmett said and standing up added, "We don't call him. We don't go looking for her. We wait. We give her her space. Let's respect that. After the way we left things, it's the least we can do. We owe it to her."

"I agree," Carlisle said.

Esme nodded, so did Alice and Jasper. Rosalie shrugged.

"We wait then," Carlisle said after making sure everyone agreed.

"Let's just hope Edward doesn't decide to come home _now_ and make her run away again," Emmett said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter is shorter than usual. This is on purpose. I'm taking a poll. chapters where lots happens, and I take my time, or B. Short chapters like this one where pretty much nothing happens, and I take less time.**

**You are warned. If chapters are shorter, Damon will take a lot more time to come back (It's in the storyline).**

**Any ways, leave your thoughts in that box down there and review ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Surprise!_**

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

* * *

><p>I had stared at the ceiling for hours now. I had fidgeted, tossed and turned. No sleep was coming to me, and it had been days since i had last slept. I hadn't slept during our stay in Volterra. I had definitely not slept on the flight back home. I wasn't sleeping now.<p>

I was anxious. I was worried. I was confused. I was _hungry_.

I climbed out of bed, changed into some jeans, t-shirt and a leather jacket, and silently made my way downstairs. I opened the garage door and walked over to where the keys were. I recognized my set immediately.

"_Hey baby girl_," I whispered as I took the sheet away and uncovered my bike. There she was, Damon's gift to me. My adrenaline fix. My own little piece of heavenly speed, "_I missed you._"

I pushed it out of the garage, climbed on and heard the roar of the engine come to life as I drove away. I probably woke Stefan up, but I didn't care. I drove down the narrow road of the mountain and discovered a different path than the one that led to the highway a few miles from our place, that would be the road that led to their house, I made a mental note to avoid exploring that track.

The speeding wind hitting my face soothed me. An instant calming sensation invaded me. Once I reached the highway I stepped on the accelerator and concentrated on the clear pavement before me.

It was two am when I arrived at the hospital. Two fifteen when I walked out, blood bags in hand compelled night nurse left behind. I climbed on the bike again and ripped the bag open.

_Sigh_.

This was just what I needed.

_Who_ could think straight with an empty stomach? Not me, that's for sure.

I saved a bag for tomorrow and drove away.

I missed driving around in the middle of the night, but even more, I missed doing this with Damon.

_Damon_.

I had tried calling him again once I was alone in my room. Still it went to voice mail. Maybe he was up in a mountain, Or maybe he was down in a cave, Or he could also be flying somewhere. Maybe his phone died and he hadn't been able to charge it. What if he was hurt? No. He was with Felix and Demetri. Maybe he just had turned off his phone because he was on his super secret mission and couldn't take calls.

I didn't like being out of the loop. Specially after that kiss

Could I be exaggerating? Misinterpreting the kiss?

What if I was making it a bigger deal than it really was.

Elena had told me that Damon had always been a ladies man. He couldn't keep his thing in his pants. Always flirting, seducing girls, taking them home, feeding on them, sleeping with them and then throwing them away.

I had not seen this side of him yet. Not in all the months i had spent with him. So, what had happened to this Casanova I had not met yet? Why was he so tame now?

I would love to think that it was because of me but it would be naive to think that way.

But what if it _was_ because of me?

"_Prince Charming only exists in Fairy Tales,"_ he had told me once.

Who am I kidding he probably chased girls when he disappeared for short periods of time.

The truth is, I had never thought about how I felt about Damon, in a _more than friends, not only my mentor_, kind of way. The only thing I _did_ know, was that that kiss had made my world spin, and I was really happy.

Yes, we flirted and goofed around. We even slept together from time to time. Slept as in _just sleeping _no other funny business going on. Not that I would complain if it ever came to that.

I just never saw it coming this way.

I had meant what I told him about he being someone's one and only, but, was I talking about myself when I said it? I had no idea.

Damon is a pain in the ass, but I didn't mind it. It actually amuses me. In all honesty I like that he is so predictably unpredictable. I never know what reaction to expect from him, and I like that.

All this thinking about Damon and what that kiss had meant had me spiraling in thoughts once again. I needed a drink.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked me as i sat on the bar.

"Tequila please," I answered.

"Coming right up," she told me as she served me shot.

I drank the shot immidiatley as she handed it to me.

"I had not seen you around before," she told me.

"I'm new, I just got here," I told her.

"Are you checking out schools?" she asked.

"Nope, just visiting some friends," I answered.

She looked around, "was it a surprise visit?" she asked.

I chuckled, "Yes."

"And it didn't go so well?" She asked.

"Nope," I answered.

She showed me the bottle of tequila, asking me if I wanted another, I nodded.

"Were they mad or something?" she asked me.

"No I was the one who got upset... my friends… they got close with my ex's family. I haven't spoken to them in over a year, and last time I saw them things went a _little_ crazy."

"And the ex? Did they get cozy with him?" she asked.

"No, he isn't here, _thank God_ for that," I answered.

She chuckled.

"So you feel like they double crossed ya?" she asked.

I nodded.

"It's a pretty shitty move if you ask me," she told me.

"I _know_!" I said, and signaled to the bottle. She poured me another shot.

I drank it.

"I mean, I understand the reasons behind doing what they did, but, I'm still pretty pissed about it," I told her.

"You have every right to be pissed. It's like going behind your back," she told me.

"I know right? After _everything_ I told them about my ex's family, they still befriended them. They're supposed to have my back. We're practically family!"

"And your ex's family, what did _they_ say?" she asked.

"Nothing, they just stared at me like I was some weird creature."

"May I ask what happened with them before?" the girl asked me.

"They thought I wasn't good enough," I answered. Those were Edward's words, and since they didn't even say goodbye, I was thinking they thought the same. Especially after Stefan told me how they don't approve of Vampire/human relationships.

The bartender served two shots of tequila. Pushed on over to me and took the other one. We toasted and drank the shots.

"Been there," she told me, "But you know what? Fuck them. You prove them they were wrong. Don't give them the satisfaction of bringing you down."

Her words motivated me. She was right. I wouldn't hide or stop living my life the way I wanted to just because they were here. No way.

"You're right. I wont," I told her. She gave me another shot and introduced herself. Her name was Eve. She had been working here for a while now, and told me her story before going back to work and serving other customers.

A bottle of tequila later, a hundred thoughts on Damon's whereabouts, a few other mental scenarios of bumping into the Cullens again and the things I'd say and do, and I was ready to go home.

I wasn't drunk, I could drive, the alcohol just calmed my nerves a bit. It would take more than half a bottle of tequila to get me drunk, especially after having fed.

I went home, by the time I reached the small road up the mountain it was already a little over seven am. There was a car coming down, I could hear it's engine making it's way down the mountain. It sounded heavy. It wasn't Elena's car or Stefan's. This was more of a Jeep maybe? So i kept on driving up, eyes on the road. Then they came into view. It was _them_. Emmett's new Wrangler. He was driving, Rosalie was beside him and Alice and Jasper were in the backseat.

I kept my face calm and didn't speed up or slow down, I maintained my current velocity. I passed by them

"_Badass_..." I over heard Emmett say, approval and excitement in his voice.

Instead of making me feel good, that comment made me mad and as soon as they were out of sight I sped up to the house. _How dare he_. Act as if nothing had happened. There was happiness in his voice and it took me back to the days when he was joking around with me. I had missed those days, _boy had I missed them_, and there he went, acting as if nothing had happened and we were on the best of terms. We weren't.

It hurt.

It hurt because I felt that to them I was insignificant. As if they hadn't cared for me at all. I mean, how could they even leave without saying anything? Had I meant so little to them?

I parked the bike in the garage and went into the house through the kitchen. I got a glass and poured the contents of my last blood bag in it. I added a little of scotch that I found in the pantry and made myself a nice breakfast cocktail. I was upset. At least I hadn't acted any differently, I had acted as if they weren't even on the same road as me.

"You made quite a scandal last night," Stefan said.

I turned around and found him leaning against the kitchen door, arms crossed around his chest.

"Sorry if I woke you," I mumbled as I drank from my glass.

He shrugged and walked over to me, "Did you have fun?" he asked.

It was my turn to shrug.

"Listen umm, I have something I want to talk to you about," he said, while pulling a chair and sitting down on it. He looked to the one in front of him, asking me to sit down.

I raised an eyebrow. What else could he say to me?

He inclined his head to the side, insisting I took a seat.

"Okay..." I said while I walked over and sat down, "What's up Stef? What do you want to talk about? Is it Carlisle? Does he want to adopt you too?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You've spent _too_ much time with my brother. His irony is not one of his best traits," he told me.

"I beg to differ," I whispered.

"Okay, Bella look, I know that yesterday was a pretty big day for you, and you got a lot of unexpected surprises thrown your way. I realize these things might have spiked your anxiety and you had a need to go out looking for bags-"

"I didn't get them from the local hospital if that's what you're worried about," I interrupted him, " I went to a town that's two hours away from here. The night nurse was compelled too. So don't worry, I know how to clean up my tracks," I told him.

"That's great Bella, but that wasn't what I was getting to..." he answered.

I leaned my head to the side. What was he getting at then?

"I know that you've chosen to drink from blood bags, but, while you're here, I'd appreciate it if you would _try_ to change your diet a bit," he told me.

Change my diet? As in feed from _animals_?

I took a sip from my glass and stared at him.

"I realize you might not like it, but I _strongly_ suggest you do," he continued.

"Why?" I asked.

"Do you remember your birthday party from two years ago?" he said.

Paper cut. One simple cut had started the whole fiasco. Stefan was worried about the presence of actual human blood here.

"It's not like I'm going to knock on their door anytime soon and ask them if they want to join me for a meal," I told Stefan.

"When you've been off of it for so long, you can smell it even easier, I wouldn't want anything happening to Elena because a blood bag was opened near the house," he explained.

I let out a deep breath. Stefan was starting to annoy me.

"You _do_ realize Elena is the _only_ human in this area, right?" he pointed out.

"Yes, I know," I mumbled, "I'm _not_ going hunting with them."

"You don't have to, we'll go together," he answered.

"I'm not doing this for you, I'm not embracing your lifestyle because you're asking me to. I'm doing this for Elena," I told him. A flash of Jasper's blood crazed eyes flew by my mind. I didn't want Elena to ever live through something like that.

"I know this is a lot to ask, and I'm glad you understand," he told me.

I eyed my drink. This was going to be the last time I had one of these in a while.

"You might want to enjoy that glass as much as you can," he told me.

I rolled my eyes.

This felt like when I was put on a strict diet after I had been sick for a few days when I was a kid and Renee made sure I'd follow it.

Damon would _not_ approve of this.

I finished my last tasty breakfast before Elena and Stefan left the house. I was alone again. And tried dialing Damon's number again.

Voicemail.

"_Damon, we need to talk. Please call me as soon as you get this. As of things weren't bad enough up until now, Stefan is making me switch to the Bambi diet_," I let out an exasperated sigh, "_I'm thinking I should just go back to Mystic Falls and stay with Charlie. Just... please call me back as soon as you get this_."

I threw my phone on the bed.

_Now what?_

I was all by myself for the rest of the day.

I called Charlie and let him know I was back in the country. Told him I would visit soon. He told me that while I was here I should look into taking a few classes next semester. This actually didn't sound bad. I needed something to do to get my mind off of things.

I finished talking with Charlie and dialed another number.

"I was starting to think you had forgotten about me," Jake said as he answered the phone.

"What? Forget you? _Never_!" I answered.

"What's up Bells? How's Europe treating ya?" he asked

"I'm actually back in the States. I got here yesterday," I told him.

"_Where_ are you?" he asked in exitement.

"Hanover, visiting Elena and Stefan," I answered.

"So, how was Europe?" he asked.

"It was very... _educating_," I answered.

"And Damon?" he asked.

"He stayed," I answered.

"Why so disappointed?" he asked.

"Umm..." I wasn't going to tell him about the kiss, "I guess I didn't want to come home yet, still a _ton_ of things to see."

"Well... you've got lifetimes to do that Bells, I'm pretty sure you'll go again soon," he told me.

Speaking to Jake brought a smile to my face. It made me feel a little calmer. Other than Damon, Jake was the only other person who I think resented the Cullens as much as I did.

"Hey Jake, I have something to tell you. But you have to _promise_ you wont freak out or decide you have to run here okay?"

"What is it Bella?" He asked, concern in his voice.

"They're here."

He was quiet; I heard something break in the background, then silence again.

"Jake?" I asked.

I could hear him taking deep breaths.

"_Jake_?" I asked again.

"I'm leaving right now," he finally spoke.

"No Jake, don't do that," I told him.

"Do you need me there?" he asked.

"Not at the moment, I just need some one to speak about it with."

"Okay, shoot, _go_," he said.

"Stefan is friends with them," I spat out.

"_What_?!" he shouted.

"I KNOW!" I said.

"I repeat, _WHAT_?!" he said again.

"I KNOW!" I said again.

"That _two-timing, mother effing, blood sucking leech_. He's _supposed_ to be the _nice one!_" he said.

"_Hey_! Damon would never do something like this," I said.

He scoffed.

"The _HELL_?! Why would Stefan do this?" He asked.

"Something about having the same diet and support," I answered.

"_Bull_," he spat, "And Elena? Was she in on it too?"

"She knew-" I said as he cut me off.

"I'll say it again, _you have the worst taste in friends Bella Swan_," Jake said.

"You didn't let me finish," I continued explaining the whole thing to him. He listened and then spoke.

"Do you know what you're going to do when you see them again?" he asked.

"No," I answered.

"You have no idea how bad I want to shift and run all the way there to kick some Cullen ass Bells," he told me.

"Trust me, I know," I answered.

"Let me talk with Sam, see if you can come here," he suggested.

"No. I'm not running away from this," I said immidietly.

"Then I'm coming over," he told me.

"No. I have to deal with this by myself," I told him.

"Oh I see, you want to show them how much you've changed," Jake told me.

"Yes," I answered.

"Did Damon teach you new things while you were away?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Then use them," he said.

"But I don't want to fight them, _unless_ they provoke me or something," I told him.

"Bells, you know, if it were up to me, I'd just fight, but that's me. Now, I think the smart thing to do is just show them that life didn't end when they left and that you're different now. Be careful though. They might want to befriend you again, and they'll do anything to be on good terms. If you plan on forgiving them, then do it when you're ready, but don't _forget_ Bella. Don't ever forget the kind of people they are and what they are willing to do. Must importantly don't ever forget the pain they put you through."

"I don't plan on doing that any time soon," I told him.

"You never know, and I know for a fact that you cared deeply for them, and missed them a whole lot. I just don't want you to get carried away or something."

Jacob was talking like a grown up. It wasn't only his hot headed comments. He was right.

"Now, if _Edward_ shows up, Bella, you _have_ to show him what he's missing. Get pretty. No, scratch that, get _hot_. Play hard to get. Don't even give him the time of day. You deserve better," he said.

"Oh trust me, if he shows up I'm not going to determine him_, it will be as if he never existed_," I answered back.

"_Exactly_, use his words against him," Jake said with satisfaction.

"Oh Jake, it feels _so_ good to vent about this," I confessed.

"Bells, I'm here. If you need me to go I'll go," he said.

"I hope it doesn't come down to that and I can handle it on my own," I told him.

"Well, if you just need to talk trash about them, I'm always more than happy to help you with that... I have a lot of practice in that department," he joked.

I chuckled.

"Bells to be honest, I like who you are without them around. I always felt they brought you down and isolated you from the rest of the world. Keep your priorities in order."

"_Jeez Jake_, you're talking as if I was going to run back to them or something," I said.

"I'm just putting it out there for you to think things through. I know for a fact that they have a special hold on you," he told me.

"Oh _come on_ Jake!" I protested.

"You defended them even after they left you barely alive," he told me.

It was true. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, you're right. I did. But it's different now," I answered.

"Stick to this new Bella. She's a lot more fun," he told me.

"Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah Bells?"

"I missed this, talking like this. Blatant honesty, I love it," I told him.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," he said.

We talked a little more about the pack and the most recent events that had been taking place in La Push. This was hen he told me he had met a girl and imprinted on her.

"I'm not forgetting about you if that's what you're worried about," he told me after I had complained that this girl was not going to like me and he'd ignore me once things got more serious between them.

"_Right_," I said.

"No, I already told her about the only vampire friend I have. The exception to the rule that vampires suck."

I chuckled.

"Well... I'm happy for you Jake. I truly am."

I sighed. I was thinking about my own _love problems_ or _sentimental problems_ or _confusing kiss problems_ that I really didn't know what to call.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I answered.

"That's _bull_ and you know it. That was a love sigh," he pointed out.

"That's not a love sigh, It was a *Sigh_* Jacob's in love and it's so cute_, sigh," I said.

If Jake knew about the kiss he'd probably flip. He didn't like Damon. He had made it perfectly clear over a dozen times.

"Ha. Ha. It's not funny," he said, "and I _don't_ believe you."

"Think what you want. Look, I gotta go, Elena's home," I lied.

"Sure, Elena _conveniently_ arrived..." he said.

"I love you Jake, send lots of hugs to the guys," I said, trying to hang up.

"Paul wants to wrestle with you next time he sees you," he told me.

"Start the bets cause I'm looking forward to it," I told him,

He chuckled.

"Bye Jake, it was really great talking with you," I said.

"I'm always here Bells, you know that. Girlfriend or not, I'm here."

"Sure sure," I said, using his words and hung up.

I laid back on my bed. Jake had imprinted. He was in love with this girl Claire, and I had never heard him so happy before. The whole imprinting thing had always been confusing to me. I never got that _my world revolves around this one person_ thing. I mean, it was kind of like love at first sight. But how could love spring at first sight, when you didn't even know the person? I mean, I know that you can be attracted to someone just by looking at them, but to _love_ them? _Devotedly_ and _unconditionally_? Just because you looked at them and things just _clicked_? I didn't get that. Not after what I had lived.

Jake once described it as destiny.

I scoffed.

_Destiny_.

The idea of destiny had also confused me at some point after the Cullens left. I kept thinking about Alice, and how she could see every decision I made. It made me furious. Knowing that she was watching me crumble and didn't even bother to come back, or call, or write, or send me smoke signs, saying goodbye, or _something_.

What really confused me about destiny or the idea of destiny was this... If Alice could see my future, my decisions, and told me about what I had supposedly picked or decided, wasn't she, at some level, influencing my decisions? Whenever she told me "_I've already seen you in it and you'll love it_," or "_you pick the first one_," I'd take her word for it and didn't even bother to think, will I actually love it? Would I pick whatever she said I would? I think I got lazy, and I trusted her so deeply that I let her make these decisions for me, and she knew this.

So, when it comes to destiny, do you ever _really_ have a choice? Or is this the way things were _meant to be_? How much of my life can _I _choose? And how much of what I choose is just _who I am_?

When I think about it I think it all comes down to choices. Alice always said it. The future changes based on the decisions you make, your _choices_. The more I thought about it I realized that choices are life's constant. The choice to be brave and push forward, to turn back and retreat. The choice to stand still and watch the world pass me by. Sometimes I had told myself that there was no choice, when in fact, the _exact_ opposite was true, there is _always_ a choice. I _always_ had to power to _decide_.

The fact that I had the choice to do something meant that I had, in some way, control. If you think about it, control is something that I've been seeking for, for God knows how long.

So when had I taken control of my own destiny? When had Alice stopped seeing me in her visions? Most importantly _why_ had she stopped seeing me at all?

I sure needed Damon here to help me figure this whole thing out. He was better at putting two and two together. Did this have to do with my still unknown but present abilities?

After Elena came home that day, I had gone with her for groceries and then shopping for some school supplies she needed for a project. Elena was really excited about having me there. She kept talking all the time, I nodded and laughed and commented whenever I could, but I wasn't really paying much attention to anything she said. I was more concentrated on the scents I picked up or the sounds around me. I was always aware of my whole environment, looking out for _them_. I wouldn't be ambushed or surprised. The next time I saw them would be on my terms.

"They never come into this part of town," she said as she closed the trunk of the car.

I turned my head to the side.

"You've been paying attention, but your mind is somewhere else," she explained.

I closed my eyes, "I'm sorry."

"They're not coming near you," she told me.

"I sure hope so," I muttered.

"I made sure of it. I made my, _don't you dare_ face," she told me.

I laughed.

"Laugh all you want, this girl has tricks up her sleeves, and a witch by her side," she whispered as we got in the car.

I let out a chuckle.

"Seriously though," she started saying as she turned on the car, " you know you've got the upper hand here."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're the wild card. They don't really know what to expect from you. You're different, and they know it, they just don't know how much different you are _now_," she explained.

She was right.

"And the fact that Alice didn't see you coming is just _absurd_ to them," Elena continued, "Not only did she _not_ see you coming, but she didn't even see that you _died_. That's a pretty big miss. She's probably thinking her powers are _failing_ or something."

"Wait, how do you know this?" I asked.

"Oh, Stef told me this morning, you were still out," she said.

"Oh," was all I could answer, I was too busy concentrating on ignoring the feeling of betrayal that was building at the pit of my stomach.

_How long ago did Alice stop seeing me?_

"Have you spoken with Damon?" she asked.

"No, all I get is voicemail."

"I'm sure he'll call eventually, he's probably real busy," she told me.

The next few weeks went something like this:

I'd go hunting with Stefan in the mornings. Mostly deer, there very little carnivores around. I had become very jumpy and my temper would flare up unexpectedly.

While Elena was at school I did some gardening. Yes, I _gardened_. I was working hard trying to grow some vervain in the basement, so that I could keep drinking it. I knew I was weaker after I started the animal diet. I could feel it in my senses, in my strength and in my agility. So I had made it my purpose to keep on training anyway I could with what I had. I was failing at gardening. My thumb was not green at all.

I had _not_ run into any of the Cullens again.

Damon had _not_ returned any of my phone calls, emails or texts.

Elena was concentrated on finals, after all the holidays were coming.

I went for long speedy drives, I went out for runs on the mountains. I hunted; I tried to concentrate on my surroundings. I tried fighting with Stefan but he was more of a pacifist than he let on, and it wasn't difficult to fight him, he let me win, this made me mad.

With my ever growing concern for Damon's whereabouts, my insatiable thirst, the irritation and anger, I found myself going hunting by myself several times a week, sometimes even _twice_ a day. I was angry with everyone and anyone that pissed me off.

And of course, I drank.

I found myself going to the bar and making friends with Eve the bartender. I compelled guys to leave me alone whenever they wanted to buy me drinks. I went dancing with Elena.

One day I told her to come with me and I took her out for a drive on the Ducati.

She loved it.

Stefan made me promise not to do it again since he thought it was super dangerous.

_*Eye roll*_

We sneaked out anyways when he wasn't around.

Still, it _wasn't_ enough. I was _still_ on edge. I was _always_ jumpy and cranky and moody.

I don't know if it was the fact that I _hated_ the animal diet, or not having Damon call me back, or that I felt weaker every day, or that the Cullens were near by.

Maybe, it was a mix of everything crashing together at the same time. I don't know.

So I'm hunting, for the second time today.

I went a little further than usual. I was trying to find something tastier than deer. Maybe a mountain lion or maybe even a bear. I wanted something that would actually put up a fight. I had been searching for a few hours when I found it. A huge male black bear. It was fishing by the side of the river very concentrated on his task. I watched him from the borderline of trees. After he finished his meal he retreated back into the forest. I followed him and when I saw the opportunity I threw myself at him.

I wasn't expecting what happened.

I had slammed into something that wasn't the bear and was instantly pushed to the trees back in the direction I had come from; not by the _bear_, but by someone else. Someone I had _not_ seen was hunting too.

I positioned myself for a fight and hissed as I searched for my opponent. Who had _rudely_ come between my meal and me?

By the time we had locked eyes on each other the bear had ran away. He stood up straight and looked cautiously at me.

I had _"vamped out_" as Jake called it when my fangs came out and my eyes turned veiny and bloody red.

I stood up quickly and stared back at him. My fangs had retreated and my eyes cleared.

We didn't speak. We didn't move. We just stared at each other.

After weeks of avoiding this, I had _finally_ come face to face with one of them. I was ready. I knew it was a possibility and I had prepared myself for this exact encounter. I had even practiced.

He wasn't influencing me. He was just standing there, no emotions being thrown my way. I was serene, just as I had intended when I pictured this scenario in my mind for a gazillion times.

He was the first to speak.

"I ruined your hunt, I apologize," he said.

I shrugged.

"You're... _stealthy_," he said, his eyes squinting, as if trying to figure me out.

"And this amuses you?" I asked. I was not the clumsy Bella Swan he used to know.

He smiled, "No," he said, "It's... _impressive_. I thought I was alone."

_Good_. I thought.

I put my walls up as soon as I was thrown in the other direction of the bear.

"And the others?" I asked.

"Back at the house," he answered.

It was an odd conversation. We never spoke much, Jasper and I. More than likely because he always wanted to eat me and tried avoiding the situation, until the day of my party.

So it was awkward standing there. Just staring at each other. He was trying to read me, and I was trying to read him.

I remembered Jasper a little differently than the man who was standing in front of me right now. Physically, he never looked so... _wounded_?

That's when I realized what the million bite marks on his skin meant. He was a warrior. Sage had a few marks on his arms too. I had asked Damon about them, he had explained, they were characteristic of those vampires who had been involved in many _many_ fights, or wars or vampires who trained newborn vampires. Those were the kind of marks that Jasper had on his arms.

Huh.

There were a million things that I wanted to ask him, but I refused to be the one starting up the conversation. For all he knew I had nothing to say to him or any of the members of his family.

"I'm sorry about the other day," he said.

I raised an eyebrow.

"I tried influencing you, and it upset you," he continued.

"I don't like being manipulated," I told him.

"You made it perfectly clear," he answered.

_So my death glare worked._

"No one had ever repelled my abilities before, if you must know," he told me.

_What_?

I was surprised by his comment. Especially after the incident with Jane. But I acted as if I knew what I was doing, and as if it had been intentional.

I studied him. He looked like a man that was about to burst. His mouth was about to explode. He looked like someone who was holding on to something that was killing him inside. Jasper needed to say something. His eyes looked at me with despair.

"Bella," he started saying, but then closed his mouth, as if he shouldn't be saying what he wanted to say.

"Yes?" I asked.

He clenched his jaw.

"I'm deeply sorry for the way your birthday ended two years ago. I hope you know how _embarrassed_ I feel for the lack of control I showed that day, not to mention the consequences it brought."

I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off.

"It was my fault, and I have carried this with me all this time. There hasn't been a day where I haven't felt the effects my actions have had on my family, and you," he concluded.

After he said it, his complexion changed. It was something that he was bottling inside of him. That's when I realized that he needed to apologize. It was a sincere apology. Jasper had been feeling guilty about what had happened all this time. He must have felt everything his whole family had felt and what he himself was feeling. He blamed himself. If I was going crazy feeling what I had been feeling for the past few days, I could only imagine what he felt, having his feelings, and the feelings of the rest of his family. It had to be maddening.

As much as I hated it, I knew it was a sincere apology. I could feel it in my bones.

The truth was, I never blamed him for anything that happened. I had always blamed myself. Right now, what I felt he needed was some sort of forgiveness or absolution for all the guilt he had been carrying around for the past two years.

"I never blamed you," I whispered without thinking.

He frowned.

"If I was stronger I would have _never_ reacted the way I had, I should have fed before the party, I should have _controlled_ myself-"

"It was out of your reach, it's not your fault. I was always clumsy as a human," I shrugged.

As he continued apologizing my mind trailed off to his scars again. I wondered how it must have been like for Jasper to train newborns. I mean, the first months or years as a vampire your feelings are heightened, and you feel everything multiplied by a thousand. I couldn't even imagine what it must have felt for him, all those heightened feelings multiplied by his own sensibility.

Wars are full of hate, envy, avarice, jealousy… every negative feeling you could think of, wars had it. So what must have it been like for Jasper? It must have been a nightmare. Of course he had the most trouble controlling his thirst. He had been around, by the looks of it, hundreds of vampires who had shut down every trace of humanity in them.

"I never blamed you Jasper," I said again, and then repeated it once more, "I _never_ blamed you."

I wasn't going to tell him I forgave him, there was nothing to actually forgive. The whole birthday incident was on me and my clumsy fingers.

If Cold Ones could cry, I think Jasper would be crying right now. Or that's what his facial expression was telling me.

He looked to the ground and exhaled.

He was… relieved?

He looked up at me again. His expression, grateful. He looked like someone had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders.

"Thank you," he whispered.

I shrugged.

I looked behind me towards the river. It was almost sunset. I was still doing my daily ritual of watching the sun set. For some reason I always felt that Damon was watching the sunset with me.

I glanced at Jasper and then back to the river. I started walking slowly towards the edge of it. Jasper hesitated at first, but then followed me. I sat on a rock, and he stood behind me. I had my eyes fixed on the horizon.

"It's majestic isn't it?" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"The sunset," he answered.

I stayed quiet.

"I always thought that each cloud was like a separate brush stroke. In all my years never once have I seen two sunsets that look the same," he told me.

I turned up to look at him a little surprised.

Was he for real? I had used those same words to describe sunsets before.

I turned my head towards the horizon again, and we both stayed quiet until the sun went down and the stars started to appear.

"Bella… I hope our distance from you isn't being interpreted apathy or indifference to your presence here," he spoke.

"How should it be interpreted then? After all this time how am I supposed to interpret your silence for the past few weeks since I got here?" I asked.

"We wanted to give you your space. Respect your decisions," he answered.

I scoffed.

"And how's your wife taking that?" I asked, knowing how she was always butting into everyone else's business.

He grinned.

"She hasn't been too happy lately," he told me.

"Hmm," was all I said.

"Emmett on the other hand…" he started to say.

I started getting that sick feeling at the pit of my stomach again.

"Don't," I said, "Baby steps."

He nodded.

Another few minutes of silence followed. This time I was the one to break the silence.

"Did you call him?" I asked.

"No," he answered.

I nodded.

_Good_.

"You know Bella… we don't always agree with the decisions he makes," Jasper said.

What the hell did _that_ mean?

It was a little after ten when we started walking back in the direction home. We were mostly quiet. I must admit it was kind of awkward, but at the same time comfortable. Before parting ways Jasper spoke once again.

"Bella, I…" he paused, "I know that it's not easy at first, but it gets better. The thirst, it calms down a bit after a while. I'm always up for a hunt. Don't be a stranger."

Hunting, he was offering to go hunting together. I felt like I had to get something off my chest.

"I hope you understand this doesn't mean I'm giving you all permission to come barging into my life again. What happened today doesn't apply to everyone else. It's different with you," I stared at him, "let's be honest, you and I were never friends to begin with, and I was never angry at _you_."

He frowned but nodded in understanding.

"I'll be sure to carry on that message," he answered.

"Good night Jasper," I said.

"Good night Bella," he said in return.

* * *

><p><strong>Outside POV<strong>

* * *

><p>Pacing on the porch of the beautiful colonial white house was Alice. She was waiting impatiently for her husband. He had disappeared from her visions hours ago. She was going crazy. She knew what it meant. She knew who he was with, and she was eager.<p>

"You saw her!" Alice said excited.

"I did," Jasper answered with a smile.

"_And_?!" Alice asked.

"We spoke a bit," he answered.

Emmett and Esme came out of the house.

"You saw her? _When_? _How_?" Emmett asked.

"It was accidental. I never saw her there. We went for the same kill," Jasper explained.

"So she's hunting, she's on our diet now," Alice concluded in excitement.

"She is, yes," Jasper confirmed.

"What was she going for?" Emmett asked curiously.

Jasper grinned, "the _biggest_ Black Bear I have seen in months," he answered.

Emmett's smile beamed.

"Is she jumpy? Anxious?" Esme asked concerned.

"She seemed calmed and very serene, but I can't tell with her, she was completely blocking me. I didn't even try to influence her. Last time I tried she got furious," Jasper explained.

"What did she tell you?" Alice asked.

"Not much to be honest, but, she does interpret our distance as lack of interest. She thinks we don't care about her." Jasper answered.

"We had it coming," Esme whispered..

"You were with her for hours! She _must_ have said something else!" Alice exclaimed.

"She made it very clear that talking to me doesn't mean the rest of the family can barge into her life again. She also said... baby steps."

"Okay... we can work with that," Alice smiled, "It's progress."

"Did she _tackle_ the bear?" Emmett asked.

"She tackled _me_, we went for it at the same time and smashed into each other, we both flew in opposite directions," Jasper explained.

Emmett was beyond excited.

He was the one who had insisted they respect Bella's process and privacy. He was also the one who was the most anxious to run across the hill that separated the two houses and give Bella the tightest hug he could master and beg for forgiveness. He was the first to say he didn't agree with his brother's decision, and after knowing that something had happened to Bella that pushed Stefan to give her his blood and then something else happened and she died, was killing him with anger and guilt. He could have defended her from whatever hurt her. He would have beat the hell out of who ever caused her pain. He was after all, _always_ ready for a fight.

He was mad at his brother. His stubborn, selfish/selfless, confused, brooding, brother.

Alice had mentioned the way Bella was crumbling after they left. She had described her appearance, the lack of sleep, the fights with Charlie, her zombie like behavior at school and he seclusion from her closest friends.

So seeing her rise up from the ashes into this hot badass girl was incredibly satisfying and made him feel proud in ways he could not explain. He was anxious to see her in complete action. He was more excited on taking part in her life and testing her limits. He missed fooling around with her. The little klutz had grown on him and gotten under his skin.

What he didn't know and never expected, was that Bella wasn't that girl anymore. She wasn't klutzy, and she wouldn't take the teasing if it was ridiculing her. Bella had changed and they would all be surprised in due time.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

* * *

><p>"There's a package waiting for you in your room," Elena said as soon as I opened the door. She had the biggest smile plastered across her face.<p>

A package?

Who would send me a pack-

If my heart could beat any faster I think it would be pounding right now.

_Damon_.

I ran upstairs; I could hear Elena's footsteps trying to catch up behind me.

There waiting on top of my bed was a big square box.

I walked over to it and took away the masking tape. As I opened the box I saw a few more boxes packed in side.

Elena finally walked into the room.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I don't know yet," I squealed.

She sat on the bed next to the box.

I opened the first box and was greeted by a beautiful zoom lens,

"Oh wow!" Elena said, "That looks expensive," she added.

"It is," I said.

One of the many afternoons I had spent processing developing films in Italy, Damon had walked into my little improvised lab and had studied the pictures I had taken.

"_You're getting better_," he had said.

"_Thanks_." I told him proudly. I had always felt a little insecure when he looked at the pictures, never knowing what he was thinking.

"_You need new lenses, better ones_," he told me.

_"I think I'm comfortable with the ones I have_," I told him.

"_Never get too comfortable, keep exploring, keep it fresh, never lose curiosity_," he mumbled as he kept looking at the pictures.

I grinned as I examined my gift, remembering that talk. I leaned into the big box again and took out the next box I found inside. I opened it up, and was surprised to find another lens. I opened the next one, and another lens came out. After going through almost every box I ended up with the most amazing and complete lens kit I could ever ask for. The last box was a brand new DSLR.

It had a note in Damon's hand writing.

_"Get with the times. Stay curious. Go crazy."_

I smiled.

"There's a notebook in here," Elena pointed, she was kneeling on the bed, her head inside the big box.

I looked inside the box and found the notebook under the other empty boxes. It was a black-leathered Moleskine. I opened it and a note fell out.

I looked up at Elena. Her eyes were practically popping out of her face.

I slowly opened the note. This was the first time I was hearing from him since our goodbye at the airport a few weeks ago.

_Isabella,_

_I hope the lessons we had over the past few months have resonated within you and you are still keeping in mind every thing you learned. I realize my departure was sudden especially after what happened in the woods of Volterra. You might have questions and I'm sorry I'm not there to help you find the answers. _

_In the mean time, I have a new task for you. _

_The key to discovery is constant observation. Use this notebook to write down all the things that perplex you. That happen and you don't understand. When I get back, we'll look into them and try to find explanations. Maybe you'll even find the answers before I get back._

_Call Charlie, visit your mother, have fun, go out with Elena, enjoy your time there. _

_Bella, don't go wrecking your brain over things you have no control over, or over somethings we have yet to discover and discuss. _

_Enjoy your gift. Go crazy._

_:)_

_- D._

I re-read the letter.

I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

"_Aaaand_?" Elena asked in excitement.

"He wants me to do something, and have fun," I mumbled absentmindedly.

"Can I see?" she asked.

I nodded and handed her the letter.

My mind was drifting away to his words.

"Wait," said Elena, " what does this part mean?" she asked.

"What part?" I asked her.

"_Bella, don't go wrecking your brain over things you have no control over, or over somethings we have yet to discover and discuss_," she quoted and then added, "_We have yet to discover and discuss_? What does that mean?"

I plummeted to the floor.

What _did_ it mean?

I covered my face.

"He wants to explore the kiss!" she squealed, "When he comes back, he wants to talk about that, but doesn't want you to worry about it now."

I shook my head.

I heard a knock on the door, Stefan's head popped in.

"It means, stop wondering what it meant. he kissed you, he wants you, he'll make sure you talk about it, and explore it when he's here," Stefan said.

I was confused.

"He wants you to wait for him, stop worrying, just wait," Stefan told me, and disappeared from the doorway.

Elena grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly. She was super excited.

I stared at her.

"I think I need a drink," I told her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So the poll says longer chapters that are worth the wait. I'm on a roll right now. Reviews make me write faster :)**


	6. Chapter 6

After arriving from the bar, I had gotten home with a very tipsy and happy Elena. She had gone to bed and I had locked myself up in my room. I was sitting on the floor and for the hundredth time I was re-reading the letter.

These were the things I could make out from what he wrote:

First, I think he hadn't gotten my million messages. His writing was calm and zero intrigued about what was going on. Knowing Damon, he _always_ wanted to know what was happening, and in the messages I left him I never mentioned anything about the Cullens, just that I needed to speak with him. So Damon being Damon, would always ask what was going on, especially if there was a sense of urgency in my voice. Which there was. I just hadn't said anything about the Cullens being here.

Maybe that was my mistake.

Then there was the new task he had assigned me. Okay, he wanted me to write down the things that happened to me that I couldn't explain. I took this as a way of trying to figure out what was my special ability. Finding this out hadn't really worried me much until he mentioned it on the letter.

There was something odd about me, I had yet to figure out:

What it was and

How to control it

The first few days when I started the animal diet I had been worried I'd be so hungry another incident like the one with the man in Florence would happen again. Especially since I was weaker and couldn't really contain myself much. That's why for the first two weeks I had kept to myself and away from civilization.

Another thing about the letter was that Damon knew _what_ and _who_ grounded my concentration. One, keeping in touch with my parents, and two having fun and learning things. I had to keep busy. That's why he sent me a whole cargo worth of camera accessories and that new beautiful DSLR. I discovered through doing, and he wanted me to get busy and continue discovering myself.

Then there was the last part of the letter. The one that _really_ had me thinking. Those _things we had yet to discover and discuss_ were driving me crazy, and he _knew_ what it would do to me once he wrote it. He _knew_. He wants me to _think_ about it. He never does anything unintentionally. He knows words, and he _definitely_ knows how to use them.

I had completely forgotten the notebook that he sent me until I saw it on the floor next to me. I opened it and found that Damon had scribbled a few things down already. I chuckled as I read through it. He had a whole symbol and color system going. There were even post-its with doodles and small notes on them. It went something like this:

The page started with a big bold red title, in ALL CAPS, that read:

**CRAP I CAN'T EXPLAIN **

**(and other weird things I do)**

It was followed by a list in black ink:

**1. Helmet head (no mind reading, no compelling)**

**2. Incredibly tasty smell**

**3. Sudden strength... when provoked :)**

**4. Eavesdropper **

**5. Tug/vibe from creepy man**

**6. Tug when someone tries to attack through powers, didn't get hurt **

**7. Rubber and glue (repel attack, and divert it)***

That last one had a star on the side.

Then came the sticky notes. Some had personality traits written in. Other had things I had said to him whenever these "weird things I did" happened. There were small squiggles, with Damon's perceptions in point form. And there were some doodles of who I assumed was me getting mad and kicking who I thought was Jane in the ass. There was a funny drawing of Sage with his green shoes and a gardening kit. There was also a doodle of what I think was a bird, no… it was a crow.

Damon was _not_ much of a drawer. He _did_ nail the Stefan doodle though. It was a hunched little man, with a big square head hiding a bunny behind him with smudges of what I'm sure is blood around his mouth.

Doodles aside, there were a few notes that caught my eye:

**- Identifies with victim**

**- Stubborn**

**- Determined**

**- Empathy**

I took my while reading his notes. He had been thinking about me. He took his time. He was trying to figure me out. He was also trying to be funny, he wanted me to enjoy this puzzle.

I grabbed the first pen I could find and wrote the latest _crap I didn't understand_ right under his perfect calligraphy.

**8. Alice stopped seeing me in her visions. **

I stared at what I had just written, and next to it, I wrote the questions that were bothering me.

_WHEN? WHY?_

And then I underlined them.

**9. I deflected Jasper's influence.**

Followed by the note:

_HOW_

I then connected the incident with Jasper with number 7. Rubber and glue. Those two related to each other. Something similar had happened both times.

The only way I was ever going to get answers to these particular questions was if I started talking again with them.

I threw myself on the floor and hugged the notebook while I stared at the ceiling.

I was _not_ looking forward to that.

Talking to Alice again would go against everything I was feeling right now. It would probably result in me getting furious and trying not to physically attack her. I would not be manipulated.

But then there was Jasper.

On our little encounter in the forest, I felt as if he was tip toeing around me, he was being careful, not really knowing what to expect. I was surprised at the way he was bursting to say he was sorry. It was something that came from within him, I could even feel it. Not in a "_I'm showing you how I feel so I'm throwing these feelings at you_" kind of way, I saw it.

Even though Jasper and I never actually had much of a friendship before, today I felt comfortable and awkward at the same time around him. It was awkward because I didn't know how to speak to him, but comfortable in the way that I didn't feel like I was being pushed into anything.

He wasn't influencing me... I think.

I think it was honest.

But I can't trust him completely.

I had to come up with a plan to find the answers to my questions.

In the mean time, let's explore my lovely new camera.

After going through the camera's options by myself, I had spent the next few days discovering the things that digital photography had to offer. I kept myself busy. I looked for a class, and when I found one I signed up for it.

Currently I was enthralled by macro photography. I loved being able to capture such detailed images of things I didn't normally notice. I could spend hours walking around pointlessly trying to find the perfect shot of whatever crossed my way.

I was shooting in the forest one day when I heard two pairs of footsteps approaching. Quickly I hung the camera across my chest and climbed the tallest tree I found near by. I closed my eyes and listened to the footsteps. My senses were _not_ what they used to be. First because of the animal blood, and secondly my vervain garden had finally grown and I had started drinking it again. So I really needed to concentrate to find the source of the sound. Once I figured out where the footsteps were coming from I opened my eyes and tried to find the two people they belonged to.

After a few seconds the shape of two men emerged almost half a mile away.

Emmett and Jasper.

"I'm telling you, he _knows_ something's up," Emmett told Jasper.

"I don't think he does," Jasper told him.

"He has to get that stick out of his ass and stop being such a dick. Seriously. Does he know the kind of pain he's putting Esme through?" Emmett said.

"Well, I think he can keep being a dick as long as it takes. I cannot handle that much brooding," Jasper answered.

"Last time was harsh man," Emmett said.

"He brought it on himself. He didn't have to say those things to you," Jasper told him.

"I don't take it back. I still think it was a mistake. Hell, look at how things ended. Who would've guess it? Alice didn't even see it. We don't even know _what_ happened. I swear, the day we find out, I'm going to whoop someone's ass from here to the Patagonia," Emmett told him.

_Were they fighting with Edward about me?_

"I think just like you, though, I don't know how much _she'd_ like for us to meddle," Jasper answered.

"What does Alice see?" Emmett asked.

I saw Jasper shrug, "She's been having off weeks, ever since she discovered she couldn't see Bella she's been seeing flashes of a few of us but never something she can completely grasp. It's driving her crazy."

I smirked.

I had created a short circuit.

And I was proud.

I had no idea how I did it, but I was extremely proud that I did.

"I saw her the other day," Emmett told Jasper.

Jasper turned to him, "When?"

"A few days ago, she was concentrated shooting something with her camera in town," Emmett answered.

"Photography huh?" Jasper said.

I looked down at my camera. I _did_ get consumed when I shot pictures.

"She looked like a pro man, she was kneeling down catching a picture of something on the ground, her hair was all messy and out of control, but it was sexy and badass," Emmett described me.

"She's always been observant," Jasper said.

"I think that as much as we hurt her when we left, I think it was good for her, I mean, she does look completely different. She has this confident _attitude_. I loved that _I don't give a shit_ thing she did when we crossed her on the bike. Dude I was _so_ proud," Emmett said with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, Rosalie didn't like that," Jasper cut in.

"Rose hasn't told me how she feels about all of this," Emmett said with unease.

"Rosalie is… concerned, and I think that's all I'm allowed to say or she'll get furious at me," Jasper answered.

A phone rang, it sounded like a text.

"It's Alice," Jasper said, "she can't see us."

_Shit_.

Emmett started looking around, Even from here I could make out that glimmering look in his eyes.

What now? They knew I was here. I didn't want them to know I was eavesdropping on their conversation. So I took my camera and started shooting randomly at the tree bark in front of me.

_I look like an idiot._

I heard a thump, I guess one of them made me out and hit the other to show him where I was.

Walls up.

I started "looking through the pictures" I had taken and then looked ahead, acting as if I had just spotted them.

_You don't care. You don't care. You don't care._

I raised the camera up and snapped a picture of the two of them and then jumped down from the tree and started walking.

"Hey! I wasn't even posing!" I heard Emmett scream.

"Trust me Emmett, you guys are professionals at it," I yelled back.

Silence.

"That hurt!" he answered back after a few seconds.

I kept on walking.

"Oh, you'll survive," I yelled back. A few seconds later I came out of the tree line and came out face to face with them.

"Bella," Jasper said while giving me a nod.

"Jasper," I nodded back.

I glanced at Emmett. He had his hands on his hips, resting his weight on one of his legs, and a pout.

"You look ridiculous," I told him very seriously, and then turned to Jasper, "I'm parched, is your offer still up?"

He nodded.

"Cool! I could use a hunt too," Emmett said.

"Did I look at you when I said that?... No."

"Let's go," Jasper told me with a smile on his face. He punched Emmett's arm.

"Alright, alright, I'm not invited…"

Emmett gave Jasper a hug, Jasper looked at him as if he was crazy. Then Emmett turned to me and opened his arms, he wanted to give me a hug too. I just stared at him.

_Really_?

I looked at Jasper and started walking, completely ignoring Emmett's attempt to hug me.

"I deserve it," Emmett said.

Jasper chuckled and started following me.

Then out of nowhere Emmett ran to me and hugged me from behind.

I got furious.

I kneeled down and in a swift movement threw him forward and had him strangled on the floor.

"Don't ever sneak up on me again," I whispered and let him go.

He stood up quickly. I turned around and kept on walking.

I was pretty sure he was caught off guard. For being on the animal diet I was surprised I had that much strength in me still. I knew I had teased him with that little stunt back there. He would want to push my buttons even further. Emmett was always cocky about his strength, and being thrown down like that would have fired up something inside of him.

Which was my point.

Jasper started walking with me, we picked up the pace and before we knew it we were running. We took down a few deer, no bears or mountain lions were around so we had to settle. When we had finished we started walking back.

"You know, Emmett's been dying to have a chance to speak with you," Jasper said.

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm pretty sure he just wants to test my limits," I told him.

He chuckled.

"You've had training. Those were some quick moves you pulled on him today," he told me.

I kept quiet.

"_I _know a few things about training," he added.

"I know," I said and glanced at his scar-covered arms.

"_Do_ you now?" he asked.

I nodded, "You've been at war."

He was taken by surprise by my comment. Which proved the hypothesis I had made about the origins of his scars.

"I'm guessing your abilities came in handy in that context," I added.

"How did you figure that out?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"So you assume you know me," Jasper told me.

"I never _assume_ anything Jasper, not anymore..." I answered.

"Would you like to hear my story Bella?" he asked-.

"Sure," I answered.

Turns out, I had most of the story right. He told me about his maker, Maria, and how she used him to handle the newborn army they were making. He was confused, and eager, and over all a good soldier.

"Is it common? To build newborn armies?" I asked him, remembering what Victoria was doing before Damon, Stefan and Jacob killed her army.

"Well... it used to be, then the Volturi came in with their rules-"

"And took care of it. Did they catch Maria?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Have you come across the Volturi before?" I asked him.

"No, and I hope I don't. They're not too forgiving," he answered.

He had been part of a thing that could unmask our existence, and the Volturi didn't like that. They were very strict on consequences.

"If it came down to that, I'm sure Carlisle would put in a good word for you," I said.

He grinned.

"Now, I've shared my story, why don't you tell me yours?" he said.

_A-ha!_

I was waiting for this.

I chuckled.

"Well... I was attacked," I said.

"By who?" he asked.

"You _seriously_ have no clue?" I asked in return.

He shrugged.

"Victoria." I told him.

He stopped dead in his steps.

"What?" he asked, "Alice was watching her decisions."

I rolled my eyes, "And we know how _well_ Alice's visions are working these days."

Concern was written all over his face.

"But Stefan stopped her," Jasper concluded.

I scoffed.

"Not really," I answered.

"Then what happened?"

"Well, she beat me to an inch of death, then they found me, and helped me," I explained.

"And in order to save you Stefan fed you his blood," he concluded.

Now _I_ stopped walking.

"What? _Stefan_ didn't save me," I said in between chuckles, "I mean, he was there but he wasn't the one to _save_ me."

"Then who?"

"Damon," I answered in an It's obvious kind of tone.

"What?" he asked surprised.

"Stefan has been on the animal diet so long that it wouldn't have helped, at least not fast enough," I explained.

"Damon Salvatore saved your life?" he asked in disbelief.

"And it was also Damon who killed Victoria in the end," I told him.

"We thought it was Stefan," he told me confused.

I started laughing, "You thought _Stefan_ saved me? _Really_?"

He nodded.

"No... it was always Damon... and it's always been Damon," I answered.

Jasper looked confused.

"I mean, Stefan looked after me too, but Damon was the one who was always there, _no matter what_," I explained.

"So that move back there with Emmett, he taught you that?" he concluded.

"Among other things," I said proudly.

We kept on walking.

"Bella..." he started saying with apprehension, "Where were you before you came here?"

"Europe," I answered nonchalantly.

"With Damon," he said.

"With who else would I be there?" I asked.

Did I spot... _worry_ in his eyes?

"And where is he now?" he asked.

"I can't say..." I answered.

"Carlisle knows Damon," Jasper told me.

"Oh I know... that's how I figured out what Stefan and Damon were," I answered.

He was even more confused.

"The portrait, in Carlisle's study back in Forks, they have a very similar one," I shrugged.

Realization hit him.

I nodded.

"Yeah, I can put two and two together," I told him.

"Bella if Alice would have seen any of this, we would have come back in an instant," he said.

"Well... she didn't and you didn't come back, so don't bother making suppositions of what would have happened, it's not even worth it anymore."

"Bella, Alice has been beating herself up with this _intermittent to no vision_ phase she's going through, she blames herself for everything," he told me.

I stayed quiet. In all honesty, I blamed her too.

"She wants to speak with you," he told me.

"Jasper, _don't_. I can handle speaking with you, and I can handle Emmett, but that's it," I told him.

He nodded.

"You _know_ we want to be here for you," he told me.

"Honestly Jasper, you weren't there when I needed you guys the most. So... don't count on me knocking on your door anytime soon," I answered.

We walked in silence for the next few minutes.

"Jasper?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He's here and there and everywhere. He changes places constantly, keeps it unpredictable for Alice. He's been in South America for a while now," he answered.

"How come Alice can't see me anymore?" I asked.

This was the part where I started getting answers.

"At first Alice thought it was because of the wolves," he said.

I glanced back at him, _they knew about the wolves?_

"She got worried one day and went back to Forks to check up on you," he explained.

Alice had been in Forks? And she never even said hello?

"She saw you with the Black kid," he kept explaining, "A few weeks later she saw you moving away, and then she saw you very sporadically, and then not at all."

"And you _can't_ feel me?" I asked.

"Not right now, I did the first time we saw you, the day you arrived, but then you reverted my influence, anger blasted towards me... I had never experienced anything quite like that," he explained.

I frowned.

"It's confusing at first... when you're trying to figure out what your abilities are."

I kept quiet.

"Is it refreshing?" I asked out of the blue.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked.

"Is it refreshing, not feeling what the person you're talking with feels? It's only your feelings you are feeling right now," I explained.

"I guess it is," he answered.

One of the notes Damon made on the notebook was empathy. Jasper was an empath. If my ability had something to do with that, then he would be able to help me find out what it was. Or just give me some clarity. But in order to that I had to share information with him. Information I didn't want others finding out.

"Jasper, can you keep a secret?" I asked him.

He stared at me and nodded.

"No one knows about this. Only Damon. Elena can't find out or Stefan. No one can know,. I don't want you sharing this with Alice or Carlisle or Emmett or Rosalie… and not Edward either. If you can't do that then let me know now," I made it clear.

"I promise you I won't say a thing, to anyone, you have my word," he promised.

I studied him, when I decided he was being honest I spoke.

"I killed someone," I confessed

I was expecting surprise or anger, but I received calmness.

"It wasn't because of an uncontrollable thirst. No. I can control that pretty well. It was something I felt that drew me to him," I explained.

He was attentive.

I told him the story.

"So you knew he was going to do something to the girl. You felt his desire towards her," Jasper said after I told him everything.

"Jasper, it was so evil, it made me sick, literally," I told him.

"Was it like a vibe or tug?" he asked.

I chuckled. Damon had asked me this same question.

"It was a tug," I answered.

"Mmm," he crossed his arms on his chest while he looked at the ground, "could you control yourself?"

"Yes, I followed him on instinct, he was weird and I was curious, I kept my distance... but when he tried to kill her I just snapped, blacked out," I told him.

"And the girl? Did you get something coming from her?" He asked me.

I hadn't thought about that.

"I don't know... I don't remember..."

He was serious.

"You seem to have developed some sort of empathy. Whatever the guy was feeling was much stronger than what the girl experienced. His feelings were much darker, evil; that sensation that made you sick," he analyzed out loud.

"Empathy?" I asked.

"Yes, to empathize means to share, or to experience the feelings of another person. Which I think you experienced at some level when the guy followed the girl," he explained, and then added, "I'm an empath, I feel what others feel and can project feelings to others. I can naturally and spontaneously tune into other people's feelings, what ever they are. I understand them, and they affect me."

"But that doesn't explain why Alice can't see me, or why you can't feel what I feel, or why I killed that man," I said.

"These things are not easy to understand, they're tricky. Granted, some are more difficult to figure out than others. The key is to understand when these things flare up, what triggers them," Jasper told me.

Triggers.

I had to look for triggers.

"From what you've told me, I think yours flares up through some kind of emotion. So, my advice, look into that," he said.

That afternoon, after arriving from my hunt with Jasper, I locked myself up in my room and took out the notebook Damon had sent. I wrote down the things I had spoken with Jasper, and I started looking for triggers to the things that were odd.

I started with Jane's attack. Rubber and glue. I was thinking about rubber and glue when it backfired, but I think the trigger here might have been the fact that we were under attack and I felt vulnerable.

I wrote it down.

An image of Damon twisting and yelling on the floor flash through my eyes.

I scratched out the last thing I had written.

My trigger was not that we were under attack or that I felt vulnerable.

The thing that shocked me the most about that day was when Damon was being tortured. That's when Jane's power backfired on herself. That's when I started wishing that whoever was attacking him felt an ounce of the pain he was feeling. I wanted them to have a taste of their own bitter medicine.

And she got it.

So what was it then? How could I write that down?

_Damon getting hurt._

That's what I wrote down. The idea of him getting hurt made me sick.

Then, the sound of Elena knocking on my door made me snap out of my thoughts.

She opened thee door and walked in.

"You look concentrated," she pointed out as she sat next to me, "Oh, it's the notebook again."

I grinned.

"I'm trying to figure out some stuff," I shrugged.

"The ability thing?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Well... how about a little of time off from the search? A clear head might let you think better," she suggested.

I sighed.

"I'm picking up Charlie, Jenna, Jeremy and Alaric from the airport," she told me.

Crap.

I closed my eyes.

"You forgot!" She told me.

"I did, I'm sorry! Let me change I'll be right down," I said as I rushed to the closet.

Elena had organized Thanksgiving dinner, which was tomorrow. She had invited her family and Charlie.

I had been so concentrated in my photography and in trying to figure out what my ability was, that I had completely forgotten about their arrival.

I dressed quickly and left with Elena.

After greeting our guests and giving Charlie a tight but human bearable hug, we went home. I noticed Charlie had lost weight, and even gained a little muscle. He looked cheerful. I felt happy for him.

I spent the afternoon showing Charlie pictures of my months in Europe and the many things I had seen with Damon. He asked questions about everything.

"Can you print out this one?" He asked.

It was a picture Damon had taken of me after making fun of our waiter in a restaurant in Rome. We were having lunch in a piazza, I was laughing, it was spontaneous, he had caught me off guard. To be honest, this was one of my favorites.

"Sure Dad, I'll print out a couple," I told him.

"Make sure you send some to your mom as well," he told me.

"You look good Dad," I pointed out.

"Well, I've cleaned up a bit. I'm eating healthier-"

"Really?!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, I am. I'm working out a bit, trying to be stronger. You know, with all the crazy things we have to put up with back home and all," he explained.

"And you're doing this by yourself?" I asked.

"No Rick's been real helpful," he answered.

"Wait, Rick as in, Alaric?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"He's weird, but we get along," he said calmly.

"So you've got a bromance? That's good Dad, that's good," I said in between chuckles.

He rolled his eyes.

"Are you seeing someone Dad?" I asked.

He got fidgety.

"Oh my God you are!" I said.

"We're going out, nothing serious," he said a little embarrassed.

"Do I know her?"

He shook his head no.

"Well, I'm happy for you," I told him.

He shrugged.

"And you and Damon..." he eyed me.

"What?" I asked.

He eyed me up and down and then shrugged, letting it go.

"Dad, you're drinking vervain right?" I asked him.

"Every morning. Religiously." he answered.

"Good," I said.

We were both quiet sitting next to each other.

I felt this incredible strong need to hug him and I did.

"I've missed you Dad," I whispered.

He was surprised and hugged me back awkwardly.

"Me too Bells, me too..." he said.

After a while Charlie went to get some rest. Jenna and Elena were making dinner in the kitchen, and Stefan was speaking with Alaric privately.

Jeremy and I were sitting next to each other watching some weird show that was on tv.

"Are you bored?" I asked.

"Totally," he answered.

"Do you want to go out?" I asked.

He turned around in his seat, and glanced in the direction of the kitchen.

"Yeah, they're taking their time in there," he said.

"Let's go," I answered.

We walked to the garage.

"Hey, do you still have that bike?" he asked.

I smirked and threw him the keys. He caught them, his eyes crazy excited.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Put your helmet on before I change my mind," I told him, while handing it to him.

He grabbed it and put it on immediately. He jumped on the bike and I climbed on behind him.

We headed into town and sat at a cafe that had a small outside terrace. I compelled the waitress to give us some beers.

"So," I said, putting down my beer, "What's new in Mystic Falls?"

"Oh you know, the usual," he answered.

"Werewolves, witches and vampires?" I asked.

"You name it, we got it," Jeremy answered.

I chuckled.

"How have you been Jer?" I asked in a more serious tone.

He shrugged, "One day at a time."

I nodded.

"How was Europe?" he asked in a sing songy tone.

"It was GREAT," I answered sarcastically.

"Really?" he said.

I nodded.

He laughed, and then took a sip out of his beer.

"Swan, there's a really big creepy guy with yellow eyes staring at us," he whispered.

I turned around.

"Oh, that's Emmett," I answered and looked back at him, "Just ignore him, he's a little..." I made loops around my ear, saying he was crazy.

Jeremy looked a bit concerned. I saw Emmett cross the street and get into his car. He drove away.

"Isn't he one of the..." he started saying.

"Yes," I answered.

"Wait... they're _here_?" he asked confused.

I shrugged.

"Why are you so calm about it?" he asked,

"I decided their presence would not affect me as long as I didn't let them affect me. That, and they're not going to do anything stupid that would risk the possibility of me forgiving them," I answered.

Jeremy smirked.

"You're different," he pointed out.

I raised an eyebrow.

"You walk with your head high, confident, you've got everything under control, the ball is in your court and you're the one who decides what to do with it. You're not that sad Bella Swan that walked into our town a few months ago," he told me.

"I'll take that as a compliment," I answered.

He chuckled.

"You are drunk on Damon's Kool-Aid," he told me.

"What?" I asked

"Oh, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," he told me.

I rolled my eyes.

"You're different, but it isn't bad different, it's good different," he told me.

"Shut up and drink your beer Gilbert," I told him.

He smirked and took a sip.

"Let's be serious now," he told me after putting down the beer, and leaning forward.

"Who says I'm not being serious?" I asked.

"Is he here?" he asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"The Dick," he said.

I shook my head no.

"What does Damon think about this?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"He doesn't know?" He asked in surprise, he leaned back into his seat and then he added, "Well, Stefan's getting his ass kicked when Damon gets back."

"I'm counting on it. Stefan's being the biggest pain lately," I told him, "Don't tell Elena I said that."

He made a gesture that meant don't worry about it.

"You're on the animal diet aren't you?" he supposed.

I nodded, "Ugh, I hate it Jer. The first few hours after I hunt, it's okay, then the itch settles in, and I get cranky, and jumpy and my senses are all numb, ugh, I hate it."

"Why don't you just drink out of bags?" he asked.

"Saint Stefan says it's dangerous for Elena, and I don't want to put her in danger," I answered.

I sighed.

"Because of the Cullens?" he asked.

I nodded.

"What if you drink it far far away?" he asked.

"What if I don't notice it and they're near?" I asked in return.

"Look, Stefan has a problem, you seem to control yourself pretty well, do it far away from them and that's it. Maybe you haven't noticed, but Stefan is like a junkie, and he's paranoid," he told me.

"I'll think about it," I said.

"Fuck what Stefan thinks, what do _you_ think is best?" he asked.

Jeremy was quite the rebel.

"I think what's best is that I'm strong, in case there's danger I can protect Elena, or you, or Charlie, or who ever is in danger," I answered.

"Then that's your answer," he told me.

"When did you get so wise Gilbert?" I asked him.

He chuckled.

"When it's about life and death you don't have much of a choice. You just try to survive and trust whatever your gut is telling you," he answered.

He was right. It's what I did before.

"You know, maybe you should consider moving here after you graduate next year," I suggested.

"Well, I wouldn't want to miss the drama for anything in the world," he answered sarcastically.

I had forgotten how easily talking with Jeremy went. People tend to underestimate him. Like me, Jeremy is quite the observer. He's quiet most of the time, but he's watching everything from the sidelines. After finishing our beer we went back home.

The next day, while we were preparing Thanksgiving dinner, Elena noticed we were running low on beer, and I volunteered on driving into town and getting some more. I drove down to the first convenience store I found open and bought a couple of six packs.

On my way back to the car I noticed a man in a dark blue hoodie, that was waiting in the back of the parking lot. Then the familiar feeling I had felt before started tugging on me. Puling my attention on his direction.

Something was wrong.

He was anxious, his face angry. He kept running his hands through his somewhat greasy hair. I put the beer inside the car and decided to observe him from the car.

The sick feeling was coming back. I was feeling it again.

A police car pulled over, and a cop came out. He walked over to the man in the dark blue hoodie.

"You got it?" he asked the cop.

The cop nodded. The other guy signaled him to walk with him.

I got out of the car and followed them.

The cop was scared. That I could tell.

They walked towards an old bridge that no one really used anymore. Once they reached it they walked under it.

"Where's my money?" the guy in the hoodie asked.

The cop handed him an envelope. The other guy looked inside and counted.

"This isn't all I told you I needed!" he yelled.

"Please, I'll give you the rest in a few days," the cop begged.

I started feeling the worry magnify. My arms felt heavy, and my chest felt as if it was getting bigger and warmer.

And then there was the tug. That tug just kept getting stronger and stronger.

"You fool! I told you today!" the guy yelled.

"My boy, he's sick, please I beg you, I'll have the money in a few days, just give me a chance please," the cop kept on begging.

I was getting mixed feelings, one was the worry and the other one was that sickening taste I was getting in my mouth and the pain in my stomach.

"I couldn't care less about your boy, a deal is a deal, and I've come to collect," the guy in the hoodie said as he put his hand on his pocket and took out a gun.

The cop raised his hands, he didn't pull out a gun. He was really trying to move the other guy. He wasn't fighting.

"Please, a few days is all I ask," he said.

The other man snarled and I saw as he started pulling the trigger. Before I knew it I had run to them, pushed the cop to the ground and faced the man with the gun.

"He said, he needed a few more days," I told him menacingly, my eyes turning red, fangs coming out.

"The fuck?" he said perplexed and scared as he looked at me.

He shot me.

And then I couldn't control myself anymore.

…

…

Compell the cop. Who was after him? Was it only the guy in the blue hoodie? Yes.

Okay.

Compell him to forget. His debts are paid. He doesn't need to worry about this ever again. Go home Mr. Police Officer. Go home.

…

…

…

He left.

…

…

…

…

Anger boiled inside of me. I screamed.

…

…

…

I ran my blood-covered hands through my hair.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

The body was on the ground.

…

…

…

I couldn't go home like this. Not on Thanksgiving. Not with Charlie and Jenna, and Alaric and Jeremy there.

…

…

…

CRAP! It's been more than a few weeks, Damon should be here by now. Arrrrggggg.

I paced around the guy's body.

…

…

…

Fuck it.

I pulled out my cell out of my back pocket and dialed the number that I didn't want to dial but that was my only choice at the moment.

"Hello?" Jasper answered in surprise.

"Are you alone?" I asked.

He was quiet, I heard his quick footsteps and then breeze hit his phone. He was running outside.

"I am now," he answered.

I kneeled down.

I sighed.

"Bella?"

"It happened again… I did it again… I… I can't go home, Charlie's here, and I…" I sighed.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Under the old bridge that's near that convenience store on fifth," I mumbled.

"I'm on my way," he said.

"Jasper, I need clothes," I told him, "_CASUAL_ clothes, a jean and a sweater will do, _don't_ bring her."

"Got it. How much is there?" he asked, I knew he was referring to the blood.

"A lot," I answered.

"I'm not coming alone Bella… I'm not sure I can handle it," he told me.

I sighed.

"I get it, just… not Alice," I told him.

…

…

…

I fell on the ground next to the body. I waited. I was angry at myself for letting it happen again. I couldn't believe it. I knew what was happening and I let the intrigue get the best of me. I let it guide me. I let it take over me. And I hated it. I hated that part of me. That monster that was locked somewhere inside.

I started moving the body. Just like Damon had taught me. I faked an accident. The blood under the bridge had to be cleaned up though. But I didn't have the utensils. I was moving franticly in vampire speed trying to make everything right. My mind was racing with thoughts.

How was I going to face Charlie tonight? How was I going to sit at that table and give thanks when I should be asking for forgiveness?

"Bella?"

I turned around. Jasper was here, a bag in his hands.

I looked at him, my eyes searching for something in his.

I found it. Understanding. No judging. No controlling. Just someone who wanted to help.

"Carlisle and Emmett are at the parking lot of the convenience store. If it's alright with you, they'll come and help," he told me.

I looked around. I wasn't sure if the accident scene worked completely. I still hadn't watched the Dexter dvd's.

So I nodded. As much as I hated it I needed help. Help from the last people I wanted help from. But Stefan was being an ass and I needed someone that could observe and let me have some insight on what was happening to me. I had told Jasper what I had done, and he hadn't judged me for it.

I didn't need to be judged.

Emmett and Carlisle walked into view.

"We'll take care of this Bella," Carlisle said and giving me a squeeze on my shoulder walked over to where I had put the body.

Emmett stood in front of me. His eyes looking straight into mine.

I felt that bone crushing sensation in my whole body again. The one I had felt the day I arrived. It was filled with warmth and kindness and love. That was when I realized that it was also a tug, and it was coming from him, from Emmett.

"Don't worry Bella, we got this," he told me. His eyes were telling me he wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt me. He had my back. He was here.

Jasper extended his hand to me and I took it. We walked towards a rock and he made me sit there while he kneeled in front of me. He had a bag in his hands with clothes and Clorox wipes.

"I can make it go away you know…" he told me as he took out one of the cloths and started running it over my hands. Cleaning away the blood in them.

I shook my head.

"Was it like the last time?" he asked.

"Sort of, but it was different," I answered.

"We don't have to talk about it now," he told me.

I swallowed and nodded.

I changed into the clothes he brought me. Just as I had told him, he had brought jeans and a sweater. There were also a pair of shoes, which I had not told him I needed but that I knew Alice had thrown in there. I looked down at my feet, my sneakers were covered in dirt and blood, I had not noticed this when I called Jasper.

"You did good," Carlisle told me, "It's a clean accident scene, no one will know what happened. We cleaned up the blood a bit, making it look a little more real to the accident."

I nodded.

"Bella, your hair is still dirty, the wipes aren't going to clean that. You have to wash it," Jasper told me.

I couldn't go home like this.

"Bella, you can come and clean up at our place," Carlisle suggested.

I shook my head.

"You can't dunk your head in the river, it stinks," Emmett told me.

He was right.

"If it makes you more comfortable, we'll leave you alone while you're there," Carlisle said.

I nodded. I needed to shower and get back home quickly. I had been gone for a while now.

Jasper brought my car around, and I got in. Emmett and Carlisle rode in Carlisle's Mercedes. When we pulled over at their house, I saw that it resembled the one in Forks a lot. Lots of windows, modern architecture.

Esme, Rosalie and Alice were not there. Carlisle guided me to one of the bedrooms, and left me by myself. He told me they'd be outside if I needed anything. I went into the bathroom and looked the door behind me. I opened every faucet and took my clothes off. I went into the shower and let the water hit my face.

I was alone now. In their house. They had helped me. This wasn't right. It went against everything I believed in. But I needed someone's help. And this time they were there.

I felt that sickening feeling inside me. I remembered everything I had done in the past hour, and how much I had enjoyed it while I was doing it. That was when I threw up.

After putting the clothes back on, I realized the sweater had bloodstains from my hair, and I needed another one. I looked around the closet, and found one that was very similar to the one I was wearing before my little indiscretion. From the looks of it, this was Carlisle's and Esme's room.

My hair was all wet and I needed to dry it, I couldn't find a hair dryer anywhere. I heard a knock on the door. I opened it. Esme was standing outside, hair dryer in hand. She looked at the sweater I was wearing.

"I took it, the one I was wearing got dirty," I explained.

She shrugged. It didn't matter.

She handed me the hairdryer, and walked out of the room.

I blow-dried my hair, and when I was ready I walked out of the house. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were standing outside.

Carlisle handed me a small cooler, I opened it and found five blood bags inside. I looked up at him.

"Keep your diet, you're stronger that way," he told me.

Relief ran through me.

Emmett was standing there. The bone crushing sensation ran all over me. I put the cooler on the ground and gave in. I hugged him tightly. He sighed and lifted me up while he hugged me tightly. Like he had never ever hugged me before. He put me down, just as I was just about to lose it.

I took the cooler again and walked over to Jasper, "Thank you," I told him, he walked me over to the car. I got in.

"Bella, it's Thanksgiving, and your house is packed. Let me know if things get too overwhelming," he told me.

I nodded.

I drove away, the three of them stood in the driveway watching me leave. I wasn't thinking, I couldn't think. If I allowed myself to think I would lose it. I couldn't lose it tonight. Not on Thanksgiving. Not with Charlie here and Elena's family.

I pulled up at our house. Stefan was out. I left the beer in the living room where Alaric and Charlie were, and quickly made my way up to my room. I closed the door and slamming my back against it, fell to the ground. I covered my mouth as weeps escaped me.

He was supposed to be here.

This was something that if it ever happened again, I needed Damon to be here for.

And he wasn't.

And I needed him.

And I hated that I had to run to them for help.

Them.

I needed him to tell me it was going to be alright.

I needed him to tell me that it is natural.

I needed him to be here.

HERE.

I needed Damon here. With me. Not on that stupid mystery mission he was in.

I needed Damon here. I needed him NOW.

I curled up against the cold floor and let the tears come.

"Bella, dinner's ready," I heard Elena say from down stairs.

I tried composing myself.

"I'll be down in a minute!" I yelled back.

I fixed my make up, but I ruined it again, the tears wouldn't stop. I couldn't make them stop. They just kept running and running and running.

I couldn't do it.

I needed to make it stop. They couldn't know what had happened. I couldn't tell them. I had to act tonight and I couldn't do it.

So I did the only thing that I thought I could. I closed my eyes, and begged for help. I needed those walls that I had built around my feelings unconsciously fall apart. Then, after a few seconds the tears stopped, I calmed down, the unease went away, the anger, the guilt, the self doubt and the fear were replaced by serenity.

I fixed my make up and before going downstairs I looked out the window.

There, standing in the tree line, was Jasper. I tilted my head to the side and mouthed the words "Thank you."


	7. Chapter 7

"You're _supposed_ to be here. You _promised_ you would be here. It happened again okay? And I couldn't control it. It's been a month Damon, where the hell are you?" I left a message after dinner that night.

I was so angry. Jasper had left after everyone went to bed. My walls were up again, and the feelings I was having were all mine. I had jumped out of my bedroom window and just ran into the woods.

I called him again.

"You know what? You can't just kiss me and disappear for a month Damon. You can't do that. You can't just go away and then send me a _freakin'_ letter telling me not to worry. _I worry_. It's how I process things. And I _know_ you meant it that way. Guess what Damon? The Cullens are here. And Stefan is being a judgy pain in the ass. So _who_ helped me cleaning up the mess? They did. And I hated it. Get back already," I hung up and continued to pace around.

I dialed again.

"Your brother is an asshole, he befriended them. I was ambushed when I got here. I open the door and BAM! There they were. He has known them for months, _months_! And he never said a word," That's when it hit me. I didn't trust Stefan That was why I hadn't called him.

I hung up, in frustration I threw the phone against a tree and it shattered.

I needed to vent. I wanted to rip something up. I was so angry about the whole situation. Me, killing that guy, me, calling the Cullens, me, letting my guard down so that Jasper could hold me together while I ate dinner with my dad and Elena's family. I was mad at myself. I was so disappointed by my actions.

Here I was trying to prove I was different, independent, a strong, smart woman, and then I go running to them for help. I knew how to clean up the mess. I _had_ cleaned up the mess. I just needed to hide away the blood, and a change of clothes. This was the first time I was doing it by myself and I had panicked. Had I been alone at the house I would have gone there and changed and no one would have known. But the house was _packed_. I couldn't risk them seeing me like that. So I had run to the Cullens for help. I hated it.

I was a mess of feelings.

Regret.

Frustration.

Anger.

Betrayal to my own promises.

Abandonment.

I felt so small, and incredibly weak. What had all those months of training meant when I still needed help to clean up my mess? MY MESS. MY RESPONSIBILITY.

I heard footsteps, and smelled Stefan's scent in the night breeze.

_Great. Just what I needed. Stefan._

"Bella?" he said as he walked towards me. His hands inside the pockets of his jacket.

"Stefan," I greeted him.

"Are you heading out for a hunt?" he asked.

"No, I'm actually not following that diet anymore," I snapped at him.

He looked surprised.

"I thought we had an understanding," he said.

That anger inside me? It started to _boil_.

"Yeah well, Carlisle gave me the blood bags, I assure you Elena is safe," I told him.

"Carlisle?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I'm not okay with this," he said.

"I wasn't okay with your way either," I answered.

"Bella, if you only gave it a little more time," he said.

"What? If I gave it a little more time _what_? The urges would stop? My senses wouldn't be as numb? I'd become like _you_?" I asked.

"Elena-" he started saying.

"Don't bring Elena into this, this has _nothing_ to do with her. Trust me I'm the first person that wants her safe. But safety is not going to come if we're _weak_," I spat.

"You are clearly upset about something, so I'm going to go," he said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever Stefan," I said and walked in the opposite direction he was going.

_Who does he even think he is?_

I spent the night walking around the woods in circles. I didn't care where I was going, I just walked. I mumbled and argued with myself like a crazy person. I was speaking to myself out loud. I was so upset with myself.

The only reason why I started walking back towards the house was because the sun was starting to come out and Charlie was still here. I regained my composure and convinced myself I had to give an Academy Award worth performance in front of everyone today. _Without_ Jasper's help.

I sat on the porch. No one was up yet.

I took out the notebook from one of the pockets in my jacket and started writing what had happened yesterday. I wrote down _everything_, every detail I remembered. From the minute I saw the guy in the hoodie, to the moment I finished cleaning up the mess. I wrote down the physical description of the two guys. What they said, how I felt, the impressions they gave me, everything I could remember.

"_Dear Diary, Stefan is being a jerk_," Jeremy whispered behind me.

I turned around and threw him the pen I was writing with, while putting away the notebook.

"What are you doing up? It's early," I asked.

"I don't sleep in much lately," he shrugged and sat next to me. He was holding a cup of coffee.

"That makes two of us," I replied.

We were quiet for a bit and then he spoke.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

My stomach clenched, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I answered.

_Act Bella, act._

"You look... weird," he told me.

Think of something.

"I mean, last night you were weird," he explained, "It's like you weren't even there at the table. Sure, you talked and participated in the conversation, but you weren't really _there_... you know? Are you okay?"

_The best lies always have an element of truth_, Damon had told me once.

"I changed my diet," I told him.

He raised his hand and gave me a high five.

I looked at him weirdly.

"Does Stefan know?" he asked.

"I ran into him last night, we got into an argument," I told him.

He shrugged, "Don't worry about it, just ignore him."

I rested my head on my knees. Jeremy was too observant. He noticed my awkwardness even when Jasper was holding me together. The truth is, I was thinking about Damon last night. All the time at dinner, I was thinking about Damon and where he was, and why he wasn't here, and if he was hurt, and if he was going to walk up the front steps and come have dinner with us at any minute. _That_ was what I was thinking.

"You know... you could always ask Bonnie to help you find Damon," Jeremy suggested.

I raised my head. Since when did he know me so well?

"Bonnie never liked me, why would she do that?" I asked.

"Maybe not for you, but she'd do it for me... or for Elena," he answered.

As much as I wanted to see Damon, I was also super mad at him for being away so long, and I didn't want to seem too needy, or more needy than I was being already.

_Suck it up Swan._

"I'll wait, he shouldn't be away long now," I answered, "Why would she even do it for you anyways?"

He smirked.

"Are you two…" I asked raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged.

"Does Elena know?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Are you even planning on telling her?" I asked surprised.

He winced.

"Oh you're going to be in trouble," I said.

He chuckled.

I looked at the sky, the sun had barely come out yet. I felt Jeremy looking at me, I turned around, he was smirking.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I haven't said anything."

"Spill it Gilbert," I told him.

"You.. seem to really miss him. I think I'd never see the day when someone actually _missed_ Damon, may I remind you how much of a douche he can be?" he told me.

I pushed him.

I knew Damon could be a jerk. Normally he was, with everyone else. Not with me.

"He's my friend, he took me under his wing," I told him.

He started laughing.

"Really? Is that _all_ he took you under? His wing?" he asked mischievously.

"I can hurt you, you know," I told him.

"I'm not scared of you Swan," he said pushing me back.

"Maybe you should be," I said under my breath.

He stared at me.

"What's _really_ going on?" he asked, his face serious.

I looked down to the ground and shrugged.

"Bella, you can trust me, you know that right?"

I nodded.

"Is it about your change in diet?" he asked.

I looked up at him. He stared at me, his eyes then expanded in realization. He looked at the ground. His pulse accelerated.

We were quiet.

A tear streamed down my face. I wiped it away.

He moved closer to me, and put his arm around my shoulders. He wasn't looking at me, he just looked straightforward.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but if you want to, I'm willing to listen," he told me.

I shook my head no.

"I didn't mean to, I swear Jer," I told him.

He was quiet, but held me tightly.

"I swear I didn't mean to," I repeated.

He looked at me, "I believe you."

"Don't tell Elena, please," I begged.

"Don't worry about it," he told me.

After a while, Jeremy went out for a jog and I had retreated to my room, changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. I threw the covers over my head and hid there. As I laid under the sheets, I couldn't help feeling uneasy, a bit sick to my stomach. Last time, the aftermath of my previous indiscretion had included a hair massage and a night of drinking and a heart to heart conversation. This time, I was hiding in my room, I had washed my hair myself and I had spent the night running around the forest in circles talking to myself. Last time I felt I had support, this time I felt completely alone, even when I was in a house full of people.

The thing is, I do have support, but not the kind that I need, not the one that I want. Sure, the Cullens had my back now, but I didn't necessarily like it, or wanted their support at this moment. With Jeremy a few minutes ago, I had felt some kind of support; he wasn't judging me, he understood, even if I hadn't let him in on any details. Even though he understood, I don't think he really _got_ it.

The truth is, I felt like I had no control over the things I did. I had as much control over my still dormant but surprisingly active unknown ability as I had control over the Cullens being here. I couldn't control myself when it came to the tugs that drove me into hurting or killing people. I had no control over the fact that they lived a mile away from our house. I definitely did not have any control of when Edward would decide to pop up. Or even worse, when Damon would come back.

Control. You might call it a life long obsession, but now that I thought about it, in our first year of birth we're already throwing fits, trying to control everything and anything that touches our lives. As humans, our addiction to control starts early and it doesn't end there. The terrible twos, the teenage years our whole lives are a constant battle between what we want and what stands in our way. Control. It's a dangerous obsession, take it too far and you could risk losing it all together.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie knock on my door and then slowly open it. He walked over to my bed, sat down and slowly took the covers off.

As my face appeared, I grinned at him. I had been crying and I hadn't even noticed it.

He wiped my tears away, "What do you say, we go fishing today?" he proposed.

I stared at him blankly. He didn't ask what was wrong, if I was okay, or anything. So I just nodded.

The drive up to the lake was quiet. I hadn't been on a fishing trip with Charlie since I was a little girl. So having this time to just be alone with him after so many months of not seeing him, was comforting. When I was younger I used to hate going fishing. Today, I was actually looking forward to it.

We were on the boat, both of us sitting quietly next to each other. My mind drifted off to last night again, the cop who was going to be murdered but who I saved. I wondered if Charlie had ever been in a situation like that. I feared for his life in Mystic Falls, with all the supernatural beings running around. Maybe he should move back to Forks, ask for his old job back, hang out with his friends.

"Hey Dad…" I said, Charlie glanced at me, "Have you thought about moving back to Forks?"

He was quiet, "The thought has crossed my mind, yes."

"Mystic Falls is a dangerous place, maybe you should move back," I told him.

He eyed me and shook his head, "_Now_ you agree with me."

I chuckled. He had tried convincing me to do that before I had changed, and I had refused to do so. Now the rolls had changed and I was the one who worried about him.

"I just don't want anything happening to you," I whispered.

His face changed, eyebrows growing closer together.

"Bella, we never actually talked much after… everything. It was really hard for me trying to understand what had happened to you," he put down the fishing pole, and faced me, "I still don't get most of it… the fact that you are now, built differently doesn't make you different to me. You're still my little girl-"

"Dad…" I whispered. He raised his hand, he wasn't done.

"I know you've changed. It took me a while to accept it, but, you see, it's much easier to live in denial, we do it to protect ourselves from the things we don't want to acknowledge. But if we do that, then we're just living a lie, no matter what we tell ourselves. So, I've accepted it. I've been doing my research. I understand."

What was he getting at? This was the most I had ever heard Charlie speak in all my life. He had really given this speech a thought.

"There is nothing you can do, that will drive me away. I trust you Bells. I know who you are, how your mother and I raised you, and I know you'll always do the right thing."

"I don't know who I am Dad, not anymore," I told him.

"Yes you do. You are Bella Swan," he told me.

"I'm a monster Dad," I whispered as I looked down.

He grabbed my hands, "Bells, you are _not_ a monster. You've been given a gift. The way you choose to see yourself limits who you can be. Step outside that box and you might learn something, because you are more capable of greatness than you imagine. Bells, we all have it in us to do things we've never done before," he looked at the water, "you know, when I first started working in the police force I saw so many criminal acts. When you get the first bad guys who have done so much wrong you always say, that is _not_ me. I could _never_ be like that. That person is undeserving… a monster," he looked back at me, his eyes gentle, "But after a few years you realize that it's an old story Bells. It's how wars begins, how people turn on each other. It starts so simply too. I am not you, I am nothing like you, and every time you say it, it's a lie. Because underneath all the layers of fear and the protection, we are at our core, the same. We have the same needs. We carry within us the same capacity for good and evil. Whether you are human or supernatural."

"Do you really believe that Dad?" I asked.

He stared at me. I looked into his big brown eyes. The same eyes that looked back at me everyday when I looked into the mirror.

He nodded.

My eyes teared up.

He looked back at our hands. He was still holding mine.

"When you were six there was a burglary at the local bank in Forks. A crazy man took the bank employees and a few customers hostage. Negotiating with him was difficult, we managed to get into the bank and take a few of the hostages out without him noticing. Once he did, he took a woman, put a gun to her head, and menaced with killing her if we didn't do as he ordered. Things got rushed, a gun was pointed at my partner and I shot the man who was holding the woman. He died at the scene."

I stared at him speechless. He looked up at me again.

"Taking a life can haunt you Bells," he said softly.

"Does it still haunt you?" I asked.

"He would have killed every man and woman in that bank if we wouldn't have come in, we found bombs afterwards. It doesn't haunt me anymore. I did the right thing. A lot of lives were saved that day."

"So you got over it?" I asked.

"You never really get over it, you make peace with it."

"You're a hero Dad," I whispered.

He grinned, "You can be one too."

I felt my heart sink. All this time I had been so rough on myself. Beating my brains out trying to figure out how Charlie would feel if he ever found out about what I had done. I thought he'd throw me into a prison cell, disapprove, and be so saddened by my actions.

"Bells, keep in mind that, we can't play God. We are not vindictive. We can't take matters into our own hands and become avengers."

I nodded, and leaned forward to hug him.

"Stay true to yourself. Don't chip away at your integrity," he added.

I shook my head, "I wont, I promise."

He released my embrace, "Well, now, where do you think we should throw the bait, because we're not getting any fish in this spot," he said as he took his fishing pole again and looked over the water.

I chuckled. Charlie had raised his walls again. I was more like him than I ever realized.

"Umm…" I looked around, "Why don't we head over there," I pointed to our left, "There seems to be a school of fish there."

Charlie grinned.

That night, after we arrived with a cooler full of trout, we had dinner together, the Gilberts, Swans, Stefan and Alaric. It felt pleasant. Even better than Thanksgiving dinner.

I fell asleep quickly that night. Followed by dreams of dark forests, red sunlight, evil laughter and fear. I was uneasy, restless and in my dream I ran. I ran and I fell and I ran again. Then with the last strength that I could master, I jumped and flew.

I woke up in the woods.

My pajamas ruined.

My hair messy.

Can vampires sleepwalk?

I walked back to the house, wondering about that odd dream and what it had meant. I couldn't help but feel uneasy. My stomach was completely clenched. Something was wrong, and I couldn't put my finger on what.

After taking a shower and having breakfast, Charlie and I headed into town, where he insisted on buying me a new cell phone, since I had told him I had ruined mine. We spent the day together. This time, no deep speech was made.

A few days after Charlie and Elena's family left, Carlisle came by the house. He rang the doorbell and I was the one who answered. No one else was there.

"Carlisle," I said in surprise.

"Bella," he greeted me.

"Stefan isn't in right now," I told him.

"I actually came looking for you," he told me.

"Oh," I said.

"Do you mind taking a walk with me?" he asked.

I paused. I wasn't sure I wanted to take a walk with Carlisle. The last time we had actually spoken was the night of the incident with the paper cut when he was cleaning my wounds, and talking about Edward's soul.

He had been respectful all this time, and he had been there for me during my last indiscretion. So I considered his proposal.

"Sure," I said as I walked outside the house and closed the door behind me.

Even though I was feeling a bit self conscious inside, considering how broken he had seen me the last time we saw each other. I couldn't let him see that, so today I didn't put my hands in the pockets of my jeans like I normally would in this kind of situation, and I didn't run my fingers through my hair. I just let the breeze hit my face and mess it up. I walked with my head high, never looking at my feet.

"I spoke with Stefan, and we came to an agreement, I assured him he didn't have to worry about Elena's safety as long as you continued to be on your normal diet," he explained, "we didn't tell him anything about the incident."

He walked with his hands behind his back, slowly.

"I've dealt with my share of vampires who are new to this way of life, and it isn't easy, specially when they don't know what triggers them," he continued.

"I believe, that until you know what triggers your actions, you should stick to your way. Whatever makes you comfortable. I respect your way of life, I understand it, which is why, if you let me, I'd like to help you," he pointed ahead, there next to a tree was a freezer.

I walked over to it and opened it. It was stacked.

"You don't have to do this, I can get my own," I told him.

"I know you do, but I know how to get them _legally_," he answered.

"I compel them pretty well," I told him, resting my weight on my hands, that were on the border of the open freezer.

"Yes.. you do, _but_, they will always end up missing, and missing bags go in reports, if they start noticing, they'll get suspicious," he explained.

"Thank you for the offer Carlisle, but, I can take care of myself," I told him.

"Bella, please, let me do this for you," he told me.

"I think you've done enough for me Carlisle," I told him.

"Please, let us take care of you, let us do this," he said.

"It's a little too late for that," I shrugged.

"Bella, please," he begged.

I looked at the packed freezer.

I've never been a person that holds on to grudges. Grudges you hold in high school, and I think I'm much more mature than this. Denying them everything was only making them more antsy to be around me.

The blood was already there...

I sighed.

"Only this time, because, how can I say no to an overflowing stash of bags?" I told him.

He grinned.

"I'll help you carry it back to the house," he suggested.

I nodded, taking one end while he took the other. When we reached the house, I said thank you and continued carrying it by myself.

I had yet to invite a Cullen into our house.

I placed the freezer in the basement, and making sure Stefan wouldn't "slip" I put on a lock that I had previously dunked in vervain. This way, if he ever felt the need to cheat, he'd get a warning. Kind of like a smack on the hand.

"So it seems like you're stocked till the apocalypse," Elena said. She was leaning on the doorway.

I grinned, "It's a gift."

"From who?" she asked walking towards me.

"Carlisle," I answered. Elena was quiet.

"So you've forgiven them?" she asked.

Had I?

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I mean, it's kind of childish to hold resentments isn't it?"

I sat on top of the freezer, she did the same.

"Well, I think that they hurt you pretty badly, and that you cared about them. You were blindsided by their departure, and it broke you down. But now you've put yourself back together, and you're stronger, and while yes, they hurt you is it something that you really want to be holding inside forever? For eternity?"

I had not thought about eternity.

"You _are_ going to be around for a while," Elena said, "Are you going to make them suffer till the end of time?"

I shrugged.

"It's okay to forgive. I mean, sometimes we expect people, the people that we love, the people that we care about, to be like us in all kinds of ways and when they're not, we're disappointed. You can't expect people to be like you. Take Damon for example," she said, "Do you know how many times he has screwed up? How many times I've been so angry at him for the decisions he makes and the way he acts them out? How many times, in order to protect me, he's hurt others that I care about? He snapped Jeremy's neck once."

He had told me about that.

"I was really angry at him, but I got over it. I understood the reasons behind it, why he acted the way he did. Now, the question is, do you understand why they did what they did?"

I shrugged. I did.

"Then… it's time to move on. Take that burden off your shoulders and let go," she said.

"I don't think I can stand all of them," I confessed.

"For example?" she asked.

"Rosalie… and Alice," I said.

Elena sighed, "Phew!" she passed her hand over her forehead, "_that's_ a relief!"

I chuckled.

"Emmett… Emmett is fun," I told her, "I've missed Emmett."

She grinned, "He looks a bit scary."

"No… he's just a big teddy bear," I said, brushing a strand of hair back.

"And what about the really serious one, the one you've been talking to?" she asked.

"I had never talked with Jasper as much as I have recently. I mean, we never actually had a conversation before. It's weird. I think out of all of them, he's the only one that I feel like I can trust. Not because he's influencing me to feel that way, because he can't if I don't let him, but because I actually feel like it's genuine."

"He's creepy," Elena blurted out, "He looks like he's about to poop in his pants."

I laughed.

"He's in pain most of the time, he feels what everyone feels so it has to be super painful," I explained.

Elena bobbed her head understanding what I meant.

"You know what? Do what your gut tells you. Just, follow your instincts on this one. Let them in, or shut them out, do what your gut tells you. If you want to forgive them, go ahead. Just make sure they know they can't walk over you again. You are a BAMF," Elena told me.

I cracked up, she joined me.

The next few days were calm. I decided not to go to my photography classes. I was avoiding crowds of people and anything that could trigger my attacks. I had also not been able to shake off the feeling of danger that was in the pit of my stomach. I had woken up in the middle of the night for a few days in a row and found myself jumping out the window and running to the woods without even noticing I was doing it. I always ended up in the same spot. I waited. But nothing came. Nothing popped up.

I felt like I had to be somewhere but I had no idea where. So I just ran, and then, when I saw it was pointless I ran back home.

Elena wanted to watch a movie on Netflix one night. It was just the two of us, Stefan had gone hunting with the Cullens. I was waiting for her in the living room while she finished making pop corn.

Jeremy finally had the guts to tell her about Bonnie and she wasn't too happy about it. She was rambling on and on about her feelings about the whole situation. I was trying to be a good listener but I was completely disconnected from the conversation. For the past few minutes I had been staring out the sliding glass doors that led outside. My eyes were fixed on a particular spot in the sky, the one that was between the top of the trees of our back yard.

It was a cold night. Not a cloud in the sky. No breeze either.

I couldn't take my eyes away from that spot. I couldn't. It was as if there was something there that I _had_ to see.

I was feeling confused.

What was it that had me so mesmerized in that particular part of the sky?

I was feeling confused, suddenly tired, and anxious.

A small dot appeared between the trees. It was coming in this direction.

No, it was _flying_.

Me heart stopped.

I stood from the couch and walked towards the doors. My eyes still fixed on the small black dot.

I could hear Elena talking about something Jeremy said in the background, but I couldn't actually make out what it was that she was saying. It didn't really seem all that important.

As the dot came closer I noticed it had wings, and that it wasn't flying in a straight line, no. It was... wobbly, tired. It flew from side to side.

"Lena," I whispered.

She continued talking.

"Elena," I said louder.

The bird was not flying right. Was it... hurt?

Then it started falling, and as it fell, it shifted form.

I panicked.

I opened the doors without measuring my strength, and the glass shattered to the ground.

"DAMON!" I yelled.

I ran.

I ran as _fast_ as I could.

Branches and leaves flew past me.

"_I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming_," I said over and over as I ran in the direction he had fallen. My senses were all on. I could feel everything, hear everything, _smell_ everything.

And there was blood.

And it smelt like something was rotting.

And I was scared.

I ran, and kept on running for what seemed like the longest time, considering the crow had not fallen that far away.

"_Bella_!" Elena yelled from somewhere behind me.

"_He's hurt_!" I yelled back.

I stopped running, he was near, I could feel it, but I couldn't _see_ him anywhere.

My eyes scanned my surroundings. I was at the spot I had ran to every single day for the past week.

There, under a great old tree was a very hurt, very broken Damon.

I threw myself to his side. His shirt soaked in blood and in something I didn't know what it was, but that smelled really bad and putrid.

His pants were torn. He wasn't wearing any shoes.

He was shaking.

"_I'm here, I'm here, I'm here_," I whispered as I ran my hand gently through his hair.

"ELENA!" I yelled.

"_It's going to be fine_," I whispered.

For a brief second he opened his blue eyes and stared at me, "_Hey_..." I said.

"Hey... gorgeous," he said in between breaths and in a very groggy voice.

My stomach fluttered.

"I need to take you inside," I told him, "I'm taking you home. Don't fall asleep, keep your eyes on me okay?"

He closed and opened his eyes slowly. He was weak.

I stood up, and putting my hands beneath him, carried him back to the house. I ran carefully, but quickly.

"I'm here, I'm here," I kept telling him.

He coughed, and when he coughed, blood splattered all over my shirt.

I could hear Elena calling out my name. I hoped she hadn't followed me into the woods and gotten lost there, because I couldn't go looking for her when Damon was as hurt as he was.

As I made my way out of the forest line, Elena saw me and ran directly to us.

"Oh my God!" she screamed, "What happened to him?"

"I.. I.. I don't know, let's just get him into the house," I told her.

We walked past the shattered glass from the sliding doors I had broken on my way out and when I tried to go inside I couldn't.

"_Invite us in_!" I told her.

"_What_?!_ Come in, come in come in_. Stupid curse can't see it's an emergency?" Elena blurted out in desperation.

I ran upstairs, Elena ran up behind me and after she cleared my bed I placed him on top of it. He has already passed out.

"What's happened to him?" Elena whispered in astonishment, looking at his body in the light.

"I don't know… we need Carlisle, he's the doctor, call Stefan," I told her. She ran to the phone and dialed Stefan's number.

No answer.

She left a crazy rambling message.

I ripped Damon's soaked shirt. Revealing deep wounds, from which the most disgusting smell was coming. Wood, and worms and puss and vervain.

Elena ran to the bathroom to throw up.

I got clean towels and started cleaning him up.

Blood was coming out of every wound, and it was not stopping.

"What can I do?" I Elena asked as she came out again.

"I don't know," I said as I tried stopping the blood from coming out.

"He needs blood, human blood," I told her.

"Got it," she said and ran downstairs. A few seconds later she showed up with her biggest beach tote full of blood bags.

_Hold on. Hold on. Hold on._

I kept repeating this over and over in my head.

Elena dropped the tote on the bed.

"Does Stefan have any surgical stuff here?" I asked.

Elena nodded and went running towards her room.

I grabbed the things she brought back and improvised an IV with the blood bags, and stuck a needle into Damon's arm.

A few seconds afterwards, Damon started seizing.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"I think he's rejecting the blood," Elena said.

"What? How? How is that even possible?" I whispered to myself in confusion.

Elena and I were working frantically to fix Damon up. Everything we did, didn't seem to work.

"You have to get better," I whispered, "I need you to get better, and I need you to get better quickly."

_What are we doing wrong? How can I help him?_

We started taking out bits of what seemed to be broken stakes and putting them in a bowl. Elena was getting sick by the sight of the nasty things that were coming out of Damon's body. I started putting worms and maggots in the bowl too, they were somehow were growing inside of him.

"Damon where the hell were you?!" I yelled as I continued to take out every trace of worm, stake, and vervain leafs I could find.

I needed him to heal. And heal quickly. Before any of the little bits of stakes found their way to his heart

I stopped.

"Elena, keep pressure on his wounds I'll be right back," I told her and ran down stairs.

I had hidden the bottle of wine that Sage had given me as soon as I got here. I got it and went upstairs again.

Opening it with my teeth, I started spraying drops of it on Damon's wounds. I stared at them. I had no idea how much he would need so that this thing started working it's magic. After a few seconds the wounds started healing slowly.

He was pale.

I couldn't give him human blood because he was rejecting it for some strange reason. So I did the next best thing. The same thing he had done with me when I was the one who was dying.

I bit my wrist and pressed it against his lips.

"Keep spraying the wine on the wounds," I told Elena.

She grabbed the bottle and did as I told her.

"You have to start drinking," I whispered into his ear, "I _need_ you to start drinking."

And he did.

Relief ran through me.

"It's working," Elena said, relief in her voice.

I looked up. The traces of worms and stakes that were still inside his body were rising up as his body started to heal.

I grabbed a blood bag, and as I drank from it, Damon drank from me. He was still unconscious. His eyes were closed. He was sweating, but he was healing.

I sighed.

I rested my head on his. With my left hand I gently ran my fingers through his messed up hair.

"_You scared me to death_," I whispered, "_I'm going to kill you for this._"

Elena cleaned him up, I continued to give him the transfusion.

"Bella?" she said softly as she showed me Damon's hand, "his ring is missing."

I looked at his hand, he didn't have a ring. This could be problematic.

"I'll call Bonnie tomorrow, she can't deny me anything right now," she said and then asked, "What is this stuff?" as she studied the matte bottle of wine.

"That's a very special gift someone gave me," I told her. I was feeling a little drowsy. Maybe it was because every drop of blood I had went into Damon.

"It's some kind of very tasty, very powerful and rare, magic wine," I told her.

She slumped on the floor. We were both covered in dirt and blood. The sheets on the bed were dirty. Damon was still unconscious.

"_That_ was scary," she told me.

I nodded, my head still leaning on his.

Elena's phone rang. She took it out of her pocket and showed it to me while she shook her head and rolled her eyes. It was Stefan.

"_What's going on? Are you okay? Is my brother okay?_" I heard Stefan say as soon as she answered.

She sighed, "He's fine _now_," she stood up from the floor and walked out the room as she explained what had happened.

I curled up next to Damon.

That sensation that I had for the past few days was gone. I wasn't restless anymore, I didn't have a knot. I was… home. Even though he was broken and I had fixed him I felt safe beside him.

"Where the hell were you Damon?" I whispered while running my hand through his hair.

My eyes were heavy. We had gone through five bags already.

"Don't ever do that to me again," I said softly.

"Never," he whispered.

I looked at him, he opened his eyes briefly before closing them again and passing out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**Our boy has landed.**

**The Crow is home.**

**Review cause TVD comes back in a few weeks :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Elena had pulled down the curtains after she had put Stefan up to date with everything that had happened tonight. Stefan and the Cullens were on their way home from their hunting trip. Stefan had asked Carlisle to check up on Damon's recovery, and also help us have some clue as to what had hurt him so badly.

As I continued to feed him my blood, I couldn't help but wonder about the condition he showed up in. How long had he been hurt? Was this why he hadn't come back in his promised timeline? Who had he pissed off so much that had to him hurt like this? Where the hell did he go? And where were Hulk and Demetri? Had they been in on this too?

I had drifted into a deep slumber after the eighth blood bag.

My dreams were stirred with images I most definitely wanted to forget. To erase out of my mind. If I could, I would have poured bleach into my brain to wipe them off. Never in a million years had I thought I would see Damon so broken before me. After we were attacked in Volterra, I feared something like this would happen. I never actually imagined it like this to be honest.

I opened my eyes slowly. Then I closed them again. I had a light migraine, possibly because of all the transfusions I had given Damon last night.

Damon.

I opened my eyes quickly and searched for him next to me.

He wasn't there.

I sat up quickly.

"Damon?" I called out lightly.

No answer.

I climbed out of my blood stained bed and walked to the bathroom. He wasn't there either.

"Damon?" I called out again.

No answer.

I started worrying.

Where could he be?

I opened the door to my room and was greeted by the blazing sunlight, my skin on fire, migraine up to 600% and the smell of burning flesh. I screamed in pain and I stumbled to the floor, trying to cover my face, I crawled back into the darkness of my room as quickly as I had tried to get out. I kicked the door strongly, closing it immediately.

I instantly reached for my necklace.

It was gone.

"_That stupid, mother fucking, two timing, bastard! I'm going to kill him_!" I hissed under my breath quickly as I rubbed my hands over my arms trying to calm down the burning sensation the sun had left on my skin.

"Where the hell are you _now_ Damon Salvatore? You are the _biggest_ prick on this planet!" I said as I looked for my cell phone.

"Elena!" I yelled.

She wasn't home.

I stomped around my room. Stupid phone was nowhere to be seen. I threw cushions, pillows, bloodstained towels and everything that came across my way.

As soon as I found it I dialed Elena's number.

"Hey! How's the patient?" she asked cheerfully as she answered the phone.

"Gone. He's _gone_. And he took my necklace," I told her.

"_What_?!" Elena said in surprise.

"Yeah!" I said in frustration, "I save his freakin' life last night and this is how he thanks me? After all the time he's been away?"

"I already called Bonnie, she's sending us the new ring today," Elena told me.

"I can't go looking for him, I have to stay inside. Could you _please_ try and drive around town, see if you catch a glimpse of him?" I asked.

"Sure, I'm on it. But, what about you? Are you going to be okay? Do you need anything?" she asked.

"I need my necklace back… and to kick his ass when I see him," I told her.

"I'll call you if I hear something from him," she told me and hung up.

I was furious.

Was this what "_Never_" looked like for him?

I paced around my room impatiently. My head pounded from the migraine. I had to feed, but I had to be crazy to get out of my room and walk into the _very_ sunlit hall.

I sat in the darkest corner and ran through last night's events. Something was completely off about the whole situation. First I had somehow sensed that something important was going to happen. My eyes were glued to the spot where Damon appeared in crow form. It was as if I _had_ to look at it.

What if I hadn't' been looking?

Damon could have fallen and none of us would have known and he probably would have just decomposed or something in the woods.

Chills ran through my spine.

What about all the times I had been running to the woods these past few days? Without no apparent reason?

How _long_ had Damon been hurt like this?

I decided I had to write all these things down, to try to make sense out of all of them. I looked for my notebook which I had left on the nightstand the day before.

It wasn't there.

I looked for it inside the pockets of my jacket.

It wasn't there.

I rummaged through my bag.

It wasn't there.

Then it hit me.

"That _bastard_," I muttered under my breath as I fell on my bed, letting go of the bag.

What could he possibly be doing that A. he needed to snatch my necklace and head out so early in the morning, without even saying thank you, and B. Why would he take my notebook with him?

I was jumpy and anxious. He _couldn't_ be a hundred percent well right now. Not after the condition he arrived back in. He was _still_ weak, and who knew _where_ he was at this very moment, or _what_ he was doing.

I was worried. I was worried that who ever did that awful thing to him was out there looking for him.

I needed to feed. I was all out of blood bags. I had to somehow get downstairs to the basement.

I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on. Holding the doorknob I counted to three before opening it.

This was going to hurt.

The key was to stay in the shadows. So I opened the door slowly, standing behind it, so that the sunlight didn't hit my face. I tip toed around the border of shadow and light until I could see the hallway.

My eyes were teary and itchy.

There was a huge window facing the hall. Before heading out, I grabbed the darkest, and thickest blanket I could find, wrapped it around my body, and covered my head.

Without giving it more thought, I ran outside.

_Crap. Crap. Crap._

I hissed.

I cursed the sun and it's burning rays.

I ran downstairs, muttering and cursing.

You know how when you are human and you trip and hit your toes against a table or some stairs or whatever, and all you want to do is curse really loudly? Because it comes out of the pit of your stomach, and somehow you think cursing will make it better?

That's what I was doing, and it _wasn't_ helping.

My whole body was on fire. Even with the blanket over me. The sun still burnt my skin through the tiny holes of the fabric.

Getting sunburn was worse than vervain.

Right about now, I thanked God that I had the possibility of walking in the sun with my necklace.

I wanted it back.

I reached the basement door, got in and closed it behind me. The blanket slid to the floor and I started rubbing my hands all over my arms, face, legs and feet.

I wrapped my hand with the blanket to open the lock on the fridge, only, when I went to open it, the lock had been ripped and I found a bunch of empty bags on the floor.

Damon.

The image of Damon seizing ran through my mind.

Was he accepting human blood now?

I grabbed a bag and slumped to the floor, leaning against the freezer.

I was worried sick.

"_Bella_?" I heard Stefan call out.

"I'm in the basement!" I yelled back.

A few seconds later his head popped in the doorway.

"How are you doing? How are you holding up?" he asked as he scanned the red blotches on my skin.

"I'm going to _kill_ him," I said while ripping a bag open.

"Tell me everything," he said and sat across from me.

I sighed, and told him what had happened last night, the condition Damon was in, how Elena and I rushed to help him but nothing was working, and then how he started to heal.

"It was as if he was decomposing," I said.

"How did Elena handle it?" he asked.

"Elena's a trooper. She almost passed out at some point but she didn't let that stop her from helping me. She's strong Stefan," I told him.

"Do you want to go looking for him? Or do you want me to do it?" he asked while playing with his ring.

_Of course_ I wanted to go out looking for him.

He must have seen the desperation in my eyes, because he took off his ring and handed it to me.

"Call me when you find him," he said softly.

I nodded, and slid the ring on my thumb, because it fell from every other finger, and I couldn't risk losing this one too.

I gave him the blanket and hurried up stairs for a quick shower before heading out, I was still covered in dirt and blood. When I was ready I closed all the curtains in the house, so that Stefan could walk around without any problem.

"Stef, you know, the Cullens used to have this iron curtain system in their house in Forks, maybe we should invest in something like that, we never know when our special jewelry is going to be taken from us," I said as I headed outside.

"I'll keep it in mind," he said leaning on the doorway that connected the kitchen and the garage.

I left on the bike.

If I was Damon, and I had just come back after a trip where I got really _really_ hurt, stole a necklace and a notebook, and I'm this big freaking jerk, where would I be?

I had no idea.

Maybe he was looking for humans to feed on. So my first guess was that maybe he was at some sorority feeding on poor impressionable and compellable girls. I drove to the University. Walked through the halls of the dorms. I drove down the street where the sorority houses were.

He wasn't in any of them. I couldn't pick up his scent.

I hit the hospitals.

He wasn't there.

I went to all the bars.

He wasn't there.

"Have you seen him?" Elena asked as she rolled down the window of her car as we drove past each other.

"No, have you?" I asked.

She shook her head.

I sighed, and drove away. After driving around for what seemed hours I spotted Damon's car parked in front of the local bank. Relief ran through me.

Of course Damon was charging for his services. He had to make sure they had paid him for putting him through all that mess of a mission.

I parked the bike and took a peek inside the bank.

He wasn't there. I turned around and looked at the street. There were a few stores, a cafe, and a play ground. There, sitting on a swing, with my notebook open, was Damon.

I sighed. I was so glad I had found him.

He was wearing Stefan's clothes and shoes, a pair of glasses, and a hat.

I had never seen him with a hat before.

I hadn't noticed that he was scruffy either.

My stomach cramped.

I crossed the street and walked towards him, I sat on the other free swing and stayed quiet.

He was concentrated on what he was reading.

"Sixty three messages," he muttered, breaking the silence.

I stared at him.

I wasn't aware I had left him so many.

"Four were Stefan's, two were from Charlie, the rest were yours," he said.

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him.

He raised his head from the notebook and glanced back at me, "So the Cullen's huh?"

I shrugged and nodded.

His eyebrows were close together.

"And it happened again?" he asked.

I nodded.

He looked at the little sandbox that was in front of us and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You didn't know..." I said.

"Still... I should've been here, I should have spoken with Stefan before shipping you off here... I should have been here to help you clean up the mess," he was angry.

I wanted to say, _yes, you should have_, but that wasn't important right now, because things had already happened, and I was only glad that he was back, and that he looked so much better than when I had found him yesterday.

"You're here _now_..." I told him.

He was clenching his jaw.

"I am..." he said lightly.

We were quiet for a few minutes.

"Are they all here?" he asked after a while.

"No," I answered.

He smirked.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked him. I wanted to know how he was feeling, and I didn't want to talk about the Cullens right now. My focus was only on him.

He shrugged.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Relieved?" he answered.

I was glad.

"What was so important that you had to flee the house so early, take my necklace and notebook and not even bother waking me up?" I asked.

He showed me his phone.

"Had to make a call," he answered.

"You could have just borrowed mine," I said.

He looked at me with a small smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes.

"You know, you could have at least left a note. I wouldn't have burned my skin when I tried getting out of my room this morning," I told him.

He squinted.

"The sun's a bitch isn't it?" he said.

I nodded.

"Sorry about that," he apologized.

"What happened to your ring anyways?" I asked.

He looked down at the finger where it had been before.

"It was stolen," he answered, spite in hi voice.

"What happened to you Damon?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

He shook his head no. He wasn't going to tell me.

"Where were you? Were Demetri and Felix in on it too? Are you safe now? Why were you so hurt?" I asked, one question after the other.

"I'm here now, no they weren't in on it, and I'm safe… thanks to you," he answered.

"I had no idea what the hell I was doing," I confessed.

"You must have," he said and pointed at his body, telling me, _look… I'm okay._

"If it wasn't for Sage's wine, I don't know what would have happened…" I told him.

He chuckled, "It wasn't the wine… I mean, it must have helped, but it wasn't the wine. I had had wine before getting here, trust me it wasn't the wine," he told me.

I was confused.

"Then what was it?" I asked.

He chuckled. "It's a little obvious don't you think?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"You," he answered.

I didn't understand what he was saying. What he meant. How could I be the one to save him? Was it my blood? Was it the mix of the wine and my blood? What was it?

"I don't get it," I told him.

He gave me the notebook. He had already written it down.

"Now, you write your perspective," he told me, and stood up from the swing.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

He pinched his shirt, "There's a mall a few blocks from here, I _have_ to get out of Stefan's attire. Meet me at the house. I'll be there by sun down."

"I'll come with you," I said.

He shook his head no, "Write," he told me and pointed at the notebook.

He turned around and started walking away. I just stared at his back as he left. I _wasn't_ okay with this, with this odd little talk we had just had after he was away and after the way he came back in.

"Damon!" I called as I stood up from the swing.

He turned around, I walked up to him.

"Are you _serious_? You expect me to sit in that swing and write about what happened last night and let you just walk away and go shopping like there's _nothing_ wrong about this whole situation?" I asked, anger in my voice. He was about to answer but I stopped him.

"Do _not_, treat me like a child, sending me to a corner to reflect on what I've done. I will _not_ take time outs. Not _now_. Not when you're _finally_ here. I was worried sick about you last night. I was scared. You _fell_ from the sky, covered in God knows what. There were maggots Damon! _Maggots_! Vervain, and bits of stakes and dirt and you reeked of some smell I can't quite recognize, but it was disgusting. I thought you weren't going to make it. I was _terrified_!"

He opened his mouth to speak, I stopped him again, "You know how _I _felt? When I saw you seizing the minute human blood reached your system? I thought you were done! _Gone_! So I'm _not_ okay with you going shopping, acting as if you were okay. You are _not_ okay. Last night, was _not_ okay. Now, give me the keys to your car, I'm taking you home," I glared at him.

He tried opening his mouth once again.

"The _keys_ Damon," I spat and glared at him.

He rolled his eyes and looked for them in his pockets. He gave them to me.

"I'm _fine_," he told me.

"No, you are not," I said as I took his hand and dragged him out of the playground and into the car.

"I need new clothes," he told me.

"I'll send Elena to get them. Your color palette is pretty predictable," I mumbled as I started the car.

"You're leaving your bike?" he asked.

"I'll pick it up later," I answered, and took out my phone, dialed Elena's number. Told her I had found him and that he needed clothes.

"Tell her to tell the witch I need a new ring," he said.

I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone.

"Why didn't you tell her?" he asked frustrated.

"Because we already took care of that," I answered.

I could see him grinning from the corner of my eye.

"_Stop_ it," I told him.

We were quiet the rest of the way. He only spoke when he noticed I hadn't taken the road that led to Stefan and Elena's place.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"To see the doctor, and there's only one vampire doctor in town... and now that I think about it, he's probably the _only_ vampire doctor in the whole world," I told him.

He grunted.

"I don't need Carlisle," he complained.

"I don't care what you think, I'm taking you to him," I answered.

"I'm getting out," he said and grabbed the door.

"You are not going anywhere. You need to be checked out!" I told him.

"I'm _fine_!" he whined.

"Stop acting like a two year old," I told him.

"Stop mothering me, I'm over five centuries old," he responded.

"Then _act_ like it grandpa," I answered back.

He glared at me.

"What? Did that upset you? You're _ancient_... Maybe even _senile_, or maybe the worms reached your brain and you're not thinking straight." I told him.

He rolled his eyes.

I pulled up in front of the Cullen's house.

Carlisle opened the door.

"Damon," he greeted him and extended his hand to shake.

Damon took it, "Carlisle," he said back, he was serious.

Carlisle looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked, pointing to the door.

I nodded.

This would be the second time I had been to their house. We walked into the living room and sat down.

"We were up north hunting last night when Stefan got the call. I would have liked to be here for the situation," Carlisle said.

"Well... the situation is contained, I'm fine," Damon answered.

Carlisle grinned, I'm guessing at Damon's stubbornness.

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to take some x-rays, and make sure everything is okay," he said.

"That's a _great_ idea. I think it's smart. He had lot's of icky stuff coming out of him," I said.

"You got it all out," Damon told me.

"I'm not sure of that, it was a lot," I told him.

"I'm _fine_ Isabella," Damon insisted.

"You had tiny little bits of stakes inside you, what if there's still one and it gets to your heart? Take the _friggin_ x-rays _Damon_," I told him, opening my eyes widely.

He stood up.

"Let's do this, I have stuff to do," he said annoyed.

Carlisle stood up and guided us into a room in the back of the house. It was some sort of personal lab.

He examined Damon. He had healed. His chest remained a little bruised though. The healing process had taken a long while.

"You're still healing," Carlisle pointed out as he examined his ribs. Then he caught a glimpse of something and looked at me, "Bella, do you mind giving us a minute?"

I looked at Damon, he inclined his head forward. Telling me to go.

"I want to know, I'm not going anywhere," I told him.

Damon raised an eyebrow at me.

"I found you, I took care of you, I was the one who fixed you up. I want to know," I told him.

"Give us a minute," Damon told me.

"No."

"Isabella," Damon widened his eyes.

"_No_."

Damon turned to Carlisle. Carlisle left the room.

"Stop being so damn stubborn," he told me when we were alone.

"_You_ stop being stubborn, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not letting you out of my sight. I want to know what happened. I want to know that you're okay," I told him.

He walked towards me.

"I'm not going anywhere either. I'm here. _Here_. I'll tell you everything, but not right now. Let me speak with Carlisle. Go... play with the empath or something," he said, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears, "I'll be home soon."

I scoffed. _Now_ he wanted to talk with Carlisle, after I had practically _dragged_ him here.

He chuckled. He knew what i was thinking.

He rolled his eyes.

"You're going to have to admit at some point," I told him.

"Admit what?" he asked.

"That I was right, and you _are_ senile," I said as I started walking towards the door.

"Go home," he told me.

I opened the door, and walked down the hall, I crossed paths with Carlisle who was on his way back to the lab.

"Is Emmett here?" I asked him.

He nodded, a few seconds later Emmett's head popped up from one of the rooms at the end of the hall.

He walked outside with me, a smile was plastered across his face.

"Stop it," I told him.

He washed away the smile.

"I need a favor," I told him.

"Shoot," he said.

"I left my bike in town," I started saying, and the smile started appearing on his face again.

"Stop it!" I told him again.

He became serious.

"Could you go get it please? I can't go into town right now, and I don't want to go home either, and I really don't trust the place I left it at."

"Sure," he told me.

I grinned.

"Thanks," I said.

He winked at me and extended his hand, I gave him the keys.

"Don't scratch it," I warned him.

"Or what?" he asked... was he defying me? Mischief was written all over his face. Emmett wanted to pick a fight with me. This I had suspected since that day in the woods when I had thrown him against the ground without him expecting it.

"Oh you don't want to know," I answered.

He smirked, and ran to the road.

I could hear whispers coming from inside the house. Clearly, Damon and Carlisle were talking about something. I couldn't exactly make out what it was that they were saying. I wasn't going home. So I sat on the front steps of the house and I waited.

From what Damon had told me, he and Carlisle were never close. Carlisle reminded him too much of his brother. But the thing was, that Carlisle was on very good terms with Aro, and so was Damon, so there had to be something there. They had to share some sort of knowledge. Aro didn't just like anyone. They had to be special.

So… what was so special about Carlisle? Why had Damon decided to trust him all of a sudden when Carlisle was examining him? Damon had not wanted to come here. So, why the sudden change of thought?

Was there something still wrong with him?

I was playing with Stefan's ring, turning and turning it around my thumb. I was disperse. Thinking about a million things at the same time. I had forgotten to call Stefan, but I guessed that Elena had already filled him in. I texted him. Letting him know that we were at the Cullen's and that Carlisle was checking him out.

"Bella?" Carlisle said as he came out the front door.

I stood up and walked up to him.

"You cleaned him up well," Carlisle said as we walked inside again.

I shrugged.

Damon was sitting on a small bed in the lab. Carlisle showed me an image on his computer screen. It was an x-ray of Damon's torso. He pointed to a small dash that was on Damon's left lung.

"_Ha_!" I said and glanced over at Damon, who rolled his eyes for the seventh time today.

Carlisle went to get some utensils and Damon laid down on the bed. I walked and stood next to him.

"Do you need me to hold your hand?" I asked, making fun of him.

He ignored me.

We walked home after Carlisle extracted the little piece of wood that was stuck on Damon's lung. We left the car at the Cullen's, Damon wanted to walk. The sun was coming down, it would be dark soon.

"Thank you," he said as we made out way through the woods.

I raised an eyebrow. This was not common Damon behavior.

"So…" he started saying as he reached for a branch of a tree and snapped it, "On what terms are you with them right now?"

I shrugged, "I talk with Jasper from time to time. We used to hunt together when I was on the Bambi diet," I glanced at him, trying to read his reaction to me being on the animal diet.

"He's the one who went crazy with the paper cut right?" he asked.

I nodded.

"He's been okay, I mean I think he got what I was feeling and respected my need for distance and privacy. He struggles a lot with this way of life, and I was always on edge, so... we went together," I said.

"And my brother?" he asked.

"Stefan's been a real pain in the ass," I muttered and let out a sigh, "although I think a lot of that comes from me being so mad at him for not telling me about the Cullens being here. I guess I resent him for that."

This was the first time I had said this out loud.

"Okay, tell me everything that's happened, from the minute you got here," Damon said, while playing with the broken tree branch he was holding.

I told him everything. What I felt when I saw them. How mad I was at Stefan. How I had bumped into Jasper in the woods, and how I started talking with him. I told him about signing up for photography lessons, and going out with Elena. How I didn't want to talk with Alice, and how her abilities had been haywire since I got here. I told him about the Thanksgiving incident and how mad I had felt afterwards, and that I had managed to let my walls down and let Jasper hold me together.

I told him about my incessant drinking to keep in control, and how Carlisle had given me the fridge full of blood bags.

"I thought you were ignoring me," I told him.

He stopped walking.

"If I would have known I would have rather sent you to visit your father or mother," he explained.

"I know," I answered, "in all honesty I thought you were torturing me, _especially_ after your gift basket was delivered," I glanced at him through the corner of my eyes. The words of his letter running through my head.

He smirked.

"Maybe I was…" he said, as he held the branch over his shoulders.

I stopped walking too, and faced him.

His eyes were mischievous, and cocky. He examined my face, lingering on my lips and then back up to my eyes. He snickered and continued walking.

My stomach turned. This scruff he was wearing was having an effect on me.

I walked behind him.

"Carlisle was impressed with your clean up," he told me.

"I did what I could under the circumstances, considering I have no medical training," I mumbled.

Leave it to Damon to change the subject suddenly and so easily.

"Not about last night," he told me.

He was talking about Thanksgiving.

"I… I did what you taught me," I said quietly.

"It was smart to call him," he said.

We had reached the house. It was already dark when we got there. Stefan was waiting on the front steps, his hands crossed over his chest.

"Brother!" Damon said cheerfully.

Stefan walked towards us, and gave Damon a hug.

"You scared us last night," Stefan said, still hugging him.

"You know me, the bad weeds never die," Damon said, and let Stefan go, a grin on his face.

"It's a good thing the girls were here, and Bella had a clear mind and was in control," Stefan told him. His hands were on Damon's shoulders.

Damon nodded, "Yeah…" He then stared into Stefan's eyes, and his smile turned flat, his eyes serious.

Stefan's expression changed too.

I knew what was coming next.

Stefan _had _to see this coming.

Damon took the branch he had snapped from the tree during our walk and staked Stefan's back.

Stefan fell to the ground, "I deserved that," he grunted, grabbing the end of the stake that came out through his stomach. Pain written all over his face.

I have to admit, it felt good seeing him like that. I wouldn't have done it myself, though a part of me really wanted to.

"You know, switching her diet… _Not_ your call. Not telling us about the Cullens, that's… that's a pretty shitty move Stefan, befriend Katherine while you're at it why don't ya?"

Damon then pushed the stake further into Stefan, he groaned.

"Now _that's_ what backstabbing feels like," Damon whispered in Stefan's ear and stood up. He extended his hand to me and I grabbed it, following him inside the house. Elena wasn't back yet.

We went upstairs. Damon stood watching my bed, which was still dirty and covered in blood from the night before.

"I'll help you clean up," he said as he took the covers away from the bed. We flipped the mattress, put on new sheets and cleaned up the room.

Elena arrived a few hours later, a million shopping bags in hand. After hugging Damon and asking him how he was feeling, we fixed dinner together. She was the only one who ate though. Elena showed Damon his room later that night, and helped him get settled in. Me on the other hand, I was exhausted from today, _and _yesterday. I prepared a bubble bath and sank in when it was ready.

Water had a way of soothing me. Specially when I was under and everything I heard seemed so far away.

I was so glad I had found Damon. I was glad he was looking okay. I was glad he had let Carlisle do a check up and that we had found that little piece of stake inside him on time. It felt good to tell him about everything that had been going on. Everything I had been feeling.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt someone getting inside the tub with me. I raised my head from the water quickly and found a very naked Damon sitting down in front of me.

I gasped in surprise.

"Damon!" I yelled, as I tried to collect the largest amount of bubbles to cover my lady parts.

He wiggled his eyebrows, "Missed a spot," he said, as he pointed to my chest.

If could blush, I'd be tomato red right about now.

"Get out!" I told him, I was covering whatever I could cover with my arms and the bubbles.

He ignored me. Instead, he reached for two glasses of wine that were on the floor next to the tub, with his teeth, he opened the bottle and then poured wine into the glasses. He handed me one.

I took it, a drink seemed very useful right about now.

I felt him stretch his legs on either side of the tub, touching my thighs.

I took another sip.

He had that cocky look plastered on his face.

"So…" he said after taking a sip from his wine, "about that thing at the airport…"

I was petrified.

I wanted to run out of the house.

I could feel my very silent and slow beating heart trying to jump out of my chest with all the strength it could master.

My stomach had turned so many times I was quite certain that no one would ever be able to untangle the knots it had contorted itself into.

I raised my eyes to meet his.

It was as if he was staring into my soul, and all I could do was melt into those crystal blue eyes of his.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**BUA HA HA.**

**How about that? **

**Nothing beats a naked, wet Damon inside a tub. **

**I want to take this time to thank you guys with my quest to close down the person who was plagiarizing Shattered over on Wattpad. To the person who did this, if you're reading (which I think you are), I forgive you. Just please don't ever do it again. **

**Writing for me is a way to disconnect from the world for a while and let my thoughts and crazy crossover scenarios come to life. I've always had this vivid imagination, and it's pretty easy for me to disconnect from the real world and day dream. **

**I know other writers do it too, and it takes time, not only to come up with story lines but to write them down as well. I have been writing both of my stories for the past two years, and I take my time, I always try to give the best of me in each chapter I post, I think it reflects on the way you guys react. **

**So this whole blabbing Author's note is an invitation to NOT take someone else's story and call it your own. **

**I don't own Twilight.**

**I dont own The Vampire Diaries.**

**I certainly don't own Damon Salvatore though I really want to.**

**I do own however, this story line I have developed. **

**I love you guys, and I hope you continue reading.**

**Reviews are great, and TVD comes back this week!**

**EEEEEEEK!**


	9. Chapter 9

He stared at me. Waiting to get some sort of response.

I felt vulnerable, I was _completely_ naked. I had _never_ been naked in front of a man before. I had never seen a naked man in my whole life, and there he was, with his chiseled abs, the work of vampire Photoshop, and those icy blue eyes of his.

As much as I would like to say that we were both naked and equally vulnerable in this tub, it wasn't true. Damon _knew_ what he was doing. He knew this was going to be very uncomfortable for me. He wasn't vulnerable when he was naked. No. Quite the contrary. He was at his comfort zone, very secure about himself, and very _proud_ too. He _knew_ how he looked, and he _knew_ the effect he had on women, he _knew_ the effect he had on _me_.

_Confidence Bella. Be Confident._

"What _about_ that thing at the airport?" I asked calmly, looking at him in the eye.

He squinted his eyes, and took a sip of wine, I did the same.

"A bit salty for my taste," he said.

I grinned.

"Oh, so this is the part where we discuss those things I wasn't supposed to worry about and that we have yet to discover and discuss..." I said, quoting his letter.

He rested his arms on both sides of the tub, calmly.

"_Mmm hmmm_," he answered.

I took a sip out of my wine.

"Well... the way I see it, I was being a silly girl..." I said and shrugged, "I've got issues with saying goodbye."

"Oh, so _that_ was what all the bawling was about?" He said seriously, but with a small smirk on his lips.

Cocky ass.

_Bad choice of words Bella._

"Are you sure about that?" He asked again.

I nodded confidently.

He raised his eyebrows and took another sip. I did the same.

"In all honesty I thought you were going on a suicide mission..." I frowned, "which, according to the recent turn of events proves that you _were_."

I glared at him. He still hadn't told me what he was up to.

He rolled his eyes.

"Was it Jane?" I asked, referring to the state he came back in.

"No."

"Then _who_ was it?" I asked, noticing the bubbles were starting to disappear.

He sighed.

"You are not letting go of this are you?" he was annoyed.

I shook my head.

"You want answers from me, I want answers from you," I told him, as I lowered my back into the water.

"Oh... so we're negotiating now?" he said, mischief in his eyes.

I shrugged.

He leaned forward, I bended my knees, and sat up, I hugged my legs and rested my head on top of them. I was creating a barrier between him and me, while also trying to cover myself up from the disappearing bubbles.

He snickered and moved closer to me, his legs wrapped around my sides.

_Play it cool Bella. Shit. Is __that__ what I think it is?_

_Be serious._

_Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God._

"_Where_ were you?" I asked quietly.

"_Why_ were you crying?" he asked in return, while grabbing a sponge and using it to pour water on my arms.

"You first," I told him.

He scoffed.

"_You_ go first," he replied.

"Are we _really_ going to play this game now?" I asked.

"Are we?" he asked in return, wiggling his eyebrows.

I was asking about the never ending questions, and how he answered my questions with questions of his own, but _he_ was referring to a completely different game, one I wasn't sure I was ready to play again, but that a huge part of me wanted to see where it lead to.

I rolled my eyes.

"We can be in here for hours you know," he told me, "wine?" he asked showing me the bottle. I gave him my glass and he poured some more.

I took a sip.

Had the kiss been so important to him?

"I meant what I said at the airport," I told him, looking directly into his eyes. I needed him to know that I was being honest.

If it was difficult for me to open up it was twice as hard for him to do so. So I knew I had to be the one to give the first step here.

He gazed into my eyes, trying to figure out if what I was saying was true.

"You _have_ changed me," I continued.

His eyebrows came close together.

"I was scared something was going to happen to you... and it _did_," I told him, I let out a sigh, and decided to be honest with him, "I've known something was wrong for the past few days, and I _knew_ it had to do with you."

He frowned, confused by my words, "What do you mean?" he asked.

I told him about the pain in my chest and how I had mysteriously appeared at that spot where he landed several times in the past few days. I told him about my endless and pointless runs, the feeling that I had to be somewhere and the fear of imminent danger.

He took a large drink of wine. He was quiet, I could tell he was putting stuff together in his head. He was in deep thought.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head, "You are _so_ _weird_," he whispered, taking my head in his hands and analyzing me like I was some awkward creature.

"Gee… thanks," I answered.

"I was hunting a witch," he said absentmindedly, his voice low, barely a whisper.

"What?" I asked in surprise, not expecting him to actually tell me anything.

He let my face go, and nodded.

"She kind of… cursed me," He said and leaned back on the tub, taking another sip of wine, "That's why all those creepy crawlers were coming out of me."

"_What_?" I asked again.

"Witches are bitchy, judgy little things. They have no sense of humor," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"_Damon_! You know better than to piss off witches!" I told him, smacking his arm.

He shrugged.

"Was _that_ what you were talking about with Carlisle?" I asked.

He stared at me. I'm thinking he was trying to make up his mind if he should share information with me. He put the glass of wine on the floor and turned around, his back to me. He pointed to the left part of his back.

I gasped.

His skin was turning purple. It was as if the healing had stopped and was regressing to the state it was before.

"Damon, this wasn't like this last night, it... it had _healed_," I said as I ran my fingers over the blue and reddish blotches.

"I know," he answered, "But that wasn't what I was showing you."

I looked again, there, under the purplish flesh was a mark. It was the same squiggly mark that I had seen on the Black Magic Wine bottles Sage had shown me.

"Is _that_ what I think it is?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Is _this_ where the wine comes from?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Was _that_ why you were looking for her?" I asked.

"Among other reasons..." he answered under his breath.

I stared at his now again bruised back.

"The Volturi have been after this witch for a long time haven't they?" I said in realization. Why else would Carlisle know about the squiggly line? _Of course_ he was surprised, this witch had to be really powerful.

Damon nodded.

"Damon, have others returned from missions like this?" I asked.

He nodded, "None of them made it though."

"So Felix and Demetri…" I said in barely a whisper.

He lowered his head. They hadn't been as lucky as he had. They hadn't escaped.

"Was Carlisle there when the others returned?" I asked.

He nodded.

It made sense now. Why Damon wanted me out of the room when Carlisle was inspecting him.

"You said the wine wasn't the one that helped you heal. That it was me," I was thinking out loud, "Is it my blood then?"

He turned his head to the side.

"I'm not sure… but maybe it is..." he answered.

"Does this mean you'll have to feed from me to get better again?" I asked.

He turned around completely, this time facing me.

"I don't know..." he answered.

"Do it," I told him, and raised my arm, putting my wrist at the height of his mouth.

"Bella-" he started saying.

"Do. It." I said again, menacing him with my eyes, "I don't _ever_ want to see worms coming out of you ever again, and I never want to smell that disgusting putrid stench you came back with."

"I still have a good two or three days before _that_ happens," he told me.

"I don't care. Do it," I ordered him, taking my wrist closer to his lips, "You are not putting me through that twice, I _refuse_ to see you like that for a second time. Now drink up."

His eyes became soft and tender. It was as if he was realizing something, or letting his guard down or letting go of that stubbornness that characterized his insufferable personality.

"_Why_ did you cry?" he asked me again.

"For the same reason you gave me that kiss," I answered and waved my wrist in front of him again.

He clenched his jaw tightly. He was fighting something. Like there was this _thing_ that he really wanted to say.

"Damon," I said, waving my arm in his face, "Will you just bite it alrea-"

In a very swift movement, he grabbed my arm tightly with one hand, and with the other pulled me towards him, making me sit on his lap. His right arm was wrapped around my waist.

I gasped in surprise. I was _not_ expecting this.

He stared at me intently, and let go of my arm. Our faces were less than an inch away from each other.

"Why were you crying?" he whispered, taking strands of wet hair off of my face.

"I already told you," I answered.

He shook his head no.

"Why do you need me to say it?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

"For the same reason you can't..." he whispered.

I understood what he was saying. I knew why he needed to hear it out loud. Saying stuff like this put us both in a _very_ vulnerable position. We had both been hurt, badly. He had been hurt more times than I had, the same story, repeating itself, time after time.

"We're pretty screwed up aren't we?" I told him.

He didn't say anything, he closed his eyes and lowered his head.

I raised it with my hand, "eyes up here mister, I'm not falling for that one," I told him.

He smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

In the end, Damon was more screwed up than I was. So his walls were higher, thicker and more resilient to fall down. In order for them to crumble, I had to start chipping away at them, little by little.

Was that what I had been doing in the past few months? Chipping away at his ironclad walls?

And _my_ walls? Even though I thought that they were pretty thick, they had been cracking down for a while now. My walls were new and young, they had hope of tumbling down when the right person came a long. I had hope.

So did this mean that it was all in my hands? That I would _always_ have to be the first to say things when it came to my relationship with him? I needed signs too. Relationships are a two way street.

Damon had a very particular way of showing his emotions. He was impulsive and reckless. He was passionate and from what I've heard pretty romantic. Under all the sarcasm, killing spree's, rudeness, and egoism, he was an emotional roller coaster.

"What are you doing Damon?" I asked him. I glanced at our wet bodies that were so close together.

"I... I don't know," he answered with a frown, "I just... I _need _you."

I raised my hand, bringing my wrist to my mouth, I bit it, blood started to come out, drops dripping to the water. I then extended my arm to him.

"Do it," I told him, blood trickling down my arm.

He looked at me with the softest expression I had ever seen coming from his eyes. Taking my hand gently he raised it to his lips and started drinking, never taking his eyes off of mine.

My stomach was doing that contortion thing it liked to do whenever Damon did or said something sensitive/sexy/caring.

_This_. This was Damon being vulnerable.

This was Damon opening up.

This was Damon accepting help.

I had never experienced this before. It was different from last night. Last night he was unconscious. The time he gave me _his_ blood to heal _me_, _I_ was unconscious. This time we were _both_ very much aware of what was happening. I had allowed him to feed from me, and this experience was _completely_ different.

It's like we were connected.

I can't even put into words what I was feeling. Watching him feed from me. There was a thrill I couldn't quite describe, I couldn't take my eyes away from his mouth. Or my thoughts away from the pressure he used every time he sucked on my wrist. It was gentle, but at the same time a bit rough and incredibly sexy.

I was feeling weak, I don't know if it was because I hadn't fed or because of the effect his presence had on me.

My thoughts were getting cloudy. I closed my eyes, and concentrated on the sound of he made every time he swallowed. I felt light. Chills ran down my spine.

_Did he just say that he needed me?_

I suddenly felt... scared.

_What the hell were we doing? Was I even ready for this? With him? Mr. Womanizer? Did I want this too?_

I started panicking, my breath hitched and Damon grabbed my neck gently. My eyes fluttered open.

He was staring at me, and with his free hand he caressed the back of my neck in circles. He ran his hand through my hair, never taking his eyes off of me.

I got lost in them, and the anxiousness faded away.

He let go of my wrist and licked his lips. Then, with the hand he had on my neck, he pulled my face to his, He slowly grazed his lips against mine before kissing me. It started out gently. Then it turned passionate, his hands running through my hair, and down my back.

I had imagined countless times during the month of his absence how it would feel to share a kiss again.

This exceeded all my expectations.

I wasn't bawling uncontrollably, mascara running down my face. No, this time our bodies were close together, soaking wet, soapy and bare. No barriers between us. No folder with papers, or my hands holding on to my suitcase. We were not making a scene at a public place. This was _us_. Just him and me. Alone. In a bath tub.

I had been paralyzed at first, not knowing exactly what to do apart from sitting very still on his lap while we kissed. I was petrified of the thought of running into his _friend_ if I moved.

Then when I decided to just enjoy what was happening I threw my arms around him and embraced him.

I had missed him.

I couldn't let go of him. I pulled him tightly towards me. This was what I wanted to do this morning when I found him sitting on those swings. This and punch him for stealing my necklace.

I ran my hands through his hair.

He slowed down and then placed small pecks on my lips, cheeks and that little nook that was between my neck and shoulder. His stubble tickled when it grazed my skin. He traced loops on my back with his fingertips.

I was out of breath.

Maybe words weren't really needed.

Words were _so_ over rated.

I could stay like this a while longer.

_Were my boobs touching his chest right now?_

I closed my eyes and slowly pulled away. I opened them again and faced him.

His expression was serene. He played with the strands of hair that fell on my face. He smiled at me.

"Better?" I asked, referring to how he felt after feeding.

"I think making out in a tub beats making out at an airport," he answered.

I smacked his arm. He chuckled.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Aroused," he answered honestly.

"I'm talking about your bruises you jerk," I told him, a smile escaping my lips.

He smirked and shrugged.

"Let me see," I told him, wanting to know if it had helped at all, proving his theory that my blood was the one that had helped and not the wine.

He raised an eyebrow, lowered me from his lap and stood up, arms on his waist, his... _thing_ staring directly at me.

"_DAMON_!" I yelled and covered my eyes.

He chuckled.

"Well, you wanted to _see_," he said coyly.

"Could you just turn around?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"You are so uptight..," he told me, I heard the water swift as he turned.

I peeked through my fingers. His ass was in my face.

"Oh my _God_," I whispered.

"Yep, it's _that_ great," he said.

"Could you just sit down?" I asked exasperated.

"What? You don't want me to do the catwalk? Give you my best pose?" He asked.

"Sit!" I told him.

If I were still human my face could be a million tones of red right now.

"Fine," he said, a touch of disappointment in his voice. He sat in front of me.

I examined his back.

"I know what you're doing Bella Swan," he told me.

"Examining your back?" I answered.

"No, you're taking advantage of me, when I'm weak and sick. But you know, if you want to see me naked, all you have to do is ask..."

I punched his arm.

I heard him chuckle.

My eyes went directly to the squiggly mark on his back. The purplish blotches were gone.

"They're gone," I told him, I touched the place were they used to be, "Does it hurt?"

He shook his head no.

"So you'll have to feed from me every day now until we find some solution for this curse..." I said as I traced the mark on his back.

"I don't think everyday is necessary..." he answered.

"Yes it is," I told him.

"No, it isn't," he refuted.

"You're feeding everyday and I'll make sure of it," I told him.

"You are so stubborn," he told me.

"Yeah, I wonder were I get that from..." I muttered.

He turned around.

"Bella," he took my hands and intertwined them with his, "let's… let's take this slow."

"Take it slow? And let the maggots come out again? No, I'm not doing that, it's disgusting Damon," I said while shaking my head no.

"They're not going to show up after a day, and we need to figure out some stuff before you're giving me your blood on a daily basis…" he sighed, "How did it feel?" he asked, staring at me.

"How did _what_ feel?" I asked in return. Was he talking about me getting the maggots out, or the kiss?

"When you gave me your blood, how did that feel?" he cleared up.

I let out a sigh and spoke quickly as I remembered how I had felt, "_Exhilarating, adrenaline-charged, thrilling and terrifying."_

He chuckled.

"Sharing your blood with someone… someone important… is very intimate. Feelings get a little heightened and it can be complicated if certain things have not been _discovered_ and _discussed_. So… let's take this slow," he told me.

"Wait…" I said, I was confused, "Is that like… like… _doing_ it?"

He smirked.

"Like sex?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

I just stared blankly at him.

He nodded.

I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

"We'll take it slow," he said confidently.

I nodded in agreement.

"Wine?" he asked.

I immediately extended my glass to him and squirmed myself under the water. My back resting on the tub.

He chuckled again and poured the wine.

"I don't have to drink directly from you, we can set up an IV or something if you don't want to do that again," he told me.

I raised my eyes from the glass of wine and looked at him.

"I don't mind giving it to you," I told him.

He grinned.

"Okay, then… we wont do it every day…" he told me.

I nodded.

"_But_, if it gets bad I'll do it as much as I have to," I told him.

"Slut," he said grinning.

I threw the loofa at him.

"That _really_ hurt," he said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

"You're looking pale, I'm going to get you a blood bag," he said standing up from the tub. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

Before leaving he turned around.

"That lock dipped in vervain thing… _nice_," he said as he grabbed the doorknob.

I shrugged.

"Out of the freezer or warmed up?" he asked.

"Warm would be nice," I answered.

He nodded and made his way down stairs.

I heard his footsteps as he walked across the hallway. He was whistling.

Damon Salvatore was _whistling_.

He was happy.

And_ I_ had something to do with it.

I sunk in the water.

What had just happened? He had thrown so much information at me. The reason why he was away, what he was doing, what had happened to him.

He said I was important.

Or had I said that he was important because I was the one doing the blood sharing?

Blood sharing is like having sex.

So I'm not a blood virgin anymore.

He wanted to take it slow.

Damon is old fashioned when he cares. He cares right? I mean, he wouldn't do that if he didn't care about me right?

I climbed out of the tub and into the shower. I washed off quickly and got into a pair of pj's. I started combing my hair.

_So… were we together now? Was that what he meant when he said taking it slow?_

_And what was it with my blood that healed him? How was it that my blood could somehow break a curse that a very strong and powerful witch had conjured? _

"Here we go, thirty seven degrees," Damon said as he came into the room, two glasses in hand. He gave me one.

"Thanks," I said.

I took a sip from the glass, and stared at him awkwardly. We were both quiet. He sat on the bed. He was still wearing the towel around his waist.

"So..." I said, trying to break the silence.

"So..." he repeated and then pursed his lips together, raising his eyebrows, "Do we have an agreement?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Okay, so, you drink _that_," he said pointing to the glass, "and I'll get out of your way so that you can rest," he added and stood up from the bed.

He walked towards me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. His eyes trailed down to mine, and then they lingered on my lips while a small smirk formed on his.

"Good night Isabella," he whispered.

I was getting dizzy.

"Good night Damon," I answered.

He tugged on the cord of my pajama bottoms playfully, he chuckled and then walked away. When he was already at the doorway he turned around.

"Write in your journal," he told me.

I raised an eyebrow. Really?

"Do it," he said seriously and then walked out.

I fell on my bed immediately after I heard him make his way into his room.

How was it, that a single action like the one he had just had, playing with this stupid cord, got me all flustered?

_What were we doing?_

_What was happening here?_

_Why was I feeling like this?_

_What was I feeling exactly?_

I cared about him_. Of course_ I cared about him. I had missed him. A lot. I liked the way I felt when I was around him. I liked _who_ I was when I was around him. I felt comfortable.

Damon and I... our relationship, it was... it was like we were evened out. Equals, and I had never really felt that way before.

I knew Damon wasn't telling me everything, but I valued that he had told me something. Something big and important.

_No one_ ever shared things with me before.

He treated me like a grown up. He told me things as they were. He was never walking on eggshells around me.

Sure, some times he hid things. But I think that's his way of keeping mysterious. The truth is, I like the mystery. I like putting the puzzle together. I like this thing he's got me doing where I have to write the clues down to figure out the big picture.

We were in this process _together_.

I took the notebook out of my bag and started writing everything about the last few days. My random sleepwalking, running to the middle of nowhere, Damon's return, the state he came back in, what I was feeling, etc, etc.

I wrote down everything I had already told Damon today, but that he insisted I write down on paper.

When I was done, I glanced over the things I had written. A few pages of notes. Were we going to look at these together?

I wondered what Damon had in mind.

I had finished my drink a while ago, I was still hungry. After grabbing a bag from downstairs and climbing back into bed, I had the hardest time trying to sleep. Sure, sleep was something I didn't really need as much anymore, but it was something that I liked doing.

I finished the bag. I turned to my side, trying to get comfortable. I flipped the pillow.

_I wonder if Damon thinks it's okay to trust Jasper with the search of my ability._

_How did he feel about the Cullens being here?_

I turned around, my back flat on the mattress.

_Maybe we should ask Sage for more wine... just in case things got bad, like last night._

_How had he gotten so much wine anyways?_

_Did he know? Did he know about Damon's mission? Was that why he had given me the wine bottle and asked me to use it wisely?_

_He __had__ to have known._

_Why was Sage so damn weird?_

I threw the covers away and put my arm over my eyes.

_I mean, if he gave me the wine, the wine that this witch that Damon went hunting made… he __must__ have known what Damon was up to._

_Sage was kind of like Damon's mentor. _

_So if Damon was going on a mission as dangerous as this one, who would he go to to get prepared?_

_Sage. His mentor._

I was distracted from my thoughts by a tap on the window. I uncovered my eyes and glanced over to where the tapping sound was coming from.

I rolled my eyes as soon as I saw who it was.

I got out of bed and opened the window.

"Are you _serious_?" I said between chuckles.

_Caw!_

"Is this really necessary?" I asked.

_Caw!_

"You could have just knocked on the door," I told him.

I let out a sigh and crawled back into bed.

He twisted his head to the side.

I patted the mattress.

He flew in and before landing on the bed, shifted form.

"You missed the crow, admit it," he said, arms behind his head.

"Yeah, whatever," I answered, while fluffing my pillow.

He turned to his side, facing me.

"What's running through that head of yours Isabella?" he asked.

"Nothing…" I answered.

"You've been tossing and turning for about two hours now, you only do that when your thoughts are racing. What are you thinking?" he asked.

He knew me way too well.

"Can we call Sage tomorrow?" I asked.

He frowned.

"Why do you want to call Sage?" he asked in return.

"Well, I ran out of wine last night. Maybe he can send us another bottle? Just in case?" I told him.

He nodded.

"How come Sage has so many bottles of it?" I whispered.

Before answering he let out a sigh, "Sage is… very well connected. He knows people…"

"Did he know?" I asked a few seconds after.

Damon nodded.

"So he gave me the wine on purpose," I said.

He shrugged.

For some reason I couldn't understand I was starting to feel irritated.

"Why is he such a mystery?" I asked.

Before answering Damon exhaled, "Sage is… peculiar."

"What do you mean _peculiar_?" I asked.

"I think you know what I mean," he answered.

I was confused.

"Well, he's weird, and he smells different. He's _not_ normal," I said.

He stared at me.

"Sage is a friend. That's all that counts," he told me.

I let it go. Asking about Sage was not getting me anywhere.

He took a few loose strands of hair that had fallen on my face and tucked them behind my ear.

"Sleep," he told me.

"I can't," I told him.

He switched position, his back now laying flat on the bed. He extended one of his arms and pulled me towards him. I rested my head on his chest.

We were quiet for a while.

"Damon?" I said.

"Yes Isabella?" he answered.

"I missed this," I told him.

"Hmm," he responded.

Here we go, his _hmm's_ and _mmm's_.

I started playing with the fabric of his white shirt while he ran his hand over my arm gently.

I was so glad to have him here with me like this again. I remembered the last few nights, how I had been restless and couldn't sleep and when I could manage to doze off I'd find myself in some other place I had no recollection of going to.

"Damon?" I asked.

"Mmm?" he responded.

"How long did it take you to get here? You didn't have a ring…" I asked.

"A few days…" he answered.

"Do you know how many?" I asked.

"Four… maybe five…" he answered.

"So you flew only at night?" I asked.

"Mmm hmm."

I had been running to the woods in my sleep for the last week. Every day.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Had you been here before?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered.

"So you knew where you were flying to…" I said.

"Obviously," he replied, and stopped running his hand over my arm, resting it on my shoulder, "I was picturing that clearing with all the strength I could find within me. I wasn't sure I could make it if I didn't."

"Do you think that's why I had been running to that spot so much recently?" I asked.

"I don't know what to think," he answered.

"Okay, you make me write stuff down. I think you should write the stuff that happens to you too," I suggested.

He chuckled.

"Where's the journal?" he asked.

I raised my head from his chest and pointed to the night stand. He grabbed it and opened the pen with his mouth.

"When did the witch put the curse on you?" I asked.

"Three days before I broke out," he answered.

"Draw a timeline," I told him.

He did as I said, and drew a line, the first event was the curse. He then wrote down the day he broke out, the days he spent coming home, and the day he arrived.

"Now, what was happening to you on these days?" I asked, as I pointed to the dates.

He wrote down what he was thinking.

After he finished, I made a timeline of my own. When the feeling of danger started, and my runs to the woods, the anxiety, everything.

The timelines overlapped.

I had been feeling some of the same things he'd been experiencing.

"What does it mean?" I asked him.

"We're going to find out," he answered and put the notebook back on the night stand, "But not tonight."

I rested my head again on his chest. He started playing with my hair.

We'd been laying here like this for a while and sleep had yet to come. We were both awake. We were quiet. We had not spoken in the last hour. I had been concentrating on his very slow and quiet heartbeat.

"This used to work," he said, breaking the silence.

"What?" I asked.

"This, it normally put you to sleep, you'd be talking in your sleep after a few minutes," he told me and suddenly dropped the strand of hair he was playing with.

"I do not talk in my sleep," I said.

"What was that thing you used to chant when you went to sleep… before, when you didn't know I was the crow?" he asked.

"What thing?" I asked, confused.

"Something about not being seen… you used to repeat it over and over again…" he told me.

I remembered.

"_I am invisible, they cannot see me_," I whispered. I hadn't said that in a while. Not since I became a vampire.

"Huh," he said.

I raised my head from his chest and turned to look at him, "Alice," I said in realization.

His eyebrows were close together.

"Drink?" he asked.

I wasn't getting any sleep now. We might as well go out.

"Sure," I answered and quickly got out of bed, we changed into clothes and the next thing I knew, my bike was roaring to life, I was holding on to Damon's waist and we were making our way into town.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**Slow but steady.**

**That's my motto.**

**I've been plotting this for a while. TVD just got ahead of me with the blood sharing thing. *sigh* Oh well...**

**Reviews are better than Damon filled bubble baths...**

**Okay, maybe not.**

**:)**


	10. Chapter 10

"Well, well, well, Miss Swan, don't you look _cheery_ tonight?" Eve greeted me as we sat at the bar.

"Eve, this is Damon," I said, pointing at him, while getting comfortable in the seat.

"Oh... _Damon_ huh?" Eve said eyeing him up and down.

"Damon this is Eve... she's my trusty bar tender. She's been, _very_ supportive lately," I told him.

He grinned.

"_Really_?" he asked in mischief.

"Oh, yeah, this one and her friend Elena have been quite a few times in the last month," Eve told him.

I smiled.

"Elena? And what did my brother have to say about that?" he asked.

"Your brother? Oh you mean _Mr. Party Pooper_, big square head, pointy nose, brooding look on his face?" Eve described.

He chuckled.

"Oh, he dragged them out a few times," she said while cleaning the counter, "This one sneaked back here though."

I shrugged.

"What can I get you guys?" Eve asked.

"Bourbon," Damon said.

"Same," I told her.

"Coming right up," she turned around and grabbed a bottle, "So you're the fun brother right?" she asked as she poured the scotch into our glasses.

He smirked.

"No... you're trouble," she said immediately.

I laughed.

Damon took a sip out his glass.

"You have no idea," he answered coyly.

"Good. This one needs to start stirring up some trouble, and she's going to need your help," Eve said, putting her elbows on the counter and leaning forward towards us.

"Oh _really_?" he asked looking at me.

"_Mmmm hmmm_," Eve answered raising an eyebrow.

"Don't you have _other_ costumers to get drunk?" I asked her, widening my eyes.

She grinned.

"That's my cue to shut up and leave," she said looking at Damon, "Do me a favor? Make her have some fun... This girl is way too uptight."

He looked at me, a crooked smile on his face.

I took a deep breath. Eve had just said that Damon was right about me being uptight.

"That's the plan," he told her.

She walked to the other end of the bar and started tending to other costumers.

"So... you're a regular huh?" he said.

"When I didn't want to be at the house with Stefan judging me all the time or when I didn't want to bump into the Cullens in the woods and I was on edge I came here. Eve is very understanding. She gives great advice," I answered.

"What did you need advice on?" he asked.

I wanted to say: _The Cullens, and Edward and __you__ being gone._

Instead I shrugged.

"How do you feel about them being here?" he asked out of nowhere.

It was as if he had read my mind.

I sighed.

"It's complicated," I answered.

"Elaborate," he told me.

"Part of me hates it, part of me is relieved, part of me just wants to run," I answered, while I played with the mixer. "I don't trust them. Not all of them."

"You trust the empath," he said.

I nodded.

"Jasper and I never really had a relationship before. He was always suffering when I was around. I think he feels guilty and he's trying to redeem himself for the paper cut incident. He's past is kind of different from the one the others have. It's a bit darker," I told him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

I explained Jasper's background.

Damon's brows came together.

"Wait, are we talking about Jasper... _Whitlock_?" he asked.

I nodded.

He pursed his lips.

"What?" I asked.

"I've heard stories about the guy. _Quite_ the general," Damon said... was he amused?

"Seriously?" I asked

He nodded.

"I'd like to speak with him," Damon told me.

I shrugged, "I'll call him if you want, just tell me when."

"Tomorrow. Call him tomorrow," he said.

I agreed.

Then I chuckled, "You know, he reacted the same way when I told him about you."

"What did you tell him about me?" he asked.

"He was under the impression that Stefan was the one who changed me," I explained.

He scoffed.

"I _know_," I said.

"And what did he do when you told him it was me?" he asked.

"He was... shocked? Surprised? Scared maybe?" I answered.

He grinned.

"Why would he react that way?" I asked him.

"I was in charge of dissolving those armies in the south..." he shrugged, pride in his face.

"Oh," I said.

So if Damon would have caught him, then Jasper would probably be dead _dead_ right about now.

"And the others?" he asked.

"Umm... well, Carlisle was there when the Thanksgiving incident happened, and so was Emmett. Carlisle was supportive and Emmett too. Come to think about it, they've all stayed behind this invisible line. I don't know if I should interpret it as them giving me space or them not caring. I know Emmett is anxious to be on good terms with me. He does anything to pick a fight. Esme I've only seen once. Rosalie and Alice I saw one day when we crossed paths on the road. I haven't spoken to them. Nor do I want to."

"You and Emmett, were you close?" he asked.

I glanced at him. Was Damon worried about something?

"Emmett was always the jokester. He likes to goof around," I said, a smile escaped me as I played with the napkin.

"So you've missed him," he said.

I glanced up at him. He was staring at me intently.

I shrugged. "I guess so..."

He didn't say anything.

I took a drink out of my Bourbon. He was playing with his glass.

"How do _you_ feel about them being here?" I asked him.

He glanced at me, a small smirk on his lips, his eyebrows closed together, he shrugged and said, "I couldn't care less."

My stomach clenched. His attitude bothered me. I was expecting a completely different reaction from him. Something told me he was lying. His walls were up again.

"I care about how it makes _you_ feel. How they treat _you_. How _you_ act when you're around them. _They_ are not the ones who I'm concerned about," he said.

And just like that my stomach flipped into the never ending, tight, perpetual knot it was in when Damon was around.

Damon ignored my face, and leaned forward on the counter calling Eve.

"Can we have another round? Leave the bottle," he told Eve and winked at her.

She did as he told her.

He poured the Bourbon in my glass, "So, you chant things, and they happen," he said changing the subject.

I looked around.

"Relax, everyone is too drunk to listen," he told me, and took a sip from his glass.

"I'm not exactly sure it works that way," I told him.

"Well... the pixie can't see you and you chanted to be invisible, Jane's power backfired and you chanted rubber and glue," he said.

"_Yes, but what about the people I've killed_," I whispered.

"Maybe they were chanting stuff as well and you just caught it," he proposed.

I frowned.

"What did you chant when you met Aro?" he asked.

"Walls up," I answered without giving it much thought.

"And when the Empath's power backfired on him?" he asked.

"Nothing, I was just really mad," I answered.

"It's really hard to control abilities when you're angry," he explained.

"I guess so," I answered.

I took a drink.

"What about you? It doesn't explain why I ran so many times to the woods lately," I told him.

"Well, I _really_ wanted to get here," he said.

"We need to prove this theory," I told him.

"That's why I want to talk to the General," he answered.

"Why?" I asked, amused by his nickname.

"Because I think it's something emotional as well," he said.

"So we're going to test it?" I asked.

He nodded.

"You're not going to hand him in to the Volturi are you?" I asked, suddenly fearing that one day Aro would read Damon's thoughts again and Jasper would end up on a death sentence.

He rolled his eyes.

"Why are you so worried about what happens to them? They abandoned you. They suck. They sure as hell didn't care about you when they left you alone and unprotected, so why are you worried about what happens to them now?" he was irritated, his tone snappy.

"I know they caused me pain but it doesn't mean that I wish them to suffer in return. Jasper has been good to me," I told him.

He scoffed.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he said, the glass of scotch touching his lips.

"I _have_ to forgive them. I cannot go around an eternity holding a grudge that only upsets me and makes me angry and sad," I explained.

"You're being stupid," he told me.

"No," I put down the glass on the counter roughly, "I think I'm actually being mature about this. Maybe you should learn something about that."

"Excuse me?" he said, wincing his eyes and taking his hand to his chest.

"You hold on to grudges, and you are revengeful and it eats you up inside. What good does that do you Damon? Do you actually _like_ feeling that way? Isn't it exhausting?," I was mad, I was glaring at him.

"Well, _excuse me_, if I like to have policies with people who piss me off. You turn on me I turn on you, you get on my nerves I kill you. Simple as that. When you have an eternity to live, things get pretty boring Isabella. Retaliation keeps you going. You have something to do and waste your time planning on. I've made it pretty clear and you've known this all along. _Where_ is this coming from?" he asked.

Did he go on the mission because he was bored? Because it was a distraction from his boring eternal life? I was starting to feel very upset. I suddenly realized why the conversation about Sage had upset me when we were still at the house. He knew. He knew how dangerous the mission he went on was. Then I remembered our goodbye kiss before he went on his suicide mission.

Wait.

_What?_

_Did he-?_

Anger boiled inside of me.

He had to have known that there was this huge possibility he wasn't coming back from that mission.

I was so angry. I wanted to punch him.

"Well?" he asked.

"I know what that kiss at the airport actually meant," I spat.

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?" He asked confused and annoyed by my accusations.

"Eve, put it on my tab," I told her and got off the stool. I started walking towards the door.

"Bella, come back here," I heard Damon say from behind.

I was so mad. I felt like I'd been played.

I got out of the bar, and as I walked I took the keys to the bike out of my bag.

"Bella," I heard Damon call out a few steps behind me.

He grabbed my hand and turned me around.

"Let go of me," I told him angrily.

"_Don't_ make a scene," he whispered, his tone was a little menacing.

I shook him off and pushed him away.

He just stood there watching me like I was about to combust.

"You're right, I _have_ been stupid," I told him with deception, "but not with them... with _you_."

I cannot describe the look in his eyes as I said these words.

I regretted them the moment they escaped from my lips.

But I was angry, so angry.

He looked hurt.

I couldn't bare it, and I turned around again, walking up to the bike. I put the helmet on and without thinking it twice, drove away.

That was a goodbye kiss. As in_, 'I might not make it back and this might be the last time I see you'_ kiss.

If he was saying goodbye then _why the hell _did he send me the cargo of camera equipment and that _stupid_ letter that had left me so freaking loopy? _Why_ would he do that? Raise my hopes up and play with my emotions that way? Was he so _cruel_? So _manipulative_?

I drove to the house and after leaving the bike on the driveway I ran into the woods. When I reached the usual spot where I just unloaded my feelings, I tumbled to the ground.

What is happening to me?

All these emotions mixed inside. Less than half an hour ago I was on cloud nine. I was happy. I was calm. Now I'm mad and I just want to punch Damon in the face.

Was I acting like a child again?

I felt my phone buzzing in my jean's back pocket. I knew it was Damon. I ignored the call.

I rested my head on my knees and took a deep breath.

Maybe if Damon had told me about the mission I wouldn't have gotten on that plane. I wouldn't have left his side and I would have gone on it with him. Maybe that's why he hadn't told me.

Either way, it wasn't right. It wasn't right for him to give me a goodbye kiss and then send me that stupid letter giving me hope of his return and what I should look forward to.

Hopes of opening up.

Hopes of feeling something other than sadness and fear and stupidity.

Hopes of a relationship where I knew we were equals.

It wasn't right. He was going into a suicide mission. He should have told me. So that at least I would have put some back into that kiss, or gave him a tighter hug. Tell him something other than what I told him before he kissed me.

My thoughts dispersed as I heard footsteps coming from the bushes to my right. I raised my head. Emmett came out from the tree line.

He looked surprised to see me.

This was _not_ a good time for him to try to get on my nerves.

"Hey," he said awkwardly.

I gave him a small grin.

"Midnight snack?" I asked, noticing a few specks of blood on his shirt.

He looked down to his shirt, pinched it and raising his eyes to me shrugged.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked sitting on the ground next to me, his arms around his knees.

I furrowed my brows, and let out a sigh, "Processing?"

"What are you processing?" he asked.

"Stuff..." I answered trying to be as vague as possible. I did not want the Cullens to know anything about me and Damon.

"Does this stuff have to do with a certain blue eyed guy?" he asked.

"No," I answered without looking at him.

"Alright... is it Stefan?" he asked.

I scoffed.

"Elena?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Charlie?" he asked.

I shook my head again.

"The Black kid," he said.

I shook my head once more.

"Mike Newton?" he asked.

A laugh escaped my lips. I had not thought about that guy since I left Forks.

I glanced over at him.

"He tried _way_ too hard," Emmett said, a smile plastered across his face.

I nodded and chuckled.

"I still got it..." he said proudly.

"What?" I asked.

"I can sill make you laugh when you're angry."

"I'm not angry," I told him.

He let out a loud _HA_.

"Okay, I'm angry," I admitted.

"And it _is_ about Damon," he said.

I nodded.

He sighed.

"I've heard stories about the guy, it's really common that people get mad at him. They say he's pretty volatile... a bit of an ass... or so I've heard..." he said shrugging.

I shook my head.

"I've known all those things for a while now. I'm okay with it. I can take it," I answered.

"So what did he do to make you get so upset?" he asked.

_He kissed me goodbye_. I said in my head.

"I can kick his ass if you want..." he offered.

I chuckled.

"I think I'm able to do that on my own," I answered, "Thank you for offering though."

"You seem pretty tight," he told me.

I shrugged.

"You were really worried this afternoon when Carlisle was giving him the check up," he stated.

I exhaled.

"He was a mess last night and I was scared," I answered.

"So you trust him?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I? He's been there. Always," I answered.

"And he's your maker…" Emmett stated.

I nodded.

He frowned, "You know... I would have ripped Victoria's head off if I would have had the chance."

"I know," I told him.

Emmett's face was different. He became serious.

I felt my stomach go into a knot. My chest was heavy, and I felt this strong pull towards him. Like I had to move over and hug him.

"Bella, I was never okay with Edward's choice of leaving," he said suddenly.

My head snapped up and I stared at him.

"We are not really on good terms right now," he looked at me and then continued, "we had a fight a few months ago when he showed up after being gone for three months."

"Em, you don't have to tell me this stuff," I said, cutting into what he was about to say.

"Let me do it. I need to say it," he told me.

I shook my head, "I don't want to know."

He breathed.

"We hurt you. I know. I understand. When you showed up here I told the family to give you space. To let you be. It's been hard, for all of us…"

"Emmett, don't."

"So when you say that you were scared for this guy of whom I've heard so many awful stories about, I worry. Because we drove you there," he said.

"You don't like Damon, that's what this is about isn't it?" I said.

"I don't trust him, and I fear he'll hurt you... probably more than we did. I don't want that kind of pain for you again."

"That's not going to happen," I told him.

"What makes you so sure?" he asked.

"Because I trust him," I answered.

"Why are you mad at him then?" he asked.

I was quiet.

"He's an ass," I answered after a few seconds.

"So I've heard…" Emmett answered.

"He's an ass, but he's and ass that means well…" I added.

"If you say so…" Emmett answered.

After a few more minutes of sitting there talking with Emmett I stood up, said goodbye and walked back to the house calmly. I was going to have a talk with Damon. A calm conversation. As I came out of the tree line surrounding the house, I notices that there, sitting on the front steps, was Damon.

"Cooled off?" he asked as I approached him.

I shrugged.

"The sun is about to come out…" he said, pointing to the sky.

I nodded.

He patted the place next to him on the steps. I walked towards him and sat down.

"It _was_ a goodbye kiss," he whispered, his eyes fixed on the horizon.

I rolled my eyes.

The sky was turning a slight shade of orange.

"I knew how dangerous the mission was. I _did_ know there was a huge possibility that I might not be coming back, but I couldn't tell you that…" he turned to look at me, "You have serious abandonment issues. I didn't tell you, because I _know_ what goodbye does to you. I _know_ how much it hurts to feel abandoned, alone. So I didn't tell you. I gave you hope. Something that you could look forward to. Something that_ I_ could look forward to… Because for the first time in centuries I went on a mission wanting to come back alive."

And just like that I felt like the biggest idiot in the planet.

My heart sank.

Damon had never been so open to me before. Not in all our talks over the past few months, not in our all drunken nights, not in all our traveling. Never.

He was letting me see him in all his vulnerability. First yesterday when he got here all wounded, and now opening up like this.

I kissed him.

I threw myself at him and I kissed him.

Without thinking.

Without saying anything. I just kissed him.

My lips crashing on his. His hands in my hair.

Because I couldn't say anything after he said that he had something to look forward to.

He had given me hope because I had given hope to him.

And kissing him just felt right. Nothing felt more right than this.

I pressed my forehead against his. He caressed my face gently with his hand.

"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I stormed out like that..." I whispered.

He chuckled.

"I would have done the same thing," he replied and grabbing my hands added, "I tricked you."

"I probably wouldn't have let you go..." I said.

"I figured..." he wrinkled his nose.

I looked down at our intertwined fingers. I was still wearing Stefan's ring.

"Why would you go on that stupid mission knowing that there was this huge possibility you weren't coming back?" I asked.

"I was looking for answers..." he told me.

"Did you get them?" I asked.

"I got enough," he answered.

"Good," I said, and looked up to meet his eyes.

He looked tired. They weren't full of that mischief and the glint of adventure they always had. They were different.

"You should rest," I told him.

"I'm fine..." he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him, "let's just watch the sunrise."

"Okay... and then we go upstairs..." I bargained.

He grumbled, "You are going to be extra stubborn with this whole situation aren't you?"

I shrugged.

"You are not used to people looking out for you that's all..." I answered.

He grinned and we sat on the porch in silence until the sun came out. After a while we went upstairs and laid in bed together. Damon drifted to sleep quickly, even though he was fighting his eyes to stay open. His sleep was uneasy. He tossed a bit at first. That was when I moved closer to him and started running my hand gently through his hair. I hummed a song that Renee used to sing to me when I couldn't sleep at night. He calmed down.

Around ten Elena knocked on the door. I opened the door quietly. The house was still dark. The curtains were still down. I still had Stefan's ring.

Elena was holding a box.

"The mail came in a few minutes ago," she whispered, a small smile on her face.

I closed the door behind me and walked with her downstairs. We opened the box. It was the new ring. We stared at it.

"_Crap_," Elena said.

"He's going to _hate_ it," I told her.

It was nothing like his old ring. It was tacky. It was _super_ tacky.

"Bonnie _really_ doesn't like him..." I mumbled.

Elena agreed.

"Do you think we can take it to a jeweler?" I asked.

"I guess so..." she told me.

I let a laugh escape my mouth.

"It's hideous," I told her.

"Yep," she said chuckling.

Stefan walked into the living room.

"Is that Damon's new ring?" he asked.

We nodded. I handed it to him.

"Oh boy," he mumbled.

"We _know_..." Elena said.

"Do you have to go out today?" I asked him.

He shook his head no.

"So I can go into town and have this fixed?" I asked.

"Sure," he told me.

After getting dressed making the least amount of noise possible I headed into town. I got a local jeweler to fix Damon's ring. He took a picture of Stefan's. The important thing was keeping the rock intact. The rock was the one that carried the spell.

I didn't leave the ring though. I had him make a new one. I wasn't risking losing this one too.

I called Elena. Damon was still asleep. So before going back to the house I stopped by the Cullen's. I knocked on the door.

The door opened slightly. An eye appeared through the crack.

"We don't need any Bibles, thank you," Emmett said.

"Ha. Ha," I replied pushing the door open, "Is Jasper here?"

"Jasper, it's _always_ about Jasper," his voice sounded like a jealous five year-old.

"Well, once upon a time it was mostly about you," I told him.

"_Nah uh_," he answered.

"Stop acting like a four year old," I told him pushing the door open.

"I feel so _used_," he said.

"Yeah... I know how you feel," I replied.

"Hey, did you by any chance have something to do with our windows being trashed in the house in Forks?" he asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I answered.

"Huh... so you had help. You couldn't have broken them on your own," he said.

"I could _now_..." I said.

"So you _did_ have help," he said.

"I'm not paying for them. It was therapeutical. And you guys owe me like a century's worth of therapy," I told him.

"That's where our very own Dr. Phill comes in," he said.

"Is Jasper here or isn't he? I have to be getting home soon," I said.

"Come on in," Emmett said, holding the door wide open.

I eyed him.

"The girls are away on a trip," he told me.

I walked into the house, Emmett took me into Carlisle's study.

"Bella, what a surprise!" Carlisle greeted me.

"Hi," I answered awkwardly.

"Bella," Jasper nodded.

I grinned.

"So... I wanted to thank you for yesterday," I told Carlisle.

"I'm glad I could help. How is he feeling?" he asked.

"Well, he's not his usual self, even though he is a bit," I answered a little confused.

"Hmm," Carlisle responded.

"That's why I came over actually..." I looked at Jasper, "We were talking last night and he wants to meet you."

Jasper and Carlisle met eyes.

"He promised he was going to be nice... well, as nice as Damon can be..." I told them, "And he's a man of his word."

"_That_ he is," Carlisle answered.

"He mentioned the whole army dissolving situation… and he's not going to do anything…" I explained.

Jasper was quiet. After a while he spoke up.

"Alright," Jasper said.

"So, I'll bring him over when he wakes up," I said.

"Sure," Jasper agreed.

I left the Cullen's and headed back home.

Elena was working on a project for school when I got home.

"He's still up there, I don't think he's woken up yet," she told me as I sat down on seat next to her.

"Did you have it fixed?" she asked.

I nodded, "They're supposed to give it to me tomorrow, I had a new one made."

I took Stefan's ring off and put it on the table. Elena grinned, I walked through the dark house and I went upstairs.

As I peeked into my room I saw that Damon was spread across the bed in the most awkward position. He must have been tossing and turning all day. I tip toed over to the bed as quietly as I could. He was looking pale, and dark shadows had appeared under his eyes.

Damon was not getting any better.

I went downstairs and as I let the blood bags heat in the microwave I took out my phone and dialed a number while heading into the basement.

"_Mon petit enfant, what a lovely surprise_!" Sage greeted cheerfully.

"Hi Sage," I replied.

"_How are you? How is home treating you?_" He asked.

I sighed.

"I'm.. good..." I said, choking a little. I felt a knot form in my throat.

"_What's wrong my belle fille?"_ he asked concerned.

"He's back. He came back a few nights ago and he's not doing well..." I blurted out.

"_He made it_?" Sage said in surprise.

"Uh huh," I replied.

"_Tell me everything_," he told me.

I continued by telling him everything that had happened, the state Damon came back in, how he couldn't hold in any blood before having my own, how the wine helped but that I had used it all up. I told him about the squiggly mark and what Damon had told me about the witch.

"_And now_?" he asked.

"He's asleep. But he's not looking too good," I answered.

"_Is he regressing_?" Sage asked.

"Yes," I said.

"_I'll be sending you a package as soon as I can_," he told me.

"What do I have to do?" I asked.

"_When the package gets there, call me. In the mean time, keep doing what you're doing. He's going to be stubborn about it, but he will need to feed from you everyday. Stop taking vervain. Call me if anything else starts to happen_."

"Will something else start to happen?" I asked in worry.

"_We have to see how he evolves_," he explained.

"But he will get better right?" I asked.

"_Mon petit enfant, only time will tell_..." he answered.

"Thank you," I told him.

"_Farewell, be on the look out for the package_."

"I will," I said and hung up.

I think calling Sage left me more concerned than what I already was. I went inside and took the bags out of the microwave. I served a glass, poured some scotch in them and decided to trick Damon into drinking my blood without noticing. So I sliced my hand open, and let it drip into the glass. I mixed it up and went up stairs again.

Sneaking quietly into my room, I put the glass on the night stand while I took a seat next to Damon. I ran my hand over his face.

"Damon," I whispered.

He moved his head to the other side, away from my hand.

"Damon," I whispered again, this time giving him a little shake on the shoulders.

His eyes fluttered wide open. He grabbed me, threw me on the bed, straddled me with his legs and with his hands placed roughly on my throat, started choking me.

"Damon!" I tried to say, my hands trying to release his from my neck.

His eyes flared with anger. He hissed and growled.

I didn't want to hurt him.

I flipped him over, took his hands and placed them above his head.

"It's me, Bella. I'm not going to hurt you," I told him.

He squirmed beneath me.

"Damon! It's me," I said again, this time bringing my face closer to his. I stared into his eyes, searching for some sort of recognition.

His eyes came into focus. He stopped fighting me. I saw how the red streaks of blood disappeared and his light blue eyes came back.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Bad dream?" I asked, releasing his arms.

"More like a nightmare," he said.

"Want to share?" I asked.

He shook his head no.

"I brought you something," I told him, and reached for the glass on the nightstand.

"Breakfast?" he asked.

"Mmm, more like a late lunch," I told him as he took a sip out of the glass.

He started eyeing me up and down while he drank.

I was still sitting on top of him.

"You're looking pale," I told him, and traced the shadows under his eyes.

"I'm fine," he said.

"No you're not," I told him.

"Well... I'm going to be fine," he responded.

I let out a deep breath.

"Hey, don't, don't do that," he told me.

I shook my head, snapping out of the worry that had invaded me.

"We got a box in the mail today," I said changing the subject.

He raised his eyebrows.

I took the ring out of my pocket and placed in on his hand.

He was in shock.

"_What_ is this?" he said in disgust.

"I know it's not what you're used to," I started saying.

"It's freaking ugly!" He said.

"I ordered a new base this morning, the guy is supposed to have it done by tomorrow, so we only have to bring the rock and have him place it on the other ring," I explained.

He wrinkled his forehead.

"It's just a day..." I said.

He rolled his eyes, and put the ring on backwards, the rock facing the inside of his hand.

I chuckled.

"I wouldn't be caught dead wearing this," he muttered.

Now I rolled my eyes.

"What did you do today?" he asked.

"Mmmm, let's see... I went to the jeweler's, then to the Cullen's to tell Jasper you wanted to meet him..."

"How did he take that?" he asked.

"I told him you promised to be nice," I told him.

"But I didn't," He cut me in.

"You will now," I told him, opening my eyes wide.

He grunted.

"Promise..." I said, playing with his shirt. I was amazed at how comfortable I was at playing this flirting game with him.

He let out a laugh.

"Oh, so this is how it's going to be now..." he said.

"How?" I said, as I wrapped my legs tighter around him.

"You can't manipulate me," he said.

"I saved your life," I said, while running my nose over his neck.

"Don't play that card with me, we're even," he ran his hands gently down my back.

"Promise..." I said again, while placing small pecks on his neck and shoulder.

He groaned.

"Fine," he finally said.

I looked up at him, smiling.

"You're a manipulative little minx Bella Swan..." he said and grabbed my nose.

I shrugged.

"Finish that," I ordered him, pointing to the glass.

He raised the glass to his lips and drank.

"What's in this?" he asked.

"It's a super secret cocktail, my very own recipe," I explained.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Can I have my necklace back now?" I asked.

He nodded.

I took it off from his neck, and he put it on mine.

I never imagined the relief I would feel having it back on me. The sun was a bitch.

"So what time are we supposed to go there?" he asked.

"Any time, it doesn't really matter," I answered.

"I better get changed then…" he said, and finished the last drop in the glass.

He tried standing up, my legs wrapped around him still. Placing his hands underneath them, he stood up carrying me with him. He started walking towards the bathroom.

"Do you want to join me?" he asked.

That's when the panic invaded me. He was asking me to join him in the shower. As in, let's get naked and wet and soapy again. I wanted to, Lord I wanted to, but I couldn't.

"Aren't we supposed to take it slow?" I said, still clinging tightly to him.

He rolled his eyes.

"You're right…" he said, putting me down on the floor.

"I'll see you downstairs," I told him, walking to the door.

He smacked my ass.

"Hey!" I yelled back, turning around in his direction.

He smirked, and before I could do anything he blurred into the bathroom. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair while giggling.

It was almost five when we got to the Cullen's. We were walking up to the house when I decided to throw a warning at him. I had no idea how this was going to play out.

"Behave," I whispered.

"When have I not?" Damon replied. Calm, charming, smile on his face.

Carlisle opened the door as we reached the front steps. Greeted us cordially and invited us in. There, in the living room were Emmett and Jasper.

"General Whitlock, we finally meet," Damon said, extending a hand to Jasper, who was standing in front of us, hands on his back.

"Mr. Salvatore," Jasper said, extending his hand to Damon.

"Please, Damon is fine," Damon told him.

Damon glanced at Emmett.

"This is Emmett," I told him.

"Hi," Emmett said. Not extending his hand, his tone irritated, not amused by Damon's presence.

"Hmm," Damon smirked.

I nudged him.

"You're looking better," Carlisle said, and pointed to the sofa, "Please, sit."

We did as he told us.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked.

"Bourbon," Damon said.

"I'm good," I answered.

Damon glanced over at me, eyeing me.

"What? I'm good," I whispered.

I felt Emmett's eyes on me. For some reason this whole meeting was starting to feel very awkward. Carlisle had gone to serve Damon's drink and it was just the four of us in the living room. Sitting quietly.

"So, Jasper… may I call you Jasper?" Damon asked, Jasper nodded, "Bella tells me you've… bonded in the past few weeks?"

"We have…" Jasper answered somberly.

"We were never really close before…" I added.

"Why was that?" Damon asked.

I had told him this yesterday. Why was he playing dumb?

Jasper stared at Damon.

"Because most of my time was consumed by his brother and his wife…" I told Damon.

"And because as you may remember, Bella's blood was more than tempting as a human," Jasper added.

"Yes, and that," I replied.

"Hmm," Damon answered.

Carlisle came back into the living room with Damon's drink.

"Ah, thank you," Damon said as he took a sip out of it.

"Damon, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank you for what you did for Bella, while Victoria was running around," Carlisle said as he sat down as well, "It was our mess to clean out, and we thought we had it covered from our end."

"No problem, I had been looking for that red head for years anyways," Damon said smirking, he rested his back on the sofa, "Besides, you were trusting that your seer's vision was correct, never suspecting this one over here was somehow deflecting it."

"Yes, that has taken us by surprise," Jasper said.

Emmett sat quietly next to Carlisle.

"Which brings us to why we're here," Damon said putting the glass of bourbon on the center table, "I understand you're an empath."

"Correct," Jasper answered.

"As you know, by the recent turn of events of which you were participant…" Damon said, referring to the Thanksgiving incident, "Bella here, has an empath-like ability that she doesn't really know how to control. I'm hoping, that with your help we can get some insight and clarity of what that ability is so that she can learn to control it and episodes like the one you witnessed don't occur again."

Jasper looked at me.

"As long as Bella is okay with it, I'm happy to help," he answered.

I smiled.

"I really want to get this under control," I told them.

"What do you have in mind?" Jasper asked Damon.

"Well… I was wondering how you'd like to try a social experiment…" Damon answered.

"How many people?" Jasper asked.

"We need a crowd," Damon answered.

Jasper nodded.

"What do we do?" Emmett asked, pointing to Carlisle and himself.

"I think it's better if it's just the three of us… for now," Damon said and glanced at me.

I nodded.

"Less pressure…" Damon said.

"If you need anything else, don't doubt on contacting us," Carlisle said.

"I know what Emmett could do…" I told Damon.

Emmett's attention snapped directly at me.

Damon raised an eyebrow.

"I haven't had a proper session since we left Sage's," I told him.

I noticed Carlisle tensed up, but ignored it.

"I tried with Stefan, but he's a big softy and let me win, and then I was too pissed at him to give it a try without actually hurting him… And I'm not doing it with you after how you came back…" I added.

Damon rolled his eyes.

"Come on…" I smirked.

He shook his head and looked at Emmett.

"We're not talking about that right now," Damon told me.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because we're not," he said again.

"Come on, he's been dying to do it for a while now," I said, pointing at Emmett.

"Is it fighting?" Emmett said, a glint of hope in his voice.

I nodded.

"No," Damon said.

"I'll do it, you don't even have to ask, I'm down," Emmett said.

"We'll talk about it later," Damon told me.

"But-" I tried to say.

"Later," he said again.

He used his _shut up_ tone.

So I did.

I sat back on the couch and glimpsed at Emmett. He smirked. I shrugged.

"When do we do this social experiment thing?" I asked.

Damon stared directly at Jasper, "Mind if we take a walk General?"

Jasper stood up and pointed to the terrace door.

They both walked outside.

"He's an ass," Emmett told me.

"And that's his nice side, you haven't seen him being an ass," I said back.

"Bella, how long were you over seas with Damon?" Carlisle asked all of a sudden.

"A few months," I answered, my voice serious now.

I knew Emmett was concerned, he had made it clear last night. Jasper had made it clear when I told him Damon's blood was the one that changed me. I had noticed Carlisle's concern when I mentioned Sage. Damon had once told me that knowing Sage was better than not knowing him at all, he said this when I had asked him about Sage's past. So I wondered why it was that at the mention of Sage's name, an alert had gone off inside Carlisle's head.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"Here and there… and everywhere," I answered, not giving any specifics.

He grinned at me. He knew I wasn't going to give him any details. So I grinned back at him.

"So I'm guessing he introduced you to a bunch of people…" Carlisle said.

"A few…" I said, raising my shoulders and squinting my nose.

He nodded.

I leaned forward and grabbed Damon's drink from the table, took a mouthful and leaned back carelessly on the couch, without taking my eyes away from Carlisle.

We were quiet for a few minutes until Jasper and Damon walked into the house again.

"So, when do we start?" I asked them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**So here's how updates are going to go. The next chapter is already written. I will post it on the last week of of December. There's not a chance it will be up before. Updates will be more constant now that I have a few of them down already. **

**I want to clear up something that a few of you have been asking:**

**There is no sire bond in this story. The sire bond is just plain stupid... to me anyways...**

**Reviews are better than Damon filled stockings over the chimney. :)**

**Happy Holidays guys!**

**Muah!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Early Merry Christmas!**

**Be sure to read the important AN at the end!**

* * *

><p>A few days later Jasper rang the doorbell.<p>

"Hey Jasper," I greeted him.

"Miss Swan," he said cheerfully, "Are you ready?"

"I am, Damon will be with us in a minute," I told him as I stepped outside.

Damon was finishing his daily cocktail. For the past few days, while he slept I prepared a different drink, a mix of blood bags, alcohol, some other ingredient and a few drops of my blood. It wasn't much, not the same as the amount he got when he drunk from me, but enough to keep him up. We hadn't blood shared since that time in the tub. I still hadn't received Sage's package. I had noticed the bluish marks starting to appear on Damon's back again, but he refused to feed from me.

Stefan and Elena did not ask any questions when it came to our relationship. We were taking it slow. We kissed every now and then, and joked around a bit, but things had not scaled to another level.

"Where are we going?" I asked Jasper.

"Into town," he said as we walked to the garage.

Damon had not shared any information about the experiment we were going to do today. He said he didn't want to influence any of the outcomes. I was very curious about what these two had in mind. Damon had been to the Cullen's a three times in the last few days. He wanted to speak with Jasper about something. Part of me thinks he was going to get check ups with Carlisle.

Whatever the reason behind his sudden trips to the Cullens I really didn't mind. He must have had a damn good reason behind them.

"General," Damon said as he walked out of the house.

His cheeks were flushed. The cocktail was doing it's job.

They shook hands, and we got into Damon's car.

We parked the car on top of a building in the middle of the city and then we walked. It was lunch time, so people had left their offices and were outside looking for a place to eat.

Jasper led us to a street where there were many restaurants. This street was a closed one. No cars drove by here, there were only pedestrians. We sat on a bench that overlooked the whole street.

"Okay, what now?" I asked.

"We're observing people," Jasper told me.

"Who are we watching?" I asked.

"You'll know, just... concentrate," Damon said.

I sat back and starting analyzing the people that came and went. They were all in a hurry. They all had to get somewhere. Some were laughing, some were serious, some were mad, some knew what they wanted, others were indecisive and didn't know what to eat or where to go.

I kept on watching, but I didn't know what to look at. There were so many people here. None of them stood out.

"Japer, I'm looking but I'm not seeing anything, nothing pops," I told him.

He was quiet.

"If you had your camera here, who would you shoot?" Damon asked.

I looked to the crowd again. Definitely not the moving people, but the ones who were still. So I started watching people who were already seated in the restaurants.

A man reading a newspaper, a couple having lunch quietly, a young woman talking on the phone and writing things down at the same time.

My eyes fell on a girl who was sitting by herself in a table for six. She was anxious, looking around, trying to find someone. She kept glancing to the street, looking for whoever was having lunch with her.

My chest shrank, and my stomach clenched.

She was desperate. I think she was about to cry any minute now.

She had been waiting for a while. No one showed up. That's when I felt the slightest tug coming from across the street. There was a group of girls laughing as they stared and whispered.

They stood her up, and they felt joy over it. Watching the poor girl in the restaurant suffer.

"I'm not getting anything strong…" I told them, and then added, "Those girls right there are bullies, I felt a small tug coming from them…"

Jasper studied the girls, the bullies and the one who was sitting alone.

"What are you getting from the girl at the restaurant?" he asked.

"She's alone," I whispered.

She reminded me of me in the cafeteria in Forks right after the Cullens left.

"And the group of girls over there?" Jasper asked.

"They just want to hurt her," I answered.

"Are you saying it because you're seeing it or because you're feeling it?" Damon asked.

"I don't really know," I answered, looking back and forth between the girls, "I don't know how to tell the difference…."

"Concentrate," Jasper told me.

I stared intently at them. Trying to figure out which one it was. As much as I tried to I couldn't.

"I can't," I said after a few minutes, I was pissed t myself.

"It's okay, we can pick out someone else," Damon told me.

So I started scanning the street, but no one stood out. We sat there for a few hours. In silence. They weren't pressuring me. They just waited next to me for something to pop out and tug at me. Nothing did.

After a few hours of sitting still on the bench we stood up and started walking. We were going to have lunch, Jasper was just going to sit there and watch us, when we passed by a photography store that I wanted to check out. Damon and Jasper continued to the restaurant while I went inside to take a peek. After checking the place out, and making a mental list of the items I wanted to purchase the next time I was in town I left the store and started walking towards the direction of the restaurant where Damon and Jasper were waiting for me.

About a block away from the restaurant there was a park. Children were playing and laughing. Parents were watching them closely while bonding with each other. It was a happy scene. Everyone was carefree. No one had a care in the world. They were just enjoying a cloudy day out in the park.

I had stopped walking and started watching the scene before me.

Sitting on a bench a few steps away from the sand box was bald man. He was watching intently a little girl, who must have been no more than four years old.

Yes. I could feel the tug pulling me towards him.

The way he looked at the girl was not okay.

He was jumpy. He looked at the girl, then to a group of mothers who were talking in a table near by.

The mothers were distracted.

The tug kept getting stronger and stronger.

He looked at the girl playing. His eyes traveled along to the sides of her body. Her short blond hair, the rosy cheeks, her shubby legs, the innocence in her laugh.

I was disgusted.

He smiled. _Smiled_. His eyes full of lust.

The disgust within me turned into anger. I clenched my fists, and felt my mouth water. I was trying to contain myself from vamping out and scaring all the people in this park.

Then he stood up and started walking to the sandbox. He approached the little girl and took out a lollipop from his jacket.

That's when I started walking too.

My respiration, heavy. My temper reaching a boiling point with each step.

I felt arms around me.

And the anger reached it's limit.

"_STOP_," a voice whispered in my ear, the tone commanding.

I tried fighting him off, but he had my arms trapped in a knot behind me.

"Enough Bella. _Stop_," the voice snapped again.

I grunted.

The man was going to do something to the girl. The poor innocent, defenseless baby girl. She was just a baby.

The pull just kept getting stronger and stronger, and I had to get free from the grasp that this person had on me. I had to finish this sick bastard off. I feared for her. I had to do something. Every second made it harder.

"Bella, _STOP_," the voice said again.

"Let me go!" I hissed.

"_Control_ it, _reel_ it in," he said.

I couldn't,

That's when I saw Damon tap the man on his shoulder and knock him out.

"Go back to your mommy sweetie," he told the little girl, who obediently ran away.

The tug broke, and I fell to the ground, Jasper still holding me.

"It's over, it's over," he whispered.

I was panting.

"Are you okay?" Damon asked me, grabbing my face.

I was confused. It was as if a spell had been broken and I couldn't feel anything. The anger was gone, that crushing sensation in my chest disappeared. Then calmness invaded me, and Jasper let my hands go.

"Bella?" Damon called my name out.

I looked up at him and nodded.

"Were you aware of what you were doing?" Jasper asked.

I nodded.

"The next time this happens Bella, I want you to run the other way," Damon told me.

"But the girl," I started saying.

"You _run_ the other way," he told me again.

"I _can't_ do that, not when someone is going to get hurt," I answered.

"Walk away, _walk_ away," he told me.

"But-" I started saying.

"It's broad day light. This place has people everywhere. Did you have a plan?" he asked.

I shook my head no.

"You would have made a big scene. Do you know the amount of damage control that we would have had to do?" he said.

I shook my head again.

"Walk away. Walk away until you learn how to control it. Walk away and call someone," he said.

I nodded.

"It was disgusting," I whispered, looking at the bald man unconscious on the ground, "are we just going to leave him there? Letting him walk? What if next time he really does hurt a kid, what if he already has? What if he's one of those sick bastards who rapes children and then kills them?"

Damon glanced back at the man.

"I'll take care of it," he told me, and then looked at Jasper, "Take her to the car please."

I stood up and walked out of the park with Jasper beside me.

"Did you feel it too?" I asked.

"That's how I knew to run and get you. For the slightest second, you pulled your walls down, and all you projected was anger, rage, disgust. The amount of lust coming from the guy was immense," he explained as we walked, "when I felt that I ran. Damon came quickly behind me."

"That sweet innocent little girl," I whispered as I remembered the look on the man's face.

"She's safe now," Jasper reassured me.

"Thank you," I told him.

"I know what it's like, to be blinded by what others feel. It can get confusing, to differentiate what you're feeling from what others are," he said.

"Why is it that I only feel the bad ones? Is that my ability? To save the innocent?" I asked.

"We're more vulnerable to the evil, it's in our nature. You've been attracted to predators. Men who stalk their pray, much like we're supposed to do. We hunt. You've felt the attraction from hunters, they corner their victims, enjoy the thrill, and then finish it," he explained.

"Why don't I feel anything from the victims?" I asked.

"I think you do, but you're blinded by the stronger feeling coming from their attackers," he told me.

I sighed, "I've been in the victim's position one too many times. If I somehow can save others from being there, then so be it. I'll never be the victim again," I muttered.

Jasper turned to look at me, he had that look in his eyes, as if he had realized something.

"What?" I asked.

"The first person you attacked, the victim, was a girl," he said.

"Yes, and?"

"Would you say, the girl was your age?" he asked.

"I guess…" I answered.

"And the man a few weeks ago, he was cop," he stated.

"Yes," I answered.

"And now, this child, defenseless against this man, older, stronger, and more powerful than her," he describe the situation.

"Yes, what's your point?" I asked.

"Well… would you say that you saw yourself in the two girls?" he asked.

I stopped walking.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Think about it," He told me.

Well… I didn't look like the girl in Italy, she was different from me. But, I did black out the moment the guy cornered her into that alley.

A flash of Victoria's face came to my mind.

She cornered me into an alley and beat me up. She enjoyed my screams, just like the guy was enjoying that girl scream.

And this little girl today, wouldn't have had a chance if the man took her. He was going to trick her into going with him…

Like James… when he tricked me, and then bit me.

"What about the cop?" I asked him.

Jasper looked at me, waiting for me to put it together.

_Charlie_.

Charlie was here the night that happened. I had been worried about Charlie and his work in Mystic Falls. I wanted him out of there. I wanted him to go back to Forks, where he could live his life normally and safely.

Had I attacked those men because somehow the situations seemed to hit close to me?

Was this what Damon meant when he wrote down that I identified with the victims?

What about the time that I was with Damon in the woods when Jane attacked us? Damon was being attacked. Of course I identify with Damon. Of course I do. It's logical. My feelings towards him had been magnified since I turned. Before I turned I had created this dependence on him, he was the one who saved me, the one who had showed me how to have fun and live a little. He had given me confidence and when I turned that gratitude I felt towards him had magnified significantly.

Of course I attacked back.

It was Damon.

"I identify with the victims…" I whispered.

"It's a theory," Jasper said.

"We're supposed to feel our kind easily right? Like you, Alice and Edward. Each of your abilities work faster and easier with vampires," I recalled.

He nodded.

"I hated Volterra," I told him.

"I'm sure you did," he said.

We had reached the car an waited for Damon to catch up with us.

"What did you do?" I asked him as he got in the driver's seat.

"I took care of it," he answered.

"I wanted to take care of it! Why didn't you let me?" I asked.

"Not like that silly," he told me.

"Oh," I replied.

How had he taken care of the guy? I had a feeling we weren't going to talk about this in front of Jasper.

"Jasper made me realize something," I told Damon.

"Really? What?" he asked.

"I relate to the victims, because I don't like being a victim and I see a bit of myself in them," I told him.

He smirked, "But you already knew that," I told him.

"It was a theory," he winked at me and started the car.

Before heading home, Jasper spoke.

"I know that this is a bit of stretch, but Carlisle would like to invite you guys for drinks tonight. Stefan and Elena are much welcome to join as well."

"The four of us?" I asked.

Jasper nodded.

"And all of you," I deduced.

He nodded again.

"The six of you," I added.

He nodded once more.

I glanced over at Damon, who just shrugged. He was okay with it if I was okay with it.

"Can we think about it? Get back to you later?" I asked.

"Sure," Jasper answered.

He started walking into the forest.

"Hey Jasper?" I called out, he turned around, "Thanks again for today."

He grinned and walked into the trees.

We walked into the house, Damon closed the door and cornered me.

"What do you want to do?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I answered.

"I say we go there, put a few lessons in practice," he told me.

I raised an eyebrow.

"One, two, and three," he told me.

Oh, he was talking about the lessons he taught me when I was human.

"It's what you've always wanted right? To show them that you're different now, you've grown, you're confident, you're not the same little girl they left behind."

I bit my lip.

"Besides, I'll be there, Elena will be there, Saint Stefan will be there for what _that's_ worth," he told me.

I was going to be with the people who had helped me become this new Bella Swan.

"I'll do it if you want to. If you don't and you want to wait some more before heading over there, that's fine by me," Damon told me.

"You've seemed to have changed your mind about them," I told him.

He scoffed.

"No, I still think they're pretty boring, but i know that getting over them is important to you. I wasn't here when you saw them for the first time after you changed, but I'm here now," he answered.

The eternal, never ending knot in my stomach clenched tight.

"So, you'd do that?" I asked.

"Well... unless you want to take another bubble bath with me, I don't see anything else to do tonight..."

I swallowed.

Lately, it was getting harder and harder trying not to give in to Damon's teasing and flirting. It was almost unbearable to resist him. This taking it slow deal was not easy. Not when he paraded half naked around the house, or when he snuck in at night and climbed into bed with me, wearing only his boxers. Not when he walked around the kitchen with only a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair wet, and drops of water falling on his shoulder leaving the sweetest, sexiest trail on his back. No, it wasn't easy.

So I walked away. Because between the knot in my stomach and the other tingling things I was feeling _down below_ I would have jumped him right there.

I walked away because he told me to walk away from situations of which I had no control over. I needed a drink to calm down my thirst. But I knew it wasn't going to do anything since blood or alcohol was not what I was craving.

The worst part of this whole situation? He knew it. He knew what he did to me, and he enjoyed it.

_Ass._

"I'm going to think about it," I told him, walking into the kitchen.

Elena was sitting on the kitchen table, "Think about what?" she asked.

"The Cullens invited us for drinks tonight," I told her.

"They invited you guys for drinks?" she asked.

"No, us, as in the four of us," I told her.

She dropped the spoon she was holding.

"Me too?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Are we going?" she asked looking straight at me.

"I don't know," I told her.

"I think we should," she said, as she grabbed a spoonful of ice cream and put in in her mouth.

"You'd do that? Go to the Cullen's place with us? A house with nine vampires and you being the only human?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"You survived long enough around them, and I know the three of you so, it doesn't really matter," she told me.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yeah, besides, I want to see the inside of their house," she added.

After going for a walk outside, and thinking about going or staying in, I went back home and walked into Damon's room without having decided anything. He was reading a book, his legs crossed over each other.

"I don't know what to do…" I told him as I plopped on his bed. He closed his book and laid on his side, his arm sustaining his head.

He was quiet for a few seconds, his brows furred.

"Well… Can you do this? Even though it scares you, even though it's hard, even though you don't want to. Can you do, what you _need_ to do?" Damon asked me.

I stared blankly at him. I _had_ to get this over with.

"Bella, we're all insecure inside. You know that voice inside that tells us we can't do something, that we're not good enough, that we shouldn't even try?" he asked.

I nodded.

"When we listen to the voice, we hold ourselves back in ways we don't even realize all because we're scared to take a chance, to face our fears, to see what we're really capable of. So, are you going to listen to that voice? Or are you going to do what you _need_ to do?" he asked.

I stared blankly at him.

I can do this. I _can_ do this.

I nodded again. Took my cell and texted Jasper telling him we'd go. The four of us. He texted me back saying they'd be looking forward to it and the time they were expecting us.

Damon wanted to lay down before heading out. I had time to prepare myself for tonight. I needed to get myself under control. I went downstairs again, opened a blood bag and sat on the kitchen counter while I sipped from it.

_So how was this thing going to go down? _

We'd have drinks, what about them? Would they just sit there while we drank their alcohol? Staring at us? That was going to be awkward.

God, I was _not_ looking forward to anything tonight.

I finished the bag and took another one out of the freezer.

"Anxious?" Elena asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"I think it's going to be... weird..." I told her.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked.

I sighed.

"What I normally wear when I go out. Whatever, I don't care," I said sipping on the bag.

"Good," she told me.

I got upstairs, changed clothes, nothing fancy, nothing too revealing. I dressed as I normally dressed whenever I went out. I was not looking to impress anyone. I was going to be me.

_If they didn't like it, they could suck it._

Damon walked up behind me.

"You look great," he told me.

I grinned as I put on some earrings.

"Let's recap, okay?" he said as he turned me around, "One."

"Eye contact," I told him.

"Good, what else?" he asked.

"Don't look down. If they throw something at me, I'll throw it back at them. Never losing my cool, always stay calm," I answered.

"Correct. Two," he quizzed.

"Never say anything. Short, snappy answers. Don't fidget, don't repeat myself. The best answer to a question is another question." I answered.

He smirked.

"Three," he continued.

"Use my gifts," I smirked.

"And that means _all_ of them, even the ones you don't quite understand yet," he told me.

I nodded.

"Remember," he said grabbing my face gently, "We have a code word to get out of there."

"Chocolate," I whispered.

He grinned and gave me a peck on the lips.

"You're ready," he told me.

"I'm ready," I repeated.

"I have a last question," he told me.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Where's the shy awkward Bella Swan?" he asked.

"Locked up in here," I answered with a smile and tapping my head.

He kissed my forehead and extended his arm for me to grab. I did and we walked downstairs to meet Stefan and Elena.

We walked down the road together, the four of us. Stefan and I had had a talk a few days ago when I was preparing Damon's cocktail. He didn't know how serious the situation with his brother was. He had apologized for his behavior and the way he had acted. We had reached a truce. He told me that I could count on him with anything I needed for Damon's sake.

So tonight, as we walked down the road to the Cullen's house, I knew I had people by my side that cared about me. That knew how difficult tonight was. Was I really ready for this?

With every step we took in the direction of their house I asked myself a thousand questions. The thing is, how do you know when you're _done_, when it's time to move on? Sometimes the decision is impulsive, other times you think it through, but no matter how we decide we're ready, the truth remains, that the past is a hard thing to let go of.

Tonight I was letting go of the past.

As we approached the house, we saw paper lanterns hung up in the trees, guiding the way up to the house.

Alice. It was written _all_ over it.

I couldn't help having a flashback to my disaster of a birthday party. You know, the one where Jasper tried to eat me?

I really hoped nothing happened to Elena tonight.

I glanced over at Damon who winked at me and let go of my arm. I closed my eyes tightly when we reached the door.

_Be confident. _

_Walls up._

I need to show them I'm not the same.

_Confidence._

_Relax._

_Walls up._

_Walls up._

_Walls up._

I opened up my eyes again and raised my head high.

Damon rang the doorbell.

Carlisle opened the door and greeted us, "We have everything set up in the backyard, please, follow me."

We walked behind him. Elena peeked around the rooms we passed and made faces to me. I couldn't help but giggle.

She wanted me to relax.

When we were out in the backyard, the rest of the family came out, all of them. That's when I felt it again. The rib crashing pressure on my chest.

_Relax Bella._

_Breathe._

"Elena, I don't believe you've been properly introduced to everyone," Carlisle said as he walked towards Esme.

"This is my wife Esme," he introduced her and Esme gave Elena a warm smile, "Rosalie and Emmett," Emmett grinned while Rosalie just gave her a small nod, "and Jasper and Alice."

"We apologize for the lack of interaction we've had, considering Stefan has spent so much time with us," Esme said.

"It's no problem really... I would have never agreed to come here before anyways," Elena answered.

_Aww. _

We sat down, and they offered us drinks.

"So, how did it go today?" Carlisle asked.

"Really _great_," Damon answered coldly.

The subject of the social experiment was not up for discussion in front of everyone, even though we knew they must have discussed it as a family already.

"Bella, why don't you tell us about Elena here, how did you two meet?" Esme asked.

I glanced at Elena, "we were neighbors," I answered.

"Were you in the same class?" she asked.

I nodded.

"So you met Stefan and Damon through Elena," Carlisle deduced.

"Yep," I answered.

"Did you enjoy Mystic Falls?" Alice asked.

I looked at her directly in the eyes.

"Hmm... well, being chased by Victoria _was_ fun..." I said ironically.

"It was..." Damon said chuckling, I glanced over at him, "Teaming up with the pup was kind of cool, right Brother?"

Stefan raised an eyebrow, "_Yeah_..." he answered.

"You _never_ liked Jacob," I told him.

"But watching him rip off newborns' heads was pretty _awesome_," he told me.

"I wasn't there I wouldn't know," I answered.

"The pup's alright, when he's not being _insufferable_," he said.

"I think Jake is a _really_ _nice_ guy," Elena added.

"He's a hot head," Damon said.

"Only because you _provoked_ him," I said.

"No I _did not_," he told me.

"Yes... _you did_," I told him.

"He was being insufferable," he told me.

"And you were being an _ass_," I said.

He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Bella had fun in Mystic Falls, we made sure of that. We got her to go drinking at the graveyard, we went paragliding, and rode my bike around, we went clubbing, and she had sleepovers with Elena," Damon told Alice.

"You went _paragliding_? As a _human_?" Emmett asked excited.

I looked over at him and nodded.

"She _rocked_ it," Damon told him.

"I remember the look on Charlie's face the day you two arrived on Damon's bike," Elena said chuckling.

"He almost had a heart attack," Damon added.

"Does Charlie know?" Carlisle asked.

"He knows," I answered. I wasn't just about to tell them that Charlie's blood was the one that completed my transformation.

"How much does he know?" Carlisle asked.

"Enough," I answered, looking at him directly in the eyes. I wanted to make sure that my answer resonated within him. Telling him _yes, Charlie knows, he knows about our kind and your kind, and about Jacob and the pack. Charlie knows enough_.

"How did he take that?" Alice asked.

"_Extremely_ well," Damon answered.

"We heard you spent some time in Europe, how did that go?" Esme asked.

"Super," I answered.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

I glanced over at Damon, he gave me the look, the look he gave me when he wanted to tall me things were alright.

"Everywhere..." I answered and took a sip out of my drink.

I could tell my short answers were starting to get to them. They had waited patiently for me to come around and actually agree to speak with them. Of course they wanted to ask me questions. Of course they did. They might want to know everything, but they had lost that right when they left. I didn't want them to know everything and then give them the possibility of controlling me again. No, that wasn't going to happen.

That bone crushing sensation I felt when I walked in here was starting to get stronger and stronger.

It was as if I couldn't breathe, my lungs slowly collapsing.

I took a big drink out of the glass.

_Relax Bella..._

_Relax..._

"Elena, are you hungry dear?" Esme asked.

"I'm good," Elena answered.

"We prepared appetizers for you," Rosalie said.

Why did her tone seem _oh so_ familiar?

"Oh, well, I'll try them out then," Elena said, trying to be polite.

Esme got up and went for the food.

"So, Bella, we see you're into photography?" Alice said.

I nodded.

"How did you get into that?" She asked.

"Damon gave me the camera, I couldn't stop shooting afterwards," I answered.

Damon put his hand on my thigh.

I felt my lungs compress tighter. It wasn't because Damon had put his hand on my leg, no, this was not the automatic response my body got whenever he touched me, this had to do with what I felt when I saw the Cullens.

Was this a reaction from them towards Damon that I was getting?

My leg started getting hot. My chest tighter.

"You see, Bella was very disperse the first few months," Damon told them and grinned at me, "She had trouble concentrating on things, so I gave her the camera, giving her an excuse to get her to focus. I didn't know she was going to love it that much."

"I did," I answered.

"Is it something you want to explore more? Like a career?" Alice asked.

I shrugged.

"Are you starting school next semester?" Emmett asked.

"Are _you_ starting school next semester?" I returned the question.

"Probably not," he answered.

I nodded.

I was done with them interrogating us.

It was my turn to start talking. My chest was killing me. I was starting to get irritated by not being able to breathe right.

"Okay, let's cut the crap, I'm done with the one hundred questions, pretending everything is okay, while we answer this stupid interrogation," I said, Damon squeezed my thigh, "This is _not_ okay. I am _not_ okay with this."

"Bella-" Alice started to say.

"Don't even start Alice, just don't," I cut her out.

I felt the pressure on my ribs get tighter and tighter. I couldn't breathe.

_Fight it._

I glanced over at Jasper, who could definitely tell that something was wrong with me. He gave me a small nod.

_Let it out._

_That's what it meant, his look... Let it out._

"I'm not going to keep on doing this, playing along to this charade that everything is fine and that we are going to share stories and laugh about them. That's over. It's not happening. I can't do that," I stood up, " I came here tonight because Jasper has been good to me, and Emmett too, but I don't owe you guys anything, I don't owe you explanations about what I've been up to, or information about what I'm going to do with my life, and I really don't have to share anything with you about what crazy ability I might have. I don't. You lost my trust a long time ago, and you're sure as hell going to have a hard time trying to gain it back."

Everyone was quiet.

"So you can just stop. _Stop_ expecting me to be the same girl you left behind. That girl is dead. She's gone. You _can't_ push her around," I looked at Alice, "You _can't_ smother her," I looked at Esme who had just come out again with the food, "You _can't_ make fun of her anymore, because there's nothing to make fun of," I looked at Emmett, "and you _can't_ look at her as the next addition to the family so that you're all paired up," I looked at Carlisle, "I _have_ a family, a family that sticks around when things get rough and that I'm pretty sure wont encourage cowardice as the ultimate solution to what ever problem comes up."

I glanced over at Stefan, Elena and Damon, who were all staring at me with a glint of pride in their eyes.

"So _thank you_ for the drinks, I'm sure the appetizers were delicious, and I'm sure you had everything planned out for the evening, but we're leaving now," I told them.

Stefan, Elena and Damon stood up.

I looked at Jasper, he winked at me. The rest of the Cullens were a little taken aback with my sudden out burst.

I took a large drink out of my glass and put it back on the table before leaving.

They didn't come after us. We made our way out alone. In silence.

We walked back to the house quietly. No word was spoken. Not until Elena closed the door behind her after we walked in.

"That... was... awesome," she whispered, raising her eyes to me.

I grinned.

I had let go of all the things that had been bothering me for a while now and let them have it. I had to say those things. I was suffocating under their presence.

"You didn't say anything to Rosalie," Elena told me.

I shrugged, "Rosalie was always pretty honest so I had nothing to say to her."

When Damon and I were alone in my room later that night I told him what was bothering me since we left the Cullen's.

"I failed," I told him, my head resting on his chest.

"What?" he asked.

"I failed. I was supposed to move on, but I couldn't, I failed," I said quietly.

"You didn't fail," he told me.

"Yes I did, I combusted," I said.

"There are many ways to achieve your goals, but ignoring your inner voice is not one of them Bella. You listened to your gut. You had to let go of all those things you were keeping inside. So you didn't fail. You did what you felt you _needed_ to do," he told me.

"I was suffocating back there," I confessed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I felt like my chest was going to crush, like my lungs were collapsing I couldn't breathe," I told him.

"Had you felt that way before?" he asked.

"Yes, the day I got here, when I saw them for the first time," I answered.

"What do you mean your chest was crushing?" he asked.

"Like I was getting the tightest hug ever," I described, "I couldn't breathe," I repeated.

"And it only happens when you see them?" he asked.

"Yep, and it only got stronger when you put your hand on my thigh," I told him,

"They don't approve of me," he whispered.

"Well, that's not a surprise, they probably want Edward and I to get back together," I rolled my eyes.

He was quiet.

I raised my head and turned to him, "Which isn't happening EVER," I told him, making sure he understood I wasn't going back to Edward no matter how much he begged me to.

He didn't answer.

"Damon, I mean it," I told him.

"What? Yeah, I know," he said absentmindedly.

"Then what is it?" I asked.

"Bella, I think I know what your ability is…" he told me.

I caught my breath and stared back at him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

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**Next update: 1st week of January.**

**Kisses for everyone!**


	12. Chapter 12

"Why don't you just tell me what you think my ability is instead of these stupid sessions that aren't getting me anywhere?" I asked him.

I was irritated, bored and plain tired of doing these things Damon insisted I try out.

I wasn't anywhere near knowing what my ability was, or how to control it.

Not in the five days we had spent doing this.

"Bella… just relax, try to concentrate," Jasper told me.

"I can't do it," I told him.

"Yes you can, you already have before," he told me.

"I don't know how I did that," I told him.

"Concentrate," Damon told me.

"Can't we just try again tomorrow?" I asked.

"_No_," they both answered at the same time.

I rolled my eyes.

We were in the middle of the woods, in a secluded spot that was surrounded by trees. Jasper was in front of me, Damon behind me. For hours, Jasper had been trying to make me let my walls down.

_Walls down. Walls down. Walls down. Walls down. _

I kept repeating this inside my head over and over again.

"It's not happening Jasper," I told him.

"Maybe we're doing it wrong. Maybe it's not the right approach," he told Damon.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I'm going to try something different," Jasper told him and stared at me intently.

"Jasper?" I called out, noticing that his face had changed. His eyes were different. They reminded me of the first time we had bumped into each other while hunting. He was growling.

I arched my back, ready for an attack.

I stared at him, not making a single movement.

That's when I felt it, the pressure on my throat. It was as if hands were wrapped around it and they were choking me. I couldn't swallow. I couldn't breathe. My throat was closing, it was drying up.

I was thirsty.

I felt the blood lust.

And I couldn't think of anything else but the tightness around my throat and how parched it was, and blood. I wanted blood. Not from a blood bag, but straight from the source, I wanted to sink my fangs into a live human vein and suck it dry.

Suddenly my throat was released and Jasper was staring at me differently.

"You felt that," he told me.

"The thirst? That was _you_?" I asked as I coughed and rubbed my hand over my neck.

He nodded.

I turned around and faced Damon.

"Of course," Damon whispered and walked over to Jasper, "We were doing it wrong."

They gave me their backs and started whispering something between the two of them.

I couldn't hear them.

So what had been so different this time? We had been at this so hard in the past couple of days without any result and now, Jasper goes and throws me his unbearable thirst and I actually feel it.

So what were they trying to prove?

The guy in the restaurant, Jane, the guy at the convenience store, the guy at the park, Alice, Jasper, Damon. The guy in the restaurant, Jane, the guy at the convenience store, the guy at the park, Alice, Jasper, Damon. The guy in the restaurant, Jane, the guy at the convenience store, the guy at the park, Alice, Jasper, Damon.

Alice can't see me, Jasper can't feel me, Aro can't read me, the guy wanted the waitress, Jane wants Damon dead, the guy at the convenience store wanted his money, Damon wanted to get home quick, and the sicko at the park lusted for the little girl.

Alice can't see me, Aro can't read me, and Jasper can't feel me because I repeated over and over again to be invisible, to not be read and I was furious with Jasper for trying to make me feel things that I didn't.

Their abilities don't affect me because I didn't want them to.

And now, with Jasper I felt like I was going to choke because Jasper craves blood more than anything in the world. This lifestyle isn't easy for him.

"I feel what people want," I told them, they stopped whispering and turned around.

"I know what people want, I feel it. I also get what _I_ want, like, I can make stuff happen if I really, _really,_ _really _want it to," I said as I ran over the thoughts in my head over and over again.

"That's it isn't it?" I asked them.

"You got the grasp of it, but that isn't really what it is, not according to our experiments," Damon told me.

"Think about it Bella," Jasper said as he walked towards me, "Right now, what did you feel when I was throwing that thirst at you?"

"Like I was choking," I answered.

"No... it goes further than that..." he told me.

I wrinkled my forehead as I tried to concentrate.

"It was as if I really had to drink blood, I was drying up. Like if I couldn't have it I would die. I really wanted it," I described.

"No, you didn't exactly _want_ it..." he told me.

_Then what was it?_

"I... I _needed_ it," I whispered.

Jasper grinned.

"Needs? People's _needs_?" I asked.

They both nodded.

"The difference between what people want and what they need is that, you may want a car or a house or shiny new bike... Needs come from our deepest desires, the things we not only desperately want, but those things that we can't live without, that are essential to keep on living, to keep our sanity, to survive. Desire. It's powerful, maddening, and utterly unpredictable Bella," Jasper told explained.

I stood there trying to process things.

This was huge.

I had become more sensitive in the past few months.

Maybe because my own needs got bigger and stronger, and I had been desperate without Damon here.

I think I was almost at some point, on the bridge of combustion.

I need Damon in my life to keep me sane. Maybe he needs me in his too?

That day, when Charlie and I went fishing, I really just needed my father, to give me some fatherly advice, I needed to know he didn't think I was a monster. That day, Charlie gave the biggest speech I think he's ever given in his life.

Things started making sense.

I needed to get out of Forks, Charlie got a job offer in Virginia.

I needed someone who understood me and didn't judge, Elena came along, the only other girl in the world who had a vampire boyfriend.

I needed to be sure, to have fun, to be more confident, to have an equal... Damon happened.

Did I conjure everything up in my life?

Did things happen to me because I needed them to?

Did that mean, that the Cullens left because I needed that?

How much of my life was defined by my ability?

My head was spinning.

"I need to process this..." I told them.

Damon sighed, "Go."

I looked at him, I was flustered, I couldn't think straight.

"_Go_," he repeated, putting his hands on my shoulders, "come back when you're ready."

I nodded, and then I ran.

I found myself sitting on the same bench I had been sitting on with Jasper and Damon the day of our encounter with the sicko from the park.

I had been sitting here for hours. Where was I going from here? Now what?

I watched.

I observed.

I reflected.

I made a million questions in my head.

They say that we manifest our intentions, that we choose how we live, but if life didn't turn out the way you'd hoped it makes you stop and wonder, did I ever really have a choice, or is this the way it was meant to be? How much of my life can I choose? And how much is just who I am?

Had I wished for this? For my life to turn out so erratic?

What does this ability mean?

It scared me.

It scared me because once I knew how to handle it, how to use it, it gave me power over people, over myself, over the things I desperately needed. Over my deepest desires. Because I could control things to my advantage. Because if I ever turned off my emotions it could be disastrous.

What would happen when desire rose within me unexpected? How did I stand against it? And would I even try?

I was petrified.

Could I do the right thing even when no one's looking? When it's not convenient? When it's really hard? Will I do the right things, simply because I have to? Because it's who I am? Because it's right?

What would happen when I met someone who had a desire so strong and powerful, like the ones I've encountered, that I don't black out, but I end up doing what they need? Could I be manipulated? Could my ability backfire on myself? Could I become someone else's puppet?

When I arrived here, it was before noon, now it was already dark. It had been dark for a few hours. People were having dinner or drinks. They were laughing, talking business, enjoying themselves.

Me?

I was sitting here watching everything in slow motion and worrying while I watched everyone being happy.

Maybe life would have been simpler if I stayed with Renee before moving to Forks. I'd be one of them. One of those happy carefree humans that don't even imagine that the creatures from the myths and legends and scary stories actually exist and walk among them.

I let out a sigh and dropped my head in my hands.

I couldn't be left alone with my thoughts. I needed to run them through with someone. I needed to run them with Damon.

* * *

><p>"Help me out here cause I can't make out my thoughts well," I said as I barged into his room.<p>

He was in the bathtub, which was filled with bubbles, and he had a glass of champagne in his hand.

God. _Really_? _Now_? He was in the bathtub _now_?

FOCUS.

"Is this good? Is this bad? I don't think I like this ability. I mean, I've even thought I'd be better off without one. This could be bad Damon. _Really_ bad. I don't want to be a puppet, and I _don't_ want to be the puppeteer. I could get out control," I said as I paced in front of the tub from one side of the bathroom to the other. He followed me with his gaze, not saying a word, "How do I learn to control it and not black out? Will I only feel the bad stuff? The bad needs? Or do I have to work harder to get the good ones? What if I shut down? What then? You told me we become selfish when we turn off our feelings, I don't know what I'm capable of doing."

He drank from the glass, never taking his eyes off of me. Not speaking a word. It was as if he had turned into the crow, except he hadn't.

"Does this ability mean that I've been determining my life based on my needs? That _everything_ that has happened to me has happened because I _needed_ it to?" I paced around the tub, he was still quiet.

"What does that say about me? I'm a spoiled brat _that's_ what," I said and grabbed my head with both hands, hair falling on my face.

"Damon I'm not sure I want this ability, make it go away," I whispered.

Before I knew it, Damon had kneeled in the tub, grabbed me with his hands and thrown me into the water.

"Champagne?" he asked calmly.

I was soaking wet.

He had managed to get me into a tub with him again.

This time I had clothes on.

I extended my hand, he gave me the bottle, and I drank directly from it.

He stared at me from the other end of the tub.

I put down the bottle, "I wasn't making any sense was I?"

He smirked.

"You made sense," he answered quietly.

I sighed and sank into the tub, under water. Water had always calmed me down, and he knew this. I stayed under for a few minutes before I came back up.

"Clearer?" He asked, my head was half in the water and half above. I shook my head no.

"You're scared. It's normal to be scared. I haven't met the first vampire that wasn't scared or confused by their abilities when they first figured out what it was. Trust me, I've seen a few," he told me.

"What if I can't control it?" I asked.

"Then we learn how to do that," he said.

"What if I never do?" I asked.

"You will," he assured me.

"Why does it always come down to that? _Control_?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"I'm going to let you in a little secret, and this is something I've learned over the years. There comes a day when you finally realize that the control you seek will forever be _just_ outside your grasp. For some people it's a terrifying discovery, while for others it's strangely liberating. Bella, if for now, the only person you can control is you... that means you're off the hook for the other six billion souls making their way in this crazy world. I don't think your ability conjured your whole life to fall into place. Some things have a way of happening. Ask the psychic whenever you feel like forgiving her," he winked.

I let the breath that I was holding in out causing bubbles to come up the water.

"If I ever turn my feelings off, it could mean disaster… _right_?" I asked.

He pursed his lips together and nodded.

"But I'll be here, and I'll guide you back home, I will fix it, I'll fix you," he told me.

"Promise?" I asked.

"I swear," he said taking my feet in his hands and pulling me to him, making me sit on his lap.

"Well you finally got what you wanted, getting me into a tub again," I chuckled.

He smirked.

"I am used to getting what I want… even _before_ we met," he clarified.

I pinched his arm.

He winced playfully.

"What do you say, we go out tonight, get your mind off of things for a little while? I was actually planning to ask you out on date..." he said lightly.

A date.

A _date_.

Really?

_A date?_

My mind completely forgot about that ability I had discovered and the rambling, never-ending, worrisome, stream of consciousness that had clogged my thoughts for the last twelve to fifteen hours of the day.

"A date?" I asked confused.

"We've never been on one..." he told me.

"But, we've been out hundreds of times," I told him.

"As friends, drinking buddies, partying posses, but never on a date," he said, as he took strands of hair and placed them behind my ears.

_Blank._

I was blank, and all I could think of was to say yes with my head.

"Good, I'm going to go get things ready," he said, raising me from his legs and making me sit on the other end of the tub.

"Wait, do you mean... _tonight_?" I asked.

He shrugged and stood up.

Yes, _it_ was in my face _again_.

I covered my eyes, "I'm not one of those girls you know..." I told him.

"What girls?" he asked.

"I'm not going to sleep with you on our first date," I answered.

He chuckled.

"We'll see about that," he said and climbed out of the tub.

"I'm serious," I told him while he wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Go change," he told me and left the bathroom.

"Wait," I said leaning forward in the tub, " Where are we going? How do I have to dress?" I called out.

He didn't answer.

_Fuck._

I drowned in the tub again.

He knew how to play with me.

I got out of the tub and still soaking wet, made my way into Elena and Stefan's room, they were watching tv.

"What are you doing? You're soaking!" Elena said as soon as I opened their bedroom door.

"Damon asked me out on a date," I blurted out.

"When?" she asked.

"Tonight," I answered.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and immediately jumped out of bed. She grabbed a towel, and threw at me. She went into the bathroom, got a few things out and dragged me into my room.

I sat down in front of the vanity and plugging in my hair drier and Elena's we both took one and started drying my very soaked hair.

"Where is he taking you?" she asked.

"I don't know, he disappeared before I could ask," I answered.

"What are you wearing?" she asked.

"Umm... I'm dressing casually, he knows me, he wouldn't take me some place extra fancy... would he?" I asked.

She was quiet, and then answered, "Just be yourself."

Twenty minutes later, my hair was dry, I was dressed and ready to go out. Now all I needed was Damon to appear.

My cellphone rang, it was Sage.

"Mon Petit Enfant, it is I, Sage," he said as soon as I answered.

"Hi Sage," I found it funny that he introduced himself that way.

"I sent you the package yesterday, it should be arriving some time tomorrow afternoon," he told me.

"Great," I answered.

"How is he doing?" he asked.

"Well, he's stable, I've been doing what you told me to," I said.

"Good, is he being very stubborn?" he asked.

"Well, sometimes, most of the time I trick him," I answered. I had been giving him the cocktail daily, every other day I'd do it in front of him, I'd slice my wrist and filled up a glass for him to drink from. We hadn't shared again like the time in the tub.

"Good, good," he told me.

"What do I have to do when it gets here?" I asked.

"Call me, I'll be waiting. Oh and Isabella darling, make sure you're by yourself when you open it," he replied.

"Okay, I'll make sure of that," I said.

"Au revoir, my lady," he said.

"Bye Sage," I hung up.

What was it with the mystery? Sage spoke in riddles sometimes, and it wasn't easy figuring out what it was that he meant. I had to be on the look out for that package, and make sure that Damon wasn't around when it got here.

I waited in my room for about half an hour before Damon showed up.

He was wearing a tie.

I was dressed causally.

I think he must have seen me react in some way because he laughed and took it off immediately.

"I'm joking," he told me as he walked towards me, "It was a joke, you look great."

I sighed in relief.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"You'll see," he answered.

We made our way downstairs and out to the garage, got into the Audi and drove into town.

I had to admit, I was excited. I had never felt this way before when we went out. This time it was different. This time we were going out with the sole intention of having a date. I'd be concentrated on him and he would be concentrated on me. He wouldn't be flirting with the skanks at the bar and I wouldn't have to push drunk men away from me. It was just going to be about him and me.

We pulled up at an old movie theater.

It was empty. There was no one there except for a few employees.

"Pop corn?" he asked.

I had not been to a movie theater since the one time Elena and I went while we were still in Mystic Falls. Two minutes into the movie I had to leave. The crunching and sipping and the people trying to get comfortable in their seats drove me insane. Back then I didn't have as much control, or focus.

But tonight the theater was empty.

No guy crunching on popcorn with his mouth open, or the girl sipping loudly from her Coke. Nope. It was just us.

"Yeah, sure," I answered.

We picked out the snacks and after Damon dismissed the theater's staff we walked into the screening room.

He had picked out a chick flick.

Really?

He'd stand two hours of some cheesy romantic comedy for me? We had never agreed on a movie before. We always ended up watching what he picked out. Usually it was a foreign movie. Damon detested Hollywood. Sure, he thought the actresses were pretty and the lifestyle was cool, but he hated the industry.

The lights dimmed and the movie started.

The movie went by smoothly. He'd hold my hand, gently rub his fingers over the back of it. I rested my head on his shoulder. Eventually I'd look up at him and he'd grin back at me.

It felt good.

It felt right.

He held my hand play with my fingers, and every time he did something gently just the light touch of his skin with mine made me shiver and the knot in my stomach clench tighter. Halfway through the movie though, I ended up sitting on his lap and making out with him. I couldn't help it. I gave in. In my opinion, I had been too strong for too long trying to resist him.

He held my face in his hands and pulled me closer to him. It was a sweet kiss, a gentle kiss. It wasn't one of those kisses where we were hungry for each other. We've had those before, someone always ends up leaving the room afterwards.

So we didn't notice the movie end. We were too enthralled with each other.

When the lights came up we pulled away and stared into our eyes for a minute. Boy was he good at taking my mind off things. I could stare into his eyes forever.

Cheesy.

I _know_.

We left the movie theater and then walked to a small restaurant that was a few blocks away.

"This is nice," I whispered as we made our way to the table. It was a private room, the lights were dimmed down. He took my chair out and made me sit first.

When it came to manners and etiquette, Damon knew his stuff. Whether he liked to practice it on his day to day life was a different story. But mostly, when he wasn't being an ass Damon was quite the gentleman, at least with me.

"I took the liberty of ordering already, I hope you don't mind…" he told me as he sat down.

I shrugged. Most of the time he had good taste in food. He already knew what I liked and what I didn't, while we were in Europe we had been to hundreds of restaurants and he had made me try out the most delicious and disgusting dishes I'd ever tasted. Yes, both.

The waiter served us wine.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" he asked.

I smirked, "I enjoyed the last part."

He chuckled.

"Did you?" I asked.

"The ending was pretty predictable," he answered cockily. I kicked him underneath the table.

"So you planned all this in an hour?" I asked.

"Imagine what I could come up with if I'd have a little more time," he answered proudly.

I grinned.

We were quiet for a few seconds.

"Okay, this is awkward," I told him.

He smirked.

"So… what's your favorite color?" he asked.

"Really?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Blue," I answered and then returned the question, "What's your favorite color?"

"Pffft," he scoffed, "That's easy, red."

I rolled my eyes, "I think you secretly love yellow."

He chuckled.

The waiter brought our entrances, and while we ate we spoke about different things. Damon asked about my photography, about the kit he had sent, what lens liked the most. He asked if I planned on taking more lessons next year. I told him I wasn't sure about that, he said it was good to have something to take my mind off things, and that I try to live out my life normally, not worrying about anything else.

He asked me what I wanted to do. I blurted out something about visiting my mother, who I hadn't seen since graduation. He agreed to take me down to Florida for a visit.

We talked about traveling some more. He told me about places in Asia, and Africa and how we had to go to New Zealand some time so that I could practice some landscape photography there.

What started out as an awkward conversation about our favorite colors ended up being a nice and different conversation over dinner. For the time we were there I wasn't worrying about my ability, or about the antidote for his condition. I was just thinking about him, and me, and that we might have a future together.

"I want to show you something," he said as he took his phone out of his back pocket. He put it on the table and I grabbed it. There was a slide show.

I looked up at him, a smile across my face.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

He nodded.

I slid my finger on the screen as I flipped through the pictures.

"When did you start this?" I asked.

"Right after I left you at the airport," he smiled.

My heart shrank, and the knot in my stomach clenched tighter, the butterflies started flying faster.

"You started the renovation project of the villa when you dropped me at the airport?" I asked.

He nodded, and grabbed the phone from me. He flipped through a few pictures before handing over the phone to me again, "What do you think of this room?" he asked.

It was a large room, windows on almost every wall.

"It's lovely," I answered.

He grinned, " That's the master bedroom. I was thinking that maybe you would like that one, the sun hits it the entire day, so it wont ever be dark there…" he whispered.

I stared at him.

The only thing I could think of was stand up and lean over the table to kiss him.

Damon was making plans. Long term plans. With _me_. _ME_.

"Can we go there soon?" I asked.

"Say the word, we'll pack up and go," he told me.

I smiled, and went through the pictures once again while we waited for dessert.

"Damon…" I said raising my eyes from the phone, "this is really great," I told him.

He grinned.

His eyes were different. They had this glimmer of something I hadn't seen before in them. I like it.

After dinner, and a few bottles of wine we went home. I slept in his room that night. Kisses were sweet and gentle. He never made a move for something more, I didn't either. It didn't bother me. I think that deep inside he knew I couldn't handle over analyzing one more thing right now.

The next day. Elena was eager to know about the date, so she found the first excuse that went through her head to get the boys out of the house.

"Just go, find the nicest tree out there and bring it back, take your time, you two need your brother bonding time," Elena told them.

After agreeing to go Christmas tree hunting, Damon and Stefan left the house. Elena and I talked. She was happy, it was nice having her to share everything I was thinking about my relationship with Damon with. I mean, with Damon I shared all my other thoughts, and with Elena I shared all my girl related subject thought with.

When Elena and I had finished talking I walked out of the house. I had been sitting on the front steps of the house for a while now. I was waiting for Sage's package to arrive. He said it would arrive today, in the afternoon, and it was the perfect timing since Damon was out of the house and I could open it alone. About thirty minutes later a truck came into view and parked right in front of me.

A skinny man with greasy long hair jumped out of the truck and opened it's back door. He took out a large wooden box with FRAGILE written all over it.

He handed me the box, I signed some papers and he pulled out of the driveway. After making sure the funny looking guy had left, I ran to the forest in the opposite direction Damon and Stefan had taken and where I knew they wouldn't go looking for trees. Away from the path the Cullens took to go hunting.

Once I had made sure I was alone I opened the box. Inside there were eight bottles of wine. But they weren't Black Magic Wine bottles. No, they were different. They were clear, not black. They looked like matte white wine bottles. I took out my cellphone and dialed Sage.

"They're here," I told him as soon as I heard him pick up.

"Are you alone Mon Petite Enfant?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Isabella it is extremely important that you do as I say and tell absolutely no one about this," he told me.

What was so important about the wine I must keep it secret?

"Okay," I answered.

"Can you do that? No one must know. Your life, and my life depend on how well you keep this secret," He insisted.

_My life depended on it? _

"Yes," I answered, I was worried now.

"Isabella in your hands you have the antidote to Damon's curse, but it isn't quite finished yet," he explained.

"What do I have to do?" I asked.

He paused for a second.

"You'll have to pour your blood in it," he answered.

"Okay, I can do that," I replied.

"It's not that simple my child," he told me.

"Is there something else?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered and after a brief pause continued, "Your blood has to contain traces of human blood, that you must consume directly for the source..."

"I have to feed from someone," I repeated.

"Yes, and there's another thing," he added.

"What is it?" I asked.

"His blood has to be in your system as well," he answered.

His blood?

Damon's blood.

"Both? At the same time?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered.

"Sage, why does my blood heal him?" I asked.

It took a few seconds for him to speak.

"You are an extraordinary and rare creature my child, it's because you're a singer that your blood healed him, _after_, you had already given him some wine," he answered.

"Is there blood of a singer in those bottles of Black Magic Wine that are in your cellar?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Why would Sage have so many of those bottles when this wine was so scarce? So hard to get your hands on? It could only mean one thing.

"Is it yours?" I asked him directly, without tiptoeing around the subject.

Silence.

Was that why Sage was so odd? Because he's a singer? Is that why he has so many bottles of it in his wine cellar?

"Sage?" I asked.

"Oui, mon Petite Enfant, it is, " he answered

There was silence from both ends of the conversation.

_Of course_ our lives depended on keeping the secret. If people got wind of it I don't want to imagine what would happen.

"Mon petite fleur? Are you still there?" he asked.

"I'm here," I answered.

"Do you understand the importance of this conversation?" he asked.

"I do," I answered.

"Do you have anymore questions?" he asked.

"Only about a million," I scoffed.

He chuckled.

"Mon ami, I'm more than happy to help you find the answers, but I'm afraid that will have to be some other time," he told me.

"What happens when I pour the blood in the bottles? How much do I have to pour in them?" I ask.

"Ah, correct, three drops in each bottle will do it. You might want to store at least a blood bag of your blood under these conditions," he told me, and then after a pause added, "You must hide it as well Bella, no one must know. Not even Damon."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay," I answered.

"Goodbye my dear," he said.

"Bye Sage," I answered.

"Call me again once it's ready," he told me.

"I will," I told him and hung up.

Dropping to the ground I pounded my fists hard into the soil.

There was something _wrong_ with me. First there was my stupid ability and then the fact that I'm a singer, which put my life in danger in numerous occasions before, and now, I somehow possesses the capability of brewing some intoxicating and healing wine that was very coveted by vampires.

I felt _drained_. I wanted to fall asleep for a year and wake up knowing how to control my ability.

How was I going to get Damon's blood into my system?

How was I going to drink from a human without killing him or her?

Well, I knew how to get Damon's blood into my system but we weren't quite there yet. Were we?

I mean, I know I want to. Dear Lord if yesterday was proof enough, I did want to.

It just had to be right. I wasn't going to force things into happening.

But how was I supposed to keep this from him? How?

Secrets, they say, are all revealed in time. Most of us know this: that almost all secrets have a way of getting out. Eventually. It was not going to be easy.

I texted Elena, asked if the boys were back yet, they weren't. I told her I'd be going into town for a bit and would be back as soon as I could. I took the wooden box, ran home, threw the box in the back of Damon's car, and drove into town.

I rented a storage unit with Charlie's credit card and left the wine bottles in it. After compelling the guards not to let anyone in it and making sure they wouldn't go inside themselves I stopped by a mall, bought some ornaments for the tree and drove back home.

I needed an alibi as to why I had gone into town.

When i got home, Elena was making dinner, the guys had not come home yet. I showed her the ornaments, she liked them and started helping her out.

"Those are really going to look great up on the tree," she told me as she placed them one next to another on the kitchen table.

"Let's hope the guys get home soon," she added.

We were peeling potatoes when the doorbell rang.

I opened the door, and as soon as i opened it regretted not looking through the peephole first.

"Don't close it please," Alice begged as soon as she saw my face.

"What are you doing here Alice?" I asked.

Her expression was one of worry.

"He's coming," she told me.

I stared at her blankly. Not a thought went through my mind. Except_ how could this possibly be happening right now?_

"He's coming and I thought you should know," she explained.

"When?" I asked.

"He's not far away, he'll be here before the sun sets, after that I go blank," she explained, her eyes looking at me with apprehension.

I just stood there holding the door open.

"I thought you'd like to know, and not be blindsided… again," she told me and then, turned around and started walking back into the forest.

I watched her.

"Hey Alice!" I yelled out.

She turned around.

"Thanks," I said lightly. She nodded, a small grin forming on the corner of her lips, and then walked away.

I closed the door behind me, and leaned my back against it. After all the news I'd received in the past two days, I thought things couldn't get any worse. It was happening all at once.

He was coming.

Edward would be here tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**So there's the answer to everyone who's been asking about our dear Party Pooper showing up. **

**Happy New Year guys!**

**Reviews are looove!**


	13. Chapter 13

**BELLA POV**

Breathe. Just breathe.

I could hear my breath as I inhaled and exhaled, I was still leaning against the door. Alice had just left.

I suddenly felt nervous, angry, scared, petrified. I was afraid of what would happen in the next few hours. How would Edward react to the news? Would he come barging in here expecting explanations? Or would he drag his martyr ass to these front steps and beg for forgiveness? Does he expect me to forgive him? To pick up where we left off?

No way.

_Today is the day Bella. _

Today is the day when you put on your brave face, and tell him to go away. When you take your cojones and give him a piece of your mind, and you tell him everything you've wanted to tell him in the past year. You show him indifference, and if he shows up on those front steps you hear him out and then close that door in his sad face.

_You can do this._

_Bella you __have__ to do this. _

_But be the bigger person._

_No. You make him suffer._

_Ugh, so many ways to go about this._

Damon, where's Damon? What's taking them so damn long? How difficult is it to pick out a tree? How was he going to react when Edward showed up? I mean, there are no feelings in me for Edward, other than the ones to set things straight and tell him what I think about his stupid decision to leave. I don't want Damon to feel like it's happening again. Because it's not. Because it _wont_.

"Hey, who was it?" Elena asked as she came out of the kitchen, only to find me sitting on the floor, staring absently to the hallway in front of me.

"Whoa, what's going on? Why the face?" Elena asked.

"That was Alice," I told her.

"What did she say?" Elena asked.

"She gave me the heads up that her brother would be here before sun set..." I said shrugging.

"Her brother? As in _Edward_?" Elena asked in disbelief.

"The one and only," I said.

She took a deep breath and sat down next to me.

"Okay, how do you feel about that?" she asked.

I looked at her, "I've been thinking about this since the day I came back from Europe only to surprisingly find his family here. I knew this would happen eventually. I had this speech made up in my head. I've always known what I wanted to tell him, but now it's not as clear as it used to be anymore."

"Do you still have feelings for him?" she asked.

"_What_? No, of course not," I answered.

"Then what's bothering you?" Elena asked.

"I don't want to be that sad girl he left in the forest," I whispered.

"Have you seen yourself? You stopped being that girl long before you even set foot in Mystic Falls," she told me.

I sighed.

"The day you decided to stop moping around, and bought those bikes that Jake helped you fix, _that_ was when you decided to move on," she added.

I was quiet.

"Just be you... and make him suffer," she told me. I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I wonder how Damon is going to take this," I said.

Elena chuckled, "I think Damon will give him a piece of his mind... I know _I_ will..."

I raised my head from her shoulder, "What are you going to do?" I asked.

"Oh, I'll be thinking stuff, remembering things, things that you don't remember because you were unconscious, that kind of things..." she said.

She meant she would be thinking about when Victoria beat me up in the alley at The Grill.

I chuckled.

"Go take a shower, clear your head, and then just go with your gut," she told me.

So I did that. I needed a shower after all the news I had received in the last 24 hours. My ability, the recipe for Damon's cure and something about my singer blood being special and worth killing me over… and now, Edward.

I stood under the hot water for about twenty minutes before getting out. I got dressed and then went downstairs, sat in the living room and waited.

Damon and Stefan were still not here.

I glanced out the window in the direction they left.

No sight of them.

The sun was low; it would set any minute now.

I closed my eyes and sat very still. I started listening. My senses were high. Just like Sage had taught me.

I was aware of everything.

This was my way of relaxing.

It really took a lot of concentration to let everything sink in. So I was focused on that.

_Concentrate Bella._

_Pull your walls up._

_Stay calm._

_Breathe in._

Hold it.

_Breathe out._

Even though I felt at ease right now. I felt my chest contract slightly.

_Breathe in._

Hold it.

_Breathe out._

It was starting to contract more as the seconds went by.

_Breathe in._

Hold it.

_Breathe out._

My chest ached. My arms started feeling heavy. I was thirsty.

It was _him_. He was coming.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out._

_Walls up. Walls up. Walls up._

_Get yourself together Bella._

_Stay strong._

It was going to be worse than whenever I saw the Cullens all together. Because this was all coming from him. And knowing Edward, he took things way too seriously and would be probably blaming himself for everything and he would want to beg for forgiveness and make it harder on himself than it really was.

I sat still.

I heard quick footsteps coming from the forest. He was running. Then they stopped. My lungs contracted, I felt them crush inside me.

_Breathe, breathe. Just breathe._

_You can do this._

He wasn't walking towards the house. He was just standing there.

_What is he waiting for?_

After what seemed like an eternity, he started walking towards the house, his footsteps nearer and nearer. He reached the asphalt in the driveway, and then went up the front steps; the boards creaked as he stepped on them.

_This is it._

He rang the doorbell.

_Get your walls up Swan. You're going to need them._

I stood from the couch and walked to the door, I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened it slowly.

_Head up. Stand up straight. Short answers. Questions to questions. Gifts. _

And there we were. Face to face. After months of crying, waiting, wondering, making up scenarios of this exact moment, here we were.

I felt a pang in my ribs, I couldn't control my legs and heavy arms, and the thirst and dryness in my throat.

_Suck it up. Suck it up._

His eyes were desperate, and pitch black. He never looked directly at me. His clothes torn. His hair messier than ever. He was avoiding my eyes.

I was suffocating.

He scanned me. He was looking at every part of my body. It was as if he couldn't believe that I was in front of him.

"Bella," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Edward," I replied coolly.

My hand was still on the doorknob, I was fighting my urge to squeeze it and rip it from the wood.

"I-" he started saying but choked up.

"You?" I replied arrogantly.

"I- I'm... I really... I don't-" he stuttered, trying to find what to say. With every word he spoke my lungs collapsed over each other, I felt my body being squeezed and contracted into a knot. My veins rubbing against the muscles, my stomach burning. The dryness in my throat enlarging.

I wanted to slap him to make it stop, like when Damon had knocked out the guy in the park.

I raised an eyebrow while clenching my jaw and my right hand into a fist, trying to channel the pain to one spot.

I was about to collapse. I was fighting with all I had to stay standing up straight, my face controlled.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said.

He's sorry?

All the pain he caused me and that's what he comes up with?

He's _sorry_?

_Sorry_?

I'm twisting inside with excruciating pain, and he's _sorry_?

"I want... I need you to-" he started saying. But I couldn't hold up my composure any longer. I ripped the doorknob from the door without noticing.

He looked me in the eyes and that was when I fell to the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>OUTSIDE POV<strong>

"Are you aware that maybe for the first time in centuries this Christmas we can celebrate without any drama?" Stefan said to his brother.

"It's been ages," Damon answered.

"The girls are probably wondering why we've been gone so long," Stefan said, looking to the horizon.

"You grab that end, and I'll grab this one," Damon directed, he leaned down, grabbed one end of the tree and waited for Stefan to do the same.

"Are you planning on taking Bella somewhere for New Years?" Stefan asked, both of them carrying the tree through the woods.

"Well, we talked about visiting her mother," Damon answered.

"_Really_?" Stefan asked, his toned amused.

"Really," Damon answered seriously.

"Brother, she's taking you to her mother's? To introduce you as her boyfriend?" Stefan asked.

"We're not putting any tags on it. I'm just taking her there to spend some time with her mother," Damon replied.

"Uh huh," Stefan answered.

"I want to take her out of here for a little while, she's been hit with a lot lately," Damon added.

"Well, I thought that night at the Cullen's was good for her, I mean, she just let go of the things she'd been thinking about for a while," Stefan said.

"Yep," Damon answered.

They continued talking through the rest of the walk back to the house. They were less than a mile a way when they heard the loudest scream.

They stopped walking.

Stefan turned around to face his brother. Concern was written all over Damon's face.

Recognizing the scream they dropped the tree and rapidly ran home.

* * *

><p><strong>ELENA POV<strong>

"Bella?!" I called out as soon as I heard the screams coming from down stairs.

She was _screeching_. I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs, only to find Bella on the floor, yelling at the top of her lungs. Edward standing at the door trying to get in.

"_What did you do to her?_!" I yelled at him.

"Nothing, I-" He started saying.

I crawled next to Bella, but I was too afraid to touch her. Her face was on the ground, she had slammed her hands through the wooden floors causing them to break under her palms.

"Bella? What's wrong? What can I do?" I asked.

I had never seen her like this.

_Stefan, I had to call Stefan. _

"Why can-t I come in? Please, let me come in," Edward begged me, he was madly trying to come into the house but the spell Bonnie had put up was holding him back.

"_No_!" Bella screamed, "Make him go away!" She shrieked, her eyes were turning red and veins were starting to pop around them.

"Bella, I'm _sorry_, I'm _sorry_, I'm _sorry_," he repeated desperately.

"You're sorry?" I said in frustration. Oh my god the nerve of this guy. "Haven't you done enough? _LEAVE_," I yelled back at him.

"I _have_ to help her," he said.

"You want to help her? _GET OUT_, go back where you came from," I spat.

And that's when I pushed all the thoughts of the broken Bella I remembered meeting the first time I saw her down the street. I remembered her broken frail body in the alley. I remembered how I held her bleeding wounds as we tried to make her better.

I remembered Damon carrying her to the house in his arms after Victoria had snapped her neck. I remembered how worried Charlie was while she was still unconscious.

_GO AWAY. _

"Bella, it's okay, it's okay," I told her, but her eyes were shut tightly.

"Elena!" I heard someone call out. My head snapped up.

Jasper was by the door.

"Let me in," he ordered.

I shook my head no.

"Don't touch her," he told me, "She's stronger than you and she can't control her actions right now." He turned to face his brother "Edward you have to leave," he told him.

"I'm not leaving her. I'm not leaving her again. It's my fault. It's all my fault," Edward told him.

"You're doing this, you _have_ to go," Jasper insisted.

Before I knew it, Stefan and Damon came in through the kitchen, Stefan kneeled next to Bella and Damon stood in front of the doorway, his face as threatening as I had ever seen it.

"Get the fuck away from here, crawl back to the hole you came back from and don't ever step into at least a five mile radius from this house," Damon spat in Edward's face.

"I'm not going anywhere," he answered back.

Damon glared.

"Elena, invite Jasper into the house," he ordered me, never taking his eyes away from Edward.

"What? She doesn't want any of them in here," I told him.

"INVITE HIM IN," he told me in a harsher tone.

I looked at Stefan who just nodded while he held Bella's hands in his.

"Come in Jasper, come in," I told him.

He blurred to Bella's side. She wasn't screaming anymore, she was making choking sounds and coughing loudly. It was as if she had something stuck in her throat and couldn't get it out.

"Edward, _leave_," Jasper told his brother again.

"Don't make me snap your head off," Damon threatened Edward. Even though Edward was taller than Damon, Damon looked more powerful and intimidating than him.

"Edward, son," Carlisle had just arrived, "let's go."

"I'm NOT leaving her," he insisted.

Carlisle brought Emmett with him and together they fought the stubbornness and took Edward by his arms and dragged him into the forest again, he was furious at them, squirming and turning, trying to break free from their grasp.

Jasper started whispering things to Bella that I couldn't make out. She continued to cough and gasp for air uncontrollably. She nodded to something that he said and shut her eyes tightly.

He placed his hand on her back and then after a few seconds Bella passed out.

I sat there confused, scared, my mouth wide open.

"What took you so damn long?" I asked.

"We're here now," Stefan told me, while he held me in his arms.

"What did you do to her?" I asked Jasper.

"I sedated her," he answered.

Damon's face was full of rage. His brows furrowed, his forehead creased, his eyes cold, but it all changed when he turned around and saw Bella passed out on the floor. His clenched jaw smoothed out and a frown formed in his mouth. He gently picked her up from the floor and slowly took her upstairs. Jasper followed close behind.

"What just happened?" I asked Stefan, "Why was she screaming like that? What did he do to her?" I gazed into is eyes for answers.

"Let's… let's make some tea," Stefan told me and guided me into the kitchen.

* * *

><p><strong>OUTSIDE POV<strong>

He was angry.

He was ready to rip his head off.

With every step he took he thought of different ways to torture the son of a bitch. How he wanted to rip him, limb by limb for being so damn stupid and a complete moron and then light his body on fire, leaving his head aside to watch it burn.

He marched to the Cullen house after Jasper had told him it was okay to go and that he'd stay with Bella as long as he needed him to.

He wanted to give him a piece of his mind.

He wanted to kick his ass back to South America.

He _really_ wanted hurt him.

He didn't even knock on the door when he reached the Cullen house, he opened it and waltzed right in there.

There was a discussion going on. Everyone was talking rapidly and over each other.

"Damon," Carlisle said.

He raised his hand to Carlisle, telling him to shut up and walked right up to Edward. He leaned backward and conjuring up all the strength he had, he threw a punch against Edward's face.

He could hear the sound his hand made when it crashed against his cold stone skin, cracking the side of his face.

He heard the women gasp in surprise.

"You are _not_ to go any where near Bella again, you hear me?" Damon told him, he was holding him from his throat.

"I _have_ to make it right," Edward replied.

"You want to make it right? _Leave_. You're the last thing she needs on her plate right now," Damon said.

"I'm not leaving her again," Edward told him.

"Do you not _know_ what Bella can do? What her ability is?" Damon asked him.

"Yes, I've been filled in, but I did not know that before heading out there," Edward answered.

"Then you _know_ that your freaking _need_ to apologize, to make things right, your _desire_ to mend things with her, did the _exact_ opposite. That your self-pity and loathing affected her. That you have all been crushing her with your damn emotions and regrets and all she can do is just stand there trying to fight them because she doesn't know how to repel them? You are _not_ helping, she was _suffocating_ under your collective needs," Damon scolded them all.

"I just want to make things right, I _have_ to speak with her," Edward told him.

"Well you can _forget_ about that," Damon spat out and threw him against a wall.

"Damon, I think the important thing here is to teach Bella how to control her gift so that she can live a normal life as possible," Carlisle cut in.

"Oh, _bravo_, you are really bright Carlisle," Damon said sarcastically and clapped with a smile on his face, he then became serious and raised an eyebrow, "What do you think Jasper and I have been doing?"

"I know, I was just suggesting we do this _together_," Carlisle responded.

"The only thing that you will _all_ do, is stay the _fuck_ away from her. Because if you come near her again, and she has one of these episodes, where she's in pain, and she crashes down and doesn't know how to control it… she _will_ combust. And we all know what will happen afterwards…" Damon told them and glared at Carlisle.

"She'll turn off her feelings," Alice gasped.

"And bringing her back won't be easy, now _will_ _it_ Carlisle?" Damon asked staring at him.

His face had changed, worry written all over it.

"_What_?" Edward asked, looking at his leader, he was clearly reading his mind, surprised and scared by what he heard.

"Oh… you _know_ why it is so dangerous," Damon told Carlisle, "you've seen it before."

They were all quiet.

"Are we all clear?" he asked, glaring at everyone in the room.

They all carried concerned expressions. They gave signs of understanding.

"Good," Damon told them.

"Get your shit together, stop being the sorry ass martyr," Damon told Edward and then turned around.

"You. Big guy," Damon said pointing at Emmett, "Tomorrow. Sun set. At the clearing. Be there."

He nodded.

Damon then left the Cullen house and went back home.

"What a dick," Rosalie muttered.

"Bella says he's an ass that means well," Emmett said.

"Is Bella with him?" Edward asked.

They all looked at each other.

"Well... they're close... but I've never heard her say it or seen her be affectionate towards him in that way," Emmett answered to his brother's question.

"So she trusts him," Edward said.

"Completely," Carlisle answered.

Edward sat down and placed his head on his hands.

"What have we done?" He muttered.

Emmett rolled his eyes and walked out of the house. Alice followed him close behind, annoyed by their brother's presence.

"Son, you must hunt," Carlisle said, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder.

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA POV<strong>

I opened my eyes slowly. I was resting on my bed. For some reason I felt extremely well rested. I had slept soundly. My whole body relaxed. I turned around to my side to find Damon sleeping beside me.

I stared at him.

His eyebrows were furrowed.

He was worried. His sleep was not peaceful.

Then it came back to me.

Edward and the excruciating pain he brought with him.

I was angry.

That was _not_ the impression I wanted to give. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to close the door in his face.

Instead I crumbled to the ground and screamed like I was being tortured.

I _was_ being tortured.

By _him_.

By his emotions.

By his stupid _needs_.

How could someone else's needs be stronger than my own?

"Hey," Damon whispered as he opened his eyes, "How are you feeling?"

"Angry," I answered.

His eyes were drowsy, half closed.

He frowned.

"Come," he told me and pulled me into an embrace.

"I'm sorry," I told him.

"Sorry? For what?" he asked.

I let out a sigh, "I tried to be strong, but I couldn't."

"It wasn't your fault," he assured me.

"Yes it was Damon, I'm _weak_," I said as I buried my face in his chest. My voice came out muffled.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said raising my head with his finger, "You are not weak, it was him and his insufferable self pity and guilt."

"Still, I should have repelled it, like I do with Jasper or like I unconsciously do with Alice. What's wrong with me? Did I want to feel that?" I asked.

He stayed quiet.

"Maybe you did," he answered, "The question is... _why_?"

I let out a grunt.

Why had I?

"Talk to the shrink," he told me.

"Jasper?" I asked.

He nodded.

"He knocked you out yesterday, and I think he's the one who can help you interpret what was going on," he told me.

"Maybe, but I'm not going there," I told him.

"They're not coming here if that's what you're worried about," he said.

I raised my head, "What did you do?"

"I gave them a warning," he shrugged.

"What kind of a warning?" I asked.

"Get your shit together or I'll snap your freaking head off," he answered innocently.

I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle.

"So you went there?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yep."

We lay there holding each other for a while until Elena came in and offered us some hot cocoa she had just prepared. Stefan and Damon had picked up the tree they had abandoned in the woods the night before after Damon came back from the Cullen's.

Elena and I decorated the tree while the boys hung up decorations in the rest of the house.

Even though I was busy with the decorating, my mind was still going over what happened yesterday. I was still mad at myself for letting Edward's crush me like that.

I hated that the only words he had been able to mutter were I'm sorry. Like that made anything better.

I had accidentally broken a few of the tree ornaments while I was absently thinking about things.

I saw the worry in Damon's face every time it happened and a very strong warmth coming from him. Like every time I was next to him things got better.

But I was frustrated with the breaking ornaments and my racing thoughts.

So when I broke the golden glittery ball I was taking out of it's case, he took me by my hand and led me outside to the forest.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"You need to blow off some steam," he answered as we approached the clearing, "And since you refuse to train with me, even though I'm absolutely fine, I've asked someone else to help us."

We reached the clearing and there, sitting on a rock waiting patiently was Emmett.

I glanced over at Damon, who gave me a weak grin. I hugged him tightly and ran towards Emmett.

He greeted me with a warm smile.

"So I hear you need a punching bag," Emmett told me.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" I asked him.

"Oh, I'm ready," he said, as he pounded his hands together.

"Okay then..." I said, taking a few steps backwards.

There was a prudent distance between us. I could tell he was excited to do this; he had been looking forward to this moment for a while now.

I arched my back, my hands on the floor, he smirked. Before I knew it we were racing towards each other at full speed.

We banged together, he tried flipping me to the ground, which he did, I was on the floor, Emmett on top of me. He was heavy. But definitely not heavier than Felix, with whom I had fought once in Sage's house.

I wiggled my legs beneath Emmett, trying to break free, he was holding my arms against the ground.

With a small thrust of my hips, I raised my legs, locked his head between them and made him fall to the ground as well.

Damon was standing a few yards away. Observing.

I let go of Emmett and stood up. We moved in circles, threw a few punches, I ran, he ran behind me, I smashed him into a tree, he did the same. It was mostly back and forth but it wasn't something challenging, it was more like a fun game.

It wasn't doing it though.

It wasn't hard. I wanted it to be hard.

"Stop," Damon yelled from his spot.

We both turned around to face him. Jasper was with him. I had no idea when he had gotten here.

Jasper signaled Emmett to go where they were and then traded places.

We started circling around each other.

He made the first move.

And he missed.

He was fast, and tried attacking me a few times, before I stopped running out of the blue and jumped backwards. Surprising him I pushed him to the ground.

He came back up quickly.

We exchanged a few punches, he stopped mine, I stopped his.

I was enjoying this. It had been a while since I had done this, considering that training was something I used to do for a few hours daily while I was with Damon in Europe.

"Is that all you got sugar?" he asked.

Sugar? _Sugar_.

Really?

I laughed.

I jumped, he jumped, I ran, he pushed me to the ground. I flipped him over, he pinned me down. I threw him off, he found a way to do the same to me.

We might have torn down a few trees.

That, was when I noticed when he grabbed a branch.

"Oh no you're not!" I told him. I was not getting staked today.

That's when the strength kicked in, and I pushed him away, kicking the branch from his arm and then locked him down, my arms around his head, his legs squiggling, trying to get lose.

"Alright, alright," he grunted, "You win."

I let him go.

We both stood up. I cleaned my jeans.

Emmett clapped from the distance.

"My turn," he said.

"You had your turn," I told him.

"Well… I underestimated you, I want to try again," he replied.

"Maybe next time," I answered.

"Excellent session Miss Swan," Jasper said bowing to me.

"You're not bad yourself," I replied.

He chuckled.

I glanced over at Damon, who had an accomplished look on his face. He winked at me. I remembered what he told me about talking with Jasper.

"Hey Jasper?" I asked.

"Bella…" he answered.

"Do you mind taking a walk?" I asked.

He nodded. We started walking on the opposite direction from Damon and Emmett.

"I wanted to thank you for yesterday," I told him.

He walked with his hands behind his back.

"I don't know why I couldn't control it, I really tried holding it in," I told him.

"Bella… don't worry about it. Edward was being… well, Edward," he told me.

"You mean he's like that ALL the time?" I asked amazed.

"Well… he carries a lot of guilt, regrets, he burdens himself with things that really don't concern him, he's mad, depressed, disappointed, melancholic, wretched, unhappy, devastated, detached, hurt, lonely, remorseful, disgusted with himself, and ultimately… heartbroken" Jasper explained.

No wonder it was so hard to repel. All those negative feelings.

"Those feelings only appear when our needs aren't being satisfied," he added.

"So… if he's needs are not satisfied, and he wants to satisfy them… desperately…" I started thinking out loud, "Then I pick up on that and I try to give him that satisfaction?"

Jasper was quiet.

"You're a fixer Bella," he told me.

"What does that mean? Like is that what my ability is called?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"No darling, that's not what it means," he grinned at me and then added, "You like to fix people, you've being doing that all your life. You were a grown up to your mother, a care taker to Charlie, the silence in Edward's non-stopping mental mutter, a sister for Alice and Emmett, a child to Esme, a friend for Elena and if I dare say so, a lover for Damon…"

I turned to look at him quickly.

"Your secret is safe," He whispered.

I shut my eyes.

"You're always trying to fix things Bella. It's not your fault, it's how you're wired. But the thing is this… There's no question that when we help we feel valued, useful and more connected to the people we care about. The question is, when is helping not helpful at all? Sometimes the way we help the most is to give others the space and support they need to help themselves."

I was concentrated on his words.

I did try to help.

"Bella, the world is full of problems, fix one and you'll find another just waiting to take it's place. In a world were problems abound, many of us are professional fixers, myself included. Whenever we see a problem we have to get in there, we have to fix it. In our rush to fix, to help, to solve, most of us never pause to wonder if we're doing the right thing. Because after all, how can trying to help someone be wrong?" he said.

We continued walking.

"But, if you can help someone, why not do it? If what you do makes them happy?" I asked.

"Ah… then you must ask yourself this: what if their happiness is not your responsibility?" he pointed out.

"So what you're saying is that I have to let go?" I asked.

"You're not responsible for anyone other than yourself," he winked at me.

"It's not up to me to make them happy," I repeated.

He shook his head.

"Is that why tend to keep to yourself?" I asked.

He nodded.

"It's like people want something from you and you have to help," I told him.

He grinned, "Bella, you have to start being selfish."

I stopped walking.

"Selfish?" I asked.

"Yes, selfish. What do you need? What do you want? Think about that and go for it," he explained.

We had reached the top of a mountain. We had been walking quietly for the past twenty minutes. I was going over the things he'd told me.

"Jasper, yesterday, when you told me to let my guard down and trust you, when you knocked me out did you feel it? The crushing sensation that was suffocating me?" I asked.

"I felt your anxiety, panic, and agony, but I did not feel the crushing sensation that you were feeling," he answered.

"Edward has to be the biggest pain to be around of right now," I whispered.

"Yep," he answered.

"What does he know?" I asked.

"Well… he picked up on a lot of things… most of them to be frank," he answered honestly.

I let out a sigh.

"So how do I do it?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"How do I not crumble when I see him? Because there are a few things I'd like to say to him…" I told him.

"We can come up with something…" he said, giving me hope.

"Jazz?" I said.

"Yes darling?"

"Thanks…" I told him, leaned forward and gave him a tight hug. He wasn't expecting it and stood rigid for a while before placing his hand over my arm and tapping it awkwardly.

"So… you and Damon huh?" he said after I had let go of him.

I caught my breath.

"How did _that_ happen?" he asked.

"The less you know the better," I told him.

He chuckled.

"I get it," he said.

I looked at him in surprise.

"I _get_ it," he said again.

No judgment. That's what it meant.

I grinned.

Later that night, when Damon and I laid in bed watching some movie I wasn't really paying attention to, I started thinking about what Jasper had told me. I had to be selfish. What did I want? What did I need? I had to start making myself the priority. Which I _had_ been doing before coming here to this place where everything became this complete absurd drama. I wanted to clear my head. I needed to concentrate on what was important.

"Damon?" I said.

"Hmm..." he replied.

"Can we get out of here? I mean, can we just get on the car and go? You and me, just us?" I asked.

He was surprised by my request.

"What about Christmas? I know Elena has been looking forward to this..." he told me.

I was quiet for a few seconds. She _had_ been planning this.

"After Christmas?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Any where…" I answered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**So they've come face to face.**

***CLEARS THROAT* **

**Allow me to take a moment to make a little speech and accept my awards.**

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	14. Chapter 14

I had been sitting up in the tree for most of the morning. After leaving Damon's cocktail on his nightstand I sneaked out of his room and left the house. I needed some time to myself. I hadn't been away from Damon's side in the past day and a half. Jeremy had come for Christmas, which was spent quietly between the five of us. Charlie had moved back to Forks a few days back and had been with Jake and his family.

I was still angry with myself about the incident with Edward. God I felt so stupid about the whole thing. Not being able to control myself and tell him what I really wanted to.

Damon had been quiet. We hadn't talked about what had happened again. I wish I could know what was going through his head right now. What was he thinking? The last thing I wanted was for him to put up walls again.

I had given a lot of thought to what Jasper had said about being selfish. I had never been very selfish before, now that I think about it.

I had moved to Forks with my dad after I noticed how sad it made my mom when her new husband had to leave because of work, and she had to stay behind with me. So I decided to live with Charlie.

While in Forks, I always took care of Charlie. His laundry, cleaning up the house, making sure he had a home cooked meal every night. He had been by himself for so long I wanted to make sure he was alright. We had been apart for most of my life, I somehow wanted him to know that I cared.

With the Cullens I always ended up saying yes to whatever they asked me to do. Alice wanted to play dress up, I played dress up, even though I didn't want to. Edward wanted to stay in and avoid crowds? We stayed in.

I never really related much to other people my age. I guess that's why it was so difficult to re-engage in my friendships after the Cullens left.

At first when Damon told me about going to Europe for a few months after I turned I was reluctant to leave Charlie's side. It took a lot of convincing from his part and Charlie's part for me to say yes.

I had started being selfish when Damon popped into my life with his crazy ideas and adrenaline rushed plans. He had made sure that I did whatever I wanted to do. He made me pick out what to do, where to go, what to eat. He always had recommendations, but never forced them on me. He wanted me to have fun and live. To be stupid. To enjoy my life.

After I turned, and we left to Europe, Damon had sat down with me one day and talked to me about taking risks. We were in Austria, he had taken me bungee jumping and when I saw how deep the fall was I freaked out a little. I backed down. I knew that I could make the jump and nothing would happen to me, but things were still quite new to me as a vampire.

Damon had taken me for a walk.

"Bella, sit, " he said, pointing to a fallen tree log on the side of the road, his eyebrows were close in concentration, then he spoke, "When we face a decision, no matter how small, we all do the same thing: we calculate the risk. Some people play it safe while others dive right in. Taking a risk, diving right in, it comes more naturally to some than others. The trouble is, when you're standing safely back in the edge, you can't help wondering if you're missing out," he told me.

"You see… risks, how we feel about them, says a lot about us. Every day, every moment, we calculate and assess, debate, and decide. But when you get right down to it, the truth is, that when it comes to risks, the only thing that matters, is that you take the ones that are right for you," he added and sat next to me, "So, are you going to sit here and back out? Or are you going to take the risk and jump? What do you want to do? What's right for you?"

Ultimately I took the risk and jumped that day.

I didn't regret it for a second.

I had made a mental note after jumping off the bridge: Take more risks. Stop playing it safe.

I had played it safe my entire life. I always followed the rules. I never got into any trouble at school. I got good grades. I laid low. I never stood out, at least not intentionally. I was a good daughter. I never rebelled against my parents, until I moved to Mystic Falls, that is…

The first risk I took was the night in the graveyard when I drank a few beers with Elena, Damon and Stefan. That night, between slurs I mentioned to Damon that I wanted to do a number of things. He made sure I did all of them. I started taking risks the moment I allowed Damon into my life. And my life had been better since that day.

I haven't been taking many risks lately. Other than letting Damon in, and discovering whatever it is we have going between each other right now.

And since I collapsed on the floor the other day, all I've been thinking about is that I _really_ want to see Edward again and tell him how I feel I about everything. I wish there was some way he could actually _see_ with his own eyes how bad it was for me. How much it hurt. But I was more interested in him seeing how much I had _changed_, and I actually wanted to thank him for it. Because as angry as I was for everything that happened I'm glad it did.

I'm not the same person anymore.

Because he left, I was forced to do a lot of things that I hadn't been able to do while I was with him. I grew up. I grew into my skin. I grew emotionally. I grew as a person. I grew stronger and more confident.

And it wouldn't have happened if he had stayed.

How would my life be right now if he would have never left?

God. I'd still be playing it even safer. Not doing anything stupid.

I wouldn't have moved to Mystic Falls and never met Elena or Damon, or Stefan, or Jeremy, or anyone else.

And right now I couldn't really picture my life without any of them in it.

Specially Damon.

So, how was I going to pull this off? How was I going to face Edward again without collapsing like the last time? I really couldn't collapse again. Not in front of him. I promised myself I wouldn't cry for Edward again and I had kept that promise.

I hadn't shed one single tear after I promised myself that I wouldn't. I couldn't. I didn't want to. He didn't deserve my tears.

So that's what I had to do.

_Promise yourself Bella that you won't collapse. You can't collapse. I wont let you. You hear me? You have to suck it up. No matter how much it hurts and how much air will be missing from your lungs, you can't collapse. You wont fall. You can't fall._

_Be selfish Bella. Put your needs first. Above everyone else's. You need to do this. Do it._

I jumped out of the tree and fell on my feet lightly on the ground.

Damon and I were leaving tomorrow. We were flying to Florida to spend a few days with Renee before New Years. But I couldn't leave without doing the one thing that I wanted to do.

I took my cellphone out of my back pocket and dialed Jasper's number. When he answered, I only had to say one sentence that he immediately agreed with.

"I'm going to need your help, your place, five minutes," I said.

"Done," He replied.

I heard him start running and then hung up. He wasn't home. Alice and Jasper had rented a cabin a few miles away from the Cullen's house right after Edward popped up. His emotions were all over the place. It was exhausting for Jasper to be around him.

I walked up the front steps of the cabin and knocked on the door. Alice opened.

"Bella," she greeted me, a smile on her face.

"Hi," I said acknowledging her greeting, but not as enthusiastic as her.

"Jasper will be here any minute now, he went out for a quick hunt," she told me and opening the door wider invited me in.

I sat down in the living room, she sat across from me. We waited silently for Jasper. This was awkward. I started feeling a knot form in my stomach and a strong pull towards Alice.

"Stop," I said quietly.

She was surprised by my request and then realization hit her.

"I- I wasn't aware I was doing that I'm sorry," she answered quickly.

I shrugged.

She looked like she wanted to say something. Her eyes, nervous.

"What is it Alice?" I asked looking into her eyes, "Say whatever you need to say, so that this stupid pull I'm getting from you just stops," I told her.

She pressed her lips together and then spoke, "I don't get it… I mean… You and Jasper were never close. Emmett was around but not that much…" she said, I knew where this was going, "We were friends, why have you let them in but not me? I've given you space, I've contained myself from walking right up your door a million times, I haven't commented on any of your clothes… why wont you let me in?" she asked.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"You really don't get it?" I asked in disbelief.

"You expect me to pick things up with you when you were the only one that actually _saw_ me after you all left? You know what you all did to me. You were supposed to be my friend," I told her calmly, I wasn't getting mad over this. I was not wasting my anger with Alice when I had it all reserved for Edward.

"It killed me to see you like that," she whispered.

"No Alice, it killed _me_. You _saw_ everything and yet you didn't _do_ anything. Edward wasn't even with you guys, do you all just follow whatever he tells you to do? Don't you think for yourself? Or was I not worth even saying goodbye to?" I asked, a sarcastic tone in my voice.

"I didn't see everything, I can't see everything, not anymore," she clarified.

"Oh, but you saw me at my worst, and you didn't do anything. What kind of friend does that?" I asked.

She lowered her head, "I know what we did wasn't the best way to go, and I owe you an apology for that, but the truth is that no matter what I say, my words wont cut it. Saying I'm sorry won't be enough, but I am. I am sorry," she told me.

The tug started easing down.

That was it. She needed to apologize.

"I really wish I could have seen Edward heading this way sooner, and let you have a little more time to prepare yourself," she whispered.

I felt a twinge of anger. Not at her, but at myself.

"It was enough," I said and let out a sigh.

It was time. It was time to make my peace with Alice. I had to let go of this, I had to start letting go of stuff so that I could handle the bigger things that were yet to come.

"Look, Alice, it's never going to be the same, I can't go back there," I told her sincerely, "I honestly don't feel that way anymore, I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were because I don't want to go back. Sure, we had good times and I'll remember them, but that's all they are, memories. I'll be nice, and I won't ever deny a greeting because that's just mean, but we wont be close again. Not like we used to. I appreciate everything Jasper has done and is doing for me, and you're his wife so I know he wants us to talk, he's tried before, but I've stopped him. Just, don't force anything to happen because it wont. Because I don't want it to."

She looked down in disappointment and was quiet for a few seconds.

"She's nice," Alice said

"Who?" I asked.

"Elena," she looked up at me, "she's nice. She's really protective of you."

I stared at her. She was hurt.

I nodded.

"I guess if there's someone that you can relate to it's her… I get it," she said quietly.

I sighed.

I felt kind of sorry for Alice, but I was doing what was right for _me_.

I nodded.

"But if you ever need anything from me, if I can help in any way possible, let me know, you can count on me," she said.

I shrugged.

Then I realized I would need her help, and soon.

"There _is_ something you can help me with…" I told her… her face lit up.

"Done, I'll do it," she told me, without even knowing what it was.

That was when Jasper walked into the house. A grin on his face.

"Look, we're being civil," I told him.

He chuckled, placed a kiss on Alice's cheek and sat down next to me.

"So, what's going on? What do you want to talk about?" he asked, placing a hand over the top of the couch.

"I need your help," I said.

"Uh huh, with?" he asked.

I swallowed, because what I was about to ask wouldn't be easy on him, "With a very selfish thing." I answered honestly. I stared into his eyes, not blinking. Letting him know that it was serious.

"Oh," he answered realizing what I was asking for, "That _is_ a very selfish thing."

I nodded.

"She's helping too," I said, pointing to Alice, who nodded quickly.

"I have no idea what it is, but I'll help," she said quickly. I'm guessing she was just excited about finally being let into the whole plan.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked me.

"It's now or never. I have to do this before leaving," I told him.

"Okay… what do you want us to do?" he asked.

"You block," I said to Jasper, and then looked at Alice, "You make sure you project like you've never projected before…"

She was startled, "Project?"

"She wants you to show him everything," Jasper explained.

"Everything?" she asked in surprise.

"Everything," I answered.

She blinked a few times.

"Alright," she agreed without hesitation.

"Okay. Give me an hour. We'll meet at my place, we go together," I told them.

They agreed and I left.

_You're doing the right thing. This is what's right for you. Be selfish Bella. Be selfish._

I got home and walked up to Damon's room. I had to talk to him about this. I opened the door and found him wearing only a damp towel wrapped around his waist. He was looking for something to wear in his drawers while he sipped the glass of cocktail I had left him.

He smiled as soon as he saw me.

_Knot. Butterflies. Warmth in my tummy. God the things this man made me feel when he smiled at me. _

"Hey… when did you sneak out?" he asked, walking towards me.

"A few hours ago…" I answered while he wrapped his one free hand around my waist, placing small kisses along my neck.

"Did you just wake up?" I asked.

"_Mmm hmm_…" he answered while playfully rubbing his nose down my collarbone.

Chills ran down my spine.

I had noticed that Damon was always more affective after he had fed. Especially after feeding from _my_ cocktail. I had also noticed Damon was sleeping in more and more. Which was surprising, since he was always up before I was. It worried me. It was as if he was growing tired.

"Where did you go?" he asked, as he raised his head, now looking into my eyes.

"I went into the forest, found a really tall tree, climbed it, sat on the top branch for a while, thought about some things…"

He became serious. Smile gone.

"What did you think about?" he asked carefully.

I bit my lip.

"I want to try talking to him again," I said.

His eyebrows came close together. A frown appeared on his lips. He started shaking his head no.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said, letting me go from his embrace and walking back to the drawers. He placed the cocktail on top of the armoire and took out a shirt.

I sighed.

"I need to do this Damon," I told him.

"You're not ready," he said as he squirmed into the black shirt.

He was upset.

"I am," I replied.

He shook his head and drank a mouthful of cocktail from the glass.

"It's been two days!" he pointed out.

"Yes, but what Jasper said makes sense, and I'm mentally ready to do this. I've given it a lot of thought. I don't want to leave without doing this," I said as I walked over to him, "I need to do this before we go, because when we go, the last person I want to have on my mind is him. When we go, it's going to be about _you_ and _me_," I said, grabbing the glass with the cocktail and putting on the armoire again, and then taking both of his hands into mine.

His eyes softened.

I needed him to know what my priorities were. Because with Damon, I couldn't be selfish. I knew where his protectiveness was coming from, his insecurities. Yes, Damon had insecurities, insecurities that he would never talk about, because he wanted everyone to think he didn't have any. But I knew better.

"I'm doing this, I'm not asking for your permission, I'm just letting you know," I said softly.

"I'm not okay with this," he whispered and then added, "Call the Shrink, he has to be there…"

"I already did… I spoke with Alice too," I told him.

He raised an eyebrow, "Really?" he said in disbelief.

I nodded, "She's going to help me with something."

"Hmm…" he replied.

"You can come if you want… maybe I'll need you to knock him out if things get too unbearable," I said between light chuckles.

"I'll rip his head off," he told me.

I grinned. Was that a hint of jealousy I was getting from him?

"So you'll come?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Jasper will be here in a few minutes… then we're walking over there," I told him.

"Okay," he said grumpily and then added, "If it's too much, you tell me and I'll get you out of there."

I nodded.

"Bella, promise you wont let it get to the point where I'm going to have to throw you over my shoulder and run like hell to get far away," he said.

"It won't get like that," I told him.

"I don't want to see you screeching on the ground, you make the slightest whimper and we're out, like that," he snapped his fingers.

He was worried about me.

_Butterflies, warmth, contortionist stomach._

"If it hurts we're out. I don't want to be on the floor either. Not again," I told him.

He eyed me up and down.

"Okay, let me get dressed," he said and kissed my nose before turning around.

I plopped on his bed while he finished getting ready and closed my eyes.

_Be strong. This is it. You can do this. Suck it up. You need to do this Bella. Close this chapter once and for all. Do not collapse on the floor. Don't wince. Don't lose your cool. Don't even let him start speaking. Let it all out. All out. _

_Just be a selfish bitch okay? Can you be a bitch?_

_Of course I can. I can be a bitch._

_No. I am a bitch._

_Pfft._

_I'm THE bitch. _

_No. Don't be a bitch. The calmer you are the more it stings. Be like, look at me man, I'm happy, now stop making me twist on the floor in pain you insufferable pain in my ass..._

I ran my hands through my face.

_Enough. Stop it. Be you._

My eyes fluttered open and I sat up. Damon was standing in front of me, staring.

"Are you _sure_?" he asked.

"Yep," I said and stood up.

He extended his hand to me, I took it and we walked outside.

We sat on the porch while we waited for Jasper and Alice to arrive. Damon was quiet. He had that look he got when he was upset or worried, or both. The look that told me that he'd respect my choice but if things didn't go as planned he'd take charge.

There _had_ to be a way in which we could go over there and I could talk with Edward without any interference. He would know when we were near, because as much as my thoughts were a mystery to him, he could still listen to everyone else's thoughts. I didn't want him inside Damon's head. I really didn't. I didn't know what Damon was thinking. I have no idea how he even thinks. I just know that I don't want him knowing whatever it is Damon's running through his head.

I wanted his thoughts to stay private.

That was one of my selfish needs right now.

Damon's thoughts to be mute.

I needed Edward to concentrate, _really_ concentrate on what I had to tell him.

I closed my eyes, and tried concentrating the way Sage had taught me. I was becoming aware of my whole environment, everything that was around me, who was next to me. Damon was next to me. I took his hand and started imagining a helmet on his head, so that his thoughts couldn't come out. It was probably not going to work. But it was worth taking a shot at it. I wanted that helmet to be tight, thick and hard.

_That sounds obscene._

_Concentrate Bella._

_The helmet. _

_Helmet head._

_Helmet head like me._

_Helmet head._

_Helmet head._

_Helmet head._

_Helmet head._

I let out a sigh.

Damon squeezed my hand.

My eyes fluttered open.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Just picturing something..." I told him.

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

Jasper appeared through the tree line with Alice.

"Ready?" he asked.

"I need you to concentrate on him, and not on me," I told him.

"I can do that," he answered.

"Just... block him, I need him to be receptive to what I'm going to say," I explained.

"I understand," he told me.

I looked at Alice, "Make sure you show him _everything_ you remember," I told her.

"_Everything_?" she asked, "Are you sure about that?"

"Positive," I answered.

She nodded. She knew that whatever she had seen was going to hurt her brother. Whatever. He made his bed now he had to lay in it.

"Alright, let's go then," I said, and started walking into the woods. I looked back, Damon and Jasper were starting at each other.

"What? Let's go," I said again.

"Bella are you sure about this?" Jasper asked.

"_Yeah_, let's go," I told him confidently.

They started walking in my direction and we went into the forest.

_You can do this Bella._

_Be selfish._

_Why am I even thinking in third person? I need to own this._

_It's about me. Not him. Me. What I need to say. What I want to show him. What he has to hear because I need him to. _

_I can do this._

_I can do this._

_Pulling my walls up. You wont knock me down. _

_Not again._

_Not ever._

"Wait here," I told them as we reached the Cullen's house. I had barely said anything when everyone was standing outside the house.

I felt the pang on my chest as soon as I saw them all standing in front of me. Emmett was surprised, worry spread across his face, I gave him the "_I'm okay_" look. He glanced at Jasper and Damon, who must have given him some sort of order or sign because he immediately walked next to Edward and stood behind him. Ready to do something if it came to that.

I stared right into Edward's eyes and took a few steps closer.

I was feeling it. The unbearable pain. It was there.

"Bella-" Edward started saying.

I raised my hand and closed my eyes, "Shut up," I said as soon as he tried to speak, and then added, "It's my turn to talk."

He closed his mouth immediately.

_Breathe..._

_Just breathe..._

_Where do I even start?_

_What now?_

I glanced back at Alice, gave her a nod, telling her to start, she nodded back, looked at her brother with guilty eyes and I guess she started showing him the movie of my life after they left because his expression changed and the tightness around my chest got even stronger.

"Oh, that upsets you huh?" I said.

"Bell-" he started saying.

"Don't even start," I cut him off.

He clenched his jaw tightly; I could hear his teeth grazing each other.

"You know, I had pictured this moment in my head many, many times. I had prepared this speech you see, this speech that I was going to give you if I ever saw you again. I had it memorized," I chuckled, "but I'm not giving you that speech, because I made up that speech in my head before any of this happened, before I died, before I changed..."

He winced when I mentioned my death.

"That speech was an angry speech. Because I was angry... I was _soooo_ angry," I said and looked up as I said it, "I was angry at you, I was angry at Alice, I was angry at Emmett, I was angry at all of you, but most of all I was angry at myself. I was this foolish little girl that had believed everything you had ever told her," I scoffed.

"You promised that you wouldn't leave me, and you did. That day in the woods... you remember that day right? When you broke up with me? I know I do..." I started saying.

"I tried following you, but what a stupid thing to do, considering you had vampire speed to run out of there," I shrugged, "I fell that day, I'm pretty sure you heard me calling out for you, screaming and crying on the ground," I stopped and stared at him. He was looking at me directly. I knew it. He was still around when it happened, he remembered.

I rolled my eyes.

"You made me promise not to do anything stupid. Guess what, I did," I shrugged, "_Sorry_... wait... I'm not," I told him seriously shaking my head no.

"I'm _not_ sorry. I _don't_ regret it. Because, honestly, now that I think about it, I was pretty stupid while I was with you. Maybe it was teenage infatuation, maybe I was mesmerized by the mystery creature that you were to me back then, I don't know… I _do_ know that I wasn't really thinking for myself at the time. It's like I didn't have a world outside of you and your family."

"I was completely invested in making _you_ happy. In doing what _you_ wanted. My whole world revolved around _you_. My happiness depended on _you_. That's where I failed. Where I failed _myself_. Because my own well-being can't depend on someone else. I think that's why I crumbled so easily..."

"You see, I never felt like I deserved you. I felt like I wasn't worthy of being in your presence, of having your attention. _Me_? Silly, clumsy Bella Swan? I had more insecurities than I can count."

"So when I realized that I had made a promise to you, when you had already broken yours first I said... _fuck it_," I raised my arms, "Why should I keep a promise when you had already broken yours?"

"So I bought a bike," I told him, his jaw clenched up tighter, I chuckled, "Jake helped me fix it. He taught me how to ride it, I fell a few times, got a few bruises here and there. But that's not the crazy part. The crazy part is that I _saw_ you. Like my mind was so fucked up, that it _conjured_ you up out of nowhere," I said.

"Alice probably can't remember that because she can't see the wolves," I said, pointing at Alice.

His eyebrows came close together.

"Oh yeah, Jake's a wolf..." I told him.

"I guess hanging out with a wolf is a big _no-no_ on your list," I said and then shrugged, as if saying, _I couldn't care less._

"But anyways, every time I did something risky or dangerous, I _saw_ you. That's crazy right?" I laughed.

"How _messed up_ is that? You really did a number on me," I said.

"So, at first, I did it to piss you off, because Imaginary Edward got _really_ mad, and I wanted to make him mad, it was my way to rebel against your wishes. Then something happened... I actually started to enjoy it. Not the pissing Imaginary Edward off, no, I enjoyed doing those adrenaline rushed things. Because for the first time in months I actually felt _alive_. Because when I was with you, I was _alive_, sure, blood was pumping through my veins, heart beating, etc, etc, I was alive yes, but I was barely _living_."

"I couldn't even open birthday presents without risking my life!" I said, and then looked back at Jasper, "No hard feelings or anything," I told him. I knew he regretted that night. He winked at me.

They were all quiet.

"When Charlie got that job offer I agreed with moving in a heart beat. Didn't have to think about it twice. We packed our stuff and left. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made," I grinned, but didn't look back at Damon.

"Pay attention cause this is where my speech changes. This is the part where I let go of the anger. Because if you hadn't left, none of the great things that happened to me afterwards would have happened. If you would have stayed I would probably still be alive, living in the glass box you wanted me to live in so that I didn't get hurt."

"I started living when I met Elena and the gang of crazy people that came with her," this time I looked back and smiled at Damon.

"I didn't know what they were at first, the last thing I wanted was to get mixed up in the crazy supernatural world again, but, Elena befriended me and invited me into her life, introduced me to her friends, and I felt comfortable. I had never, _ever_, felt comfortable. I had always felt like an outsider. Weird, odd, clumsy. So when I found out what they were, I didn't really care."

"_Best_ decision ever."

"It turns out that they could have let me die once, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about because I _know_ Elena showed you," I told him.

"But they didn't, they saved me."

I was quiet for a few seconds.

"They _saved_ me," I whispered while looking down. Realization had hit me.

"They saved me from Victoria, but they also saved me from myself," I looked up at Edward.

This was when I noticed that the pain in my chest had toned down to a minimum. I looked back at Jasper, "You can stop," I told him, he looked at me in surprise, "I got it," I assured him.

I turned around to face Edward again.

"Elena has her own problems, but she doesn't let them get in the way of her life. She continues to live normally, well, as normal as she can considering _everyone_ who's after her... and Damon showed me how to have fun," I smiled.

"He built my confidence up, and I suddenly didn't look down when I walked, I stopped fidgeting, I barely tripped over my own feet," I said. Emmett smirked, I looked at him grinning, "I said _barely_, not _never_, I was still human," I rolled my eyes.

"I rode in the back of his Ducati, we went partying on a school night, he took me paragliding, I once went to school with the worst hangover ever," I chuckled, I looked back, Damon was smiling too.

"And that all happened while I was still human. Guess what... I never even got a scratch while doing any that," I told him.

"So, I guess what I'm getting at is_, thank you_ Edward," I said honestly.

His expression was one of surprise.

"_Thank yo_u for turning my world upside down, _breaking_ me down, and _shattering_ my heart into a million pieces_. Thank you_, because I found some awesome people that helped me glue it back together and who left their personal signature on it while doing so. I couldn't have done it without you, without any of you," I looked at everyone.

"I'm not the same Bella Swan you left behind. She's gone. She got tired of feeling sorry for herself. She got tired of crying herself to sleep because some coward told her he didn't want her, when in fact he did, but thought that running away was the answer to everything," I stared into his eyes.

Sadness.

My throat started hurting.

He wanted to say something, but I wasn't done talking.

"Yes, I figured that out," I told him.

"And, if you're not willing to fight for me, then you don't deserve me. I _am_ worth fighting for. I deserve someone who'll stay by me when things get tough, when it's dangerous, when things are not optimal, when it's not all rainbows and butterflies and _flowery meadows_. I need someone who'll stick by me in the winter. When it's cold, and difficult. When you can't see a feet in front of you because you're in the middle of a blizzard. You are not that person. Not for me."

"When you popped up out of nowhere two days ago, you made me crumble to the ground... _again_. I had promised myself I would never cry a single tear for you ever, I wouldn't crumble because of you, and you made me break that promise to myself. I _hated_ it."

"You think that saying _I'm sorry_ cuts it? It doesn't."

"So... I'm here, standing up in front of you, to tell you that you need to _let go_. Let go of the Bella you knew. Let go of everything you ever wanted for me because things didn't really play out that way. Let go, because while holding on to all those feelings you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting everyone around you. The people that care about you the most. Stop it Edward. Stop drowning in your own self pity."

I swear if Esme could cry she'd be crying right now. She had that look on her face.

I let out a deep breath and walked up to him. Only a few feet separating us. This was it. It was my turn.

"Edward, I'm _leaving_ tonight. I don't want you to come following me. Of course, I'll always care about you… in a way. But what happened made me realize that I _had_ to change. Because I won't pretend to be something I'm not. I am not human anymore and you're not _good_ for me Edward." I placed my hands on his shoulders, "Don't worry, time heals all wounds, and we vampires get _distracted_ easily. I won't ever forget," I told him. Repeating in _my_ way, what he had told me that day in the woods when he broke up with me.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I told him, "I'm thinking of your family of course, take care of yourself… for them…."

Closure.

He was choking up. I could feel it.

"Will you come back?" he finally asked. His voice, hoarse.

"It _won't_ be as if I never existed, because let's be honest, that's _not_ true," I told him.

My words hurt him, because they were _his_ words.

"Are you going by yourself?" he asked.

I shook my head no and looked back at Damon and then back at him, his eyes full of sorrow and sadness, he glanced at Damon.

"Are you… together?" he asked.

I sighed, and nodded. He looked to the ground, placing his arms on his waist. He was crashing down. I didn't even feel a thing coming from him. I had blocked him out completely.

"Goodbye Edward," I said and patted his shoulder, I turned around and walked in Damon's direction.

"Are you aware of _who_ his is?" Edward asked behind me.

I turned around, "_That_ is Damon Salvatore, like everyone else standing here, he has a past. The difference between all of you and him, is that he's the only person standing here that I trust my life with. For whom I would get staked for. Who I would walk through fire to save, and that's all you need to know," I told him calmly.

I turned around again and walked up to Jasper, gave him a kiss on the cheek, hugged Alice, and then extended my hand to Damon, who after glancing around and meeting everyone's judging gaze, took it gently.

We walked away together.

I breathed out.

When we were far away enough from the Cullen's Damon looked at me. Pride in his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You're really something Swan," he told me, and put his arm around my shoulders, "How did you do that?" he asked.

"Well... I gave it a lot of thought while I was up at the tree this morning," I told him, "I guess the only way I can explain it is like this... I realized that it's like I'm in a boat, I've got this one oar over here and it's just rowing and _rowing_ and _rowing_, furiously fueled by everyone else's expectations, and that's never going to stop, but it's kinda got me going around in circles, cause if I want to move forward, then I also have to row with the oar that represents how I see myself, I have to be selfish," I tried to explain.

He smiled at me.

"How did you see yourself?" he asked

"Certainly not on the floor squirming in pain!" I answered.

He grinned.

"Would you really take a stake for me?" he asked.

"Excuse me, were you not there when I unconsciously knocked out Jane?" I asked.

He smacked a kiss on my cheek.

"We have to pack," he told me.

"Yeah, I'm introducing you to my mother tonight," I replied.

"She already met me before," he answered.

"Yeah, but it's different now…" I told him. His eyes lit up.

* * *

><p><strong>OUTSIDE POV <strong>

The seven of them were sitting quietly in the living room. None of them had spoken after Bella left. They were all going through the whole thing all over again in their heads.

"She's _so_ different," Esme said, breaking the silence.

Emmett looked up and chuckled, "She's something. Puts up a hell of a fight."

Jasper snickered, "She was holding back on us, I can assure you of that," he told Emmett, referring to the little session they had had with Bella the day before.

Edward's head snapped up.

"He _trained_ her?" he asked.

Emmett and Jasper nodded, "She's quick. She can throw a mean punch," Emmett told him.

Edward glanced at Carlisle shaking his head no. He was not okay with that. He didn't like Damon. He understood that Bella didn't want him anymore, but she deserved better. Better than Damon. He had heard Carlisle's thoughts. He knew what Damon was capable of.

"He's _using_ her…" Edward whispered.

Jasper locked his eyes on Edward.

He knew how Damon felt about Bella. He had felt it. That's how he figured out that they were together. In the few seconds that Bella had let her guard down and the way she acted around Damon, he knew how she felt about him.

"He's _not_ using her," Jasper told Edward.

"Do you know _who_ he is? _What_ he's done? He probably made a deal with the Volturi when he got the chance," Edward told them.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett asked.

"Tell them," Edward told Carlisle, "Tell them why he's using her. Why he doesn't want her to turn her feelings off. Tell them why he's seen it before."

Carlisle let a long breath out. Then he started his story.

"Many centuries ago, a newborn vampire roamed the Old Continent. He was young, alone, and didn't have any guidance coming into this life. He had given in to his desires completely. His bloodlust, was unbearable. He had no emotions, no remorse, no trace of humanity left in him. He had given in to his nature."

"For years he fed from humans without repentance, leaving a trail of savagely dismembered bodies behind. He slaughtered entire towns whenever his rage got the best of him. Of course, the Volturi knew about him and they had their rules. They were very clear on them. But this vampire did not care."

"On countless times, they sent out missions to capture this mad vampire. Every time, only one person returned, carrying with him, the other's ashes. Aro sent in the best of his guard, they all returned as dirt. So they feared him. The Volturi had never encountered such a power vampire before. His ability, unprecedented."

"What was it?" Emmett asked with curiosity.

"He was like a sponge. Absorbed the abilities of those he was near of. Whenever they had him cornered, he used their abilities against them, he disposed of them just as they were going to dispose of him. Something had to be done. He was a menace to the secret of our existence. He was a threat to Aro and all the Volturi stood for."

"It was only with the help of a very powerful witch that they managed to tame down the savage vampire, but the witch fled with him before the Volturi could finish him off."

"For centuries, no one heard of the witch or the vampire. Aro did not forget about him, the witch eventually died and in his mind, Aro thought that the witch had finished the vampire off herself. He did not give much thought to the idea that the vampire could return. But he did."

"The thing about this vampire was, that he was a hybrid. He had been bitten by one of our own, but had completed his transformation as one of them…" Carlisle pointed in the direction of the Salvatore house and finished his story.

"Like Bella," Alice whispered.

Carlisle nodded.

"What was his name?" Edward asked, he was fully aware of the name, but wanted Carlisle to say it out loud so that his siblings would know.

"His name son, was Sage," Carlisle answered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I couldn't let B not speak her mind after the last chapter. Make assumptions, theories, break it down. Let me know what you think!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Previously on Fix You:**

_Damon came back in a really terrible condition, a very powerful witch had put a curse on him._

_Bella and Jasper had gotten close._

_Damon and Jasper try to help Bella come to terms with her ability._

_Edward returned, causing Bella's ability to make her crash down, afterwards, Bella finally confronted Edward and told him what she had wanted to tell him for a very long time._

_Bella confirms her relationship with Damon to the Cullens._

_Edward and Carlisle reveal Sage's past to the family._

_Damon and Bella are headed to visit her mother._

**Here we go...**

* * *

><p>"How do you stop staring into his eyes? They're gorgeous!" my mom whispered.<p>

We were washing dishes while Damon and Phil watched a baseball game on TV. They had picked us up from the airport a few hours earlier, Renee was ecstatic to see us. We had just had dinner.

We finished doing the dishes and went into the living room with dessert.

"Well, I know this is no gelato, but it will have to do," my Mom said as she handed Damon his ice cream.

"Tell us about Italy!" she said in excitement and sat down next to Damon. I sat across from him.

"Italy was really great," I answered.

"Those pictures you sent me Bella, amazing," she said waving her hands in the air, "I printed some of them out. This one is my favorite," she said and took a picture frame that was on the side table. She handed it to Damon.

It was a picture Damon had taken of me. The same one Charlie had liked. I was laughing.

Renee looked at the picture with pride. Her eyes glistened.

Damon grinned, "This one is one of my favorites too," he told her.

"You took this one right?" she asked.

Damon nodded.

"Great picture," Renee said softly, as she contemplated it lovingly.

"You look beautiful Bella," Phil said.

I just responded with a small shrug and a thank you.

"So photography huh?" Renee asked, her tone excited.

I nodded, "I really like it," I told her.

"She's got quite the eye," Damon told them.

They both looked at me proudly.

"Well... Damon gave me the push to explore it," I replied.

"Only after your parents gave you your first camera," Damon added.

"That's right. I we," Renee answered.

I smiled.

This felt nice. It felt good.

"Your father told me you were talking some lessons?" Renee asked.

I nodded.

"Are you planning on taking some more next year?" she asked.

"I think so..." I answered.

"Good. I love it, my daughter the photographer!" she said happily.

We stayed a little more time downstairs talking, before saying goodnight to Renee and Phil. I was staying in the guest room, and Damon was going to sleep on the couch. Phil's orders.

I was in the bathroom changing when I heard footsteps approaching and a knock on the door.

I opened it, and found Renee standing outside, she quickly made her way in. She sat on the counter.

"I love him," she whispered, "So handsome and charming. He has that bad boy look. Ugh, Bella, so gorgeous."

This was awkward. If I could blush, I'd be blushing right now. So all I could do was just stand there in front of my mother, and nod while pulling my hair behind my ears.

"Okay, so, you're being safe?" she asked quietly.

"Mom!" I hissed.

"Come on, how can you say no to a man like that?" she said.

I covered my face with my hands. "Mom, just.. don't," I mumbled.

"What are you using? Condoms? The pill?" she asked.

"Mom!" I hissed.

"Okay, okay, just tell me you got it covered..." she said.

I rolled my eyes. Yes, I had it covered. Vampires have built in birth control, but I couldn't tell her that now could I? We hadn't even done anything yet.

"Mom, I... I know what to do," I told her.

"Good," she answered, and then mischievously looked at me, "is it good?"

My jaw dropped.

"What?!" I hissed.

"It's normal that it's uncomfortable at first Bella," she explained.

"Stop. We're not having this conversation." I told her.

I was fully aware that Damon could hear this from downstairs. This was embarrassing.

"Okay, okay... Just... if he's going to sneak into your room you might want to give it like, half an hour or so, so that Phil's asleep," she winked.

"Mom, just... get out," I said quietly.

She got down from the counter and kissed my forehead, "My baby all grown up." she whispered.

"Good night mom," I told her trying to get rid of her.

She raised her hands, as if saying, I give up.

She had already stepped outside the door when she popped her head back into the bathroom.

"There are condoms on the third drawer just in case," she whispered.

I closed the door immediately.

"Good night baby girl," she said a little louder.

"Go to bed mom," I replied.

I could hear chuckles coming from down stairs. All I could think of was covering my face and thinking how crazy open my mother was.

Half an hour later Damon was sneaking into my room and plopping right beside me in bed.

"Your mom's fun," he whispered as he messed around with the pillow.

"You're only saying that because she complimented you all night," I replied.

"Yeah, that's fun," he answered.

He grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers.

"How's the couch?" I asked.

"Lumpy," he answered honestly.

I chuckled.

We were quiet for a few minutes. He continued to play around with my hand, pressing his fingers lightly on my palm, intertwining them with his. He had become serious. Something was on his mind.

We hadn't talked about the speech I gave Edward. When we got home, we packed, then threw our stuff in the car, Elena drove us to the airport, caught our flight here, and then Renee picked us up. He had slept the whole flight.

Damon had been very sleepy recently. He took naps in the afternoon, he woke up later than usual, his reflexes weren't as quick as they used to be. I knew the curse had something to do with it. I had to make that mix soon. I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. But I had to do it soon.

His forehead was starting to wrinkle.

"What is it?" I asked.

He shook his head, "Nothing..."

"Hmm... that's a lie," I whispered, I rolled to my side and placed my head in my hand.

He shook his head.

"Tell me," I said.

"It's nothing, I was just thinking about what you said this afternoon," he answered.

"I said a lot of things," I told him.

"I was thinking about the things you said about feeling like you didn't deserve him," he replied.

"I thought that while I was with him, but I don't anymore," I explained.

"I know the feeling..." he told me.

"Do you still feel that way?" I asked.

"Sometimes," he answered.

"Umm... did you hear all the nice things I said about you?" I asked.

He grinned and rolled his eyes.

"That's because your blinded by my _gorgeous blue eyes_," he responded, quoting Renee.

I punched his arm.

"I'm serious," I told him.

"Bella, Mr. Judgmental Pain in the Ass is right, you don't know me," he said softly, "I've done some pretty messed up things that to be honest, I don't really regret..."

"I know you have... and I don't care..." I answered.

"You should..." he said, and let go of my hand.

"Hey, come on..." I told him, grabbing his face to look at him.

"Don't do that. Damon Salvatore, don't you dare go there. Don't build up your walls now. Stop trying to find pretexts to do so. I know who you are, and I _know_ you've done things. I've done things. I know that you're not a saint, and that's okay, more than okay. That's _good_. I like it. So don't go saying that stuff to me..." I told him.

"You deserve to be happy," I added, "You make _me_ happy."

He clenched his jaw and stared into my eyes. Then, leaned closer to me and brushed his lips against mine.

"You're too good to me," he whispered.

"Well... you deserve it..." I replied.

He grazed his fingertips over my arm gently.

"You know, I'm going to need another copy of that picture…" he whispered while he traced small kisses on my neck.

"What picture?" I asked.

"The one downstairs," he mumbled.

"Was that the picture you took from the lab at Sage's?" I asked.

He nodded against my shoulder.

"What happened to it?" I asked.

"Witch stole it," he answered, his voice irritated.

"Oh…" I answered. He had lost it on his suicide mission.

He continued to trace my neck with light nibbles.

"Damon…" I said.

"Mmm hmm," he replied.

"Why did you have to go on that mission?" I asked.

He stopped his sweet caresses and lifted his head. He stared into my eyes.

"I just had to go," he answered seriously.

And just like that I knew I had to drop it. He wasn't going to tell me why he had left or what was the real reason behind that mission. His walls were up. I had taken him from being sweet and caring to locked up in less than a minute. We didn't talk after that. We just rested next to each other quietly. He drifted to sleep quickly afterwards. I on the other hand, didn't. I stayed wide-awake all through the night.

"I wish I could get a light tan," I said the next day as we laid on the beach.

"Take your necklace off see how fast your skin changes color," Damon mumbled. He was lying on the ground, his face on the towel we had set on the sand.

"Does spray tan work on vampires?" I asked.

"Do you want to look like a carrot?" He asked.

"No, just a slight tan. I don't want to look so pale," I answered.

"You look just fine," he told me.

He was wearing sunglasses and a hat. Which I thought looked funny on him since I had never seen him wear a hat before. He could totally pull it off though.

I noticed that the bruises on his back had started to appear again.

I was getting worried. I had just given him some of my blood this morning. It was not making effect as long as it used to. I had to come up with making that potion fast.

"Let's rent a jet ski," I proposed, I wanted him to get up, he was drowsy and pretty soon he would just fall asleep.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Please?" I begged and gave him the biggest smile I could.

He chuckled, and did that thing that told me that he was rolling his eyes under the sunglasses.

I extended my smile wider.

He stood up.

"Let's go," he said taking my hand.

After a relaxing morning at the beach we headed back to my Mother's. We had had so much fun riding the jet skis, but now, as we drove back I could tell Damon's mind was very far away. He had that empty, worried gaze that spread beyond the road that was ahead of us. Even with sunglasses on, I could still see his eyes. I wondered if he was still thinking about what had happened back home, or if he was still giving some thought to the conversation we had had last night. I understood why had said the things he said, and why he felt the way he did. I only wished that he knew how much he meant to me, and how I didn't care about all those things that worried him.

"You should spend some time with your mother today," he said, breaking the silence.

"What are you going to do while I'm out with her?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I'll… steal from the local hospital?" he answered, a small forced grin on his lips.

He was hiding something. That grin was one of his many masks. I knew this by now.

"Save me a bag will you?" I asked.

"I'll save you two," he replied and leaned to give me a small peck on the lips.

That afternoon while Renee and I went out we bonded like we hadn't done in a while. I realized I had missed my mother. She took me to a flea market, we bought some silly knick knacks, tried on a few hats, and drank some smoothies.

"So you're happy?" She asked me for the one-hundredth time.

"Yes Mom, I'm happy," I assured her.

"But you look... worried," she pointed out.

I sighed, "I think there's something wrong with Damon," I confessed.

She frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Sometimes, I think he's miles away from me. I mean, he's there, right next to me, but his mind isn't," I explained.

"Well sweetie, we all get like that sometimes. Have you asked him about it? Maybe there's something going on with his family, or work," she told me.

"I haven't asked him directly… and it can't be family because it's just him and Stefan," I replied.

"You told me he has inherited some family business, maybe it has to do with that?" she suggested.

I knew it had to do with the "Family Business" which translated to Volturi Business, aka the suicide mission.

"He'll probably tell you when he's ready to open up. Don't worry about it Bella," she told me.

I nodded absently.

I knew what had to be done. I had to complete that damn potion.

When we got home that night, we found Damon in the kitchen, an apron tied around his waist.

"Wow! This is a surprise!" Renee exclaimed once she saw him, "Are you trying to impress me Damon?"

"Is it working?" he asked.

"Well, a man that can cook is good on my book," she replied.

He chuckled.

"I made reservations for New Years," he said.

Renee was surprised, "Oh Damon, you didn't have to do that!"

He shrugged, "We can have a nice night out."

"I think it's a great idea," I told him, and then walked up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek, "Thank you."

That night, after Renee and Phil went to sleep, Damon sneaked into my room again. He fought with the pillows for a few seconds before finally getting comfortable next to me.

"So, where did you go with your mother?" he asked quietly.

"Flea market," I answered.

"Did you have fun?" he asked.

I nodded.

"What were you up to?" I asked.

"Stole some bags, and made dinner," he replied.

"Hmm," I answered.

He rested his head on his hand, and then, with his free one, he started playing with the rim of my shirt.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He smiled, "Nothing. I like this."

"My shirt?" I asked.

He chuckled, "This," he said moving his hand pointing at the two of us.

I smiled, "I like it too."

We spent New Years at a hotel restaurant where Damon had made the reservation for the four of us. We ate dinner together and chatted away through the night. We drank champagne. We danced. By the time midnight passed, Renee and Phil told us to go have some fun on our own, they'd be heading back home and didn't want us to call it a night so soon.

"Mom, are you sure?" I asked.

"Go party! You're young!" she told me, grabbing my face with both hands. I gave her a hug and then they left.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked Damon.

"Hmm…" he said with a smirk on his face.

I raised an eyebrow.

"There's a new club upstairs," he suggested smugly.

"Let's go," I replied.

We took the elevator and when the elevator doors opened we were greeted by a very intoxicated crowd of people, loud music and bright lights. I glanced over at Damon, who just smirked and took me by the hand, guiding me to the bar.

"Bourbon and tequila please," Damon said loudly to the bartender and then turned to look at me.

"Thank you for tonight," I told him and leaned in for a quick kiss, "Thank you for this nice night out with my mother and her husband, it really means a lot to me."

He grinned and handed me my shot of tequila. We clanked our drinks together and drank them down.

"Wanna dance?" He asked.

I looked at the crowd of people and then back at him, I nodded.

We started moving to the music, our bodies swaying to the rhythm of the songs that were playing. It was amazing how much I was able to just be free and careless when I was in his presence. Having fun with Damon had become one of the easiest things to do. We had a few drinks and continued dancing. Occasionally we would kiss in the middle of songs. We were surrounded by a crowd of people but in this moment it seemed like it was just the two of us.

I was happy.

I had managed to forget the last few days and how angry I had been with the whole Edward incident, and how worried Damon's current health situation had made me. Right now, it was just him and me, and nothing in the world mattered.

It was a few hours past midnight, we had had more than a few drinks when it happened. I don't know if it was the crowd and it's energy, but as Damon held me close and our bodies moved together I was trapped and mesmerized by the collective mix of needs I perceived in everyone around me. For the first time since I discovered what my ability was I felt like I was part of something bigger than me. I felt this amazing energy that happens when people come together. I started noticing how despite the superficial differences that we think define us, deep down we're all the same. We have the same secret needs. I realized that we walk around thinking that that secret pain or that secret joy we carry quietly within us is so unique, when really we all want the same things: to be happy, to be safe, to be loved. And for the first time I wasn't scared.

I lifted my head from Damon's shoulder and stared at him.

His eyes glistened. He was happy too.

"Let's do it," I told him.

He raised an eye brow, "Do what?"

I looked around, "Teach me," I told him.

He opened his mouth slightly, surprised.

"They're pretty wasted, no one will notice," I told him.

He looked to his right and then to his left, and then back at me.

"Let's do it together," I said.

He sighed, "You really want to do this?" he asked.

I smiled and then standing on the tips of my toes placed a soft kiss on his lips.

He smirked. I could tell he was excited and that he had been waiting a while to teach me this.

"Pick one," he told me.

I started examining the people that surrounded us. No ne really popped up.

"Close your eyes," Damon told me and then turned me around, my back on his chest, he leaned into my ear and whispered, "take a deep breath and let their scents in."

I did as he told me. I was attacked by hundreds of different scents at the same time.

"Concentrate on the one that appeals the most to you," he told me.

I breathed in again, going quickly through the scents that I could pick up. Then, after a few breaths I finally found one that smelled so good. I felt my mouth water.

"Hold it," he whispered.

I opened my eyes and took his hand.

"Follow it," he said.

I started walking through the crowd. Trying to find where that delicious scent was coming from. I let it travel from my nose to my throat, which started parching every time I took another breath in. Damon followed close behind me, never letting go of my hand.

Then I spotted her.

It was a girl. She was dancing happily. Her eyes closed, right arm up in the air, and a cocktail on her left. She was pretty drunk and apparently she was alone. Everyone around us was completely intoxicated.

I looked back at Damon and nodded, telling him I found her.

He walked up to the girl.

"Hi," he said in a flirtatious manner.

The girl giggled, surprised by his presence.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"My friends left," she said in between slurs.

Damon smiled and then glanced up at me, "This wont hurt, don't make a sound. Enjoy it," he told her, as he took the strands of hair that fell on her shoulder and placed them to the other side of her neck. He extended his hand to me and pulled me to the girl.

"Hold on to my voice," he said to me and then smacked a kiss on my lips. I smiled and then leaned in to the girl's neck.

It smelled so good.

Concentrate Bella. You can do this. You're not going to kill the girl.

I opened my mouth and sank my teeth into her neck.

I had never tasted anything so good in my life.

"That's it," Damon whispered.

I continued feeding slowly from the girl. Feeling her pulse start to race with every drop I swallowed.

I can't even start to describe the things I felt while I was doing this. My senses were suddenly heightened I couldn't possible imagine how long I had deprived myself from this.

"Easy," Damon said.

_Pull it together Bella. Enough._

I lifted my head and looked at him his eyes were foggy, and I could see this longing in them that I had never seen. Damon had never looked at me this way before. I pushed the girl gently to him. It was his turn.

He stared at me and with his thumb cleaned up the corner of my mouth that was dirty with smudges of blood. Then he sunk into the girl's neck, his eyes open, locking his stare with mine.

My stomach started doing that contorting thing it liked to do.

For some reason, Damon had never looked so sexy before and the way his hand was holding that girl's neck was making my mind fuzzy and foggy, and all I wanted to do was making him stop and have him holding me like that.

It wasn't jealousy, no. It wasn't anything like that.

This… this was lust, and he knew what he was doing to me. I watched his hand run down the girl's back and how he held her closer to his body.

_Oh boy. This… this…_

I couldn't form coherent sentences in my head.

I clenched my jaw.

He stopped drinking from the girl, "You'll forget this ever happened, don't let anyone see that bite mark," he told her and then added, "Go home."

The girl covered her neck and left.

Damon took my hand and led me to a corridor. He pushed me against the wall, one hand firmly holding my neck and the other placed above my hip holding it roughly. His lips crashed onto mine and kissed me passionately. I ran my hands up his back and through his hair.

God, I had never wanted Damon more than right now.

He broke the kiss looked into my eyes, and that's when I felt it. This incredible pull that every inch of my body was feeling. He wanted this badly, and so did I. I inclined my neck to the side and pulled my hair back. He trailed kisses down to the base and then sank his fangs in.

I closed my eyes.

_This. Was. Amazing._

I was trapped in a daze.

He pulled me closer to him, his fingers holding me tightly.

I flipped our position, now he was leaning against the wall. He let go of my neck I started kissing him, tasting my blood on his lips. Then, without thinking it twice I found my way to his neck and bit him. He held me there, his hand on my head, he wanted me to drink from him too. So I did.

If I thought that the girl's blood was delicious, it had nothing on the taste of Damon's. I had never been high in my life but I imagine that this had to be the way it felt to be on LSD or any other drug. It was intoxicating and I had never felt more connected to him that right in this moment. This was better than Sage's wine or my own.

"Bella… Bella…" he whispered in a hoarse voice.

I stopped drinking from him and raised my eyes to meet his.

"Let's… let's get out of here," he said, begging me with his eyes.

I nodded. Right now, I would do anything he told me to.

I followed him out of the club in a complete daze. He was desperate to get to the lobby.

"I want a suite," he said, slamming his credit card on the front desk's counter.

The woman smiled politely and took the credit card.

"We have two suites available, the fir-" she started explaining.

"The biggest one, I want the biggest one," he said.

The woman eyed us judgingly,

Damon smiled at her and then captured her gaze, "Hand me the card key, we'll do the paperwork in the morning, and there will be no problem whatsoever with that."

I liked this. This urgency he had to get me into a room with him now, in this very instance. He had no patience and honestly neither did I.

The woman nodded absently and handed us the key to our suite.

In all the blur up to the room we managed to move quickly at the most natural human pace we could master. When got into the elevator, another couple got in as well and all we could do was stand there next to each other, his hand running over the side of my torso. Finally when we reached our floor and were inside the room Damon took off his blazer and threw it away. I started unbuttoning his shirt quickly while he placed savage hungry kisses on my neck. I got desperate and just opened his shirt, buttons flying in every direction. He pushed me against a wall and tried finding the zipper of my dress. He was eager too but he managed to find it and unzipped the dress quickly. Before I knew it he had carried me into the bedroom and thrown me on the bed.

I was apparently out of breath and hadn't even noticed it. He climbed on top of me and we continued kissing.

Then he suddenly stopped and stared at me.

I stared back at him.

His ravenous eyes had turned sweet in a second, his eye brows together, questioning me.

That's when I realized what was happening, what he was asking with his gesture. He was stopping in the middle of this frantic lust daze we were in and he was asking me permission to continue, he was asking me if I really wanted this to happed.

My heart burst and smiling, I gave him a nod.

I was sure. This was what I wanted.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes slowly. The tingles that were running down my back had woken me up. I turned my head to the side to find Damon grazing his fingers gently down my spine. He smiled at me. I smiled back.<p>

"Morning," he said.

"Good morning," I answered back.

He continued to trace random shapes on my back.

"How long have you been up?" I asked.

"A while," he replied.

I sighed.

"We better get going…" he mumbled.

I grunted, "I don't want to."

"We have a plane to catch in a few hours," he said.

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, let's go," I said and stood from the bed taking the sheets with me

He was lying on his side, his head resting on his hand, naked, like some sort of Greek sculpture, and smiling like an idiot.

"Stop it," I told him as I picked up my clothes from the floor.

He chuckled, and I threw his pants at him.

Later that afternoon I opened the door to my storing unit. I took out the transfusion kit I had stolen from the hospital and pressed the needle on my skin. Blood started filling up the bag.

The mix would still be in my system. I needed 24 hours for every trace of Damon's blood and the human blood to dissolve. I still had more or less four hours left.

I filled up three blood bags and stored them in the freezer I had installed in the unit before leaving to Florida a few days ago.

I took out the bottles of wine and injected the needle through the cork, letting only 3 drops of my blood fall into the wine.

I was nervous.

As the drops fell and mixed, the bottle that was first a clear color, started bubbling up, then turned blue, purple, pitch black, and after a few seconds, pink.

I stared at it for the next half hour.

It stayed pink.

This was not the same wine Sage had in his cellar. I took out my phone and dialed his number.

"Mon Petite Enfant! This New Year welcomes you!" he exclaimed as soon as he picked up.

"Hi Sage, you too," I replied awkwardly.

"How is January treating you my child?" he asked.

"Good," I answered.

"Perfect!" he exclaimed and then asked, "Tell me, have you completed the potion yet?"

"That's why I'm calling..." I told him.

"Ah ha," he said.

"I did what you told me... but it didn't turn out like your wine," I said.

"What color did it turn?" he asked quietly, intrigue in his voice.

"Pink," I replied.

"Ahhh," he answered, a bit in awe, "Excellent!"

"Wait, isn't it supposed to be black?" I asked, confused.

He chuckled, "Dear Isabella, I wish we had more time together when you were here. There is so much I want to share with you!" he exclaimed.

"Sage why is my wine pink and yours black?" I asked I had no time for his riddles right now.

He sighed.

"It's because of the nature of the potion. Under the circumstances it was made..." he explained, and then added, "You see mon amie, my wine isn't made with the blood of mon amour, my wine was made quite differently," he answered.

Mon amour? My love?

"Will it work the same way?" I asked, ignoring that last part.

"Absolutely! I believe your wine is more bubbly, it's effect might be stronger, so be careful," he warned.

"So, how do I do it?" I asked.

"It's very simple mon petite fleur, he just has to drink a glass of it, he'll fall in a deep slumber afterwards, don't be alarmed if he sleeps for days," he answered.

"Days?" I asked surprised.

"Three... maybe four, considering how long he's been spelled..." he explained.

I sighed.

"Do I send you a bottle Sage?" I asked. I wanted to thank him for his help.

"Next time you come visit! We'll have a testing together!" he exclaimed.

"Alright," I answered.

"I must order cheese my darling, we'll talk soon, au revoir mon petit enfant!"

"Bye Sage," I said and hung up.

_Cheese_?

Sage perplexed me beyond anything I could explain, but I trusted him. I respected him. He was very wise. I could understand why Damon went to him for help and advice, why he looked up to him the way he did. Now, learning that Sage and I were more alike than I would have ever imagined, and that we shared this huge secret no one else could know because or lives depended on it, I couldn't help but trust him. Because I don't think singers come around often. Because I know the Volturi wanted to find the source of the magical wine. That had to be why Damon had been on that suicide mission.

A few things confused me though. If Sage knew how to get the spelled bottles of wine that had the squiggly logo, that same squiggly logo Damon had been branded with on his back after he returned, that meant that Sage had to know how to contact the witch. So, if he knew the witch, and Damon was his friend, why would he send him on that trip knowing how dangerous it was? I mean, wouldn't he have warned him? Or wouldn't he have sent him with some sort of message so that she knew that Damon knew him?

I wanted answers to all these questions, but right now, the only thing I really wanted, was to make Damon better. I took one of the bottles, put it inside my bag, left the storage unit, set up the alarm, and got on my bike.

On the way back I drove past Carlisle's car. I gave him small nod, he did the same. I was in a rush to get home and have Damon drink the wine as soon as I could serve it to him. I was not going to stop to say hello.

Now they knew we were back.

I had no idea what was going to happen next with the Cullens. I think that the speech I gave Edward might have been strong. I didn't know how Jasper or Emmett had taken it. Because I had said some things that affected them too.

In reality I just wanted their presence to be tolerable. I wanted to clear the air and just move on.

When I got home, Damon was drinking a beer with Stefan in the backyard. From the looks of it, they were having a serious conversation before I arrived. I had interrupted them.

Stefan had worry written all over his face, no matter how he tried to hide it.

"Where did you run off to?" Damon asked as I walked over to him and he extended his hand for me to take.

I grabbed it and he pulled me towards him, making me sit on his lap.

Stefan gave us a weak smile.

"Just went for a drive," I answered.

Stefan excused himself and went back inside.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He squinted his nose, "Oh, you know, Stefan being Stefan," he answered.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing for you to worry about," he added.

I rested my head on his shoulder, he ran his hand over my back.

We were quiet for a few minutes.

Something had happened while we were away. It had worried Stefan.

"Hot bubble bath?" He suddenly asked.

It was the perfect way to sneak in the wine and have him drink it.

"Sure," I answered, "why don't you go upstairs and start the bubble bath, and I'll be there in a minute..."

He eyed me. His eyes inquisitive.

"You're up to something..." he told me.

"I just want to get us some drinks…" I answered, standing up from his lap, giving him a smile.

He squinted his eyes, and gave me a kiss on the cheek before heading inside.

Once I heard the water start filling up the tub I headed downstairs to the wine cellar. I found a near empty bottle of a wine that was the same color as the one I had made and emptied it. I poured my wine in the other bottle, got two glasses and went upstairs.

Damon was already inside the tub.

"Hmm, Rosé Wine, good choice," he said as he eyed the bottle I was carrying.

I smiled and handed him a glass.

"So? What are you waiting for? Get in here," he told me, his smile beaming.

To be honest, I still wasn't used to this. To this thing we had going.

I wasn't used to the way he looked at me.

I wasn't used to the way he made me feel. Like, when I was with him I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

I wasn't used to his serene face, his walls down.

I wasn't used to the constant butterflies that lived in my stomach now.

So when he told me to get in there with him, the only thing I could do was take my clothes off and jump inside the tub with him.

I didn't even feel self-conscious.

Not anymore.

He served a glass of wine for me. I was afraid of drinking it, so I took just a little sip. A very small sip. It was extra bubbly and sweet.

Damon was surprised by the taste too.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, as he took the bottle that was on the floor and raised it to inspect the label.

I shrugged. "It was sitting on a dusty shelf downstairs," I mumbled.

"It's delicious!" he pressed his lips together and then took another sip. He closed his eyes, savoring the taste.

"Hmm," was the only thing I could think of saying. I was more interested in making sure he drank it all and having the mix work it's magic in his system, making those bruises just fade away and bring back the strong Damon I knew.

"I'm asking Stefan where he got this bottle," He said, reading the label again, "What year is this from?" he whispered as his eyes ran through the bottle.

It's like an hour old. I thought.

He quickly finished the first glass and poured himself another one.

"Why are you not drinking this?" he asked in amazement, "I may dare to say this is better than Sage's wine," he mumbled.

I took another sip.

He suddenly started chuckling, and then the chuckles turned into something else, he had started laughing hysterically.

What?

In a swift movement, he took my leg and pulled me towards him. Taking my face in his hands and brushing away strands of loose hair.

I stared into his blue eyes, trying to figure out what was so damn funny. He was acting crazy.

He abruptly stopped laughing and stared blankly at me.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Damon..." I said back.

"I-" he started saying, but suddenly stopped, his eyes rolled back, he dropped the glass, causing it to shatter on the bathroom floor, and then fell back into the tub, completely unconscious.

"Damon!" I shouted, climbed over him and pulled his head out of the water.

"Damon!" I said again, I shook him by his shoulders.

He was stiff as a board.

I carried him out of the tub, wrapped him up in a towel and placed him on his bed.

Was this it?

Was that what the wine was supposed to do?

What if it was some sort of allergic reaction?

What if the potion didn't work?

I put some clothes on and then dressed him. I plopped right next to him. Watching him closely.

Then I waited, and the hours passed… one after the other.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Long wait I know! Chapters 16 - 19 are done. Will post next chapter later this week. **


	16. Chapter 16

**DAY ONE**

I had watched the sun come in through the windows and light up the room. I had lain next to Damon not letting my eyes off of him since I pulled him out of the tub the night before.

He lay very still. He didn't move.

Occasionally I'd turn him to the side to take a look at the bruises on his back. Trying to figure out if they had changed color, of if they were still the same.

My vampire eyes deceive me. I don't know if it's because I'm anxious to figure out what the hell is happening, or if it's really working. But I think it's working, I mean, it's a different shade of blue now than it was a few hours ago when I last checked.

I _think_.

I was afraid of leaving his side. But I _really_ wanted to call Sage. I needed to find out what was happening.

He had told me that Damon was going to sleep for _days_.

How _many_ days? It had only been a few hours and already I was ready for him to wake up.

I heard a knock on the door, Stefan's head popped in, his eyes covered.

"Can I come in? Are you decent?" he asked, his tone joking.

"It's alright," I answered in an absent tone, never taking my eyes away from Damon.

"Still sleeping huh?" He said as he walked over to the bed.

I glanced at him. Damon was not sleeping. He was out of it. I guess Stefan read the concern in my face. His face had changed. He was now worried too.

"He's going to sleep for a while," I told him.

He questioned me with his gaze.

"I _might_ have given him something..." I whispered, guilt in my voice.

"What did you give him?" he asked.

"A cure…" I said quietly.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Where did you get it?" he asked curiously.

"A friend sent it..." I explained, and looked back at Damon.

"What do you need me to do?" Stefan asked, ready to take care of his brother. For some reason he was trusting me with this potion I had tricked Damon into drinking.

I wasn't going to leave Damon alone; this was my chance to have Stefan keep on eye on him while I called Sage.

"I need to make a call..." I told him.

"I'll be here when you get back, go," he said, taking a chair and pulling it towards the bed. Telling me it was okay to leave.

I nodded, took my phone and ran outside. I walked a prudence distance from the house and made sure no one was around before dialing Sage's number.

"It's done," I said as soon as I heard him pick up.

"_Splendid_!" he answered, "Did he dose off Mon Petite Enfant?"

"Yep, it happened practically instantly," I answered.

"Ah..." he exclaimed, "It's stronger than I thought then! _Marvelous_!"

I heard him clap on the other end.

"How long is he going to be asleep?" I asked.

"It's hard to tell… but I think maybe four or five days," he told me.

"Should I give him blood?" I asked. If Damon was going to be knocked out for four to five days he was going to need some blood in his system right?

"No. But he'll wake up in _famine_," Sage told me.

I stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"He will be _fine_ ma Fleur de Printemps, patience," he said, knowing that I was worried.

I sighed. Plummeted to the ground and covered my face.

"I don't get it Sage," I let it out, I was worried, confused by the power of my blood, knowing that I was somehow different, but I wasn't the only one, I was like Sage at the same time. I had tried not thinking about it for a while, but the thoughts were always there underneath, waiting for me to wonder off and sneak into my head making me panic.

"In time, you will understand it better, though… not completely. You'll learn to accept it for what it is, and to be grateful for what you can do with it as well. Isabella, you are not alone," he told me.

I didn't say anything.

"Do you remember the day on the road with the moth in the barn?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered, how could I not.

"Continue practicing, concentrate, focus," he told me.

"I will…" I answered.

"Good, now, keep on eye on our stubborn boy will you?" he asked.

"Count on it," I assured him.

"Isabella…" he said.

"Yes Sage?" I answered.

"You are not alone. Remember that," he said again.

"I know…" I whispered, and then he hung up.

The Barn and the moth.

Sage was out of his mind. I couldn't concentrate on anything right now. I had to go home. Tell Stefan it would be a long few days while we waited for Damon to wake up. I had to stack up the freezer with bags so that Damon could feed when he woke up with the craziest hunger and thirst he would ever experience.

I was still making the list of things I had to do in my head, when I heard a voice call out behind me.

"Bella?"

I quickly turned around.

How long had he been standing there? Had he overheard my conversation with Sage? How had I _not_ felt him approaching? This was Edward, I had felt him a mile away the last time.

"Hi..." I replied in awkwardly surprise, "I… didn't see you there."

This irritated me. Being caught off guard.

"I just came out of those trees," he pointed, a warm smile forming across his lips, "I heard you were back... Happy New Year."

I had been taken by surprise. I was not prepared for this moment. Not again. I wanted to be nice. But not too warm. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

So I couldn't help but force a grin and say the same to him.

_Keep it classy._

"How did it go?" he asked casually.

I pulled a strand of hair behind my ear, "Great, it was great," I answered.

I was uncomfortable. Had he followed me this entire time?

He stared at me, not saying anything else. I looked back at him, never taking my eyes off of him.

I found it incredible that just a little over a year ago I couldn't keep myself away from this man standing in front of me. It seemed like Forks had happened so many lifetimes ago. If a year ago someone had told me that I would move on from Edward and be happy again, I wouldn't have believed them.

_So now what?_

I had given him a piece of my mind before leaving for Florida. He hadn't been able to say anything, I had done all the talking.

A part of me wondered if there was anything he'd like to say. So I stayed quiet. I gave him time to form a sentence. After a minute he finally spoke.

"I-" he started but then shut up, shaking his head.

I raised an eyebrow.

"I hate that things are so awkward between us," he blurted out.

I shrugged, "Not really my fault," I told him.

He closed his eyes, "I know, I _know_," he said and then added, "I'd like a chance to make it right..."

"To make it _right_?" I repeated and scoffed.

"I know I ruined things, and I know you're with _him_, but I _want_ to make it right, I want to fight for you like I should have done in the first place," he told me.

I rolled my eyes.

_Great. _

This was _not_ what I needed right now.

"No," I told him.

"No?" he asked.

"No. You are not going to do this now," I said shaking my head and turning around to walk into the direction of the house again. He grabbed my arm and turned me to him.

Anger boiled inside of me. I shook his hand off my arm instantly. He had taken me off guard, again.

"You don't want to do that," I said menacingly.

He raised his hands in the air, "Sorry, I apologize, I didn't mean to..."

I sighed, "Edward. It's too late for that, and if you're going to be that jealous ex-boyfriend that doesn't realize that the girl you abandoned moved on, then I don't want to even _try_ to be nice to you. It's exhausting. This is what I am willing to do: I will be polite. We run into each other, I wont look the other way. You talk to me, and I'll listen. But that's it. There is no winning me back. There is no fighting for me. Because there's honestly nothing to fight for. I've closed that chapter, and I really hope you do the same, and soon."

"Bella I'm not sure I can do that," he told me.

"Then find a way," I replied.

"How about being friends?" he asked. I saw desperation in his face.

I rolled my eyes, and grinned at the same time, "Friends?" I asked.

He nodded, "Like before…"

I chuckled, "Edward, we were never really friends… I mean we jumped into our relationship pretty quickly…" I glanced to my right, remembering how fast things between us had happened. I was completely mesmerized by him back then.

Call it hormones or teenage infatuation, it was weird.

"Then, let's try that…" he said.

I sighed. He was not going to give up.

"You want to be friends?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Friends like we can talk, no feelings in the way, no flirting, _just_ friends?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I'll take what you give me, just… don't cut me off…"

He was desperate.

I felt kind of sorry for him.

"Okay," I said and then added, "There are limits Edward and you are not to cross them. Cross them and that's it. I'm done. No trying to win me back."

"I promise," he said.

I scoffed, "We both know you're not good with those…"

"I'll keep it, I swear," he told me.

"Al right," I said as I glared at him.

He beamed a smile.

I raised my eye brows.

He toned the smile down.

"Sorry…" he said.

"Yeah, yeah…" I said rolling my eyes, "I gotta go," I said and started walking back to the house, I turned around once more and then added, "Don't go trying to climb into my windows either, it's not going to work and second... it's... kind of creepy. Friends give a heads up. Only best friends can do that, and I live with mine so…"

He chuckled, "Got it. No coming through windows."

"That's what doors are for..." I replied.

He nodded.

I gave him a small warm smile, and walked away. He stood there behind me, watching me go.

I wanted things between us to not be awkward. I hope that he wont misinterpret the "friend" thing at some point. But I think that in order for him to move on he had to know that I forgave him. And knowing Edward, who was probably more stubborn than Damon himself, he was going to do everything within his power to a. believe that I had forgiven him and b. gain my trust back.

I needed to find a balance between letting him do so and making it clear that I didn't want a relationship.

That was not going to be easy, but right now I had other things to worry about.

**DAY 2:**

Stefan had agreed to watch Damon today again. I watched him over the night. Stefan had agreed to take the morning shift while I had to go and look for bags to fill up the freezer with. I was going to need to hit quite a few hospitals to get enough bags to fill it up.

I had no idea how thirsty Damon was going to be when he woke up. Sage had just said that he'd be ravenous.

_Ravenous_.

As in _famished_. _Insatiable_. That scared me. What if he went on a rampage and ate the entire student population in town?

Blood bags were probably not going to be tasty enough for him. Maybe I needed to line up a few people so that he could feed on them directly. I'd make sure he didn't kill them, just feed a little.

_What are you thinking Bella?_

I didn't want to make the hospital stealing thing too suspicious. I was going to need Carlisle.

I had walked to the Cullen house by myself. Once I had reached it I saw that Carlisle was outside, ready to go to work.

"Bella," he greeted warmly.

"Hi," I said.

"This is a surprise," he pointed out.

I bit my lip, "I… umm… I need a favor," I said.

Both of the last times I had been to this man's house I had insulted his family in some way and now I was asking him for a favor.

"What can I do for you? Do you want to come inside?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No, that's not necessary…" I answered.

"Okay, how can I help?" he asked.

"Well… I need a refill…" I told him.

He raised his eyebrows, "Done already?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I can get you a few bags to get you through the next week," he answered.

I squinted, "I kind of need to fill it _all_ up," I told him.

His expression changed.

"Are you having… uncontrollable urges? Do you want to go for walk?" he asked concerned.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"No, I'm doing perfectly, I just need to stock it up by the end of the week," I explained.

"Are you having a party and not inviting us?" Emmett asked as his head popped out of the garage.

I rolled my eyes.

"It's not a party believe me," I told him and then turned to Carlisle, "Can you help me? I can't give you any explanations, other than I like to be ready. I understand if you can't. I'll have to drive to towns nearby and ransack their hospital provisions, and that's something I really don't want to do because I might have to clean them out, leaving them with nothing."

Carlisle stared at me.

"Where's Damon?" he asked.

"He's out," I answered quickly.

It was not a lie. Damon was out, completely out of it.

"When will he get back?" he asked.

"By the end of the week," I answered.

Carlisle nodded. Gave me a look that told me he understood that I was up to something that probably had to do with the curse that Damon had come back with.

"How is he doing?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I'll get you the bags," he told me.

I sighed, "Thank you."

He grinned, "No problem," he answered and then added, "Bella, you do know that if there's something going on that I, as a doctor, need to be aware of, you can tell me. I have seen this before…"

I shook my head, "No, you haven't. Because every other case you saw of this ended badly and quickly. This time it's different, we both know that."

"I can help," he told me.

"Trust me, with the bags it's enough…" I grinned.

"Okay," he smiled sweetly. He was worried.

"Thanks Carlisle," I told him again.

He walked towards me and gave me hug, "We will always help."

I wished I could believe that.

Carlisle drove away, I faced Emmett.

"You're having a big ass party, don't lie…" he told me.

I chuckled.

"I _wish_ it was a party, _believe_ me," I told him and punched his arm.

He pretended to be hurt.

"Oh come on, that did not hurt," I told him.

"Why? Are you going to show me the move that really hurts?" he asked in excitement.

I scoffed, "Uhh… no."

"I get it, element of surprise," he winked.

"You are just eager to fight all the time aren't you?" I said.

"No, mostly I'm just bored," he answered.

I chuckled.

"You're just old," I said.

"Okay, now _that_ hurts," he told me.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked.

"I think I better be getting home," I said.

"Oh, okay," he answered, disappointment in his voice.

I said goodbye and walking right into the forest again. I was not heading home. I was heading deep into the woods where I was going to sit and practice like Sage had told me to do. I had not liked the way Edward had appeared out of nowhere the day before. For some reason I think my ability had been numb and I hated it. Maybe I had shut it down, prioritizing my feelings at the time. I was so concentrated on what was happening with Damon, and the wine, and me being like Sage, that maybe I had shut off the whole world around me.

So I went into the woods, found a tree, climbed it and stayed there for hours.

I practiced some silencing exercises that Sage had taught me and concentrated on everything that was around me. The animals, the smells, the sounds, everything.

It was not easy. Most of the time my thoughts wondered off to some place else, a few miles away, where Damon was.

I was worried about him.

I was worried about what would happen when he woke up.

I was worried that the wine wasn't going to work and that he was going to sleep forever.

I was worried that he was going to kill Elena when he woke up in unfathomable thirst and just dry her up.

_Concentrate._

_It's going to work._

_Your blood is magic._

I chuckled.

It was silly, I know. But I had to believe it.

I heard footsteps.

I opened my eyes and glanced towards the direction they were coming from.

It was Jasper.

I jumped from the tree to meet him on the ground.

"Hey," I said, surprising him.

He looked surprised.

"Didn't see that coming?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"I heard you were back…" he said.

I rolled my eyes, "Is Edward saying we're friends now?"

"I'd like to thank you, because yesterday for the first time in more than a year, he was bearable to be around of," Jasper told me.

"Well, you're welcome?" I answered.

He chuckled.

"How was Florida?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow, I hadn't told him I was heading there.

"I figured," he shrugged.

I sighed.

"What was that sigh for?" he asked.

I shook my head, "Nothing."

He stared at me, "What's going on?" he asked. His expression had changed to concern.

I shook my head, "It's nothing to worry about, everything's fine," I answered.

"Are you sure? You look confused," he told me.

I sighed, I _was_ confused.

"You know you can trust me right?" he said.

I nodded, "Of course I do," I answered, "It's nothing to worry about, every thing is fine."

He looked into my eyes trying to read me.

"How's Damon?" he asked.

"He's... out," I answered.

We started walking together.

"So... how did you spend New Year's?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"It was... challenging," he answered.

I glanced at him, raising an eyebrow, "Was it because of me? Me and my speech?"

He shook his head. "Edward being Edward," he answered.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

He sighed, "He's got something stuck in his head, won't stop obsessing about it..." he told me.

"Oh..." I answered and then added, "Well, I hope I fixed that with our talk yesterday…"

Jasper nodded, "Let's hope."

"What has he been obsessing about?" I asked.

"He just wants to understand a few things..." he explained.

"Let me guess... about Damon?" I asked.

"About Damon..." he confirmed.

I let out a deep breath. Being friends with Edward was not going to be easy. He _was_ the jealous ex-boyfriend. I was feeling a bit over protective of Damon, and it made me angry that they doubted him so damn much.

"What is his problem with Damon? Why don't you all like him? I mean, I get it, he was part of the Volturi once, his temper get's the best of him sometimes. He might be a cocky pain the ass too. But he's not that bad once you get to know him... he means well..." I said.

He was quiet.

"I'm not worried about you and Damon, his feelings are pure Bella..." he said.

My stomach clenched tightly.

Pure.

"He's blatantly honest, he acts how he feels, and that's rare. You don't find that often," he explained.

Here it comes, there was going to be a but, I could feel it..

"But, then there's the things he has done during his entire existence... things that are pretty hard to overlook, specially when you haven't given him a chance," he said.

"I've heard the stories, I've met his friends, I know he's done some pretty terrible things before, when he had shut down his feelings and decided he didn't care about anything anymore. But it's not like that now. He's flipped the switch back on, he's different," I said.

Jasper was quiet.

We continued walking a few yards before he spoke again.

"You once mentioned a friend you visited with Damon while in Italy," he started saying.

"Sage," I cut in.

He nodded.

"What about Sage?" I asked.

"Do you know how they met?" he asked in return.

"Yes. Damon was hunting Sage. Only when he was about to catch him, Sage had him pinned, with a nasty spiky stake I might add, " I told him.

He stared at me.

"Did you know why he was after him?" Jasper asked.

"The Volturi wanted him," I answered.

"Do you know why?" he asked.

I frowned, I didn't know.

I shook my head.

"Do you?" I asked.

He shrugged. He didn't know either.

It was weird though, Jasper asking about Sage.

"Why are you so interested in Sage? He's really private, kind of a pacifist if you ask me. He keeps to himself, even when we stayed at his house. He kept to himself all the time. Well, not when Damon left to run his errands, when Damon was gone Sage trained me... He's really nice. A bit theatrical now that I think of it. And he has a passion for strange leather shoes and gardening."

He grinned, "Strange leather shoes?" he asked.

"Yeah, he has a million of them. Different colors, different designs. All pretty funky."

He chuckled.

"Do _you_ know Sage?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I _wish_..."

"Why does everyone respect him so much?" I asked.

"He's... pretty powerful..." Jasper said.

That had always been clear to me. But I never figured out what his power was... I mean, the Volturi sent the elite members of their guard to train with him. Demetri and Felix had both been trained by Sage at some point. Sage _had_ to be powerful.

"He's quite the legend," Jasper added.

I was intrigued.

"Legend? How?" I asked.

Surprise spread across Jasper's face.

"He's the only vampire the Volturi have ever feared," he answered, his tone, obvious.

"What do you me-" I was starting to ask when I suddenly felt my phone start vibrating in my pocket. It was a text from Stefan: _"Come home. Now."_

"I have to go," I whispered. If I was human I probably would have a racing heart. My stomach clenched.

He nodded, taken back by my sudden departure.

"We're not done talking," I said quietly as I took a few steps back, getting ready to run in the direction of our house, "I'll see you soon."

He nodded once more.

I ran home. All the time wondering what had Jasper meant with the last thing he told me.

_Sage was feared by the Volturi?_

_Why_?

_Was Damon alright?_

I hurried home. Ran up the stairs and once I barged into Damon's room, I found Stefan straddling Damon, who was having some sort of seizure.

"What happened!" I asked.

"I don't know," Stefan said, as he tried to hold him down.

Elena was standing next to the bed.

I blurred to Stefan's side, trying to help him hold Damon down. He was stiff as a board, but shook uncontrollably.

"How long has he been like this?" I asked.

"A few minutes," Elena told me.

"Bella call your friend," Stefan told me, "Call him, and ask what we should do," he ordered as he fought Damon's unconscious strength.

I took my phone out and dialed Sage's number.

No answer.

I dialled again.

No answer.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

"He's not answering," I said in despair.

"You fixed him up last time, maybe you can do it again now," Elena told me.

I stared at Damon. Ran a hand through my hair.

What was happening?

_Calm down Bella. Think._

_Concentrate._

_Moth in the barn._

"Bella?" Stefan called out.

I raised a hand, "Give me a minute, I need to think."

Last time, Damon had all sorts of icky things coming out of him. He was bruised and weak and he smelled awful.

_Think._

The only thing that was left from that night was the squiggly line that had been branded on his back.

"Turn him over," I said suddenly.

Stefan turned Damon to the side, holding him tightly.

I ripped the shirt he was wearing, and locked my eyes on the mark.

I couldn't believe it.

It was _moving_.

It was as if he had a worm inside his skin. It was moving.

"Oh my God," Elena whispered behind me, "I'm going to be sick."

"Go," Stefan told her, "We got it."

I traced the squiggly mark with my fingers.

"I'm taking that thing out," I told Stefan.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"No," I answered.

"Do it," he told me.

I ran into the kitchen, got a knife, went down stairs into de cellar, took what was left of my pink wine and hurried back upstairs. I dampened the surface of his skin that surrounded the moving mark with a bit of wine and then ran the knife against his skin.

Damon let out a scream.

"Is he up?" I asked.

"No, still unconscious," Stefan grunted as he tried to keep him still.

I opened up his skin, but it started healing instantly and closed up again.

Vervain, I need to keep that wound open.

I ran downstairs again, grabbed a glove and took some vervain from the greenhouse. I flew up the stairs into the room again.

"Are you sure about that?" Stefan asked.

"The wound will keep closing up, I need to stay open," I told him.

I rubbed the vervain against Damon's skin.

It started burning up instantly. I took the knife and sprayed some vervain all over it before putting it up against his skin again.

I le t out a sigh, "Let's hope this works," I said under my breath.

_Please work. Please work. Please work._

The knife touched his skin once more, this time it slid quickly and more deeply. I opened the wound. Blood started pouring out.

He let out a scream.

"Hold him still please," I told Stefan.

"I'm trying," he grunted.

I tried looking into the wound again, and then I saw it. It was some sort of small worm.

Were those _teeth_?

"Oh God," I whispered.

This was disgusting.

I took some wine a sprinkled it over the creepy crawler. It contracted.

I probably shouldn't have done that.

Ok, no wine for the icky monster.

"Elena!" I yelled.

She popped her head into the room.

"Bring a bowl, alcohol and matches," I ordered her, she disappeared immediately.

I slid my fingers into the wound and grabbed the worm by it's head.

"_Don't you dare bite me_," I muttered.

It was holding on tightly to something.

I didn't want to hurt Damon, and I didn't want to break this sucker in half. So I pulled gently. It resisted. I applied a little more strength. It came out slowly; It must have been around five inches long. When the last bit of it came out, it writhed, and Damon's convulsing stopped instantly. Holding the worm in one hand, and grabbing the wine bottle in the other I sprayed it over Damon's bleeding back so that it would heal quickly.

Elena ran into the room with the things I had asked for.

"Let's set this sucker on fire," I said,

She poured alcohol into the bowl and I let the worm fall into it. Then we lit it up.

It hissed until the fire consumed it.

I took a picture and sent it to Sage. He'd have to see it eventually.

"Was that it?" Elena asked.

"I think so," I answered.

Stefan had rolled Damon to his back again. He was completely asleep.

We plummeted to the floor.

"That was scary," he said.

"That was nothing..." I whispered, remembering how he had dropped out of the sky a few weeks before.

"That was nothing," Elena repeated.

"What is that?" Stefan asked, pointing to the bottle of wine.

"Wine?" I said. Hoping he wouldn't ask me where I got it.

"Wine..." he repeated.

I nodded.

He eyed me suspiciously.

"I'm not even going to ask," he said.

_Thank God._

Right about then my phone buzzed. It was Sage.

"Mon Amie, I apologize, I was otherwise occupied," he greeted.

"Did you get it?" I asked.

"Yes, interesting little fella isn't it?" he said,

"Hmm," I answered.

"I believe things will go smoothly now," he added.

"So, we don't have to expect another episode like the one we just had to deal with?" I asked.

"No no no my little flower, he's fine now, you did what you had to do," he said.

"You didn't tell me that this would happen," I told him.

"Well, I didn't want to scare you, I was quite certain that you would know what to do, and I was correct!" he exclaimed.

"So now he sleeps..." I said.

"Now he sleeps," he reaffirmed, "Fear not little one, he's fine."

"Are you sure? This is not a test is it?" I asked.

"Positive. You have passed. Moth in the barn mon amie," he told me, "Be safe."

Then he hung up.

I glanced over at Stefan who was sitting next to me.

"So he's fine now according to your friend?" he asked.

I nodded.

I took a look at my hands, they were covered in blood.

"Now we wait," I whispered and looked up at a very peaceful sleeping Damon.

**DAY 3:**

Damon had not had another episode during the whole night. Both Stefan and I had stayed next to him, prepared to hold him down again if it was needed.

"I think Elena should spend the next few days in the city," I told him before sunrise.

"Why?" he asked.

"He's going to be extra hungry when he wakes up. We can't be too safe," I shrugged.

"I'll make arrangements," he told me.

"You should hunt," I pointed out.

He agreed only after I promised I would call him if anything were to happen. It was different, seeing Stefan so worried about his brother. Underneath the bickering and fighting Damon and Stefan cared deeply for each other. They were brothers.

It was almost one in the afternoon when the doorbell rang. Elena had left for the city and Stefan was out hunting. It was only me and knocked out Damon in the house.

I opened the door and found Edward standing in front of me holding two rather large mini coolers.

"Hi," he said cheerfully.

I greeted him back.

"Carlisle sent these," he said motioning to the coolers.

"Thanks," I said and reached for them, taking them from his arms.

"I can help you with those," he told me.

"I'm strong now, see?" I told him as I carried them effortlessly.

"Right," he responded.

"I'm not inviting you in," I pointed out.

He shrugged.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.

"Umm, no," I answered, he looked hurt.

"Are you okay Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

He glanced at the coolers.

I sighed.

"It's nothing," I told him.

"Why don't you give our diet a try?" he proposed.

I chuckled, "Been there, done that, _twice_. Didn't work. Not going to put myself through the anger and desperation again. Ask Jasper, we hunted together."

"So you're sticking to bags then..." he said.

"Yep. No one's dying in the process," I told him.

He nodded.

"How come you don't try this diet?" I asked out of curiosity.

He grinned and looked to the ground before lifting his head up again.

"We are not wired the same way Bella," he answered.

"Right… the insatiable thirst…" I replied.

He bobbed his head.

I was standing by the door waiting for him to say something else but he didn't. This was getting awkward.

"Well... thanks for the coolers," I told him trying to get rid of him.

"Carlisle says he can get a few more tomorrow," he responded quickly.

"Perfect," I answered. Damon should be up sometime tomorrow or the day after.

He stood there.

"Okay then... I have to go..." I said.

"Oh all right, I'll head out then," he answered.

"Bye..." I said as I closed the door with my foot.

I emptied the coolers, organizing the bags in the freezer downstairs, then immediately made my way up to Damon's bedroom.

I plopped on the bed and stared at him.

"I need you to wake up soon Damon," I whispered and ran my hand through his thick black hair, "I have to tell you a few things. I don't think you're going to like them, but it's something that I think I have to do to move on from all of this…"

I let my eyes trace the contours of his face.

"I told Edward we could try being friends…" I whispered quickly. I looked at his face, expecting him to just wake up from this perpetual coma and tell me I was out of my mind.

Nothing.

He didn't even flinch.

"I think he's up to something. Jasper says he's been obsessing over the past few days, and if I know Edward he's not going to stop. He's stubborn. He hasn't forgiven himself, and I think I have to help him with that, so that we can all close this chapter of awkwardness."

I was quiet for a few minutes.

I started thinking about my conversation with Jasper from the day before.

"You never told me how powerful Sage is," I whispered absently. My thoughts lingering on Jasper's words from the day before.

"Is he really feared by the Volturi?" I asked.

No reply.

I pressed my head on his chest.

"Please wake up soon Damon… Please wake up…" I said quietly.

**DAY 4: **

I was up on the tree again. Trying to concentrate on my surroundings when I heard the footsteps once more. I glanced down, Jasper was looking up at me.

"I've been calling you, I figured I'd find you here…" he said.

I had left my phone back at the house.

"I don't have my phone with me," I told him.

"Feel like coming down?" He asked.

"How about you come up here instead?" I proposed.

In a blink he had climbed up the tree and jumped to the branch that was next to the one I was sitting on.

"Nice view," he said.

I nodded.

"I come up here to tune things out…" I told him, looking towards the horizon.

"It's a good spot, I prefer the river though," he mumbled.

I chuckled.

"Nice hunt?" I asked, noticing the three blood spots on his shirt.

He shrugged, "Eh."

"Deer?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I see…" I replied.

"So, how did things turn out the other day?" he asked.

"All good," I answered.

"You left in a hurry," he pointed out.

"I _was_ in a hurry…" I confirmed, "How's the family?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Carlisle's got your bags ready, they should be dropping them off this afternoon," he told me.

"Perfect," I said quietly. We would be fully prepared for Damon's awakening.

He eyed me.

"I'm not telling you why I need them," I pointed out.

"I'm not asking… just wondering…" he answered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well… I' have something I've been wondering about too," I told him.

"Really, what is it?" he asked.

"We didn't finish our conversation the other day," I said.

"Oh… well, I think the only person that can tell you the whole story there is Damon. He's the one that knows Sage best, ask him, when he comes back from wherever he is…" he answered.

I nodded.

This was all getting too weird.

_The less you know about Sage the better._

I heard Damon's words repeat themselves in my head over and over again. But I still wanted to know. Especially now, when I knew that somehow we were more alike than I ever imagined.

I glanced at Jasper. He looked different. I hadn't noticed it. He looked worried.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

"With Rose," he answered.

"Are you okay Jazz?" I asked.

He nodded, not looking at me.

"I don't believe that," I told him.

"We're having some differences, back at the house," he answered.

"Are you and Alice fighting?" I asked.

"Disagreeing," he cleared up.

"Oh," I answered.

"What are you disagreeing on?" I asked.

Jasper sighed, "It's nothing," he said.

"It has to be something or you to be down about it," I told him, "You can tell me you know..."

He stared at me. I guess he was trying to decide whether he should tell me what was wrong or not. He had that look in his eyes, like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

"Alice and I will be fine. Marriage isn't easy Bella," he said.

"Well... I'm here if you need me," I told him.

He gave me a small smile and nodded.

I guess that Alice not being to see everything that was going to happen had somehow affected their relationship. Being blind had to take some toll on her. If it were me, I know I'd be pretty upset, not being able to plan ahead, or have some influence in the way things turned out, my ability being questioned, not sure of anything when before things were pretty clear. Especially when I had been able to do this for hundreds of years.

I looked down at my watch; I had to be heading back soon.

"Have to be somewhere?" Jasper asked.

"In a bit," I answered.

"We'll take the coolers later," he told me.

I bobbed my head and jumped down from the tree. Jasper followed.

"Hey Jasper?" I said, as he started walking towards their house.

"Yes Bella?" he replied.

"Do I smell funny to you?" I asked out of the blue.

He grinned, "You've always smelt funny," he answered.

I chuckled.

"I mean, do I smell like Stefan and Damon, like our kind of vampire," I clarified.

He squinted his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Not really... I mean it's there but it's being covered by something else," he said shaking his head.

"Hmm," I mumbled.

"Bella, don't worry about it. I'm sure it's pretty normal considering your whole transformation process," he told me.

My whole transformation process? Was he talking about James's venom being in my system before having Damon's blood in me and dying?

I looked down at my arm.

"Is it common?" I asked.

"What? Having that, and turning into them?" he asked pointing to my scar and then to the direction of our house.

I nodded.

He was quiet and took a few steps towards me.

"You're pretty extraordinary Bella Swan," he answered.

"Have you met others like me?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"But there have been other cases..." I said.

He nodded.

"How many?" I asked.

"One, that we know of..." he answered calmly.

I stared at him. Things started to click together.

"And I know him don't I?" I said in realization.

He looked at me sweetly and nodded.

Sage.

_The less you know about Sage's past the better, but knowing him now, is the better than not knowing him at all._

Those words ran over and over my head. That's what Damon had told me when we first visited Sage and I had asked him if he was a vampire.

So it's not just that Sage is a singer. It's that Sage is a singer and a hybrid between a cold one and one of the other kind of vampires.

And so was I.

So why? Why hadn't Damon told me this from the beginning? Why wasn't I ready before? What is he hiding from me?

I had an incontrollable urge to run home, grab my phone and dial Sage's number.

I remembered the conversation I had overheard him and Damon having the day we arrived at his house.

He was in shock. Pretty surprised by the mark on my arm.

"Call me when you're bringing the coolers over okay?" I mumbled absently.

Jasper nodded and I started walking back to the house.

_Mon ami, you know what that means, what position that puts her in, what position it puts you in._

That's what he had told Damon. What did he mean by that? What position was I in? What position was I putting Damon in? Why was Sage so feared by the Volturi, and why on earth would they let him train members of the guard if they feared him so damn much?

Memories flashed before my eyes.

Aro's excitement when he met me.

Jane's rage and jealousy.

The gruesome training sessions.

Sage's odd experiments and why Damon left me so much time alone with him.

I found myself sitting beside Damon's sleeping body. My head racing with every possible thought that popped into my head as I stared at him. Trying to use my ability to make him open his eyes.

_Wake up._

He laid still, just as he had for the last four days.

_Wake up. _

No change.

I glared at him.

_Come on Damon, open your eyes._

I needed him to wake up already.

"_Wonderful! What an extraordinary creature you are!_" I remembered Aro clap in excitement when he couldn't access my memories.

_Of course_ he was excited. I _was_ an extraordinary creature. There was definitely something wrong with me.

_Wake up Damon._

I had been staring at him for so long now trying to force him to wake up, that I was surprised by the sound of the doorbell.

Frustrated I grunted and stomped out of the room to open the front door. Stefan was not home. He had left when I arrived, he wanted to visit Elena in the city before we had our hands busy trying to keep Damon from slaughtering the whole state when he woke up.

I opened the door quickly, and I was greeted by all the Cullen men standing in front of me. Each one carrying a large cooler.

I glanced at Jasper.

"Weren't you supposed to call me?" I asked, confused by their sudden appearance in my front steps.

He raised his eyebrows, "I did, quite a few times," he explained.

I took my cellphone out of my jean's back pocket.

5 missed calls. All Jasper's. I hadn't noticed them.

"I was afraid we were going to be too late with these, when you didn't answer," Carlisle told me, motioning his head to the coolers.

"Oh… you're not late, I was… very concentrated on something," I said absentmindedly.

They stared at me.

"Where do you want these?" Jasper asked, raising the coolers a bit.

"Down in the basement," I replied, taking one of them from Carlisle's hands.

Jasper came in, since he was the only one that had been invited into our home by Elena, leaving Carlisle, Emmett and Edward outside while we stored the coolers downstairs.

We went back up stairs and took Edward's and Emmett's, then walked back down to the basement.

Jasper stared at all four cases.

"That's a lot of blood," he whispered.

"You all right?" I asked, concerned.

He looked at me, and nodded, "Are _you_?" he asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

He stared, knowing that I knew why he was asking. He knew he had hit me with a load of news a few hours ago that I had not expected, but I wasn't just about to start talking, fully aware that we had company upstairs.

I quickly turned around and went upstairs, Jasper followed.

"Thanks for helping me on such short notice," I told Carlisle.

He shrugged, "I wish you could tell us what you're preparing for, we're here for you if you need us," he told me.

I nodded.

_Right._

"Bella, if you need anything you just have to ask," Emmett told me.

I chuckled, "I need you to trust me, and back off," I told them in the most polite way I could, and then added, "If I need help, I'll let you know. In the mean time, we got this."

I started feeling that tight crushing sensation in my chest.

"You look upset," Edward pointed out. Concern in his voice

I glanced at him.

I _was_ upset.

I had been upset for the past few hours since I came back home from my walk.

I needed Damon to wake up. I was not clearing up these things with anyone else. He had the only answers I needed.

"I'm fine," I told him, "I'm pretty busy right now, so, thanks again, I'd love to stay out here and chat with you guys but I have to go back inside," I told them.

They all gave me weak smiles, accepting that I wasn't going to tell them anything more and started walking away from the house. Jasper still stood beside me, before leaving he took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. He didn't have to say anything for me to know what it meant. It meant he was here for me. To call him if I needed him. That it was going to be all right. I didn't do anything in return. I stood there next to the door as he walked out. I saw Edward glance back at us, he watched as Jasper walked towards them, his eyes inquisitive. I wondered what he had heard in Jasper's thoughts. Then I closed the door.


	17. Chapter 17

**DAY 5:**

"It's only a matter of time now isn't it?" Stefan asked.

We were both sitting in front of Damon's bed. Watching him carefully.

"Maybe we should move him to the basement," I told him.

Stefan turned his head to me.

"Lock him up?" he asked.

I nodded.

"We'll have to get the cooler out of there…" he said and stood up, "I'll do it, I'll be back in a few minutes."

My eyes locked on Damon as soon as Stefan left the room.

I hadn't slept in five days.

I had worried, and wondered, and made assumptions of things that I didn't know how to piece together.

I was mentally exhausted.

I had more questions than ever, and only one source to answer them, and he wasn't going to be able to answer them anytime soon. He wasn't going to think straight when he woke up. He was only going to have one thought on his mind.

Blood.

"It's all set," Stefan said, walking into the room.

I stood up and watched as he went over to the side Damon was laying on and picked him up carefully.

We took him downstairs and Stefan placed him on a small cot he had prepared. The freezer had been moved into the kitchen, and we had placed a few bags next to him. We walked out of the room and locked the door. Stefan sat down on the floor and tapped the spot next to him. Telling me to sit down.

He pressed his lips together.

He was worried too.

I sat down next to him.

"Thanks," Stefan told me, I turned my head to look at him, "Thanks for doing this for my brother."

I leaned my head back, "Are you serious?" I asked in surprise.

He shrugged.

"I would do it for him, and I would do it for you, and I would do it for Elena. You're my family now. You take care of family. No matter what," I explained.

He smiled.

"We are family now aren't we?" he said, a smirk on his face.

I punched his arm, "Shut up."

A short laugh escaped his lips.

"How's Elena?" I asked.

"All locked up in the apartment I rented," he answered.

"Good," I said. It was better if she wasn't wandering around if Damon broke free.

"You look confused," he pointed out.

I raised my head and glanced at him.

I sighed.

"I just really want him to wake up," I answered.

"No, that's not it. You've had the worried face since day one, but now it's different. What's going on?" he asked.

I was quiet. He nudged me.

I rolled my eyes.

"Have you ever felt like you've stumbled into a secret? Something that maybe you weren't supposed to know, but you think you have all the right to because it affects you directly? And then you're confused, and don't know what to make of all the things that have happened, or the reasons behind them?" I asked, saying out loud what had been roaming in my head for hours.

"Yes," he answered.

I stared at him. He just looked back at me.

"They say that what you don't know can't hurt you," he told me.

"But is that _really_ true?" I asked.

"Hmm… well… secrets keep things interesting. Some secrets are the kind we are dying to find out. Others are secrets we're trying to keep. And still others, are secrets we wish we didn't know," he replied.

"Exactly, but what if they concern me directly? How am I not supposed to _know_ them?" I asked.

He frowned and was quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.

"When a secret looks at you right around the corner, sometimes you just got to ask yourself _"Do you really want to know_?" To reveal, or not to reveal. It's the hardest question, because our secrets are the invisible burdens we carry, some are worth keeping, while others just need to be told, the trick is just knowing the difference," he answered.

Knowing the difference. Was this something that I was supposed to ignore? To look the other way and let it pass because Damon thought that I wasn't ready? Was I ready to find out the truth about Sage? About me? About my ability and what it meant? Why Sage was so feared by everyone?

"It just kind of hurts you know…" I told him.

He bobbed his head.

"I found out something from Jasper that I think I should have heard from Damon," I added.

His expression changed.

"What did he say?" Stefan asked, concern written all over his face.

"By the looks of it, you already know," I replied, a little anger in my voice, noticing that he was somewhat scared of what Jasper had told me.

"Bella, what did Jasper say?" he asked again.

"He said I'm different, but that I'm not the only one," I answered.

He clenched his jaw.

"Why didn't both of you tell me?" I asked.

"Bella, we thought it was best if you didn't… not yet at least," he answered.

"Why couldn't have you told me? I can take it, it's my life we're talking about here," I told him.

"That's the thing, we thought you couldn't take it, too much information thrown at you at the same time would have been confusing," he explained.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what?" he asked in return.

"Why can't I know things that concern me and only me?" I asked infuriated.

That's when we heard the scream coming from the room Damon was in.

I forgot about the discussion I was having with Stefan, our heads snapped right up, we stood quickly and flashed to the door, opened the little window and looked inside.

There he was. Awake. After five days of nothing but sleep and a mild episode of squirming and screaming, he was awake.

He looked disoriented, like he didn't know where he was. His eyes, pitch black, veins sticking out of the skin surrounding his eyes, he was in full hunting mode on.

"Brother," Stefan said, trying to get his attention.

Damon's head turned to face us. His eyes wild, he blurred to our side, and punched the door, hissing in desperation.

"Damon, it's us, calm down," I told him.

He tried opening the door, but he was too weak to rip it out of it's hinges and collapsed on the floor, completely annoyed.

I took one of the bags we had taken out into the hall and threw it inside the room. He grabbed it instantly and ripped it open, chugging down it's contents very quickly.

"More!" he ordered, his voice raspy and hoarse.

We threw him a few more bags and he did the same thing, ripped them open and devoured them in seconds. One by one he finished them and kept yelling at us to throw him more.

He was ravenous. His eyes were not easing; his attitude was not calming down. He was insatiable.

Bags were not what he wanted. He was angry. He threw away the bags against the walls when he had emptied them completely. We locked eyes at some point, and I could feel the burn in my throat, my mouth water. Damon needed human blood.

So I did the only thing I could think of, I stuck my arm between the iron bars and offered him mine, because we couldn't let him out of here. Not in this condition.

"Drink," I told him.

"Bella-" Stefan said, trying to stop me.

"I want to test this out," I replied.

"Damon," I said, he eyed my arm, I waved it in front of him, "Drink."

He blurred to the door, grabbed it roughly, and then sunk his teeth on my wrist.

"_Ow_," I hissed.

"Careful Brother," Stefan told Damon.

"It's alright," I whispered.

Damon was glued to my arm, drinking desperately, but the sensation in my throat was not easing, which meant it wasn't helping him.

"That's enough," Stefan told me.

"No, I can still take it," I told him.

"Bella, it's enough," he repeated.

Damon slammed his hand against the door loudly, as if he was telling Stefan to shut up.

"I'm getting in there," I told Stefan.

His eyes widened.

"I think we should give it a little more time," he proposed.

"No, I'm going in," I said, and tried making Damon let go of my arm, to which he replied with more strength, and held on tighter.

"Damon, let go," I told him.

He continued to savagely drink from me.

"Damon, you're hurting me," I whispered. He raised his head and looked directly at me. For a second he gained consciousness and let go, walking to the other side of the room, away from the door.

I pulled my arm out of the door and opened it. I walked inside the room.

"It's okay," I told him as I tiptoed to the corner where he was standing, "It's going to be fine."

Just as I was approaching him he turned around and pushed me. I flied to the other side of the room, crashing against the wall.

"Bella!" I heard Stefan scream.

I stood up, Damon had ran to the door and was slamming his body against it, trying to break out.

"Stefan, don't let him-" I tried to say, but it was too late Damon had smashed down the door, thrown Stefan to the other side of the hall and ran out of the house.

I ran to Stefan's side, "Are you alright?" I asked.

He nodded, I extended my arm and he got up, then we ran upstairs only to find the front door wide open.

Damon had gotten away.

"_Crap_," I said under my breath.

"I think we need backup," Stefan slowly.

I nodded and took out my cellphone while we started running into the forest, tracking the direction Damon had gone.

"Okay, we don't have it under control, we need help. Set up a perimeter. He's back. He's hungry. He's out to kill. He's going into the direction of the town," I said as soon as Jasper picked up.

"On it," He responded and hung up.

He hadn't gone far, we were just a couple of seconds behind him.

I rushed past lines and lines of trees. It had snowed, the tracks were fresh and it was easier to see where he was going. Stefan had spread a few feet besides me, but I was faster, so he had fallen behind.

I could hear him running.

I could feel his need to get away.

After running for a while I finally caught up on him. He was only a few feet in front of me when I jumped forward.

He fell down.

His walls were up.

He was very angry at me.

Before I could reach him again, he launched for me and pushed me to the ground. We both fell, and rolled on the floor.

He was fighting me.

I fought back.

He had me by the neck when Stefan showed up.

Stefan tried to help, and pulled him away. This made Damon angrier and he started attacking his brother.

Damon was stronger. My blood had made him stronger.

Punches flew from one direction to the other. He smashed Stefan's face to the ground.

I stood up, ripped a branch from one of the trees and stabbed him on his back.

He was enraged. He started swearing in Italian.

This time, I understood every single word.

I gasped, "That's _rude_ Damon!" I yelled at him.

"Well, you're being a _bitch_!" He told me.

_It's the thirst talking. It's the thirst talking. It's the thirst talking. It's the thirst talking._

"I'm going to ignore you just called me that," I told him.

He pulled the branch out of his back.

"I'm hungry, and I'm going to feed," he said, walking towards me. He grabbed my face, and pulled me towards him roughly.

I grabbed his arms, trying to push him away.

His eyes were pitch black.

Before I knew it, I was the one who got staked. I fell on the snow and he ran.

"Stefan get up," I said in between grunts.

Damon had knocked him out.

"Stefan," I said again, as I pulled the branch from my stomach.

He was out cold.

I threw the branch on the ground, and started the pursuit again. I had run only a few miles when I heard Damon's grunts and swearing.

"_What do we do_?" I heard Alice ask.

"Call her," Rosalie responded.

"I'm here!" I called out, making my way through the bushes, "I'm here," I said again.

"Oh my! What happened to you?!" Alice asked when I came into view.

I looked down at my shirt and shrugged dismissing an obvious question.

I glanced at Emmett, he had Damon trapped. He was holding his arms behind his back as Damon wiggled, trying to fight Emmett's grasp.

"_Do you have him_?" Carlisle yelled from a few yards away.

"Got him," Emmett yelled back.

Carlisle, Edward and Jasper walked to the spot we were in.

"What do we do?" Emmett asked me.

I looked at Damon, who was extremely pissed off.

"Hold him," I told Emmett and walked next to him.

"I'm sorry," I told Damon, taking his head into my hands, "This is necessary," I said and then snapped his neck. His body went limp.

"You can let him go now," I told Emmett, who released his arms and let his body fall to the ground.

I looked at his body on the floor and then to the Cullens, "Yeah, well, thanks for the help," I told them.

"Bella, what's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"He's hungry," I answered.

"_Why_ is he so hungry?" Carlisle asked.

"He hasn't fed in five days," I answered.

"He's hungry enough to stake you?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yep, that's how hungry he is."

"_Bella_!" Stefan yelled from somewhere in the forest.

"Over here!" I yelled back, and then faced the Cullens.

"What are you going to do now?" Edward asked.

I stared at Damon's body.

What was I going to do? I hadn't planned things up to this point. I had been only concentrated on catching him before he did something stupid like eating the whole town.

"Lock him up, and keep on feeding him from the bags…" I said.

"By the look of it, you're going to need more than what we gave you," Carlisle told me, as he leaned down and inspected Damon's eyes and mouth.

Stefan came in to view.

"You okay?" he asked, looking at the huge bloodstain on my ripped shirt.

"Yeah, I've had worse," I answered.

"Snapped his neck?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Good thinking," he told me, then he spoke to Carlisle, "Did he give you any trouble?"

Emmett chuckled, "Nah, he was just really pissed. We had him cornered."

"We should take him back to the house," I told Stefan.

"Maybe we should shoot him up with some vervain… keep him weak," he suggested.

"No, it will only make it worse," I answered.

Feeding from bags didn't satisfy him. Feeding from me only made him stronger and more desperate. The answer was simple. Damon had to feed from a human directly. How many humans exactly was it going to take to make him normal again?

"Let's take him home," I mumbled, my mind was running scenarios in my head.

Stefan picked him up from the floor, and carried him on his shoulders. We said thank you to the Cullens who offered their help again. We could use some help, but only Jasper was allowed in the house, and knowing how crazy human blood made him, we decided it was best if he didn't come. Instead, Carlisle joined us and waited outside the house. After locking Damon up in the basement again, this time in a room with a stronger door, I went upstairs and changed clothes. Knowing what had to be done I took the car keys and pulled the car out of the garage.

"Bella, where are you going?" Carlisle asked, as he stood up from the front steps.

"I'll be back in an hour," I answered.

"Bella I-" he started saying.

Knowing that he wasn't going to approve of what I was about to do I ignored him and before he could say anything else, I drove away.

_Compel, snatch, deliver, bring back, compel. _

That's what I had to do. Compel a few girls, snatch them for a few hours, deliver them to Damon, make sure he didn't drain them dry, and then take them back home and compel them before I left.

"Elena," I said as soon as she answered the phone.

"_Hey! Is he up_?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, he's up alright," I answered.

"_Is it bad_?" she asked.

"You have no idea," I told her.

"_Oh gosh, I really wish I could help somehow_…" she said quietly.

"Maybe you can… Pick you up in twenty?" I told her.

"_I'll be ready_," she told me.

I drove to the apartment Stefan had rented in town for Elena and picked her up. After putting her up to date with everything that had been going, I told her what I was going to do.

"So how do I come in?" she asked.

"Help me pick them out," I told her, I didn't like this, picking girls for Damon to drink from.

She looked at me with sad eyes.

"Sure, let's go," she told me.

"I don't know how he likes them…" I whispered.

She chuckled.

"Let's just go to a sorority, we can't go wrong there," she told me.

I sighed.

"It's going to be fine Bella. This will work," She reassured me, "And I'm pretty sure he prefers Bella flavored blood."

I rolled my eyes.

We drove around and finally stopped by a Sorority house, there was a party going on.

"This is the perfect situation," Elena pointed out, "Come on, let's go inside."

After being invited in by some drunk chick we started looking around.

"Do you want them sober? Or do you want them drunk? Can you taste de alcohol in their blood?" Elena asked.

I nodded, "Preferably, sober…" I whispered.

"That girl over there," she said, pointing to the other side of the room. She was probably our age, looked a little frightened.

"She will work…" I said under my breath.

I made my way through the crowd and reached the girl.

_Act casual. Be social._

"Hi!" I said cheerfully.

She grinned shyly.

_I hate doing this._

"Mind if I sit here?" I asked.

She shook her head.

I sat down and then extended my hand, "I'm Bella, what's your name?" I looked at her directly in the eyes. Her pupils dilated, and that foggy-eyed look appeared across her face.

_Bingo._

"Rory," she answered absently.

"Rory, that's a nice name. Rory, why don't you join me outside in twenty minutes? Come alone. Tell no one. Make sure no one follows you," I compelled her, then I smiled and added, "Don't be scared, you're super happy to come with me, and you'll do as I say, no screaming."

She nodded, her eyes lit up, "I'll be there in twenty minutes. Can't wait!"

"Good, see you soon," I told her and stood up from the couch, made my way back to Elena.

"One down," Elena told me.

"I _hate_ doing this," I confessed.

"I know…" she replied.

I shook my head, and looked around, "What do you think about her?" I asked, showing her the girl a few feet to our right.

"Yeah, I don't think she's wasted," Elena told me.

I sighed and did the same thing I had done to Rory.

We had picked four girls, all of them happy to come along with us. None of them knew what was waiting ahead.

"Make sure he doesn't… you know," Elena said quietly before getting off the car when I dropped her at her place.

I nodded.

I had to make sure he didn't kill any of them. If he did, it would be on me. I chose these girls. These innocent girls that were just doing what girls our age are supposed to do. Have fun.

The drive back to the house was quiet. I had told them to stay in silence. I needed to think, how were we going to do this? We could have them wait upstairs and I could take them one by one downstairs so that Damon could feed on them. Stefan and I needed backup. We had to invite one of the Cullens into the house. Probably Carlisle, since blood had no effect on him anymore. I had to make one of them invite him in. Then we would make sure Damon didn't kill them and give them a sandwich or something so that they wouldn't pass out.

When I drove up our driveway I noticed Carlisle was still outside, but he wasn't alone. Edward was sitting right there next to him.

_Great._

_Just great._

"Stay in the car," I told the girls. They didn't even try to open the doors.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked me, as soon as I was next to them.

"I'm doing what I have to do," I told him.

"This isn't right…" he said.

"This isn't your call," I answered.

"Bella what's your plan?" Carlisle asked.

I told him what I had in mind.

"You can't possibly agree with this," Edward said to Carlisle as soon as I finished.

"This is a very uncommon situation son. I believe Bella has had instructions as to what to do and she's acting accordingly. I can be there. The three of us: Bella, Stefan and myself, will make sure he doesn't kill any of the girls," Carlisle responded.

"Who told you to do this?" Edward asked.

I just stared at him and then turned around, ignored his question and started walking back to the car.

"Girls, I want you to be very quiet. Get out of the car and go inside the house. Wait in the living room. Rory, you come with me," I instructed them.

They did as I told them. When we were by the door, I told Rory to invite Carlisle into the house, only Carlisle. As soon as she spoke the words, the spell was lifted and Carlisle was allowed inside.

"Bella, this isn't you," Edward told me.

"Edward, you have no idea who I am now, and what I'd do for the ones I love," I answered.

His face changed.

"You love him?" he asked, disbelief in his voice.

_Did I?_

I hadn't said anything to Damon and I sure as hell was not going to let Edward be the first to know how I felt about Damon.

"Edward, just… I know what I'm doing. You want to be my friend? Support me on this," I answered.

He scoffed.

"How can you do this? How can you do this when he's using you the way he is?" he asked, confusion written all over his face.

Now I scoffed, "_What_?"

"He's got you wrapped around his finger and you don't even know it. He's using you Bella. He's been using you all along," he replied.

"Okay, you are clearly having a jealousy fit and I'm not going to listen anymore. You don't want to support me on this, fine. Go home," I told him.

I was angry. I felt rage boiling inside me.

_How dare he?_

I was going to close the door when he spoke again, "He took you to Volterra didn't he?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"Of course he did. He wanted to show Aro his shiny new trophy. His new _acquisition_. After all, how many of _them_ can say that they have the only two known hybrids in the world as friends? That they have their _full_ trust?"

I wanted to punch him, but I couldn't move. His words had sunk in.

"Go home Edward," was the only thing that I could say through my very gritted teeth.

My stomach contorted. Not like when Damon was near me and he did the things he did, but like when you hear someone you cared about died. I felt sick. I was angry. I was disgusted. Not because Edward was acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend, but because part of me actually believed his words made some sort of sense.

Damon wouldn't do that to me could he?

Right?

He didn't take me there to show me off…

He went to the Volturi to claim his reward for finishing off Victoria.

He went there to claim his reward.

He had introduced me to a hundred of his old friends.

His very odd friends.

For no apparent reason other than he wanted me to know people in high places. Or did he? Was it the other way around? Did he want them to know that _he_ knew _me_?

That look Aro gave Damon the first time we visited kept flashing in my head.

"Let's go Rory," I told her, asking her to follow me downstairs.

Before going inside the room Stefan had Damon in, I told Rory that she couldn't scream, and that no matter what happened inside she wasn't supposed to be scared. I was there and I was going to take care of her. I told her she could hold my hand.

I knocked on the door.

Stefan opened it.

Inside, Damon was tied up to a chair.

"You used vervain?" I asked as soon as I saw the burn marks on his wrists.

"I had no choice, he wouldn't keep still," he explained.

I rolled my eyes.

Carlisle entered the room.

He avoided looking into my eyes.

"Let's do this," I said.

"Bella, are you okay?" Stefan asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

He had overheard the conversation I had had with Edward,

"This is Rory," I told him.

Stefan grinned and took her by the hand. He asked her to sit down on a chair next to Damon. She did as she was told.

I walked up to Damon, his eyes were closed.

"Damon," I said, and shook one of his legs, "Damon."

He was groggy, but as soon as he smelt the girl his head snapped right up.

"You're going to listen to me now," I said taking his face and making him look at me. I had to make sure he paid attention.

"You're going to feed from her. But you will be gentle. You will stop when I tell you," I told him.

He grunted, trying to let his face free from my hands.

I grabbed him harder.

"Listen up Damon. It's your own fault you're in this position tied up like prisoner. You got yourself in this mess when you left on your stupid mission and came back with that freaking curse. I got you out of that mess. I cleaned you up and now you're all better. So you owe me this. You _will_ behave. You won't kill this girl or the ones that come after. You so much as rip their skin a little too much and I'll snap your neck again. I will stake you with the spiky stake we both know hurts like a bitch, and I will put you in a tub filled with vervain until your skin falls off."

He staid still. His eyes locked on mine.

"Is that clear?" I asked.

"Cristal," he spat.

"Good. Rory, give him your left hand," I ordered.

Carlisle and Stefan moved to Damon's side. Ready to disengage her from him if he got too desperate.

The girl extended her arm. Damon took it in his mouth and while still looking at me, bit her wrist. He started drinking.

_Don't kill her. Don't kill her. Please don't kill her. You can't kill her. Don't kill her._

"Pace yourself," I whispered.

My mouth watered.

I hadn't fed today. Now that I think about it, I hadn't fed in three days.

I pushed those cravings aside and concentrated on Damon. My thoughts went back to Edward's words.

How could he?

I mean, could he really be doing that? Using me?

Jane's attack, was it some sort of test?

Did Demetri and Felix only come by to check up on me?

"I think that's enough Bella, the girl's heart is running too slow," Carlisle said, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I took a look at Rory. She was looking pale.

"Damon, it's time to stop," I said.

He glared at me.

"I said… _stop_," I repeated.

He didn't let go.

"That's enough brother," Stefan said, as he tried to take Rory's arm away from his mouth.

I walked to a cabinet in the corner of the room, took out the stake I had warned him about and showed it to him. I pressed the button that made the spikes come out and as soon as I did he stopped. He let go of the girl's arm.

His mouth had blood smothered all over.

"I'm giving the girl some food," Carlisle told me as he inspected her.

I nodded and told her she could go upstairs with Carlisle and wait for me in the living room.

After they both had left I turned to Damon, who had never looked at me with more rage than like right now.

"Are you still hungry?" I asked.

He smirked and licked his lips.

"Bring the red head," I told Stefan.

My mind drifted to the morning after I had learned that Stefan and Damon were vampires.

**- FLASH BACK -**

"_Why are you suddenly answering every question that I have?"_

_It was a while before he answered my question; he studied me and then said, "I'm curious. I don't like being in dark. There's something about you that I want to know and I won't stop until I know what it is. You're… __odd__."_

_"Gee… thanks?" I answered._

_"I'm not insulting you. It's a compliment. You're __different__. I just want to know why."_

_"A compliment, really?" I asked making sure, because it didn't really sound that way._

_"Yes. To be honest, I haven't been this interested in something since… well… a few months ago."_

_"Am I really supposed to believe it's a compliment? I know for fact that you vampires get distracted easily."_

_He laughed._

_"What?" he asked._

_"You get distracted easily, you have distractions, like the sorority girls you like to feed from," I answered._

_"Sorority girls are no distraction. They're kind of boring really," he said smiling. He then started laughing again. He sat up and then leaned forward closer to me._

_"Who on earth told you that absolute and stupid lie?" he asked seriously._

_I couldn't say anything. I looked away and shrugged._

_"Come on, seriously? He __said__ that?" he laughed and then by taking my hand he grabbed the attention of my eyes again and added, "Isabella darling, when something or someone grabs a vampire's attention it is almost impossible to let go. We get fixated. News flash gorgeous, he lied."_

**- END FLASH BACK -**

Damon never took his eyes off me. Their look, menacing. He tried breaking free from the chair.

"Behave," I told him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I say so," I spat.

I was angry at him. I had tried to make him better all this time and now he was acting like this? I had learned things in the past few days that I should have heard from him. Not the Cullens. Not Edward. Not even from Stefan. From him. I should have learned everything from him.

I wanted to hit him. I want him to snap out of the insatiable thirst state he was in so that he started answering my questions.

He kept fighting the vervain dipped ropes.

"_Stop_," I told him.

Then something interesting happened.

Damon couldn't move, and he tried. Boy did he try. It was as if an invisible force was stopping him. It wasn't the vervain. The blood from the girl had helped him regain his strength.

He tried opening his mouth to speak.

"Don't even think about talking back to me Damon," I threatened.

And even as he tried to open his mouth to say something clever to me, he couldn't.

_Was I doing this? _

"Bella," Stefan said, as he came in to the room, the red head by his side and Carlisle close behind.

"Should we go for another round?" Stefan asked.

I nodded, compelled the girl like the last one and then ordered Damon to drink.

Surprisingly, he regained the ability to move, sunk his teeth in the girl's arm, and never stopped staring at me, analyzing my moves.

Was this all me?

Was I able to control him?

"That's enough," I told him, Damon stopped immediately.

"I think he can drink a bit more Bella," Carlisle said.

I raised my hand to him, without taking my eyes away from Damon's.

I let him linger on the girl's arm. I knew he was too thirsty and the temptation of having her pulsating open vein in front of him was too much, and yet he didn't drink.

I gave him a nod, and then he quickly sank his fangs again into the girl.

I noticed Stefan and Carlisle glancing at each other discretely. They were wondering what I was doing.

"Carlisle?" I said.

"Yes Bella?" he replied.

"If we slit her wrist, how much time do we have before she completely bleeds out?" I asked.

He was surprised by my question.

"Depends on how deep the wound is… but, twenty minutes give or take," he answered.

"Hmm," was all I said.

I suddenly didn't feel like waiting for Damon to come out of his unfathomable thirst. I wanted answers. I wanted answers _now_.

He finished feeding from the red head and then Stefan brought in the blond. Damon behaved through this one. Once the last girl was sitting beside Damon, her arm extended, ready for him to dig in and take a bite, I took a knife and slit her wrist open.

"Don't even think about it," I said as Damon was about to bite her. His mouth lingered half open above the girl's slashed wrist.

Blood starting dripping quickly from her arm.

"Bella what are you doing?" Stefan hissed.

"Get out of the room Stefan, this isn't going to be easy," I told him.

"Bella, this is not what we agreed on doing," Carlisle told me.

"Carlisle, I think you should check up on the other girls," I told him.

I wanted to be left alone with Damon.

"Bella, are you-" he started saying before I cut him off.

"Go check on them please. I have this under control, nothing will happen to the girl," I said.

Knowing I wanted to speak with Damon privately he agreed and left the room.

"Thirsty?" I asked Damon, as blood dripped on the floor from the girl's wrist.

He stared at me, his mouth watering and his eyes glassy.

"You know, I'm hurt," I told him.

He didn't say anything.

"Apparently everyone knows what I am except for me," I said.

His eyes widened.

"You said I wasn't ready, but I'm ready as I'll ever be to know the truth, and I need the truth now. I want to hear it from you, not from anyone else," I said.

He stayed quiet.

"Tell me Damon!" I exclaimed.

Silence.

He looked down at the drops that had fallen on the floor.

"So you're not talking to me now? After everything I've done to make you better?" I said in disbelief.

"Can I eat?" he spat.

"No! You're not feeding until you tell me everything!" I exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes.

"Why are you acting like this?" I was confused, and then added, "I get that you're thirsty, but I don't get why all your walls are up… it's me who's standing right in front of you, Bella."

Nothing. I didn't get a single emotion out of him.

"You know… Edward says you're using me…" I said, trying to provoke him.

At the mention of Edward's name he growled, his lips formed a snarl.

"So that upsets you? The mention of Edward's name?" I asked.

He looked towards the corner of the room.

I took a knife and opened the girl's wrist a bit more. Blood started pouring out faster.

"So, are you? Did you?" I asked.

He started panting as he glanced down at the pool of blood, his eyes were completely black.

I had fifteen minutes or so before the girl bled out.

"Damon, was I part of a plan of yours? Were you showing me off to Aro, Caius and Marcus on purpose? Did we travel through Europe to introduce me to your "friends" for your own benefit?" I asked quickly, one question after the other.

"Tell me!" I demanded.

I felt my throat burn. Not only was I feeling thirsty myself, but I could also feel his desperate need to feed.

He stared at me, his eyes menacing.

"So now you believe him? You're back to trusting him? After he left you? Abandoned you? LEft you to die?" he finally spoke.

"Should I believe him?" I asked.

"I saved you from Victoria… twice," he answered.

"No Damon, you only saved me once, I survived the second time because your blood was already in my system," I reminded him.

Images from the night Victoria killed me fluttered through my mind.

Damon, standing in front of me protecting me from her. Victoria grabbing me and then asking him why was I so important. Damon stood there, not doing anything. He didn't fight for me then. He just let her snap my neck.

I remembered how he was gone for days before Victoria came back. When he returned he said he was finding out information about Victoria, but was he? Or was he finding out more things about me? What would happen once I turned...

"You let me die on purpose didn't you…" I whispered.

His feet were drenched in blood.

Veins sticking out of the skin near his eyes.

"Didn't you?!" I said again.

He clenched his jaw tightly.

I felt anger boil up inside of me.

How could I have been so naive? How had I not seen this?

He had used me. Damon, the person I trusted the most in this world had used me in the most selfish way ever imaginable. I felt my insides contract and hurt more than when Edward left me, more than when he appeared again and I crashed on the floor.

"Carlisle!" I yelled.

A few seconds afterwards he came into the room.

"Make sure she doesn't die," I told him quietly, stood up from the stool I was sitting on and made my way out of the basement. I could not let Damon see me so upset. IT was the last thing I wanted to do.

I ran into Stefan at the top of the stairs.

He tried opening his mouth to speak, "Don't, just… _don't_," I said, raising my hand, not in the mood to hear anything he had to say.

His eyes showed concern, "Bella I-"

"Call me when the last girl is fixed up to go," I told him. That was the only thing I was concerned about right now, compelling the girls to forget, and taking them home safely. I had brought them into this mess, I had to take them back.

"Bella-" he said again.

"I said _don't_," I told him, and ran upstairs to my room. I closed the door behind me and looked for my suitcases. I emptied the closets. Packed up all my stuff. I did not plan on staying here any longer.

I needed to run out. To get out of here.

I took my stuff into to garage and loaded my things into Damon's Audi.

I was taking his car I didn't care what he thought or how much he loved it. I was taking it. He could always just buy a new one. I drove out of the driveway and headed into the city. I dropped my stuff at Elena's and left the car there. I asked her to lend me her car and went back to the house to pick up the girls. I didn't tell her anything. I was too upset to talk. If I spoke, I was going to start crying and lose it, and it was the last thing I wanted to do, lose control.

"Are they ready?" I asked Carlisle when I walked into the living room. He was setting bandages on the last girl's wrist.

He nodded.

"Okay, come on girls, let's go," I said and told them to get into the car.

"Thanks for your help Carlisle," I said before heading out of the house again.

"Bella," he called out.

"Bye Carlisle," I said before giving him the opportunity to speak.

"Bella, you are always welcomed in our home," he said quickly.

I scoffed.

"This is what you all wanted wasn't it? Well… you can tell Edward he was right. He got his wish. Now, please, tell him to keep his part of his promise and let me be," I told him and walked out.

After compelling the girls and dropping them off back at the sorority I drove back to Elena's. Who welcomed me with a very concern expression.

"Bella, what's going on? Why did you bring all your stuff here? Is Damon okay? Did it work?" she asked quickly.

"I don't know if it worked. I don't know if he's okay, because honestly I think he's never been okay," I said, tearing up.

"I don't understand…" she told me.

"Damon is a selfish bastard, and I'm the naive little girl that fell for his tricks," I muttered.

She didn't understand a word I was saying.

"What do you mean, a few days ago you were pure bliss what happened?" she asked, her eyebrows together in concentration.

I sighed.

That pain I was in? That crushing sensation that I had been holding back for the last two hours? I released it.

Between sobs I told Elena everything. I told her every little detail. I told her about Sage. I told her about his wine. I told her what I did to make Damon better. I told her what Jasper had said to me and how Edward blurted out what he thought Damon had done. I told her about hurting the girl, ripping her skin open just to make Damon talk. I told her about the way Damon looked at me today, how he called me a bitch, and then how he didn't deny the things I was asking him.

She couldn't believe it. Disbelief in her eyes.

"It probably was the thirst talking," she told me, trying to make it better.

I shook my head no.

"It's him Elena. He's always been that way, you know it," I cried.

"He's changed, I've _seen_ it," she told me.

"He hasn't changed, it was all an act," I replied.

"He knew what I was when he met me, I've always intrigued him, he told me that himself," I said.

"He always did want to find out more about you…" she said absently, remembering something.

My stomach turned.

"I can't believe I'm back here again. Weeping for a guy," I said between sobs.

"Maybe we should wait until he's himself again. Then you can talk and you can ask him all the questions you want," she suggested.

"No, Damon never answers questions. He only returns them," I said.

My chest felt like it had a mountain of rocks sitting on it.

"It hurts, Elena," I told her.

She leaned forward and gave me a hug.

"It was different with him. It wasn't the same like with Edward…" I whispered as I let go of her embrace

"You love him," Elena told me.

I felt my chest burst.

With tears in my eyes I nodded.

"This hurts too much," I sobbed.

"It's going to be fine Bella," she said, running her hands through my hair.

"I don't want to feel like this again," I shook my head, "I've been here. I don't want to feel this anymore," I said in despair.

Elena's eyes widened.

"I want to make it stop," I said desperately.

"Bella…" she whispered, panic in her eyes.

I shook my head.

An image of Damon and me in Rome came to my mind

_"When we love, we love passionately and blindly, and when we hate we hate ferociously and vindictively. And when we allow ourselves to actually feel, it can become too much, so it's okay to shut down," he had told me._

I looked up at Elena.

"I'm not going through this pain again. I'm not that girl anymore," I told her.

"Bella, look at me," she told me, fully aware of what I was implying with what I was telling her.

"It's okay," I told her nodding.

I closed my eyes.

The tears stopped. The pain eased. The weight on my chest was lifted.

_Click_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**First off: Fix You has been nominated for an award. To vote please go to: www . energizewipawards . blogspot . com (erase spaces between the periods to enter and vote)**

**Now, this chapter, as many of the chapters before it, contains quotes from the amazing tv show, Being Erica. So a disclaimer is in order. As I have said before, I strongly suggest you guys watch it.**

**Reviews are love!**


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N:**_

_**Fix You won the category it was nominated for in the Energize WIP Awards, thanks to everyone that voted!**_

_**Heads up: This chapter has a lot of Flashbacks so it might be confusing. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><strong>OUTSIDE POV<strong>

"Where is he?" Elena asked as she barged into the house, completely out of breath.

"Elena, what are you doing here?" Stefan asked, grabbing her by her shoulders, concern in his eyes, and surprised to see her there, "You're not supposed to be here."

"Where are you keeping him?" She asked her boyfriend again.

"He's down in the basement… but you're not going down there," he told her.

"Yes, I am," she said and walked past him and into the kitchen, she then opened the door that lead to the basement and walked down the stairs quickly. Stefan followed close behind. She was furious. She opened the door widely, making it slam against the wall.

Damon, who was still tied up to the chair, was fast asleep. His head hung. His clothes were covered in blood. Elena looked around the room. Empty blood bags piled up next to his chair.

She was so angry at him. He had hurt her friend. This was so typical of him. Just when things started to get good, he went and screwed things up.

Without thinking it twice she gathered all the strength she had within her and slapped his face. Her hand throbbed.

His head snapped right up, hissing at her.

"How could you!" she said in disgust.

"What did I do _now_?" he asked, squinting through his eyes, disoriented.

Stefan walked to his brother's side as soon as he spoke the words, and grabbed his face, "Damon, are you conscious now?" he asked.

"Well, yes brother I can hear you. Why the hell am I tied up to this chair?" he asked confused trying to fight the ropes.

Stefan looked back at Elena.

"Do you remember _anything_ from yesterday?" Stefan asked him.

"I drank some pink champagne Bella gave me..." he answered groggily.

"You don't remember anything? Waking up? _Fighting_ Bella and me? The thirst? Running out of the house into the forest? Staking Bella when she tried to stop you from going into town and slaughtering everyone?" Stefan asked him.

"_What_?!" he said in confusion.

Elena ran a hand through her hair.

"You don't remember?" she asked.

"No, I think I've made that perfectly clear, where's Bella?" Damon asked.

Stefan glanced back at Elena.

"Tell him," she told her boyfriend.

Stefan sighed, knowing that his brother was not going to take well what he was about to say.

"Bella drugged you with the wine to get rid of the curse that witch put on you, you were knocked out for five days. On the second day of your deep slumber you started seizing. Bella dug out a worm out of the mark on your back. She set it on fire, and once the worm died, your seizing stopped too. She was told you would wake up with unfathomable thirst. She prepared. She filled up the freezer with blood bags. We locked you up in the room down the hall to prevent you from running away. When you woke up you were _very_ thirsty. We gave you bags which you ripped open and drank quickly. It wasn't enough. That was when Bella decided to give you some of her blood, trying whatever she could to help you. It only made you stronger. She decided to go inside the room, and you escaped," Stefan explained.

Damon's eyes were full of confusion and fear.

"We had to call the Cullens for help, you called her a bitch," Stefan added.

"Where's Bella?" Damon asked, interrupting the story. He didn't want to hear anything else.

"We brought you back to the house," Stefan continued, ignoring his question, "Bella came up with a plan."

"She came to me," Elena said, her arms crossed against her chest, "We went to a sorority and picked out four girls. She made sure they weren't drunk. Because Bella knows you like your blood clean," she added, spite in her voice.

"Did I kill them?" he asked in confusion.

Elena rolled her eyes.

"Damon, Bella found out about Sage being a hybrid, like her," Stefan told him.

"And Sage being a singer... like her," Elena added.

Damon shut his eyes tightly.

"Edward came over and told her you were using her," Stefan said.

Damon clenched his jaw and grabbed the chair firmly.

"She was confused, and when she asked you about it, you didn't deny it," Stefan told him.

"_What?_" Damon asked.

"She asked you if you let her die on purpose when Victoria got her, and you didn't deny it. She asked you if you were showing her off to the Volturi, and you didn't deny that either," Elena told him, bitterness in her voice.

"Where is she?" he asked quickly.

Stefan glanced over at Elena, who in turn glanced back at Damon.

"She's gone," Elena answered, her tone barely a whisper.

"_Where_ did she go?" Damon asked.

Elena shrugged and shook her head, "Wherever she is, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be found," she said.

"Get me out of these ropes, I have to find her," Damon said, fighting the knots, the vervain ripping through his skin.

"Damon," Elena said trying to capture his attention again, "She's gone. She's… shut down. She flipped the switch."

Stefan's head snapped to meet Elena's eyes. He was not expecting that.

Damon sat with his mouth wide open, fear in his eyes, he slumped back into the chair and after Stefan released him from the ropes, he sank his head in his hands.

"Are you happy now? You drove the only person who has ever _truly loved_ _you_ away," Elena spat.

He raised his head, his eyes met Elena's.

She nodded, "Oh yes, Bella loved you."

His eyes glistened.

"We have to get her back," Stefan said.

"What are you going to do now?" Elena asked Damon.

He looked up at her and stood up from the chair violently. He stomped up to his room and took off his bloodstained clothes. Then he went downstairs and was met by Elena at the bottom of the stairs.

"Damon, where are you going?" Elena asked as she tried to follow behind him.

His jaw was clenched tightly as he buttoned up a shirt.

"Damon, you need to stop and think," Elena told him.

"_He_ did this," Damon said, anger in his voice.

"No Damon, _you_ did this. He just told her what he figured out on his own. Crappy move, I know, but _you_ did this," Elena replied, taking his hand and making him turn around.

His eyes were wild.

"Damon!" Elena called out, trying to gain his attention.

"I'm going to kill him," he spat and blurred out of the house.

Damon was determined to give Edward a piece of his mind. Scratch that, he was going to beat him up. He was aware it would hurt, but he just wanted to put a crack on that ass's stone cold pretty face.

He was furious. He knew very well the game Edward was playing with Bella. He knew it well because he himself had played it one too many times. The "let's be friends" routine. Before Bella came into his life he had been at that game for a long time with Elena. Granted, it had not worked then, but he had played it before with others too and it had worked every single time. Knowing Bella, and how much she wanted to get over this awkward phase with the Cullens, she would have agreed to be his friend to make things easier and possibly allowing Edward to accept how things had turned out and eventually move on. Because that's what Bella did. She took care of people. Always putting others first and thinking about herself last. Bella had to fix things. But it wasn't her fault. It's the way she's wired. The Major knew it, which meant Edward knew it.

He stomped through the woods on his way to the Cullen's house.

He was going to give Edward a piece of his mind. _Really_ give him a piece of his mind. Because Damon always had a plan. He didn't do things arbitrarily, even when he changed his mind he had a new plan forming in his head. There was reason behind everything he did. Yes, sometimes he was selfish and acted out of his own need to feel important and keep that wall he had built strong and tall, but contrary to popular belief he was capable of being selfless. In fact, Damon was a very selfless guy when it came to the ones he cared about, thank you very much. He disguised his actions in something else, but he always meant well. And then, Edward shows up to screw things over while he had fallen in that deep slumber because of that bubbly and delicious rose wine Bella had given him to make him all better.

She had tricked him into drinking that wine without raising any red flags. The girl had learned how to be sneaky, and he was responsible for that. To be honest, it made him proud. Even if he was the victim.

So there he was, making his way through the woods. Elena was screaming something from a mile away but he ignored it. He ignored it because his mind was too busy thinking of a plan to get Bella back.

He was scared of what would happen now. Scared of what Bella would do without her feelings, when she had absolutely no control of her ability. He had decided to take things slow with her to avoid the occurrence of a Sage-like massacre. So he had tried to help her realize slowly what her abilities were. He had been there for her, shown her support, and allowed her to discover parts of herself that she had never truly understood. He wanted her to discover it. That was one of the reasons why he had left on that mission. He left her thinking that she'd be all right with Stefan and Elena. The thought of the Cullens being here had never even crossed his mind.

Damon had a plan. He would tell her eventually that she and Sage were more alike than they were different, when she was ready. When she wasn't still confused and coming to terms with becoming a vampire, realizing she had died, and adapting to this new life that he had led her in to. It was his fault she had turned. So she was his responsibility. This time, Damon wanted to do the progeny thing right.

Bella wasn't like any other vampire he had turned. All the others, he had turned out of boredom. He had shown them the basics and then disappeared, left them on their own. He had never given a damn if they survived or not. Bella was different. He wanted her to make it. He wanted to see her stand tall and triumphant. He wanted to be by her side. Bella understood Damon in ways that he didn't want others to understand. She saw through his mask, the facade, the tall wall he had built.

But Edgar had screwed things for him; before he could even tell her everything he wanted to tell her, before she could listen to the truth from his own lips. Damon had been so consumed by thirst that he had led her to believe what she wanted to believe just to be able to feed. It was his survival instinct. His stupid survival animal instinct.

He marched up the steps of the Cullen's home and opened the door carelessly, making his way inside.

"Damon," Carlisle said in surprise as he walked over to greet him.

"Back off Doc," Damon said, walking past him while searching for Edward, "This is between me and the telepath."

"Damon, please, you've had a rough few days, you're not thinking straight," Carlisle said as he walked behind him.

"_Really_? I'm not thinking straight? So I'm apparently making up this part where Eddy here went and told Bella a complete _lie_!? _Manipulated_ her into thinking something that is _entirely_ false?" Damon exclaimed.

"Please, come with me, let's take this outside," Carlisle said calmly, taking Damon's arm.

Damon shook it away, "Don't touch me."

"Carlisle, let him come," Edward said as he appeared in the hallway.

Damon glared at Edward.

"Do you have _any_ idea what you have done?" Damon asked him.

"What? Tell Bella the truth?" Edward replied.

Damon scoffed, "You have no idea what you're talking about…"

Emmett, Alice and Jasper walked into the hallway.

"So you're not using her?" Edward asked.

"What I do with Bella is _none_ of your fucking business, the reasons behind what ever I have done in the time that I have known her are for me to know only, and Bella to find out when the time is right. You had no business telling her your little theory, and now… now you will suffer the consequences."

That was when Damon walked up to Edward and gathering all the strength he had in his very old vampire body, punched his face. Edward fell back. Damon sat on top of him, punching him repeatedly, enjoying every cracking sound his skin made when he pounded on it. Edward tried taking him off himself, but Damon was older, and much stronger than Edward had ever been.

Two sets of hands grabbed Damon and held him while Edward stood up.

"That's _enough_ Damon," Carlisle grunted.

"She's not a little prize to parade around!" Edward spat.

Damon started laughing, "You don't get it do you?" he said between chuckles, "She _is_!" he yelled, "She _is_ a prize. She's the biggest treasure anyone could hope to find. She's special, _very_ special. And the first thing I tried to do was let her know it. But you did _such_ a number on her that her confidence and self-esteem is so freaking low, that she doesn't see it or believe it. No matter how I try. I've busted my ass trying to fix her. Trying to make her realize what she's _really_ worth."

Edward stared at Damon.

"That's bullshit," Edward told him.

"Really? You didn't tell her that she wasn't good enough for you?" Damon asked, knowing very well the answer to that question.

Edward clenched his jaw.

"The girl has _serious_ abandonment issues, and who's to blame for that?" Damon asked.

Edward rolled his hands into tight fists, and kept them to the side of his body.

"So, while you were moping in Brazil, _I_ was cleaning up the mess you left behind. But now you're here again, and you've found the best way to screw things all over again. And this time, cleaning up isn't going to be easy. It's going to take a hell of a lot of work. Everything that happens now, it's on your hands," Damon told him.

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked.

Damon licked his lips, "History has a way of repeating it self, you know that by now, right?"

Edward's eyebrows pursed together. Confused by Damon's words.

"Do you remember that story about that _crazy_ hybrid vampire who shut down and killed entire towns on a whim?" Damon asked.

"Of course," Edward answered through gritted teeth.

Damon smiled sarcastically, "Thanks to _you_, that's about to happen all over again."

Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Congratulations Edward. You did it. Bella was so upset at me after you told her that little theory of yours, that she probably remembered how much it hurt her when _you_ left her, and then thought _I_ had betrayed her, and since our relationship is much, _much_, deeper than yours _ever_ was, and she _loves_ _me_, the mere thought of going through heartbreak like that once more, as a vampire, a baby vampire because she's not even a year into this life, and as you might remember, emotions as newborns are very heightened, so, that thought was just… _too_ much, that... she did it," Damon shrugged, his hands behind his back, Emmett and Carlisle holding him back.

"She flipped the switch. _Bravo_, Edward, _bravo_. You _really_ thought that one through," Damon added, bitterness in his voice.

Emmet and Carlisle let go of Damon's hands instantly. Alice's face was one of fear. Edward was in shock. They were all startled. No one spoke.

"What… what do you suggest we do now?" Carlisle asked, his voice a whisper.

"_I_ am going to clean up your mess… yet _again_, and _you_, you're going to clean up after whatever mess she leaves behind. There _will_ be a body trail. She _is_ going to be sloppy, and she's not going to give a rat's ass about it," Damon told them.

"She's really shut down?" Alice asked.

"Yeah," Damon answered, ire in his voice, he then turned around and walked out of the Cullen's home. He took out his phone and started dialing Bella's number. Voice mail. He tried again, and then once more, and when she didn't pickup he insisted again. He reached the front steps of their home and sat on them.

Elena soon came out and sat next to him. She knew he was worried, and angry at himself. He had that look. That look that only meant that he was so furious he could kill anyone who crossed him right now.

Once more, Damon held his phone to his ear, it went directly to voice mail, "_Fuck_!" he yelled, desperately.

Elena jumped, taken back by his sudden scream.

"Straight to voice mail?" she asked.

He nodded, arms over his head.

Elena had never seen Damon like this. This was a first. No, actually she had, only once before, the day of the carnival, when he brought Bella back from the woods, her body limp as he carried her back to the boarding house in his arms.

"Maybe we should call Jacob or Charlie, ask them if they've talked with her?" she suggested.

"Don't call Charlie it will only worry him," Stefan said, he was leaning on the doorway.

"Call the pup," Damon told her.

Elena took out her phone and called.

"Jake?" she said as soon as he answered.

"Uhh… this is a weird phone call," Jake replied.

She sighed, "I know… how are you?" she asked him.

"Good. You?" he asked.

"Umm, good?" she answered.

"Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's cut the crap. What's going on? Why are you calling?" he asked suspiciously. Elena had never called Jake before. After he left Mystic Falls when Bella turned, he hadn't heard from Elena or any of the Salvatores again.

"Have you spoken with Bella?" Elena asked.

"Not in a while," he answered after a pause he added, "Is she alright?"

Elena glanced at Damon and Stefan before answering.

"She kind of took off…" Elena told him.

"Did she kill a Cullen or something?" Jake asked.

"No…" Elena answered.

"What happened?" Jake asked, concerned.

Elena looked at Damon and Stefan, wondering if she should tell Jacob the truth. Stefan glanced at Damon, this was his call, they would follow whatever he wanted to do. Damon nodded, giving her permission to tell Jacob what had happened.

"She flipped the switch," Elena answered quickly.

"What does that mean?" Jake asked confused.

"She uh… she turned off all of her emotions," Elena explained.

"What?" he replied, he didn't understand what Elena meant by that.

Damon extended his hand, asking Elena for the phone. She handed it to him.

"Pup, it's Damon," he said.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" Jake asked him.

"Listen up, Bella is running around somewhere, her emotions are off, which means her humanity right now is non-existent, no feelings, no compassion. She doesn't care about anything or anyone. It is _extremely_ important that if you see her, you approach her with caution. She's unpredictable right now and very dangerous. If she makes any contact, call us," Damon told him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up," Jake replied, trying to make sense of the things Damon was telling him, "What happened, why is she off now? She was fine a few weeks ago when we spoke. The Cullens were in town and she was freaking out a little, but she said she had it under control. Did those asses have anything to do with it? Cause if they did I'm pretty glad to get over there and rip their freaking heads off."

"Pup, I'll handle it. Call us when you hear from her," Damon told him.

"Call me if you hear from her too," Jake replied.

"And Pup, don't tell Charlie," Damon instructed.

"Sure, sure. We don't want to worry him," Jake agreed.

Damon stood up and walked into the garage.

"Where are you going? What's the plan?" Stefan asked, following him.

"I'll try to track her," Damon mumbled as he waited for the garage door to open.

"She was last at my apartment in the city," Elena told him.

Damon nodded, "We'll start from there," he said.

When the garage door was completely raised Damon frowned, pursing his eyebrows together, "Where the _hell_ is my car?" he asked, turning to Stefan and Elena.

Elena smirked, "Where do you think?"

Damon rolled his eyes, and muttered in an annoyed voice, "That little…"

"Shut up, you have to admit it's a good move, her leaving and taking your favorite car with her," Stefan told him.

"She took that move right out of your book," Elena added.

"I swear, if there's even one little scratch…" Damon said.

"Let's take mine," Elena said throwing him the keys before he could say something else.

* * *

><p>"Nothing!" Damon yelled.<p>

"Brother, let's calm down, why don't you report your car as stolen, maybe if they spot it, it can lead us to her," Stefan suggested after they had tried tracking Bella for hours, only to find _nothing_, not a single lead on her whereabouts.

"That's a good idea," Elena agreed.

"Sure, why not?" Damon replied irritated.

"We should head home… you should drink something to calm your nerves. We'll sit down and come up with a real plan," she suggested.

Damon clenched his jaw.

"Come on brother, let's go," Stefan told him, putting his arm over Damon's shoulder.

Damon nodded absently, his mind somewhere else far away.

* * *

><p>"Maybe she's with her mom," Elena said.<p>

They were sitting in the living room, throwing around possible locations that Bella could be at.

"We should go to Florida," Stefan said.

"Maybe," Damon replied.

"What about Forks?" Stefan asked.

"She hates that place, she wouldn't go there," Elena answered.

Damon agreed.

"There's no one in Mystic Falls, so I don't think she'll go there. Charlie moved back to Forks a few weeks ago," Elena said.

"We should call Jeremy and Alaric and let them know what's happening. Ask them to give us a heads up if anything out of the ordinary happens," Stefan suggested.

"Do that," Damon told him.

Stefan stood and made the call from the kitchen.

Elena sat across from Damon. She was trying to figure out how to ask him if what Bella had said was true. She felt defensive over her friend but she also cared about Damon. She didn't want to take sides but she really needed to know the truth.

"You've known all along what would happen if Bella turned," Elena finally said.

Damon raised an eye brow, "Are you trying to accuse me of something too?" he asked.

"That night we saw her scar for the first time, you were so eager to get into her head," she said, remembering what had happened a year back.

"I was trying to understand her," Damon answered.

"Why?" Elena asked.

"Because she had met vampires before! And she was _weird_!" Damon replied a little annoyed by Elena's accusations.

"So what if she had met vampires before?" Elena asked.

"She had a mark that wasn't supposed to be there, not when she was still alive," he told her.

"So you're telling me that you didn't know what would happen if she turned into a vampire like you?" Elena asked.

He was quiet.

"You did!" Elena said.

Damon rolled his eyes, "Not right _then_," he answered.

"When?" she asked.

"After she told us about Edward and her singing blood, and after Victoria popped up the first time," he mumbled.

* * *

><p><strong>- FLASH BACK – LAST YEAR -<strong>

"Is there still a price on the red head?" Damon asked as he walked to his car, "Yes, I know we want the three of them."

He opened the car door and climbed inside, his phone to his ear.

"I have it on good word that they've been eliminated," he put the keys in the ignition, "Would the price go up if I had proof that Red is building an army? Yes, an army… I have it under control."

He checked the rearview mirror and adjusted it. "Yes, I'll take care of it."

He looked towards the house, where he had left Bella fast asleep in her room, after she had dozed off on his shoulder downstairs, his attention was taken away from the house as he was surprised by something the person on the other end of the line said.

"Fine, you got it," he said and then hung up.

He pulled out of the driveway and left. He had an orchid show to visit.

Driving all night, he managed to arrive bright and early the next day to the small town that was holding the world wide acclaimed exhibition of wild orchids. He made his way through the crowd until he spotted the person he was looking for. There, surrounded by curious observers was an extravagant man. He wore large square sunglasses with brown rims, a purple scarf that matched the sole of his brown leather shoes, and a white buttoned down linen shirt.

"Mon Amie!" he exclaimed and extended his arms as soon as he saw Damon standing quietly on the sidelines.

Damon grinned and gave him a nod.

"Excuse me, my dears, have a look at my little babies, I will be back soon," Sage said as he made his way through the small crowd of people.

"What a pleasant surprise!" he said as he embraced Damon in a hug, "I never thought I'd see the day you'd join me in an exposition of my most lovely little ones. So I'm guessing you're not here to see my orchids," he told him.

"Let's go for a walk," Damon suggested.

"Sure, there are some divine specimens this year," Sage said and threw his arm around Damon's shoulders. "Tell me my friend, how is it going?"

"Well, as I've told you before, Mystic Falls is one big drama Ville," Damon replied.

Sage chuckled.

"I thought the whole vampires rising from the tomb ordeal was over," Sage said.

"No, that's taken care of. We have new drama in town," he cleared up.

"Really? Is it at least _interesting_ drama?" Sage asked curiously.

"Elena befriended a girl that moved to Mystic Falls not so long ago," Damon told him.

"A girl? Is she pretty?" Sage asked.

He shrugged, "Yeah I guess, but that's not the thing. The thing is that she's really… _odd_... and she has this red head cold one after her. Red head that the Volturi want to finish off."

"So she's aware of our existence," Sage concluded.

Damon nodded.

"So, what's the odd part?" Sage asked.

"She can't be compelled, and she's not on vervain," Damon answered.

Sage's eyes widened in surprise, "How _odd_ indeed…" he said.

"She says, that she dated a cold one once, and that her blood called out to him like no other blood had ever done, it took him a lot of self control to not kill her," Damon explained.

"A _singer_?" Sage said in awe, stopping in his steps.

Damon nodded.

"And he _didn't_ kill her?" Sage asked, completely bewildered.

"Apparently, feeding on bambi blood gave him some training on self control," Damon added, dismissing the choice of diet with an eye roll.

"He's a _vegetarian_?" Sage asked in amazement.

Damon nodded again.

"Oh wow, that _is_ impressive, all I can think of is that he must have really loved the girl," Sage whispered and looked at Damon, "That's not all is it?" Sage asked.

"She was badly hurt recently, I might have helped her get better," Damon told him.

Sage stared at him blankly.

"Then you must be _very_ careful," Sage instructed.

"What if she were to... die with my blood still on her system?" Damon asked.

Sage shook his head, "Poor girl, she'd have no idea what's in store for her." Sage answered and rubbed a hand on his neck.

Damon was quiet, his eyes wondered to the scar Sage had on the base of his neck. The scar a cold one had once given him many many centuries ago.

"You must protect her, if it came to that. Guide her. Don't leave her," Sage told him.

Damon didn't say anything. Sage stopped walking and stood in front of him.

"Mon Fils, you are dealing with a _very_ particular situation. This girl is special. I know you feel like you have something to prove to them, but don't do it, don't provoke them," Sage told him, concern written all over his face. He knew Damon well, _too_ well. He knew that even though he didn't like the Volturi, he still worked for them sometimes. He knew that Damon loathed being weak, and that he longed to be admired. These were all feelings that lingered from events that marked him while he was still human.

"They'd respect me," Damon said, frowning.

"They already do!" Sage exclaimed, grabbing Damon's face between his hands, and patting his cheeks.

**-END FLASHBACK-**

* * *

><p>"He's… my oldest friend, and a very powerful vampire," Damon replied.<p>

"Bella called him a few times while you were knocked out," Elena told him.

"She did?" Damon asked.

Elena nodded, "The day she took that worm out of you, he called. He was the one that gave her the recipe for your cure, _and_ the wine."

"Elena where's the wine Bella gave me?" Damon asked.

"She took it with her," she replied.

Damon pursed his lips together.

"Call him, maybe he knows where she's headed," Elena suggested.

Damon nodded and called his friend, who just told him that he'd be on the look out for any sign of Bella.

"Damon?" Elena said.

He glanced at her, saying _what_ with his gaze. He was irritated and his patience almost non existent.

"Did you promise to hand her over to the Volturi?" Elena asked.

He stood up and locked himself up in his room, never answering Elena's question.

Over the course of the next few days Damon had continued to call Bella until her voicemail was full, he had flown to Florida to check if she was with he mother, he had called Sage and every friend he had visited over seas with her, and none of them had heard from her.

On the tenth day that Bella had been missing, they received a call from Jacob, who told them that Charlie knew something was up and that he was worried about Bella. On the third week, Damon had the courage to answer the call Charlie had made only to be blamed by Charlie for what was happening to his daughter and then Charlie furiously hung up.

"Charlie, I know you don't want to talk with me, and I get the reason why, but please, is she there? Is she alright? I… I need to see her. She's got it all wrong," Damon said. He had been calling and leaving messages on Charlie's phone for days, but he never answered again. Bella's phone went directly to voice mail. He emailed her, and never got a response. He tried tracking down where she was, but couldn't find a trail.

Two weeks after that he had then decided to head to Forks, only to find himself in the most depressing little town he had ever set foot on, and no trace of Bella whatsoever. Charlie wouldn't speak with him. He was on vervain and couldn't compel him even if he tried. But for some reason every bone in his body told him Bella had been there, she must have had talked with Charlie at some point for him to be so angry.

One night, after knocking on Charlie's front door for more than an hour, he finally opened the door, a hunting rifle in his hand, pointing directly at Damon.

"Give me one good reason not to shoot you right now you son of a bitch," Charlie muttered.

"Whoa, Charlie, come on, you're not going to shoot me now, are you?" Damon replied lifting his hands in the air.

"I carved these bullets and dipped them in vervain myself. Stop knocking on my door, calling my phone, and stay away from my daughter," Charlie menaced.

"Okay, you're angry, I get it. But don't you think you're exaggerating Charlie?" Damon said, taking a step forward.

"Am I?" Charlie asked and then pulled the rifle's trigger, shooting Damon in the leg.

Damon fell down on the floor and swore loudly.

"Oh I'm sorry… did that hurt?" Charlie asked sarcastically, and then closed the door.

Damon grabbed his leg tightly, and with his fingers, searched for the bullet.

Yep. Bella had been there for sure. The only reason a father would shoot his daughter's boyfriend on the leg was because he had seen the state she was in after said boyfriend had broken her heart.

"She's dangerous Charlie!" he yelled at the house, "This state she's in… it's _dangerous_!"

Charlie didn't come out of the house again.

He dug the bullet out of his leg and limped back to the car that was parked around the corner of Charlie's house.

"He shot you?" Stefan asked as Damon opened the door.

"Well, you _did_ hurt his little girl," Elena said from the backseat.

"Let's just head out of town," Damon mumbled, sitting in the passenger seat.

"So you're giving up that easily?" Elena asked, her head popping up between the front seats.

"No. We're visiting the Mutt," Damon grunted and closed the door. Stefan drove away.

"Damon, I don't think we're supposed to be here," Elena told him as they reached the border of the reservation.

"Chill, the Mutt's not going to hurt us," Damon told her.

"How do we even know where the line is?" Stefan asked.

Damon sniffed. "It's definitely somewhere around here… it stinks," he replied.

"We should have called first," Elena said as she glanced nervously towards the woods across the road.

"Will you relax?" Damon said.

"We don't know how many wolves are in the pack. Jacob knows who we are, but they don't. If they see us they'll kill us," Stefan told Damon.

"They know who we are, they have that telepathic wolf thing," Damon said as he pointed to his head, he was a little frustrated.

"Just _call_ him," Elena suggested.

"He'll show," Damon answered convincingly.

Suddenly the wind started blowing stronger, Elena's hair fell to her face.

Damon smirked.

"He'll show," he said again confidently.

"What makes you think Jacob isn't going to receive you the same way Charlie did? I think that _maybe_ Jacob won't shoot you but he _will_ bite your head off..." Elena said as she tried pulling her hair into a ponytail. She wasn't sure what Damon's plan was. She just wanted to find Bella, wake her up from her feelingless coma, and bring her home again.

"He's not going to _eat_ me," Damon told her.

"Uh, maybe _they_ will," Stefan said, pointing to the big glowing six sets of eyes that just appeared across the road.

"We come in peace," Damon yelled, "I need to talk with Jacob."

The wolves growled and stared intently at the three of them.

"I'm Elena Gilbert," Elena said sweetly and instinctively, raising her hand, "I'm Bella's friend. We're worried about her and we wanted to know if maybe you had seen her around? We want to talk with Jake. I'm… I'm not like them… I'm still human…"

One of the wolves ran back into the woods and after a few seconds, a tall muscular shirtless man appeared.

"Only the girl comes," He said loudly.

"She goes, we go," Damon replied.

The wolves growled.

"It's alright, I'll go by myself, I'll be fine," Elena whispered.

"Go," Stefan told her boldly.

Elena nodded. She crossed the road carefully and slowly, not making any sudden movements that would upset the wolves. Once she reached the other side of the road, one of the wolves sniffed her and gave a nod to the others. She was cleared to go.

"You are not to pass the line, we will bring back the girl shortly," the man told Stefan and Damon.

Elena gave them a reassuring look, telling them she would be fine and not to worry, and then started walking in the woods with the man and two of the wolves, the other three stayed, making sure Stefan and Damon didn't go anywhere.

"I'm Sam Uley, I am the leader of the pack," the man introduced himself to Elena and gave her his hand to shake.

"Elena," She replied.

"We'll reach the reservation soon. You'll be able to speak with Jake once we're there," he told her.

"Is Bella here?" she asked.

Sam looked at her and frowned.

"Bella's different now, she's not welcome in our land," he explained.

"But she's been here?" Elena asked.

Sam gave her a small nod.

"We're just trying to find her so that we can make her better you know?" Elena told him.

He raised his eyebrow, "Good luck with that. The Bella we knew, is gone."

They reached the reservation and after walking past a few houses they knocked on one the doors. A man in a wheelchair opened it.

"Sam," he greeted, as he studied Elena.

"Billy, this is Elena Gilbert, Bella's friend," Sam introduced.

Billy raised his eyebrows, "The famous Elena."

Elena grinned sweetly.

"Well, Jake went out a while ago, I'm guessing he'll be back soon," Billy told them.

"We'll wait out here," Sam replied.

Billy closed the door to his house and went back inside.

Elena looked around.

"Is that Bella's truck?" she asked as she glanced to the shed that was a few feet away.

Sam chuckled, "She left it here when they went to live to Mystic Falls, Jake's been taking care of it ever since."

Elena smiled.

"Did she do anything… evil?" Elena asked.

"Jake should be here soon," Sam answered avoiding her question.

Sam was not going to tell her anything, but from what Elena could tell, he was not too happy with Bella, so something had to have happened while Bella was here.

"Elena," said a voice that came from behind them.

Elena turned around, Jake was walking towards them.

"Jake," she said, relief in her voice.

He reached her and shook her hand, "I got it from here Sam," he said and then told Elena, "Let's take a walk."

They had been walking by the beach for a while, "So, Satan and Stefan are here?" Jake asked.

Elena nodded, "We're really worried about Bella," she answered.

"You should be," he said, spite in his voice.

"When did you last see her?" Elena asked.

"Couple of days ago," Jake answered.

"What happened?" Elena asked.

"Well, she came into town, visited Charlie, Charlie texts me saying Bella is acting strange, I try to talk with her, and when we do I realize it's… it's not Bella. Then a guy gets killed in a town not to far away from here… cause of death: drained from blood. I go have a talk with her, because she's the only vamp in town, and before I know it, we're fighting. She might have killed me in her own backyard if Charlie doesn't shoot her with vervain."

"But Bella drinks vervain religiously every day," Elena whispered.

"It was a pretty big dose, she wasn't expecting Charlie to do that either," Jake replied.

"So where is she now?" Elena asked.

"Beats me," Jake shrugged, "She's not in town or in these woods. That we know for sure. The other thing we do know is that there have been a bunch of deaths reported lately. Alleged animal attacks, _if you know what I mean_."

Elena shook her head, "That _can't_ be Bella," she whispered.

"What happened?" Jake asked.

Elena sighed, "She turned off her feelings."

"You already told me that when you called three weeks ago. Why? Why did she turn of her feelings?" Jake asked.

Elena was quiet.

"Heartbreak… I guess," she finally answered.

Jake clenched his jaw.

"Cullen or Salvatore?" Jake asked.

"Both?" Elena answered.

"I should have killed them when I had the chance," Jake answered.

"Will you help us?" Elena asked.

"What? No. Once upon a time I would have. Now I wont. I have responsibilities here, to my people. If we see Bella again roaming around this land we have no choice but to take care of it. She's not Bella anymore. She's a threat," Jake told her.

"_What_?!" Elena said in surprise, "You _can't_ do that! It's _Bella_!"

"It's not Bella, and you _know it_," Jake answered.

"We can bring her back!" Elena told him.

"She's gone Elena. _She's gone_. She made her choice. She knows very well what our treaty says, and she has broken it repeatedly since she came here. It's like she's doing it on purpose." Jake replied.

Elena's face changed to one of shock, "Doing it on purpose? What are you saying? Does she want to… _die_?"

Jake glanced back at her with apprehension and then shrugged.

* * *

><p>"How are you feeling Damon?" Stefan asked as they waited for Elena to return from the reservation.<p>

"I'm fine," Damon replied.

"Those symptoms you told me about before, are they gone?" Stefan asked.

"Completely," Damon answered.

"So it worked, whatever Bella did, it worked?" Stefan asked.

Damon nodded.

"Are the memories coming back?" Stefan asked.

Damon glanced at Stefan and then shrugged, "They're coming back alright. They hit me all at once the day I left the Cullen's house."

"We'll get her back brother," Stefan told him, putting an arm on his shoulder.

* * *

><p><strong>- FLASHBACK – FLORIDA – A FEW WEEKS AGO -<strong>

He was making dinner when it happened again. The pins and needles that crawled up his back and felt like they were ripping him open from his insides. He clenched his jaw tightly and leaned against the wall to hold himself up. Thankfully, Bella was out with her mother. He'd hate for her to see him like this. He had managed to hide most of the side effects of the curse from her, but he knew she was worried about him. He had been growing weaker and weaker as time passed by.

Bella had taken things into her hands when she started sneaking her blood into his drinks. He had realized this from the first time she did it. He ignored it though, and acted as if he didn't know to make her think that he was actually getting better, but he wasn't. For the last few weeks, on different occasions, Damon had woken up from a daze only to find himself in situations he didn't quite know how he gotten in. It was as if hours of his days went suddenly missing. One minute he was doing something and then before he knew it he was somewhere else, talking to someone different or doing something he didn't remember starting to do in the first place.

The last time it happened, Damon got very angry. He woke up from a deep slumber in a strange hotel room. He looked to his side only to find a nude Bella next to him. He panicked. How could this have happened? How was it that they had finally been together and he had no recollection of it whatsoever?

He ran a hand through his neck and he felt something. He looked at his hand, which was dirty from what seemed to be dried up blood.

He frowned and carefully inclined over Bella's sleeping body to inspect her neck. She had smeared blood too.

He clenched his jaw and quietly got up from bed and walked into the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror.

They had done it. They had shared the most intimate moment a couple could ever share and he had no memories of it at all.

He wanted to break something, crush it into a million little pieces, but with the risk of Bella waking up and find him so upset, he took a deep breath in and took control of his emotions. Bella couldn't see him like this. She couldn't find out that he didn't remember what had happened the night before, it would only hurt her feelings and he didn't want that. So he went out of the bathroom and laid next to her. He watched her sleep, and decided that he would act as if he did remember the night before. So he did what he thought he'd do in a situation like this, and he started running his fingers gently and superficially up and down her back.

She looked peaceful. She looked happy. He hated this. He hated this stupid curse, but he didn't care. He had gotten this curse for her, for her safety. So that she could live without a care in the world. Without ever having to worry that people would come after her because of her nature, because of her ability, because of how special she was. So as much as he hated not being able to remember what had happened last night, he knew that it was worth it. That small smile that she had now, while she slept, he had put it there.

That afternoon, when they flew back to Stefan's, Bella excused herself, said she wanted to go out for a bit and Damon sat down with his brother. It was time he knew what was happening with him, and if this curse took it's toll, he had to make sure Bella would be taken care of.

"So you just black out?" Stefan asked.

Damon nodded.

"What about the pain, has it gotten worse?" Stefan asked.

"It's been increasing, yes," Damon told him.

"Do you know if we can find a cure?" Stefan asked.

"Sage said he was working on it," Damon mumbled.

"_Sage_? That savage vampire that destroyed entire towns on a whim a few centuries ago?" Stefan asked in surprise.

"He's a friend," Damon explained.

"How long have you known him for?" Stefan asked.

"Practically all my life, I trust him, and so should you. If anything were to happen to me brother, and my condition worsens, take her to him," Damon explained.

"Stop talking like that. Why would I take Bella there?" Stefan asked.

"Because they're the same brother, and he's the only one that can help her," Damon replied.

"So you trust Sage," Stefan asked.

Damon nodded, "I trust him with my life."

They heard Bella's bike pull up.

"She's home…" Damon said quietly, "Don't tell her..."

"I wont, I promise," Stefan said.

**- END FLASHBACK -**

* * *

><p>"There she comes," Stefan said, as soon as Elena came into view. She crossed the street and met them.<p>

"So? How did it go?" Stefan asked.

Elena sighed.

"_What_?!" Damon exclaimed as soon as Elena told him what Jacob had told her.

"That's crazy, why would she tempt them like that?" Stefan asked in confusion.

"Is she trying to get killed on purpose?!" Damon said loudly.

"I don't know, that's what Jacob told me," Elena replied.

"I taught her better than that. I taught her self preservation," Damon muttered.

"So there have been some _animal attacks_?" Stefan asked.

Elena shrugged and opened her eyes widely.

"Let's go from there, maybe we can track her or get some clues," Damon suggested.

They drove into town, and started asking around about the poor guy that had been mauled by some wild rabid animal. Turns out that the incident got front page of the local newspaper, lots of attention. They went to the place where the attack had taken place.

"Well… there was a whole lot of blood," Stefan said, as they studied the stain on the floor.

"It doesn't make sense, she's pretty clean," Damon muttered remembering their time in Florida and how neat Bella had been.

"She wasn't clean in Italy…" Elena mumbled.

Damon's head snapped up, "She told you about that?"

Elena nodded.

Damon remembered Bella had made him promise not to say anything about what had happened in Italy. She didn't want Elena to be scared of her.

"When did she tell you?" Damon asked curiously.

"The night she left," Elena answered.

He tensed up and immediately pushed those feelings away. He had to concentrate on finding Bella.

"This place isn't going to tell us much," Damon said, standing up and took his phone out of his back pocket.

"Doesn't one of your Volturi friends have a surprising tracking ability?" Stefan asked, remembering the one time he had encountered Damon and his friends in Italy a few decades ago.

Damon glanced at Stefan and frowned before answering with a shrug, "Yeah… he's… dead."

An image of a broken Demetri flashed through Damon's mind. Flames. Ashes. Blisters. Smoke.

"Oh," Stefan replied.

* * *

><p><strong>- FLASHBACK -<strong>

"We must find a way to control the girl," Caius said.

"I have it under control, she trusts me," Damon told Aro.

"That witch we used before, find her descendants," Aro ordered Demetri.

"Brother, our friend clearly has it under control, the girl undeniably trusts him," Marcus told Aro.

"We must be prepared. Show her our way old friend. Make sure she's on our side," Aro told Damon.

Damon nodded obediently and left the room. He texted his friend: _Meet me in the piazza in an hour_.

He drove quickly back to the city, and sure enough, an hour later he spotted his friend sitting at the center of the plaza sipping a cup of coffee.

"They asked you to find them?" Sage asked.

"Yes, they're looking for her descendants," Damon told him.

"I must warn them then," Sage replied.

"Sage, I have to tell Bella," Damon said.

"Mon amie! Patience, you don't want to overwhelm her! It isn't healthy to throw so much information at her all at once. She's making progress, calm down," Sage told him.

"I'm afraid they'll come after her," Damon expressed.

"Oh mon amie, as long as she's with us nothing will happen, I'll assure you of that," Sage replied.

"She's different Sage," Damon mumbled.

"Yes, she's quite special," Sage answered, and then after a pause added, "You know we must protect her, when the time comes, you know you'll have to choose between old friends and the girl."

"I know," Damon answered.

"They'll find her, no matter where you hide her, if Demetri is out there, they will find her," Sage told him.

Damon frowned. He knew what he would eventually have to do.

"I know," Damon replied.

"Are you ready for that?" Sage asked.

"I am," Damon told him.

Sage took a sip from his coffee, "You're different, I'm happy for you."

Damon looked down at his hands and grinned, "It's her."

**- END FLASHBACK -**

* * *

><p>"Now what?" Elena asked, changing the subject that had clearly upset Damon.<p>

Damon raised his head, "Now we wait for her to slip again," he answered.

* * *

><p>It was a warm summer day. His hands were dirty with soil from the ground. He had been trimming the leaves of the flowers for a few hours now. His favorite hobby was spending time in his garden. Over the years he had discovered that tending to his little green friends soothed him and made him concentrate and focus. He spoke to them, and sang to them while he worked to make them stronger and more beautiful.<p>

He was a lonely man by choice. He had decided to spend his days alone many years ago. He had made sure that the only person he was responsible for, was for himself. At times it took a toll on him and he longed the company of those few who never judged or feared him, for he had done terrible things once upon a time. Very few entered his home, and he allowed even less into his life. He trusted one, only one.

That summer day, before the sun was at it's highest point, when he was singing to his hydrangeas; he heard a car approach in the distance.

He smiled.

He had been awaiting this visit for a few months now. He knew it was bound to happen shortly after the task had been completed. He had been expecting a particular phone call, but had not received it. Instead, he had received numerous calls from a worried friend, to whom he only answered and said to wait patiently. He had not rushed it. He had not left his home knowing that when the time was right and she was ready, she would come. On her own.

He did not leave his little blossoming friends when he heard the car door close shut, or when he heard the sound of heels clacking on the floors of his villa. When he knew she was a mere ten feet away he extended his hand, which was holding a shovel, and gave it to her, without ever raising his head or meeting her eyes.

She walked towards him, grabbed the small shovel and stood by his side. He grinned and showed her how to do the same thing he was doing. She imitated the motions, and then he continued humming his song.

They did not speak.

When they had finished with one pot, he handed her another one. She started working faster, but by taking her hands in his and showing her how it was supposed to be done, he slowed her down, making her take her time. They continued preparing soil to plant new flowers until the sun went down, they never spoke.

Once they had put all his gardening utensils in his shed, and washed the dirt from their hands, he finally spoke.

"Mon Petite Enfant, would you like to have dinner?" he asked.

She nodded.

They ate quietly and after they were done, he spoke again.

"Well, that was exquisite. I've been expecting you for a while. Now, tell me my dear. How can I help you?"

She pursed her eyebrows.

"I want to know… _everything_," she said.

He inclined his head down.

"Where to start?" he whispered.

"How about we start at the beginning," she told him.

He grinned, "Hmm, alright… But before we start… Would you like some dessert?" he asked.


	19. Chapter 19

"As a young man, I was once very much in love with a beautiful damsel, her name was Emilie. She came from a very noble bloodline. Her family owned most of the land surrounding the village I grew up in. When I met her I was a mere stable boy. I had worked for years in that stable and I had never seen her. Her uncle, the Count, took her in when she lost all of her family to a terrible plague that invaded our country centuries ago."

"Emilie was enchanting. She had a flare about her that could not go unnoticed. She liked the attention she received from men, but she did not return it. Emilie was very picky. She had a passion for nature, and spent most of her days in the garden next to the stable I worked in. Every day, while she was in the garden, I stood in the corner of the stable and peaked through a window, trying to catch a glimpse of her beautifully blushed cheeks."

"Of course, Emilie knew I was looking. She had caught me staring quite a few times. One day I found the courage to speak with her, and so, we began talking and eventually became very close friends. It wasn't until a few years later that she confessed to me the burden she carried. She was a vampire, and her family hadn't died from the plague. She had turned into a vampire and no one helped her with the urges, or explained how our world worked. So, when she woke up, she couldn't help herself. Her uncle, an old vampire that travelled quite a bit, took her in, and for many months kept her in his castle while he taught her to control herself."

"At first I was scared, but that feeling quickly disappeared for I was completely and utterly in love with her. I accepted her nature but I had no intention to become like her, and this she was completely aware of."

"Her uncle received a visitor one day, a Spanish woman, who of course, was too a vampire. I met her one night when I was preparing their horses to travel into the village. The encounter was not pleasant. You see, mon amie, my blood called to her like no other blood she had ever smelt and as soon as I was in her path she threw herself on me and aimed for my throat. By the time Emilie and her uncle got to me, she had already taken a bite. She was a cold one. Emelie sucked the venom from me, she could have let me turn, but she knew it was not my wish to do so, and so, like you, I carried a scar. It wasn't until a few weeks later that Emilie convinced me into turning like her. This enraged the Spanish vampire, and in her lust to have my blood once more, attacked Emilie, and killed her."

"I was distraught, and then, I shut down," Sage concluded.

"Is this the part where the Volturi get scared of you?" Bella asked him, interrupting his story.

He chuckled.

"You see, Mon Amie, like you, I too have a very special ability. Ability that I had not noticed or that had not made an appearance until I gave into my nature and shut away my humanity. I wanted revenge, my spirit was vindictive and I killed the Spanish woman. In my rage I blacked out, my thirst for vengeance overtook me and I slaughtered the entire village. Of course, Emilie's uncle contacted the Volturi, my actions went completely against every standard and rule they had imparted among our kind. They came after me, what happened afterwards caught me by surprise," he told her.

"What did they do?" she asked curiously.

"They sent a few of the members of their guard to restrain me. They found me, and when they had me cornered they tried to submit me to their will. I did not bend. Instead, every attack they threw at me, I instinctively responded. It was as if I was returning a dose of their own medicine back at them," he explained.

Bella pursed her eyebrows, "I did that once," she told him.

He nodded, "He told me about that."

Bella clenched her jaw. Sage then continued.

"I was reckless. I was careless. I was cocky, and every time they sent in their platoons of guards to get me, I finished them off. Every time I learned something new. I tested my ability. I used their own powers against them, and I liked it. I liked being able to taste the fear in the air when I felt their presence near me."

"So what you're saying is that you and I have the same kind of ability?" she asked.

"Hmm, well we'd have to test that, my petite fleur." he told her.

"How would you describe it?" she asked.

"Well… people believe that I'm like a sponge, that I take abilities. The truth is that my nature is very... _greedy_. I discovered that I could sense what others wanted, and my needs and desires were stronger than theirs, so I wanted to reflect on them what they planned on doing to me. I hated feeling vulnerable, so my walls were up, all the time. I was aware of everything, all the time. When they wanted to make me feel pain, I returned it."

"Rubber and glue," she whispered.

He nodded.

"So, you didn't take their abilities," she deduced.

"Oh no, I took them… but that was something I discovered I could do much _much_ later my dear," he explained.

"How?" she asked.

"I get what I _want_, mon peite fleur," he said, and stared at her intently, then added, "I believe you can too."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Isabella my child, if you can sense other's needs and desires, when you know your own needs and desires, that feeling... it's much stronger, and so, you find a way to satisfy your needs and what you want, you get…" he explained.

They were quiet for a minute. Bella was trying to understand what Sage had just told her, reliving in her head the things that had happened since she became a vampire. Then she spoke again.

"When did they leave you alone?" she asked.

"Ah, well, that was tricky," he said and chuckled, "For centuries I kept slaughtering towns, leaving a very large and obvious body trail behind me and I did not care about the consequences of my actions, I felt powerful and no one could touch me, not even the mighty and powerful Volturi. So, after I had finished off plenty of their guard, they managed to come up with a plan, they showed up one night with someone I didn't quite expect. A witch," he said.

"A witch?" Bella asked.

"Hmm," he nodded, "A very powerful witch."

"What did she do?" Bella asked intrigued.

"She performed a spell that knocked me out, then before the Volturi could finish me off, she escaped with my petrified body,"

"And how did the Volturi take this?" she asked.

Sage smirked, "How do you think?"

She smiled.

"Then what happened?" Bella asked.

"She starved me," he said with an accomplished look on his face.

"Did she manage to turn your feelings back on?" she asked.

"After a while, she did," he answered.

"How did she do that?" Bella asked.

"Well… she had a very special talent. She somehow, made Emilie appear to me. That of course, ignited all my feelings again."

"What did you feel?" She asked.

"Pain. Guilt. Remorse," he answered.

"Why did she help you?" Bella asked, it seemed odd that a witch would keep such a powerful vampire alive.

"Ah, wait," he said and stood up from the table, walked into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of Black Magic Wine. He placed it on the table, "She was interested in this."

"She saved you, to make the wine?" Bella asked in disbelief.

"She knew I was different. When I told her my story she confirmed it. People believe that what makes me different is that I was bitten by a cold one and then died with a vampire's blood in my system, but that's not it. What makes me different, what makes _us_ different, is our blood. Without our singing blood, we wouldn't have survived the transition."

"You mean, they tried making hybrids?" she asked.

Sage nodded, "Aro tried _countless_ times. He bit humans, another one sucked the venom, they let them heal. Had them drink a vampire's blood. Then killed them. When they were in transition, they never made it, even after consuming human blood… they collapsed."

"So… let's go back to the wine… why was she so interested in making it?" Bella asked.

"She was a healer. She wanted to find a way to heal instantly without having to consume vampire blood, and taking the risk of dying before it exited the system. The wine also proved to be quite the additive for very powerful potions," he explained.

"So, she woke you up from your feelingless phase, made the wine and let you go?" Bella asked.

"No," he answered.

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"Well, I stayed with her for a few decades. She was my safe haven. We grew very close. I watched her grow old, and then one day she passed. She helped me control the thirst, and my ability. I was in debt with her and her family," he explained.

"So, what you're saying is, this witch had children, and they had children, and those children had children too, and eventually one of her descendants captured Damon and put a curse on him," she concluded.

He shrugged.

"What happened after she died?" Bella asked.

"I left. I traveled the world quietly. Learned from every culture I could, and then, I got here," he raised his hands and looked around his house, "I had decided to live a very quiet life. I wouldn't call out attention, and I kept to myself. I did not want to harm anyone else. Being alone is part of my penance Mon Amie," he explained.

"Did you ever lose it?" she asked.

He became serious, "Only once, and only by a once in a millennia coincidence."

Bella looked at him.

"I had taken a stroll one afternoon, when a very powerful scent caught my attention. I could not control it. I had to know where it came from. I _had_ to _have_ it. My greed and avarice got the best of me. It woke up that beast I had had such trouble taming and that had been dormant for many many years. I followed the scent. Blinded by lust and gluttony, I only focused on the source, a young woman, who was sitting under a tree on a hot summer day."

"Are you saying, that this woman, she was your _singer_?" Bella asked amazed by Sage's story.

He nodded.

"You killed her?" she asked.

He nodded, "The worst part, my dear, is that I had not noticed that she was accompanied by two small children. When I came back to my senses, disgusted by my actions, I compelled the children to believe their mother had been sick for a long time. I compelled her husband, their housekeepers, the butler, and everyone in their house. They all believed she had been sick and that she had asked them to keep the secret."

"Did it happen again?" Bella asked.

He shook his head, "No, mon petite fleur, up until now it hasn't happened again."

"So, how is it that you went from being the Volturi's biggest threat, to the person who trains members of their guard?" Bella asked.

He grinned.

"Well, eventually, a few decades later, the word got out that I had appeared again, Aro sent the youngest member of his trusted guard to deliver a message. I was surprised when I received his visit, for I had met the young man before. He had tried surprising me with a very nasty and ghastly looking stake when I was out in my garden one night. I had no intention of _really_ hurting him, I just wanted to shake the poor lad and give him a fright. I had not seen his face when he attacked me. It was only when I had him strangled on the ground and with a stake through his stomach that I saw the same piercing blue eyes I had seen on the face of a very frightened little boy on that horrid afternoon, when I had lost control over my senses a few decades earlier."

"Wait… are you saying, that _that_ boy was Damon? That the woman that you killed, your singer, was Damon's mother?" Bella asked in surprise.

"Yes mon Amie, that _is_ what I'm saying," he answered.

"Are you _serious_?" she said in disbelief.

He shrugged.

"Does he know?" she asked.

He nodded.

"What did you do then?" she asked.

"I gave him the opportunity to stay with me," he explained.

"So you acted out of guilt," Bella concluded.

"You might say that," he answered, and then added, "I grew to like the company he gave me. As you know, Damon is very curious, and power seduces him. He amused me. So I took him under my wing and trained him. I taught him to see things differently. He told me about the Volturi, their habits, their abilities, and the things they were looking for. Eventually I managed to send a message back to Aro, I would keep to myself and not cause any trouble if they stayed out of my life. In return I wouldn't kill anyone else from their precious guard, or any of the three of them."

"How did Aro take that?" Bella asked.

"He wanted to meet me," Sage answered, "we arranged a meeting, only him and me. Of course he wanted to access my thoughts…"

"You convinced him by showing him only the things you were interested in showing him didn't you?" Bella concluded.

"You learn fast my dear. Yes, I did. Thankfully, my ability allows me to do that. He proposed a deal. He wanted me to train his guard and he'd let me be. I agreed. After all… how does that saying go? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" he replied.

"Hmm," Bella mumbled a smirk on her face.

"Is there anything else you would like to know?" he asked her.

She opened her eyes widely, "Are you kidding me? Of course there is, but I have to let all of this sink in, I have like a million questions," she answered.

He grinned, "You know where your room is then, you are welcome to stay as long as you please. Don't worry my dear, Damon won't know you are here if you don't want him to. My lips are sealed," he told her.

That night, after Bella and Sage were done talking, she went into her old room and laid in bed thinking about everything he had told her. The circumstances in which they both had been born into this life had been very similar and very very particular. He had flipped the switch when his loved one had been killed in front of his eyes, and then spent centuries lost in the numbness and recklessness.

Now that he had answered the questions as to why they were so much more similar than she initially thought, and why he was feared not only by the Volturi, but by every vampire in existence, Bella had a few new questions forming in her head.

Why had he not told her this from the beginning? It would have made things so much easier, instead of keeping secrets and making things appear so much worse than they were. She would have understood, but whatever, things happened the way they did and now she knew the story and the truth behind the mystery that was Sage.

The things she had once feared about her ability were true. If driven to extremes, this ability could do more harm than good. When it was fuelled by bitterness, vengeance, and a thirst for power, greed could take control of her, the excessive desire to possess things, or to satisfy the needs she would have or to get whatever she wanted, no matter the cost.

"Good morning Mon Petite Enfant," Sage said with his eyes closed, as he stretched on the yoga mat that was spread on the terrace floor the next morning.

"Morning," Bella replied, analyzing the position Sage was in. He was kneeling, and then placed his forearms and elbows on the floor. He rested his head on top of them and then slowly raised his knees and legs in the air. He was standing on his head.

"Join me," He said, a serene smile spread across his face. He opened his eyes and glanced to a mat that was rolled up next to the door that Bella had just walked out from.

Bella shrugged, she had nothing else to do, she might as well give it a try. She grabbed the mat that Sage had pointed to and unrolled it next to where Sage was. He came down from his position and kneeled, waiting for Bella to be ready.

"Have you ever done this Mon Fleur?" he asked.

Bella shook her head no.

"I have found it very helpful to gain consciousness of myself and my surroundings. Makes me very aware of everything," he told her.

"How long have you been practicing?" she asked.

"Well… it's been centuries!" he answered.

"Before you met Damon?" Bella asked.

"Hmmm…. A few decades before I met Damon, yes," Sage answered as he remembered the first time he tried it out.

"So you learned it in one of your travels?" Bella asked.

He nodded and patted Bella's mat. She sat down next to him.

"Let's start. Stretch your legs," he instructed as he showed her how set her body. Bella imitated his movements.

"This, is the lotus position. Yoga prepares the body for meditation, which allows us to observe our thoughts so that we're not controlled by them. You see, the goal here is to harmonize the mind with the body, to keep the focus here," he said, pointing to his chest, "you know as opposed to everything going on up here," he concluded and tapped her forehead lightly with his index.

He took in a deep breath and then Bella did the same.

He showed her different exercises and positions. During the time they spent meditating Bella organized a few of the thoughts that had been running through her head since the conversation she had held with Sage the night before. She wanted to know a number of things and she would ask Sage when she thought the time was right.

"Tea?" Sage asked after they had finished their yoga session.

Bella agreed.

They sat down on the terrace. Sage served her a cup and they sipped quietly.

"Teach me," Bella told him after a while.

"To make tea? If you must know, the secret is that I grow these herbs myself," he said joyfully.

"Teach me to control this ability. I want to really understand it. Teach me," she said.

He placed his cup back on the small plate he was holding.

"Finish your tea little one, we have a long few months ahead of us," he told her.

Bella sipped from her cup and stared at him, "What kind of animal do you turn into?" she asked curiously.

He glanced back at her and smirked.

"Who said I only turn into one?" he replied and took away Bella's tea from her hand, "Shall we start?" he asked and then, before his bare feet touched the steps that led into the garden, his body contorted, he roared and in a flash turned into a big black wild cat, running into the flower beds.

Bella smiled. She had never seen a panther up close before.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>- <strong>A FEW WEEKS LATER - ITALY-**

"_Sage_," Damon greeted on the other end of the phone.

Bella's head snapped up, eying Sage. She waited for his answer.

"Mon amie!" He exclaimed.

"_Have you heard from her?_" Damon asked immediately.

Bella opened her eyes widely at Sage, and shook her head no.

"I'm afraid there's still no news my friend…" Sage answered looking at Bella directly.

Bella gave him a thumbs up.

They heard an exasperated sigh from the other end of the line.

"How are things going on your end?" Sage asked.

"_Well… I taught her well, it's been difficult to find any leads, she covers up her trail __perfectly_," Damon spat.

"Ahh, that's good news my friend," Sage answered.

"_She has been at it though_," Damon added, worry in his tone.

"What do you mean?" Sage asked, raising an eyebrow to Bella.

"_We've found a body trail_," Damon answered.

"_Really_?" Sage replied in surprise, staring into Bella's eyes, inquisitively.

"_She's compelled everyone to perfection_," Damon answered.

"How many bodies have you found?" Sage asked never taking his eyes away from her.

"_Fifteen_," Damon told him.

"Hmm…" Sage answered looking at Bella, who just stared back at him, without blinking.

"_Sage, I need to find her, tell me what to do_," Damon begged.

"Mon Amie, I am quite positive, that when the time is right, and she's ready, she'll come to you," Sage replied.

Bella mouthed, "_What?_"

Sage told her to calm down with his hand.

"_I'm just…_" he sighed loudly, "_I was stupid, I need to find her, and thank her, and just, make her snap out of that emotionless limbo. I need her with me..._" Damon confessed.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Patience my child, you have an eternity to make up for what you did," Sage told him.

Bella pursed her eyebrows, what was Sage implying?

"_Please let me know if you hear from her Sage, please_," Damon begged.

"Mon Amie, you have my word, I will look out for her," Sage replied and hung up the phone.

"She'll come to you? _Really_?" Bella said, repeating his words.

"Relax Mon Petite Fleur, he's worried that's all," Sage answered cheerfully.

Bella scoffed.

"What Mon Petite Fleur? Does that upset you?" he asked.

Bella shrugged.

"You know my child, feelings rarely make any kind of rational sense until we understand why we have them," he told her and winked, "Now about that body trail."

"I haven't killed anyone," she blurted.

"My child, what about the bodies they've found? You've had nothing to do with that?" Sage asked.

"They found, what I wanted them to find. Yes, I have everything to do with the body trail. I left it," She answered in an irritated tone.

Sage eyed her, trying to understand what she was saying and give her the benefit of the doubt, considering the condition she was in.

She stood up from the table, "Are we going to taste this wine or what?" she said holding the pink bottle in her hand, changing the subject abruptly.

"_Ahh_, yes, of course!" Sage answered in excitement.

They sat on the terrace, looking out towards Sage's garden. Sage grabbed two glasses and sat next to Bella. She opened the bottle and poured the wine.

Sage took the glass to his nose and moved it in circles.

"Extraordinary," he whispered.

Bella mimicked his movements.

"Do you smell it?" he asked.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Freesias," he answered lightly.

Bella took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Yes, she could smell it, faintly in the background.

Sage took a sip, his eyes shut.

"Mmm, sparkly," he said.

Bella took a sip, and pressed her lips together, while she let the taste of the wine linger in her mouth.

"Is it weird I'm drinking my own blood here?" she asked.

"Is it weird you got drunk on mine a few months ago?" Sage asked.

"I didn't know that back then," Bella replied.

"Did you enjoy it?" he asked.

"Obviously," Bella answered.

"Then enjoy yours Mon Petite Enfant! It is quite splendorous!" he exclaimed.

"How do you do it?" she asked.

"Do what?" he replied.

"How did you get that liquid potion you sent me?" she asked.

"Oh! My witch friend sends me gallons of these things every month, in return I send them a few bottles of wine," he explained.

"Why did Damon go to the witch in the first place?" Bella asked.

Sage eyed Bella and grinned.

"He did it for you of course," Sage answered.

"I don't understand," she replied.

"Then you'll have to ask him yourself," Sage told her.

"That is not happening," she answered.

"Mon Petite Enfant, it's been _months_ now, you should really listen to what he has to say," he told her.

"I don't want to," she replied.

Sage grinned, and took a sip of wine.

"Did you know that talking, as a means of resolving conflict actually goes against _every_ biological instinct that we have?" Sage asked. Bella raised an eyebrow. Then he continued, "You know... we feel threatened so we fight, or if we don't have the stomach for that, we run."

Bella sighed and took another sip of her wine. She knew where Sage was going. It was what she did. Bella ran. She always ran when she felt uncomfortable, when she couldn't say the things she wanted to say, when she was hurt, when she was confused, when she felt the world was spinning… she ran. She ran and avoided.

"As time goes by, and the years pass you will come to realize that conflict is everywhere you look. It touches everything we do, every relationship we have. Isn't it funny Mon Petite Fleur, how at their core, all fights are the same? Two people yelling, or accusing, or _running away_. Two people doing _anything_ to avoid telling each other what they _really_ _feel_," Sage said lightly.

Bella remained silent.

"Things would be so much different if you could just talk when you want to run and reveal when you want to attack. It's so simple, so obvious, and yet at the same time so _incredibly_ hard," Sage told her.

"I don't like confrontation, or fighting," Bella then said.

"Hmm, _really_?" Sage asked sarcastically.

Bella rolled her eyes.

He smiled, amused by her reaction. He then told her, "Little One, fighting is like eating, sleeping, breathing... We all do it, just... in our own way. Some say that the success of a relationship hinges on how we resolve conflict. Like it or not, how we fight matters. Conflicts and relationships, they go hand in hand."

"Too bad most of us would do almost anything to avoid confrontation," Bella whispered.

"You know ma chérie, sometimes we fight simply because we are unable to tell the other person how we _really_ feel," Sage replied with a wink.

Bella looked to her side, avoiding Sage's gaze. All this talk about feelings was getting on her nerves.

"Cheese?" Sage offered, holding the tray in front of her.

"If that will stop you from talking about feelings, then yes, I'll have some cheese," Bella replied.

"I made it myself," Sage told her with a smile.

Bella grabbed a cube of cheese and glanced up at Sage.

Sage was so odd.

"Now… let's talk about that body trail," he told her.

She sighed.

* * *

><p><strong>FORKS<strong>

"He's hiding something," Damon said as he entered the hotel room after visiting the treaty line at the reservation and talking with Jake that afternoon.

"What do you mean?" Elena asked.

"The Pup knows something he's not telling us," Damon explained.

"What makes you think that? He basically told me they'd kill her if they saw her," Elena asked.

Stefan was sitting on one of the beds and concentrated on what Damon said, "It's fishy, something is not right," he mumbled.

"Fifteen bodies, we've found fifteen bodies! No scent of her, no tracks, everyone compelled to the tiniest detail," Damon exclaimed and threw the newspapers and files he was holding to the ground.

"We actually haven't _found_ the bodies, just the stories, and police reports," Elena pointed out.

Damon's head snapped up. "Every single body has been cremated," he muttered.

Stefan and Damon locked their eyes.

"What are you thinking?" Stefan asked.

Before he could answer, Damon's phone rang. He answered it.

"Hello? Yes this is he. You did? Where? Don't let anyone in it. I'll be right there," He said and hung up.

"Who was that?" Elena asked.

"They found my car," Damon told her as he opened the door of the room.

"Let's go get it, maybe she left some clues in there," Stefan said.

They drove up to a few miles outside Seattle. The police had found Damon's Audi. They found the directions they had given Damon and once they spotted Damon's car they parked right beside it.

"_What the hell_?" Damon hissed.

Elena looked at Stefan from the corner of her eye. Damon was not happy, "Oh Bella," she whispered.

There, on the side of the road, smashed up against a tree was Damon's Audi. It was completely ruined.

"Seriously? _Seriously!" _Damon exclaimed.

"You can always get a new one," Stefan told him, "Let's look inside the car."

Damon clenched his hands into fists. How could Bella do this? She knew, she _knew_ how much he loved this one. This had revenge written all over it. He stood outside the car while Stefan searched it.

"Umm, brother…" Stefan said while he looked inside the car.

"Did you find something?" Damon asked.

"I found a note," Stefan replied.

"Let me see," Damon told him.

Stefan handed the note to Damon.

It read: _Oops._

"Oops? _Oops_! Really? _Really_!" Damon exclaimed as he wrinkled the piece of paper in his hand, "What kind of apology is _that_? _Oops?"_

Elena started chuckling.

"What's so _damn_ funny?" Damon asked in an irritated tone.

"You gotta hand it to her Damon, she definitely knows how to push your buttons," Elena answered.

Damon kicked one of the car's back wheels.

"There's something else," Stefan told him, wrinkling his nose.

"What?" Damon asked.

"This car reeks of wet dog," Stefan told him.

Damon glared at Stefan and then opened the driver's door. He took a deep breath. He was furious. _That lying mutt._

He let out a angry sigh and then he took out his cellphone.

"Who are you calling?" Stefan asked.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Damon said under his breath, clearly upset for what he was just about to do.

"Damon _who_ are you calling?" Stefan asked again.

"Edward? It's time you come up to Forks," Damon said as soon as Edward answered on the other side of the line and then just as quickly as he had called he hung up. He didn't give Edward any explanations or a chance to speak. He just gave him the order to meet them. This was his mess too. He better help clean it up. He needed to get into the Mutt's head to find out what he knew and he would only be able to do that Edward's help.

"Are you _crazy_?" Elena asked.

"We need to get inside their heads right? We need to find out what Charlie knows, and what the Pup knows, because, I for one, am now _sure_ that they're hiding something," Damon replied.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Elena told him.

"_Hey_! The _last_ person who wants to work with Edward is _me_, okay? I don't want to do this, I sure as hell don't want to work with him, but for Bella's sake, we're going to have to," Damon replied.

* * *

><p><strong>ITALY<strong>

He eyed her.

"So that's it?" he asked her.

"Yes," she replied.

"How many more will they find?" he asked.

She didn't answer.

"Isabella, how many more bodies are there?" Sage asked again.

"Two. But they wont find them any time soon," Bella told him.

Sage frowned, "You're a smart girl, Mon Petite Enfant. He _did_ teach you well," he told her.

Bella shrugged, "I'm going for a walk now."

She stood up and walked out the door.

Sage shook his head and chuckled in amusement.

* * *

><p><strong>FORKS<strong>

"What is he doing here?" Jacob spat.

"He's here to help us find Bella," Damon explained.

"Jacob, my only intention is to bring Bella home before she does any more damage," Edward told him.

Jacob scoffed.

"Have you seen her recently?" Edward asked.

"No," he answered directly.

Edward frowned.

"Pup, let's go through things again. Bella came here about a month ago right?" Damon asked.

"A little over a month," Jacob answered.

"And what happened?" Edward asked.

"I should rip your head off," Jacob muttered glaring at Edward.

"But you're not going to because of the treaty," Edward told him.

"That can be changed," Jacob replied.

"Hey! Focus," Damon said cutting in.

Jacob looked at Damon, "I already told you, she came here and she was acting different, disconnected, and then the bodies started popping up. We haven't seen her in a while."

Edward studied Jacob.

Damon looked at Edward who in return, just inclined his head, telling him it was time to go.

"You can't read me can you?" Jacob inferred.

Damon raised an eyebrow.

Edward stared back at Jacob, who let out a laugh.

"She's good… you gotta hand it to her, she's good," Jacob told Damon.

Damon placed his hands on his waist and looked to the ground.

"Was that your plan? Bring in the mind-reader to see what else we know? You know what I know. I've told you everything. Now, I'm pretty sure Bella did this because she knew I had a few things to show you if you came picking into my brain. And I am also sure that the last thing she wants is more proof of how broken she was when you left, since she's all about being in power now…" Jacob told them.

"If you have anything else to tell us, we'll be at my house, you know how to find it," Edward said to Jacob.

Edward and Damon walked away from the treaty line and got into the car again. Once they were a prudent distance away from the wolves, Damon broke the silence, "Nothing?"

"Nothing," Edward replied.

"He definitely knows more than he's saying," Damon said.

"Yep," Edward replied.

"Let's try Charlie," Damon suggested.

Edward nodded.

They drove into town and parked outside the Police Station. They didn't get out of the car. Edward closed his eyes.

Damon couldn't believe they were actually doing this together. He loathed the guy. He'd rather work with his own brooding brother than with the guy that had once kissed Bella's lips, watched her sleep, and held her at night. It was a good thing that Bella had somehow managed to silence his thoughts too and Edward couldn't listen in.

"He's good," Edward then said.

"You can listen in to his thoughts?" Damon asked.

"Charlie has always been a little difficult to read, but yes, I can hear him," he replied.

"Good, here comes the tricky part," Damon said and turned on the engine.

Edward glanced at him, "What?"

"We have to get Charlie to tell us what he knows willingly or we have to take him off vervain…" Damon explained while pulling out of the parking lot. He took out his cellphone out of his pocket and called Elena.

"Did you get anything?" Elena asked.

"The wolves know something, but they were a dead end, but Charlie is loud and clear," Damon told her.

"But he's on vervain," Elena replied.

"Do me a favor? Meet us at Charlie's," Damon told her.

"We'll be there," she answered and then hung up.

They met with Elena and Stefan at Charlie's house. Damon wanted to catch Charlie by surprise. So Edward tried breaking into the house through a window only to find that for some reason he wasn't allowed in. So it was Elena who climbed in and then invited the three vampires into the house.

"She was here alright," Damon said once they were all in and he caught Bella's scent in the air.

They started looking around for clues. After a while they gave up, they couldn't find anything that told them where she was.

"Damon what do you plan to do once Charlie gets home?" Elena asked.

"Kidnap him?" he answered.

"We can't kidnap Charlie! He's the chief of police!" Elena said.

"We need to get the vervain out of his system," Stefan said.

"If you ask the right questions the answers will pop into his head, even if he doesn't mean them to," Edward told them.

"That's not going to be enough. He's coming," Damon told them once he heard the cruiser pull up at the end of the street.

"I think it's best if he sees me first," Elena suggested.

"We'll be near, to hold him if he tries something," Stefan told her as they all hid.

Elena sat on the sofa and waited for Charlie to come in through the door.

"Bella, I don't know what else to tell your mother. Please call me back I haven't heard from you in a while. Just… come home okay? We'll deal with this… I love you," he said, leaving a message on her phone as he opened the door to his house.

He stopped dead in his steps.

"Elena?" He said in surprise.

"I know this is breaking and entering, and you're the chief of police, but Charlie, we need to talk," Elena told him.

"How did you get in here?" he asked confused.

"Through a window. Charlie, I'm sorry, but-" Elena said and then Damon came up from behind him and hit him in the head, knocking him out.

"Let's tie him up," Damon said.

"Was that _really_ necessary?" Elena asked.

"Time is of the essence," Damon mumbled, carrying Charlie and placing him on the couch. They made sure he was unarmed and then they all sat around him, waiting for him to wake up again.

"We should put some ice on his head," Elena mumbled.

"Relax," Damon told her.

"I don't think we should tie him," Elena said.

"He is surrounded by three vampires… he's not going to try anything," Stefan agreed.

"Fine," Damon said.

"How much do you think he knows?" Elena asked.

"We'll find out…" Damon replied.

A long silence followed.

"What happened to the other house?" Edward asked, breaking it.

"You want to talk Real Estate?" Damon asked in disbelief.

"They sold it," Elena answered quickly, and then added, "Don't worry she found your little hidden box of memories. She destroyed your cd though."

Edward remained silent.

"You made her a cd?" Damon chuckled, "How high school of you."

"I composed a song for her, what can you say you've made for her?" Edward replied.

Damon smirked, "Let's not start Eddy, you be proud of that little tune, I'm sure she enjoyed it."

"Could you two just _stop_ it?" Elena told them.

"You started it," Damon snapped back.

Elena rolled her eyes.

They were silent for a few minutes.

"He looks different, tired," Elena pointed out.

"He's worried about her," Edward answered while he stared at Charlie, "She's all he thinks about. Even now when he's unconscious…"

"Poor Charlie…" Elena whispered.

"He's waking up," Stefan pointed out.

"Here we go…" Damon mumbled.

Charlie started squinting his eyes. He rubbed his hand against the back of his head and then sat up. He opened his eyes slowly and then shut them again repetitively.

"Charlie?" Elena said.

He looked at her, confusing in his eyes. He then glanced at Damon and Stefan. Last his eyes rested on Edward.

Anger started boiling up inside him.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he spat.

"Would you like an Advil?" se asked him.

"Who knocked me out?" he asked, ignoring Elena's question.

Damon raised his hand, "We're in a hurry…"

"I should stake you," Charlie told him.

"Now, that wouldn't be wise…" Damon replied.

"You have some nerve sitting in my living room," Charlie told Edward.

"I know you're upset with me, and you have every right to be, but I assure you I'm here to help," Edward told him.

"Do you have any idea what you put my little girl through? What right do you have, an old man like yourself to play with a teenager's feelings the way you did?" Charlie asked, hatred in his voice.

"Charlie-" Edward started saying.

"I have nothing to say to you, get out of my house," he spat.

"Chief, actually, I called him," Damon interrupted.

Charlie looked at Damon as if he were out of his mind.

"Look, I get it, I loathe the guy too and as much as I hate to say it, he's pretty useful, and we need his help to find Bella. That's what we're here for. You didn't leave us much choice. You've been ignoring us and I'm sure we all know things have been getting out of hand. We need to find her and put an end to this," Damon told him.

"What do you want?" Charlie asked.

"We just want to know what's been happening in the past couple of months. We know she's been here. We need you to be honest with us… so, please talk to us, we all want the same thing," Elena told him.

Charlie clenched his jaw.

"I know you're on vervain Chief, and I _know_ that we can trust each other, so we're not kidnapping you and putting you through detox, because I don't want to compel the truth out of you, I know that when it comes to Bella, we're honest," Damon told him.

"Are we?" Charlie asked.

"You _know_ we are," Damon replied.

Charlie let out a sigh and ran his hands through his face.

"I tell you what I know and you tell me everything. You fill me in on what's happening to my daughter because I don't understand it," Charlie demanded.

Damon nodded.

"She's shut her feelings hasn't she?" Charlie asked, saying the words out loud for the first time since he started noticing the signs.

"Yes," Damon answered.

"I need a beer," Charlie replied.

Stefan went and got it.

"Now… let's begin… when did she get here?" Damon asked.

Charlie took a sip out if the beer Stefan had brought him and then he started talking.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>-<strong> FLASHBACK – TWO MONTHS BACK **-****

"Bella?" Charlie said in surprise as he opened the door.

"Hi Dad," she replied.

"What are you doing here?!" he asked cheerfully, and embraced her in an odd, spontaneous hug. Bella stood still while Charlie hugged her.

"Just passing by, thought I should visit," she mumbled monotonously.

"Come, come on in, let me show you the new place," Charlie told her inviting her into the house.

He showed her the house he had bought after selling the one in Mystic Falls and moving back to Forks. It was a simple house, pretty similar to the one they lived in a year ago.

"And this is your room," Charlie said as he opened the door, "I bought the same paint color you used in the old house."

"Cool," Bella replied.

"Well, I need to be heading into work. Make yourself comfortable, call me if you need anything," he told her and then put his hands on her shoulders, "I'm really glad you're here Bells."

"Okay," she answered and then Charlie smiled, turned around, went down the stairs and left for work.

When she heard him drive off in the cruiser, she plopped on the bed and closed her eyes for the first time in days. She fell asleep listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the window.

A few hours later she woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. Opening her eyes slowly she made her way downstairs to the kitchen and picked up.

"Hello?" she answered

"Bells, I've been calling your cellphone, it goes directly to voicemail, are you alright?" Charlie asked on the other side of the line.

"Yeah, I don't have a phone anymore," she told him.

"Oh, do you want me to get one for you?" he asked.

"No," she answered.

"Umm… I invited the Blacks for dinner tonight," Charlie told her.

"I don't want to cook today," she replied.

"Oh that's okay, we'll set up the grill outside, no need for you to cook," Charlie told her.

"Good," she answered.

"Bells, is something bothering you?" Charlie asked.

"Nope," she answered and hung up the phone.

Charlie still had the phone in his hand when Bella unexpectedly hung up. There was something going on with her. Her surprise visit had more to it than just "passing through". She was… distant, disengaged. The only other time he had seen her acting similarly to the way she had been acting now was when Edward had left. It killed him to see her like that. What had happened that drove her to leave her friends and come here? Had Damon hurt her? Granted, he thought the whole relationship was a bit odd and creepy, knowing this guy was hundreds of years older than his precious baby girl, than _him_, and he still hadn't quite wrapped his mind around it all. But he felt like he could trust Damon. Rick said Damon was a dick, but that he ultimately thought that he really cared about Bella. So Charlie had given him a chance.

That night, when Charlie got home with the steaks he had bought for dinner, he opened the door to the house and the first thing he saw on the living room coffee table were two empty blood bags and an opened bottle of scotch.

"What the hell?" he whispered quietly as he lifted one of the empty bags.

"Bella?" he called out.

No answer.

He debated on whether he should call Damon and ask him what was going on with his daughter, or not, but decided not to interfere and ask Jake to keep an eye out on her, maybe he could get some information out of her.

He started setting up the grill and a few minutes later Bella walked into the house.

"Bells, where were you?" he asked.

"Out," she answered, falling to the couch, turning on the tv and putting her feet up on the coffee table.

"You left some of your stuff laying around... we're having visitors Bells, you know how they feel about those things," he told her.

"It's just a blood bag Dad, it's not like there's a dead body on our sofa," she answered, Charlie cringed.

"Bella come on, let's just try to act normally," Charlie told her.

"I _am_ acting normally, I'm a vampire, and vampires drink blood," she replied.

"Since when do you drink scotch in the middle of the day?" he asked.

"Umm… since I turned…" she answered.

Charlie scratched his head, "Bella what's going on with you? What happened with the Salvatores?"

"Damon is an ass," she answered bluntly,

"Come on… You've known that all along," Charlie told her.

She shrugged.

"I needed some time on my own, I'm over living with the Salvatores," she answered.

"You're _over_, living with the Salvatores?" Charlie repeated.

"Yeah, do you have any more questions? I'm trying to watch TV," Bella answered.

"I don't like your attitude Bella," Charlie told her.

"I don't like your shirt," Bella replied.

Charlie looked to the side, annoyed by Bella's new attitude, "You know what, let's not do this, we have guests coming over any second now."

"Perfect," Bella muttered.

****-** END FLASHBACK **-****

* * *

><p>"Did you try talking with her about her attitude?" Damon asked.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><strong>-<strong> FLASHBACK – ONE MONTH AGO **-****

That afternoon when she got home Charlie was already there. She greeted her father and then, after getting a beer from the fridge plopped right next to him.

"What are you working on?" she asked.

Charlie looked through some papers.

"A case," he told her.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"What did you do today?" Charlie asked.

"Stuff," she shrugged.

"Have you spoken with Jake?" Charlie asked.

"No," she answered.

"I think you should call him, go and visit him," he told her.

"I can't," she answered.

"Then ask him to come here," he suggested.

"You know what Dad? No. Jake reeks of wet dog and last time he was here it took almost a week for the smell to leave the house," she replied.

"Bella I need you to talk to me," he said, "I would like to know what's bothering you. You're forcing me to do something I really don't want to do," he said.

"And what's that Dad?" she asked.

"If you don't tell me what happened with the Salvatores I'm going to have to call Damon and ask him myself," he threatened.

Bella stared at her father for a few seconds.

"Do it, call him, I'm pretty interested in what he would tell you," she told him.

"Bells, come on, why are you being like this?" he asked, begging for an answer.

"I'm being like this, because this is who I am now. Get used to this," she said and stood up from the couch and went upstairs.

Charlie didn't know what else to do. This was not the same Bella he had seen over Thanksgiving. the sad Bella he had taken on their little fishing trip. Something was wrong with his little girl and he was going to find out what it was.

A few hours later Bella came down stairs dressed in a black mini skirt dress, boots, a leather jacket.

"Where are you going?" He asked as soon as he saw her.

"Out," she replied.

"Dressed like _that_?" he asked.

"Well, if you must know, I have a date," she replied.

"A date?" Charlie asked amused by his daughter's reply.

"Yeah," she answered.

"With who?" he asked.

"You know what? You can relax. You know him," she told him.

"Do I now?" he asked.

Bella nodded and put on some lipstick.

"Who is it?" he asked again.

"Mike Newton," she answered carelessly.

Charlie scoffed.

"The Newton kid? The one you hated?" he asked.

"I never hated him. He was annoying, but I never hated him," she told him.

"And I am to think that after all this time you've suddenly developed some sort of interest in the Newton kid?" Charlie asked.

Bella walked over to him, "Dad…" she said with a smile, "Means to an end… that's all."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, suddenly confused and concerned.

"Oh Dad… think about it, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, you're not that clueless… A girl's got needs you know…" Bella said, giving him a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the house.

"A girl's got needs?" Charlie whispered after Bella left, "Is she talking about blood or is she talking about sex? Or is she talking about both?"

****-** END FLASHBACK **-****

* * *

><p>"Mike Newton?" Edward said in disbelief.<p>

"Who's Mike Newton?" Damon asked.

"That's the guy that had a huge crush on Bella in high school..." Elena said.

"_Mike Newton_?" Edward repeated offense in his tone.

Charlie shrugged, "I _know_…"

"And she said she had... _needs_?" Edward asked Charlie. Charlie had remembered that part, but had not said it out loud to them. Edward had picked it off of his thoughts.

Charlie closed his eyes irked by the question and nodded, then he asked "Did she mean blood or did she mean sex?" the question was burned into his head.

"What are you talking about? What _needs_?" Damon asked.

"I think she meant both," Edward answered.

"Fill us in will you Edgar?" Damon asked, a little accelerated, the thought of Bella being with someone else made him want to kill the guy.

Edward told them what Charlie had remembered.

"So we go and find this Mike Newton and find out what he knows?" Elena asked.

Damon nodded, "Did you confront her at some point?" he asked Charlie.

Charlie sighed.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>-<strong> FLASHBACK – ONE MONTH AGO **-****

"Bella!" Charlie slammed the door of the house as soon as he came in. He stomped into the kitchen, and found his daughter emptying a blood bag.

Bella glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I can hear you calling me if all you do is whisper too you know…" she told him.

Charlie threw a folder full of papers on the counter.

"What are these?" she asked glancing at the papers Charlie had just dropped.

He shook his head, "I don't know… you tell me," he replied.

Bella took the files and quickly read through them, then she put the folder back on the counter and shrugged, "A guy got killed, so?"

"I hate to ask this, but by the way you've been acting lately I have no choice…" he told her.

She stared at him, "Then ask."

"Was it you? Did you do this?" Charlie asked, his face full of worry, scared to hear what he knew was happening.

Bella simply dismissed the question with a shrug.

"Bella I need an answer," Charlie told her.

She stared back at him, not winking.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" Charlie asked.

"Maybe," She replied.

Charlie ran his hands through his face.

"Do you know what will happen if anyone from the reservation gets wind of this?" he asked her.

She nodded, "So?"

"Bella what is going on with you?" Charlie asked.

"Nothing, what is going on with you?" She asked in return.

"This is not you," he whispered.

"Umm... yes, it is," she replied.

"I thought you had it under control with the bags," Charlie said.

"I do…" she replied.

"Then why go after an innocent young man?" Charlie asked her.

Her expression changed, "He wasn't innocent… and I was bored," she told him.

"You were… _bored_?" Charlie repeated trying to make sense of what was happening to his daughter, "You can't do this just because you're _bored_ Bella!"

"Whatever Dad, I'm going out," Bella said as she walked past him and put on her coat.

"We're not done talking Bella," Charlie told her.

"Yes… we are," She said and walked towards the door.

"Isabella Swan, come back here!" he called out, but Bella was already out the door.

****-** END FLASHBACK **-****

* * *

><p>Damon nodded. "When did she leave?" Damon asked.<p>

Charlie stared at Damon, "When the third body popped up and we asked her about it."

"Who's we?" Damon asked.

"Jacob and I," Charlie replied

"Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" Stefan asked.

Charlie shook his head.

"Tell us about that day," Edward asked.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>-<strong> FLASHBACK THREE WEEKS AGO **-****

"Jake, I'm worried about Bella," Charlie stated when he visited the reservation one day.

"What's going on?" Jake asked.

"She's acting strange. It's like she's disconnected. It's not her," Charlie told him.

"I've noticed that. It's strange," Jake replied.

Charlie ran a hand through his hair.

"Maybe you should talk with her. Maybe she will listen to you," Charlie suggested.

"I'll give it a try," Jake said.

"Come over for dinner tonight," Charlie told him.

Jake nodded.

That night, after Charlie fired up the grill and put on some steaks Jake rang the doorbell. Charlie had stopped calling Damon. It was clear he wasn't going to answer his phone calls. Bella wasn't home yet. For all Charlie knew she was probably somewhere with Mike Newton. Which Charlie still couldn't really understand what the hell she saw in that boy.

"Where's Bella?" Jake asked Charlie while he helped cooking the steaks.

"With her new boy toy," Charlie muttered.

Jake rolled his eyes.

"Jake, I have to tell you something, but first I need you to promise me no harm will come to Bella," Charlie told him.

"Charlie, what's going on?" Jake asked.

"Please promise me, she's off limits," Charlie insisted.

"Charlie come on, you're scaring me. What's going on with Bella? Do you know something? Should we be worried?" Jake asked.

"Jake, please," Charlie begged.

"Charlie, it's Bella we're talking about, I have her back. I promise," Jake replied.

Charlie showed Jake the newspaper articles with the three bodies that had been found. Jake raised his eyes from the paper and met Charlie's worried gaze.

"What are you saying?" he asked immediately.

Charlie shrugged.

"Have you spoken with her?" Jake asked.

Charlie nodded, "She said the first one wasn't innocent… and that she was _bored_."

"_Bored_?" Jake repeated, disgusted by the word.

"I ran a background check on the guy, he had a few run ins. Robbery, battery and assault charges. He wasn't innocent," Charlie told him.

"Well, at least he's off the streets now," Jake asked.

"The other two had drug related pasts," Charlie told him.

"What are you saying? She's going after bad guys?" Jake asked.

Charlie sighed, "I don't know, but it's not right. She can't turn into a vigilante. That's what the law is for. There's a system."

"I don't know what to think," Jake replied.

"Look, I'm going to need your help, I think she'll listen to you. So when she comes home in a little while try to talk with her. I'll go inside the house and I'll leave you two alone. Please try to find out what's happening, what's running through that head of hers, because honestly I don't see my daughter in there," Charlie told him.

"What about the Salvatore's? Shouldn't we call Damon?" Jake asked.

"I've been calling them like crazy, but they're clearly ignoring me," Charlie said.

"_Coward leeches_," Jake said under his breath.

"Please try to talk with her," Charlie insisted.

Jake nodded, "Sure sure. I'll do what I can," he leaned his head to the side, he heard the engine of Bella's car and then gave Charlie the signal that she was home.

"Bella?" Charlie called out.

"Hey," Bella said, popping her head out the door. She gave Jake a small nod.

"I invited Jake for dinner," Charlie told her.

"I see that…" she replied and then looked at Jake, "Beer?"

"Bella, come on there's enough underage drinking in here already," Charlie told her, referring to the amount of alcohol Bella had been ingesting lately.

"Seriously Dad, you have a vampire and a werewolf in the same house, I think drinks are in order," Bella told him.

Charlie let out a deep breath and shrugged, getting back to his grill.

"I'll have one," Jake told her. Bella went and got them and then came back outside.

"I'm going to go inside and work on the guacamole," Charlie said, giving Jake the signal that he'd be alone with Bella for a while.

As Charlie worked on his guacamole recipe in the kitchen, he watched through the window as Jake and Bella started walking towards the direction of the trail that led to the woods. Bella was still acting the same… aloof.

He couldn't hear what Jake was saying but it was blatantly clear that Bella wasn't giving in, or giving him any straight answers. After a while, Jake started gesturing with his hands what Charlie interpreted as if he were saying that it was unacceptable for her to be doing the things she was doing. He pointed his finger at Bella, menacing her.

"_No, no, no, Jake_," Charlie thought.

Bella slapped Jake's hand away from her, and said something that might have been offensive because Jake started shaking uncontrollably.

It was happening.

Jake was shifting right there.

"Crap," Charlie said and dropped the avocado he was peeling. He quickly cleaned his hands with a towel and ran to the den, where he kept his rifle. He heard growling and hissing coming from the backyard. He then swiftly loaded some vervain darts into the rifle and ran out side.

There they were. Circling around each other. Jake in his wolf form and Bella _completely_ transformed. Her fangs out, hissing at Jake.

Charlie had never seen her like this. His baby girl, transformed into this mad creature that was right in front of him.

"Hey!" he yelled, "That's enough, back away from each other!"

Jake snarled and showed his teeth to Bella, who responded with a maniacal laugh.

"Let's settle this in a civilized manner now, we're all friends here," Charlie told them.

"Stay out of this Charlie," Bella told him, her whole body ready to attack.

_Charlie? What ever happened to calling him Dad?_

Before Charlie could blink, Bella had thrown herself at Jacob and they were wrestling on the floor. He pointed his rifle at them but never had a clear shot. They moved too quickly and was afraid of going near them and get hurt.

"Jacob! Bella! This is enough!" Charlie yelled.

Jake growled continuously. One second Bella was on top of him, the next he had Bella pinned to the ground.

The moment that Charlie saw the opportunity he did the thing he never thought he would ever do, he squinted one eye, aimed, and pulled the trigger. Bella fell from Jacob's back, and screamed in pain. She got up from the ground, raised her gaze, meeting Charlie's scared eyes.

"Bella," he whispered.

Without saying anything to him, she ran into the forest.

****-** END FLASHBACK **-****

* * *

><p>"And that's the last you saw of her?" Edward asked.<p>

Charlie nodded.

"Can you bring her back?" Charlie asked, looking directly at Damon, never addressing Edward.

"I promised her I would look out after her if this were to happen. I promised I'd help her find her way back," Damon replied.

"You were also the one who drove her away," Charlie pointed out.

"Edward had a lot to do with it too," Elena added, she wasn't going to let him off the hook. Elena made damn sure Edward knew how she felt about him. Sure, Damon had taken almost the whole blame for what happened to Bella, but Edward had some responsibility too.

"It's true. I did," Edward confessed, and eyed Elena.

"There's no surprise there," Charlie told him. Just looking at Edward made him angry. He had never liked him, and now, having him here in his house after everything he did to his daughter made him furious.

"Tell us about this Newton guy," Damon asked Charlie, but Edward responded.

"There's not much to know, he's harmless. He had an enormous crush on Bella and followed her around like a lost puppy... until I came around. His family owns a store that sells camping goods and equipment," Edward explained.

"So he's gullible," Damon concluded.

"Pretty much," Edward replied.

"He'll do anything she tells him, even without being compelled," Damon said.

"More than likely," Edward agreed.

"Why isn't he in college?" Elena asked.

"His mother's been sick, he moved back home last fall. He's been working at the paper since November I think..." Charlie answered.

Damon raised an eyebrow, "Do you have last week's paper?" he asked Charlie.

"On the counter," Charlie said, pointing to the kitchen.

Stefan got the paper and handed it to Damon, who started going through the articles and pages quickly until he found the report on the last body that was found. He let out a chuckle once he read who had written the note. He then placed the paper on the coffee table and pointed to the name, and tapped on it.

"Michael Newton," he said. Things clicking in his head.

"So she got close to him because he was on to something?" Elena asked.

"Maybe..." Damon answered.

"No," Charlie said shaking his head, "She started hanging out with him before the bodies started popping up," he added.

"Charlie... on the crime scenes, was he there?" Damon asked.

"Always the first one after we discovered the bodies," Charlie answered.

"Is she giving him tips then?" Elena asked.

"Let's pay him a visit," Stefan suggested.

"Do you have an address?" Damon asked Charlie.

"I know where he lives," Edward said.

"Good. Let's go then," Damon said, standing up.

"Damon," Charlie said.

Damon looked at Charlie.

"You once told me you were a man of your word, stick to it," Charlie told him in a serious tone.

Damon nodded, acknowledging Charlie's memory of the conversation they had had last year the night Bella had turned.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>-<strong> FLASH BACK - ONE YEAR AGO **-****

"So I give her my blood and then... and then she's like you? She wont... die?" Charlie asked, anguish in his voice.

"That's how it goes Chief, yes," Damon replied.

"The she'll live... forever?" Charlie asked.

Damon nodded.

"Promise me something Damon, promise you'll look after her," Charlie asked.

"I will," Damon told him.

"Through thick and thin, you'll stick by her... promise me that," Charlie asked.

"I'll be there Charlie, I promise. I keep my word," Damon replied.

Charlie was quiet, and paced in his living room.

"That thing that you told me happened, when you shut down... will it happen to her?" Charlie asked.

Damon shrugged, "Eventually."

"Don't give up on her..." Charlie begged.

"Charlie... I wont," Damon assured.

"Be honest with me Damon... what are your intentions with my daughter?" Charlie asked.

Damon pursed his eyebrows together, "To keep her safe Charlie."

"Do you have feelings for her?" Charlie asked directly.

Damon stared at him.

"We're running out of time, we should really head back to the Boarding House," Damon told him.

"Damon," Charlie said.

"Let's go," Damon said again.

"Do you care about Bella?" Charlie asked.

Damon looked to the side and then to the floor before looking up at Charlie again. He pursed his lips together, shrugged and then nodded.

Charlie extended his hand, Damon took it and then they shook them. It was a quiet agreement. Charlie understood Damon was a private person, acknowledging feelings did not come easy to either of them. Neither of them liked being put on the spot, and Charlie had done that, to which Damon replied the only way he knew how without exposing himself too much.

Charlie knew Damon cared about his daughter, and he was relieved knowing that Bella would never be alone.

****-** END FLASH BACK **-****


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:**

**Well... that was fast right? Didn't take me long to write this chapter right? Only a little over a year to update, that's short right? Read on my friends. And read the AN at the end as well :P**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

"_Are you fucking kidding me_?" Damon muttered between his teeth as soon as Mike opened the door. He and Edward stood on the front steps of the Newton house.

"Mike," Edward greeted, ignoring Damon's comment of disbelief, even though he himself was also wondering why the hell had Bella decided to go on a date with Mike Newton out of all the men in this town.

"Cullen? This is… a surprise," Mike said, confusion written all over his face.

Damon stared at Mike. _What could Bella possibly see in this person?_

"I realize this might come as a surprise to you. We're looking for Bella, and we were hoping you might be able to help us find her," Edward explained.

"_You_ are looking for Bella?" Mike scoffed. Images of Bella right after the Cullens left flooded his mind. Now that Bella was _finally_ over Edward, and she was at last giving him the time of day, Cullen decided to appear again?

"Yes," Edward replied as he listened to Mike's thoughts. An image of Bella driving a car in a short black skirt flashed through his mind.

"Well, she isn't here," Mike answered quickly.

_Even if she was I wouldn't tell him_. Mike thought.

"I see," Edward replied, "You haven't heard from her?" he asked.

"Nope," Mike replied instantly.

"Have you seen her recently?" Edward asked.

"Nope," Mike answered, an image of a laughing Bella flashed through his thoughts, she was staring at him, her face just a few inches away from his.

Edward thought the memory looked like she was about to kiss him, and clenched his jaw.

"Mike, we'd really appr-" Edward started to say, when Damon rolled his eyes, passed Edward and walked right up to Mike. He was tired of playing nice, he was getting answers out of this guy one way or another.

"Hi, Damon Salvatore," he said extending his hand to him, cutting Edward off.

Mike looked surprised by Damon's sudden movements.

Damon grabbed Mike's hand and shook it a little too tightly, making sure he had his attention. Mike looked up and met his eyes in pain. As soon as their eyes locked Damon took his opportunity.

"Great, now that I have your attention, you're going to cut the bullshit and be completely honest with me… _where's Bella_?" He asked as his pupils dilated and reached into Mike's mind.

"I don't know…" Mike answered absently.

"When did you last see her?" Damon asked trying to get answers out of him.

"I don't know… a while ago…" Mike answered.

"Do you know what she was up to?" Damon asked.

"No," Mike answered nervously.

"What was the last thing you talked about?" Edward asked.

Mike glanced from Edward to Damon.

"Answer him," Damon ordered, tightening his grip on Mike's hand.

"I… I don't know," Mike replied, Edward knew Mike was trying to remember, a flash of images blurred through Mike's head: Bella walking in front of him in the woods, the both of them in a dark alley while she was looking for something, Bella asking him if he had ever travelled, Bella asleep in a bed (Mike's bed, Edward supposed), Bella driving like a maniac in Damon's car, and then Bella telling him she was leaving soon while looking at something in his computer.

"She said she had to leave soon," Mike told them.

"She was checking something on his laptop," Edward whispered.

"Did she say where she would go?" Damon asked.

"No… not really…" Mike answered.

"Invite us in," Damon told him, letting go of his hand. They had to check that computer.

"Come on in," Mike said, his voice trembling.

Edward and Damon stepped inside.

"Which way to your room?" Damon asked.

Mike pointed the way.

Bella's scent was still lingering faintly in the air. She had to have spent a lot of time there.

Damon's eyes scanned every surface.

"How did you know about the bodies? Who tipped you on the stories?" Damon interrogated Mike, while he stood there analyzing his environment.

"She did," Mike answered.

Damon glanced at Edward. What was this girl up to?

"Your computer, where is it?" Damon asked.

Mike walked to his bed, and opened a drawer from his bedside table. He then took out the laptop and handed it to him.

While Damon tried to look for clues in the computer Edward tried to get more information out of Mike.

"Did you ever see her with Jacob Black?" he asked.

Mike shook his head no.

"Was there a place she talked a lot about? Somewhere she liked to go?" Edward asked him.

"Umm, she was always home. Or she was here. She liked to drive around too," Mike answered absently.

"When you went out, where did she take you? Was there a place where she'd stop driving?" Edward asked.

Mike frowned, trying to remember.

"You went walking in the forest right?" Edward asked, remembering the trees and moss that he had seen in Mike's thoughts.

Mike nodded.

"Where did you go while you were there?" he asked.

"Umm… there was this place…. it was a meadow… I think?" Mike answered.

"She took _you_ to the meadow?" Edward asked while clenching his jaw.

Damon chuckled. Edward glared at him.

"Yeah, one time," he said and let out a sigh. An image of Bella leaning towards him flashed through his head. His heart rate sped up. Then the memory of kissing her clouded his thoughts.

"Concentrate now, where can we find her?" Edward snapped, trying to get the image of Bella kissing Mike out of his head, but it was impossible, it was all he could see now.

Mike frowned, his mind really trying to dig up something. It was worthless. Nothing came up.

"He doesn't remember anything else," Edward told Damon.

"There has to be something here," Damon said as he searched for clues on Mike's computer.

"Maybe retrace her steps," Mike said.

"What do you think we're doing Einstein?" Damon snapped.

"You said she always told you when one of the murders happened, who told her?" Edward asked. Damon looked at him, it was obvious it was her idea, what was he getting at?

Mike shrugged, "I don't know."

"I'm taking this thing, I'm no computer genius but I'm sure the answer is in here," Damon told Edward.

Edward agreed.

"If you think of something, you call me," Damon said, as he wrote his number on a piece of paper and left it on Mike's desk. Mike nodded and then they walked out his house.

"It seems like Bella spent a lot of time in the woods," Edward said as they made their way back to the car. He was trying to make sense of the images he had seen in Mike's thoughts.

"Aren't the woods like… _prohibited_?" Damon asked, opening the car door and getting in.

Edward nodded and then added, "If she spent a substantial amount of time in the woods… the wolves would have caught her at some point, there are far too many of them for her to handle… correct? Or do you think she could have taken them down with the training you gave her?"

Damon was quiet for a few seconds and then spoke, "She couldn't have taken them all down before, even with the training. What worries me is her ability, and her feelings being shut down, anything can happen when those two things combines. She's too damn _stubborn_."

Edward chuckled and looked out the window of the car. He knew she was.

Damon drove out of the Newton's driveway. Damon kept thinking about the woods. His eyebrows close together in concentration as he stared at the road ahead.

"These images you saw in the Newton kid's head, you recognized the parts of the woods they visited?" Damon asked,

Edward turned to him, and answered, "Most of them…"

Damon let out a deep breath, realization hitting him, "Enlighten me Eddy, where does the treaty line start… _exactly_?"

"A few miles after the reservation ends in the woods. Why? What are you thinking?" Edward asked in response, frustrated by the fact that he still couldn't get into Damon's head.

"The wolves are in on it, they know more than they're saying… Why would Bella _really_ protect their thoughts from you? Because it would ruin whatever plan she's playing. Those places you don't recognize? They're within the treaty line, and _that's_ the reason we can't find her, because she's hiding where we can't go looking," Damon answered.

Edward closed his eyes, it made perfect sense.

"We're visiting the pup again," Damon muttered.

"When did she get so irritatingly sneaky?" Edward whispered.

Damon turned to look at him and grinned, "That's my fault."

"So… when _exactly_ did Bella re-work the terms of the treaty? Before or after the bodies started piling up?" Damon asked Jacob a few hours later.

Jacob scoffed, "You think we made a new treaty with her?"

"I don't think, I _know_," Damon stated.

Jacob raised and eyebrow and shook his head from side to side.

"You've seriously lost your head, we _don't_ negotiate with vampires, the treaty is non-negotiable, unbreakable, and unchangeable," he told them.

Damon let out a frustrated laugh, looked to the ground and then grabbed Jacob by the throat, "Where is she!" he demanded.

"Do. Not. Touch. Me," Jacob replied, his nostrils flared up.

"Damon, put him down," Edward said, noticing how other wolves had started walking out of the woods.

"Did you make a new treaty for her? _Where_ was she hiding?" Damon asked again, letting go of Jacob's throat violently.

Jacob laughed cockily.

"Jacob, please, we need to put an end to this," Edward told him.

"You want to put an end to this? I would gladly do it by ripping your throat off, say the word," Jacob spat.

Damon's phone started buzzing.

"You should probably get that," Jacob told him.

"What?!" Damon answered.

"We found something," Stefan said on the other end of the line.

"What is it?" Damon asked.

"_It's more of what there isn't. We've been checking the files with Charlie. We double checked the backgrounds. The victims, none of them had families. Their pasts are completely vague on paper, but there is nothing actually __in__ the system. No birth certificates. No driver's licenses. These people don't exist. Damon, there are no bodies. Something that Elena said the other day kept playing in my head over and over and now that Charlie's collaborating and we double checked, it all makes sense,_" Stefan explained.

"What about the coroner's reports?" Damon asked.

"_We visited the coroner. He was compelled, all the signs were there,_" Stefan answered.

"The officers on the scenes of the crimes?" Damon asked.

"_Compelled_," Stefan answered.

Edward looked at Damon confusion written all over his face. Damon glanced back at Jacob who was standing in front of him, his arms crossed, staring at him with a smirk plastered on his face.

"_I don't think she actually killed anyone_," Stefan said.

"It doesn't make any sense," Damon said, "She shut down."

"_I know_," Stefan replied.

"I'll call you back," Damon said and hung up. He looked at the ground, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Her feelings aren't really off are they?" He asked Jacob.

Jacob grinned, "_Nope_."

Damon bit his lip and kicked the ground, "_Fuck!_" he yelled infuriated.

Edward shook his head.

"Where is she pup?" Damon asked again.

"I honestly have no idea," Jacob replied.

"But you did change the treaty for her…" Edward said.

"Our treaty was with your kind," Jacob answered.

"You made a new one with her," Damon answered.

Jacob shrugged.

"So all of this… all this running around… making us worry… was this just a fun game for her?" Edward asked.

"It was a fun game for _us_," Jacob said and pointed to the members of his pack who were watching from the sidelines.

"What did she want to prove with this?" Edward asked.

Jacob glanced at Damon, "What _was_ she trying to prove Damon?"

Damon started walking away. He knew what this was about.

"Don't think for a minute that I've let go of the fact that you crashed my Audi into a tree," Damon hissed as he got in his car.

* * *

><p><strong>- FLASHBACK -<strong>

She had been driving aimlessly for days since she left Elena's place. She would stop to feed, and then when her need for blood was satisfied she got inside the car again and hit the road. She had thrown away her phone a few miles out of Hanover. It was just her and road ahead. Today, it had rained since the sun came up. The night before, when she was gazing out at the stars while sitting inside the convertible with the top down she realized where she needed to go. It had been a good while since she'd been there. She didn't even know if she was going to be welcomed, things were pretty different now. She didn't care though. She had to do it. She turned the key, and the engine came to life. They would probably destroy her, but it was a risk she was willing to take, after all, she couldn't call and warn them she was coming, she had no phone.

The continuous raindrops tapped on the window repeatedly. She had parked her car off the side of the road about an hour ago, waiting for someone to come, but no one did.

_Aren't they supposed to patrol this place? _She thought.

Bored of waiting she opened the car door and leaned against it. Maybe, if her scent got caught in the wind they would come to meet her. Now if only the wind blew a little harder, that might actually happen.

Sure enough, a few minutes after she stepped out of the car, she spotted two big black eyes staring at her from across the road. She stared back at the wolf, still leaning against the car, not making any movements. She held his gaze. He then raised his head, howled loudly and then ran back into the forest.

The message had been sent. He would know she was here.

A few minutes had passed when she saw Jacob walking out of the woods and in her direction. A big smile plastered on his face. He crossed the road, walked towards her, and lifted her from the ground in a tight embrace.

"I've been worried sick about you," Jacob said into her hair.

"There's nothing to be worried about, I'm fine..." she replied.

"Damon has been calling like a maniac," he told her.

Bella rolled her eyes, "Is it true?" he asked.

"Is what true?" she asked in return.

"Did you do it? Are you… off?" he asked.

"They believed what I wanted them to believe," she answered.

"So… you're still Bella? Bella with her million emotions?" He asked.

She shrugged, "Unfortunately…"

Jacob sighed, "Call your father. He's worried too," he said taking out his phone from his pocket.

"I'll talk with him later… First, I want to talk with you," she told him.

Jacob's brows pursed.

"Bella what happened to make you leave them?" Jacob asked in concern.

"Let's take a walk," she told him.

They walked into the forest, as Bella confided in him everything she had learned since her return from Italy.

"That fucking fuck face," Jacob muttered under his breath when Bella finished talking.

Bella looked away nodding.

"That's it… I'm going to have to kill him," he told her calmly.

Bella rolled her eyes, "You're not doing anything, except what I ask you to," she told him.

"Why did you make them believe you had shut down?" he asked.

"They're scared of what might happen if I do. All this time, it's been as if they've been walking on eggshells around me. Especially after the Cullens came back. If I make them think that my emotions are off they are going to make sure they give me my space and I don't feel like they're trying to manipulate me. Why? Because when your emotions are off and you want to make a point, you make it without any regrets," she explained.

"So what you're saying is…"

"What I'm saying is, they're scared I'll go on a killing spree, and they don't want that," she explained.

"And since your ability senses people's needs and what they want, if your emotions are out of the way, then wouldn't that make you extremely selfish because you'd be looking out only for yourself and what you want?" he said, understanding what Bella meant.

She nodded.

"You're making them believe you've shut down because…"

"Because I know they'll come looking for me, but they'll leave me alone, and I want them to worry," she said.

"You mean, you want _him_ to worry," Jacob concluded.

"Potato, pota-toe," she replied.

Jacob smiled.

They sat down on a rock and were in silence for a few minutes.

"Bella why didn't you just shut down for real? I mean, why go through this heartache twice?" He asked her.

"Because _not feeling_ Jake, that's the easy way out. It's worse, because when your emotions come back, they come back crashing down on you. I won't shut off the world for a guy. Not again. I already did that once, I don't want to go back there. I need to deal with this in my own way. For now I just want him to worry. That's my revenge," She answered.

He nodded, understanding what she meant, "So… what do you need me to do?" he asked her.

"Well… for starters do you think we can work a new treaty for me?" she asked.

"We can work something out," Jacob replied.

"Good…" she answered.

He looked back in the direction of the road, "So you took his car huh."

Bella smirked, "Do you want to take it for a ride?" she asked holding the keys in the air.

Jacob beamed a smile, "You're really trying to piss him off…"

Bella shrugged and they walked back to the car.

"So, what's the plan?" Jake asked Bella later that afternoon after taking a long and fast drive together.

"Allow me to live within your side of the treaty line, we'll set up our own barriers in there. I won't harm anyone, you don't have to worry about that," Bella told him.

"You want to live inside the treaty line?" Jacob repeated.

"Yes, that way if they come looking for me, they wont find me, they wont ever guess I'm inside the treaty line, that place is off limits," she explained.

"I get it. You'd have to live far away enough from the line so that they can't whiff you out, but at the same time, far enough from our reservation. A middle ground. I'll have to talk it over with Sam," Jake replied.

"Tell him everything I've told you," Bella said.

"I will," Jake answered.

"I'll have to lie to Charlie," Bella added.

"If the Salvatore's come looking for you at the reservation, we'll have to lie too," Jake concluded.

Bella nodded, "Is that going to be a problem for you guys?"

"Nah, deceiving vampires is always fun," he answered, he then added, "What if the Cullens come poking around? How do we keep Edward out of our heads?"

"I have a way around that. I'll deal with it," she told him.

"You can block him?" Jake asked.

"I _think_, that if I want it bad enough I could do it… I've done it before…" she replied.

"Cool," he said in amazement.

"Jake, I think I'm going to start to leave a fake body trail…" Bella whispered.

Jake raised an eyebrow, "How are you planning to do that?"

"Hmm… by compelling people?" Bella answered.

"How?"

"I'll come up with something. Talk things over with Sam and the pack. I'll stay with Charlie for a few days first," Bella replied.

**A FEW DAYS LATER…**

It broke her heart.

It broke her heart talking to Charlie like she didn't care about him. Treating him the way she was treating him was horrible, but she needed to be close to him.

At nights, when she knew Charlie was fast asleep Bella let her guard down and let the emotions come sweeping over. She was angry at Damon for the things he had done. He was angry at Sage for not telling her anything but riddles. She was definitely angry with Edward, tricking her with his "let's be friends" routine. She was even angry at Elena and Stefan… just because.

She wanted to be by herself. For the first time in a while, Bella wanted to be on her own, without any of her friends there.

Jake had called her that afternoon giving her the thumbs up. The pack had agreed to letting her live in the middle of the treaty line and the reservation. They even lent her a cabin that belonged to one of the guys. Bella would have to go there soon. Her plan was almost ready, she was just missing a very important part of the cover up.

She had been cooped up in the house for days, only heading out occasionally to find bags. Last night the Black's had been over and she had been extremely rude to them. She refused to cook for Charlie. She was not being neat. She left opened bottles of alcohol all over the house. It was all part of the charade setting.

Charlie had that look. That look that he had had when the Cullens left and she was destroyed. It was a mix of fear and worry. She could feel it too. The strong pull that came from him, to wrap his arms around her and just make her feel better. It was difficult to resist it. To not give in and embrace Charlie in a tight hug. But she had to do it like this so that it would be believable.

One afternoon, after going to the hospital to get her week's load of bags, she stopped at a diner and ordered a sandwich. She had been sitting alone for a few minutes when someone approached her.

"Bella?" she heard a guy call out from behind. Obviously, she knew who it was. She wasn't really looking forward to turn around and greet her old friend, or more like old stalker, so she ignored him and continued eating the sandwich that was in front of her.

He tapped her shoulder.

She turned around, "Mike, hi!" She greeted him, putting up a cheerful act.

"This is a surprise!" he replied, "It feels like we haven't seen each other in forever," he leaned in and gave her a hug.

Bella rolled her eyes behind his back.

"You look different," he pointed out.

"You too," she replied, he had gained some weight since she last saw him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"You know… visiting my Dad for a little while. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in college?" she answered and then asked.

"Oh, I'm actually taking some time off, my Mom has been a little sick," he explained.

"Oh, that sucks," she answered.

"I've been working at the local paper though, I've got a small reporter job," he told her.

"Really?" she replied intrigued by his new position.

"Yeah, my parents know the editor so... he helped," Mike added.

Bella smirked, the last part of her plan forming in her head.

"Mike?" she said.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Let's go out tonight, grab a drink or something," she proposed.

His eyes glistened, a smile popped into his face. He had waited for this moment for _years_.

"Sure," he replied and swallowed nervously, "I'll pick you up around… eight?"

"No, I'll pick _you_ up," she told him.

"It's a date then," he told her.

Bella stood up from the stool, and patted him on the shoulder with a small grin, "Sure… it's a date."

She grabbed her bag, paid for her food and walked out of the diner.

Things had just become so much easier than she had expected them to be.

When she got home, she found Charlie looking at some files. She glanced over them quickly and realized there had been some sort of homicide. After bantering with Charlie for a little while she went upstairs to get ready for her date. She took out the disposable phone she had bought to speak with Jake while she was there.

"Jake?" she whispered as when he picked up his phone.

"Hey…" he replied.

"So umm… I think I have everything covered. My plan is about to start," she told him.

"What about the part that was missing?" he asked.

"I got it, I'm seeing Mike Newton tonight," she whispered.

She heard Jake explode in laughter.

"Shut up," she told him.

"I'm sorry, did you say _Mike Newton_?" he asked.

"Uh huh," Bella replied while fixing her hair.

"As in, the guy that can't take a silly action movie?" Jake asked.

"That happened ages ago," she told him.

"Okay… okay… So how does he fit into the plan?" he asked.

"He works for the newspaper," she answered.

"Ohhh… excellent," Jake replied.

"See? I have a reason, he might be useful," she told him.

"Okay, call me back when you get back from your hot date," Jake told her.

"It's not a hot date," she told him.

"You need a hot date, trust me," he responded.

"Shut up Jacob, I have to go now, bye," she said quickly and hung up.

Bella heard Charlie go into the bathroom. This was her shot to take a closer look at the files he had downstairs. She blurred to the living room and peeked through the paperwork. It was a homicide. She memorized all the information she could: Name, age, address, known family, the place where it happened, everything. When she heard Charlie flushing the toilet she hurried back upstairs.

**A FEW WEEKS LATER**

"Did he say anything?" Bella asked after Charlie went inside to work on the guacamole.

"He's worried, he wanted me to talk with you about the bodies, it's working," Jake answered.

"Okay then… let's act this out, it's time I leave," she told him.

"What do I do?" Jake asked.

"I don't know, what would you tell me if I had killed all those people?" she replied.

"I'd probably be really mad," he answered.

"Then act like it!" She insisted.

"Okay, what about this?" he said throwing his hands in the air, "You can't do that Bella!" he said loudly.

"Great, now I play it cool," Bella answered.

"Right, I keep moving my hands in the air like this," he said as he started waving his arms, as if he were upset.

"Yeah, and frown more, give me some glaring," Bella suggested. He did as she told him.

"Now I point at you and you shove me off," Jake proposed.

"Excellent," Bella said, as she moved his hand away.

"Maybe I should shift," he said.

"Do it, I'll vamp out," Bella told him.

Jacob smirked.

"Wipe it off," Bella told him quickly.

He started growling.

Bella hissed back.

"I might have to hurt you," Bella told him.

"Oh, we'll see about that," Jacob grunted.

Bella pushed Jake.

"God your eyes look creepy," Jake told her.

"Shift already," she told him.

After Jacob's body blurred into his wolf form, Bella heard Charlie yelling, and then he shot her.

Damn. It was a good thing she had started drinking vervain again, because the feeling of vervain burning her skin was horrible, but tolerable. She lifted her eyes and looked at Charlie. The pain in his eyes was almost unbearable. This was it, she had to leave him out of it. Without thinking about it twice, she turned around and ran into the woods.

She lived in the cabin between the Cullen's treaty line and the reservation for weeks. From time to time she went out with Mike to layout the next part of her plan.

"Where are we going?" Mike asked one day, excitement in his voice as he followed Bella through the alley.

"You'll see," she told him.

"It's starting to get dark Bella, maybe we should go back," he told her.

"Jeez Mike, grow a pair of balls will you?" she told him.

"I'm not scared or anything," he replied.

"Your heart is about to jump out of your chest, you're trembling and you're talking quickly," Bella pointed out.

"What? I'm excited that's all… and how do you even know that?" he asked.

Bella turned around, "I'm a vampire," she told him.

"What?" Mike asked chuckling.

"I'm a vampire," she repeated.

"Okay, if you're a vampire, then I'm a werewolf," Mike answered trying to be sarcastic, thinking Bella was joking around.

Bella pushed him gently against the alley wall, pressed her body against his and held her weight with her hands placed on the bricks that were behind his head.

Mike's heart was pounding.

She could tell this sudden movement had not scared him but instead, it had aroused him.

She stared into his eyes, sniffed his neck and then looked back up at him, letting her eyes shift from their normal brown color to pitch black and bloodshot.

Mike gasped.

"Don't scream," she whispered compelling him.

His heart pounded faster.

"Don't be scared," she added.

She traced a finger down his face and over his neck as his heart rate slowed down.

"You see? I'm a vampire… and you're definitely no werewolf," she told him and let her mouth linger over his throat.

"I… I… I don't-" he stammered.

"I'm not going to eat you or anything," she told him as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

"So you… you…" He stuttered

"I drink blood?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Yes, it's quite tasty," she answered.

Mike swallowed.

Bella chuckled.

"You don't tell this to anyone, or I will have to hurt you Michael Newton, and that's something I don't want to do," she said while compelling him.

He nodded.

"Good, now let's go get ourselves some fake stories to spread around," she said, mischief in her voice.

Mike shook his head yes quickly and obediently followed close behind her.

Bella quickly discovered that spreading lies wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. Once fear started spreading over the murders people became pretty gullible and believed anything with the use of very little compulsion. She started having fun. She'd only go into town to compel the people she needed to make the stories plausible and the rest of the time she spent cooped up in the cabin.

"They're here," Jacob reported one afternoon as he emerged half naked from the woods. He walked up to Bella, who was reading a book on the porch of the small cabin.

"Who came?" she asked curiously.

"Just the Salvatores and Elena. The Cullens aren't here, at least not yet," he explained.

Bella stared out to the forest. "What did they say?"

"Well, I only spoke with Elena. They are very worried. They had no idea about the body trail until I mentioned it," he answered.

"Did she freak out?" she asked.

"Yep, especially after I told her we would kill you if we found you," Jacob added.

"Good. Let them worry," she replied.

"Sam said it looked like Damon had been shot in the leg," Jacob added with a smirk.

"Charlie…" Bella whispered.

Jake shrugged and chuckled.

"It's all set," Bella told him, her tone flat.

"You got everyone compelled?" Jake asked.

She nodded.

"The coroner, officers, Charlie, and Mike. They're all compelled. I should leave soon, I just need to buy a plane ticket out of here and that's it," she explained.

Jake scratched his head.

"This is one twisted plan you made up Bells. I am all for torturing the Salvatores and the Cullens, but Charlie didn't deserve any of this," he pointed out.

"I know… I wasn't really thinking things through completely. But I do think he'll get a some sort of promotion after all of this is over," she answered.

"Maybe you should just make him forget that all of this ever happened, that you weren't involved in any of it," he suggested.

She shook her head, "No, I did this, I have to own up to it, accept the consequences."

He shrugged.

"I'm here no matter what, you know that right?" he told her.

"I know," she replied.

**- END FLASHBACKS -**

* * *

><p>She had stayed with Sage for four months. Four months of gruelling training sessions, long hours of meditation and many late afternoons of cooking, gardening, and drinking wine.<p>

Sage had pushed Bella's buttons while training, but had respected her need for silence and thought whenever he detected she had had enough. He enjoyed her company, her inquisitive nature, her curiosity and her need to understand her condition and abilities. If there was something Sage had learned about Bella in the time she had spent with him was that the girl was stubborn and dedicated. She had managed to shift into animal form on the third day he had started teaching her, and it was magnificent. He was constantly surprised by her will.

He was very aware that Bella had been hurting all along. Some days she woke up angry and fought with every ounce of strength she had inside. Other days she woke up and went for long walks and didn't return until the sun had already set. Sometimes he sensed her need for silence, other times he sensed her need for company. Sage was not amazed of how easy it was for him to read her, he had been expecting it.

Damon, on the other hand, had been calling incessantly.

"Nothing?" Damon would ask.

Sage would glance at Bella and then when she shook her head no, he'd respond, "I'm afraid not mon amie."

One day, after one of those calls, Sage turned to Bella and asked, "Mon petite Fleur, it's been months, he has been calling every day. Don't you think it's time to hear him out?"

Bella shook her head.

He stared at her and then after a while he spoke to her, "You know Isabella, we expect people, people that we love, the people that we care about, to be like us in all kinds of ways and when they're not, we're disappointed. You can't expect people to be like you. We tend to see the world through the prism of our own reflection and we assume, without even thinking, that people are just like us. When the people that we care about let us down, when they disappoint us, we have trouble seeing that we are holding them to an impossible standard."

"I would never do what he did to me. I am not like Damon. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for using me the way he did," Bella replied.

"Sweet child! This really is quite a small box you've got yourself living inside. It must be very tiring squeezing yourself into that everyday," he said, and then bobbing his head from one side to the other, added, "I am this, I'm not that. I am this I'm not that."

Bella eyed him. She knew Sage was right. She had always known who Damon was, but, when had she stopped seeing that? When had she set him up on a pedestal?

"Just listen to him, I implore you," he told her.

Bella shook her head, "I can't," she answered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**If there are still some of you out there reading, thank you for waiting oh so patiently. **

**There is only one more chapter left for this story. It will be posted later on this week. **

**Please visit allydlv - wordpress - com (replace - for . ) for a very EXCLUSIVE look into a completely different plotline I had thought of for this story that could have changed EVERYTHING. Let me know what you think! If the link doesn't show visit my profile it's there!**

**Reviews are better than this last season of TVD. Let's be honest now... it sucked.**

**XO, A.**


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